| Author | Message |
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make some noise;
Jazz Hands
Age: 32
Gender: Female
Posts: 271 | December 4th, 2008 at 05:10pm
^ Agreed. The youth of today [myself included] has it no better and no worse than the youth of the 80s, 70s, so on and so forth. You hear about it a lot more these days, but it still went on constantly ten, twenty, thirty years ago. It just wasn't as well publisised. If you really want to go back, in the bible, Judas aparantly hung himself. This is generally around the year 43 A.D. So, suicide, depression, etc. are NOT new problems, our world hs been dealing with them for decades, centuries. And, as ^ [Don't know names yet.. ><] said, the recessions will cause much more turmoil with adults, who one houses, have children, have full-time jobs that they're getting laid off from, etc. than it does on the youth of today. |
tabitha
Bleeding on the Floor
Age: 45
Gender: Female
Posts: 1831 | December 4th, 2008 at 07:18pm My Dear Delirious:And I was bullied to for many years in elementary and I had obsuletly no self confidence or anything, I just hated myself cause I felt i was just so fucked up cause I couldn't be normal and have a friend. Thats the main reason why I started cutting when i was 9, I knew very well what I was doing. But I didn't know what else to do. Its hard and always has been to be a kid, your trying to find yourself, your for the most part scared and confused and unfortunately i honestly think that the pressure has just gottent worse, I think it was bad to when you were growing up too...but now-a-days people have to have a college degree to flip burgers...you can't tell me that there isn't more pressure when our country is in a ressetion and alot of people are feeling hopeless
Listen, and I mean this with all respect possible, but welcome to life. It's not easy, not at any age. I'm 30 years old and I was the butt of a joke yet again at a directorial meeting today. I can either throw a fit and make an ass of myself and lose my job, or I can smile and let it roll off my back. I wish I could tell you the rude "Hey Emo Kid" shit stops in school but I got it at my job today; my PROFESSIONAL job where my co-workers are all managerial level and I should be free of harassment, but I'm not. I took another co-worker to HR last year after a training where he said to me, in front of my staff, "Hey, Mrs. Way, hiding your cuts?" because I had a bandanna wrapped around my wrist. Keep in mind my group are all between the ages of 22 - 45.
You are putting too much pressure on yourself and you are not listening to the words of those who are trying to help you put yourself in a better place. Nobody is belittling your problems or telling you to "grow up" or "get over it." Rather, we are trying to open up to you and tell you that you are not the first person to feel this way and there is nothing that you are feeling that someone here hasn't felt before. You have to look at how you feel and *decide for yourself* how you are going to deal with your problems.
You have two options: listen to us and allow us to listen to you and help you, or continue thinking that your life is oh so much more difficult than any of us can fathom and go off and self-harm. You can choose to remain a victim and allow people to control you, or you can stand up and be strong and take control of yourself. But nobody can make that choice for you, it has to come from *you*. One of my favorite quotes in the entire world is "Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent." (Eleanor Roosevelt) Or, to choose a quote from the group that brings us all together on this board: "YOU CANNOT DESTROY ME." (Gerard, at a concert, I'm not sure which one, but it's on the LOTMS dvd)
And as I have posted before, but will again for your benefit, I attended 17 schools in several states and two countries, and never had a "real" friend until I was 17 years old. I was put up for adoption at 8, attempted suicide at 9 and again at 13 after severe physical, mental, emotional, and sexual abuse. I cut from 8 until 17 because I was alone and had no one to turn to and no way to fit in. I am attempting to reach out a hand in friendship to help you, to listen and to guide. If you would like to accept that offer, I'm only a PM away. |
John St. John
Shotgun Sinner
Age: 31
Gender: Male
Posts: 7145 | December 5th, 2008 at 04:28am One Thousand Oceans:But the thing is, people who self-injure don't WANT to tell anyone. They want to keep it to themselves so they don't seem bothersome to other people. I couldn't even trust my best friend with it, and my family is why I cut. It's really a tough time; a lot of people cut BECAUSE they have no one/no where to turn to.
I think thats liek saying if someone is ill, and they refuse to see the doctor, and then they pass away or something, that the doctor should be made to feel bad because the patient didnt want to turn to him? |
questionable content
Always Born a Crime
Age: 28
Gender: Female
Posts: 5604 | December 5th, 2008 at 04:39pm ^ I have to disagree with you there, because if you're self-injuring, suicidal etc., you're not in a state of mind where you can think clearly and rationally (for the most part). And it's not really blaming the doctor (or the parents/friends in this case) because the person is not /trying/ to make them feel bad, it's just something that happens as a side effect. |
Your Ghost.
Thinking Happy Thoughts
Age: 28
Gender: Female
Posts: 440 | December 9th, 2008 at 08:53pm I think that Self Harm and Suicide are not at all the persons fault. Someone or something had to affect them in some way in order for them to be in that state of mind. Some people are very easily affected from things like bad days to break ups, or family fights to deaths. I personally think that people who self harm, most likely do NOT do it for attention. They do it because that is how them manage to feel good at that moment. But most soon learn that its very hard to lose the habit. And suicide..Well it happens for alot of reasons. I would never blame the person. I would think that there is some very important reason as to why they felt that it was the only way for them to "escape". Those range from people who know that they have made bad decisions to people who are unhappy with their life, and themselves in general. Just my opinions. |
Mindfuck
Always Born a Crime
Age: -
Gender: Female
Posts: 5614 | December 10th, 2008 at 04:59am Addicted2GerardWay:I would never blame the person. But...Addicted2GerardWay:I would think that there is some very important reason as to why they felt that it was the only way for them to "escape". Those range from people who know that they have made bad decisions to people who are unhappy with their life, and themselves in general. How can you not blame the person in these instances? If they've made bad decisions, then who's fault is it? They made the decisions, so therefore they are to blame for their own suicide and their own suicidal feelings. |
Your Ghost.
Thinking Happy Thoughts
Age: 28
Gender: Female
Posts: 440 | December 10th, 2008 at 06:34pm Well, there was most likely some person they got the idea from. Like a pressure to steal, do drugs, and so on. |
Mindfuck
Always Born a Crime
Age: -
Gender: Female
Posts: 5614 | December 11th, 2008 at 12:53am I don't think the person who committed suicide can be totally blameless, though. Sure, they may have been influenced by somebody - but that blame cannot and should not rest on that person who supposedly influenced them. That's not fair for the person to be blamed for someone's suicide in that instant. |
Your Ghost.
Thinking Happy Thoughts
Age: 28
Gender: Female
Posts: 440 | December 11th, 2008 at 04:27pm You do have a point, now that i think about. Thank you for bringing that to my attention. Sorry if i sounded rude before   |
Mindfuck
Always Born a Crime
Age: -
Gender: Female
Posts: 5614 | December 11th, 2008 at 06:54pm ^You weren't rude at all 
We were just discussing  |
MiDesfileNegro
Thinking Happy Thoughts
Age: 33
Gender: Female
Posts: 476 | December 16th, 2008 at 04:40pm tabitha:
Listen, and I mean this with all respect possible, but welcome to life. It's not easy, not at any age. I'm 30 years old and I was the butt of a joke yet again at a directorial meeting today. I can either throw a fit and make an ass of myself and lose my job, or I can smile and let it roll off my back. I wish I could tell you the rude "Hey Emo Kid" shit stops in school but I got it at my job today; my PROFESSIONAL job where my co-workers are all managerial level and I should be free of harassment, but I'm not. I took another co-worker to HR last year after a training where he said to me, in front of my staff, "Hey, Mrs. Way, hiding your cuts?" because I had a bandanna wrapped around my wrist. Keep in mind my group are all between the ages of 22 - 45.
You are putting too much pressure on yourself and you are not listening to the words of those who are trying to help you put yourself in a better place. Nobody is belittling your problems or telling you to "grow up" or "get over it." Rather, we are trying to open up to you and tell you that you are not the first person to feel this way and there is nothing that you are feeling that someone here hasn't felt before. You have to look at how you feel and *decide for yourself* how you are going to deal with your problems.
You have two options: listen to us and allow us to listen to you and help you, or continue thinking that your life is oh so much more difficult than any of us can fathom and go off and self-harm. You can choose to remain a victim and allow people to control you, or you can stand up and be strong and take control of yourself. But nobody can make that choice for you, it has to come from *you*. One of my favorite quotes in the entire world is "Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent." (Eleanor Roosevelt) Or, to choose a quote from the group that brings us all together on this board: "YOU CANNOT DESTROY ME." (Gerard, at a concert, I'm not sure which one, but it's on the LOTMS dvd)
And as I have posted before, but will again for your benefit, I attended 17 schools in several states and two countries, and never had a "real" friend until I was 17 years old. I was put up for adoption at 8, attempted suicide at 9 and again at 13 after severe physical, mental, emotional, and sexual abuse. I cut from 8 until 17 because I was alone and had no one to turn to and no way to fit in. I am attempting to reach out a hand in friendship to help you, to listen and to guide. If you would like to accept that offer, I'm only a PM away.
This post is amazing. It's really inspiring that you've made it through all that to be where you are today  .
I'm sure you've been asked this a lot, but are you really a Mrs. Way? Because that's fucking amazing if you are . [/offtopic]
I'm not sure if apportioning blame on people for suicides is the right thing to do - I'm not directing this at anyone at all but I noticed in the thread people were talking about blame. I suppose at a very technical level the suicide victim's to blame because they were the one doing the killing, but I don't think we should be placing emotional blame on people. Suicide's usually a result of a culmination of events and the person's reaction to such events, so it doesn't seem right to me to go around pointing the finger and claiming people are at fault. |
tabitha
Bleeding on the Floor
Age: 45
Gender: Female
Posts: 1831 | December 17th, 2008 at 07:44am The way I see it, suicide is a coward's way out. I've lost friends to suicide and attempted it myself, and I am thankful each and every day that I was not successful, that I didn't hurt the people I care about that much. Suicide is a gut overreaction to painful stimuli. It tells others that not only were you not strong enough to ask for help, but that you didn't consider how the people you leave behind will feel. One of my best friends committed suicide but didn't die right away, he died the day after, after being declared brain-dead his mother had to sign the paper authorizing the doctor to take her only child off of life support. It nearly killed her and this was 5 years ago, and she's still not the same. She questions herself every single day, she mourns her son, she mourns that he lost his chance to be happy, get married, have children, have the life she wanted for him, because he wouldn't ask for help. As much as I loved Jon, I will always be angry with him for hurting his mother so badly. Were there warning signs? Yes. Did his friends see them? Yes. Did they try to help him, counsel him, talk to his parents? No -- because nobody thought he was serious. I was too far away from him to see the signs, but I wonder what I would have done. Is it right to blame his friends? Maybe they share *some* blame for not recognizing and heeding warning signs -- but in the end it was Jon himself who didn't speak up, who didn't ask for help; and in his selfishness took his own life and destroyed the lives of his family.
And for the record, my last name is not Way. It was part of the insult because it's well known that I'm an MCR fan.  Don't get too excited. My last name is extremely boring. |
Go fuck yourself
Devil's Got Your Number
Age: 30
Gender: Female
Posts: 37823 | December 18th, 2008 at 12:31am Mindfuck:I don't think the person who committed suicide can be totally blameless, though. Sure, they may have been influenced by somebody - but that blame cannot and should not rest on that person who supposedly influenced them. That's not fair for the person to be blamed for someone's suicide in that instant. that would just be using that person as a scapegoat for why that other person took their own life...how many people on here were in complete outrage when the Daily News used MCR as scapegoat when Hannah Bonds killed herself. Was that fair? No. Why should that be different in most other situations? |
The Original Bob.
Demolition Lover
Age: 28
Gender: Female
Posts: 16672 | December 21st, 2008 at 01:23pm I do think that you can't blame the people around the person who cuts or is suicidal for the persons cutting/suicidal thoughts in all situations Sometimes the person in question is very good at hiding their scars. If the person never tells anyone, and the parents/friends/family of the person are unaware entirely, how can you blame them?
But in some cases the cutters tell people and are not taken seriously. This is a serious problem. The person has gotten up the courage to tell someone this secret, and there is no reaction at all. Then the people who knew, but didn't do anything, are too blame.
If the person tells someone, and swears them to secrecy, that is a dilemma for the person told. If they tell someone, their friend will be incredibly angry. If they don't tell someone, and their friend kills themselves...they'll have to live with that their whole life.
You can't always blame the people around the victim, but you can't always just blame the victim.
That's the point I was trying to make.
And Tabitha...that's a very inspirational story. :  |
Mindfuck
Always Born a Crime
Age: -
Gender: Female
Posts: 5614 | December 21st, 2008 at 05:11pm Bob.:But in some cases the cutters tell people and are not taken seriously. This is a serious problem. The person has gotten up the courage to tell someone this secret, and there is no reaction at all. Then the people who knew, but didn't do anything, are too blame. But what are they supposed to do? One can give all the support they have in the world, and the friend might still self harm or even end up taking their own life.
Plus, some people just don't know how to deal with people who self harm. Some people wouldn't know what to say, so they wouldn't say anything.
|
make some noise;
Jazz Hands
Age: 32
Gender: Female
Posts: 271 | December 21st, 2008 at 05:43pm ^ While this is true, when I was deep into a depressed hole of self-harm and suicidical impulses, the two people that /saved/ me didn't know that I was a self-harmer or suicidical at the time; they were just THERE. I realize everyone's situation is different, but they don't need to say anything. simply being there is enough.
[And I completly agree with the first part of your post, btw.] |
The Original Bob.
Demolition Lover
Age: 28
Gender: Female
Posts: 16672 | December 23rd, 2008 at 09:39am Mindfuck:But what are they supposed to do? One can give all the support they have in the world, and the friend might still self harm or even end up taking their own life.
Plus, some people just don't know how to deal with people who self harm. Some people wouldn't know what to say, so they wouldn't say anything.
from experience here, most cutters need a reason to stop. The cutters that can stop. If someone tells them that they'd be proud if they were able to stop cutting, or even just showed that they cared, it does make a big difference.
For some people, you have to make a choice between your friend's friendship, and their life, sometimes. |
Day Of The Dead
Salute You in Your Grave
Age: 32
Gender: Female
Posts: 4772 | December 23rd, 2008 at 01:43pm I agree with One Thousand Oceans and Bob. You do need a reason to stop. For example, I stopped because I didn't want to lose one of my best friends, he meant a lot to me...and I didn't want to throw our friendship away for some addiction. My other friends were they for me and that was enough, eventhough they were never told.
It really does make a big difference.
And I don't think the people around the cutter can be blaimed if anything happens to them if they never knew it was happening because of it beig hidden so well. |
The Original Bob.
Demolition Lover
Age: 28
Gender: Female
Posts: 16672 | December 23rd, 2008 at 06:57pm Early Sunsets;:
And I don't think the people around the cutter can be blaimed if anything happens to them if they never knew it was happening because of it beig hidden so well.[/font]
That's exactly the point I was trying to make. |
The Original Bob.
Demolition Lover
Age: 28
Gender: Female
Posts: 16672 | December 23rd, 2008 at 06:57pm Early Sunsets;:
And I don't think the people around the cutter can be blaimed if anything happens to them if they never knew it was happening because of it beig hidden so well.[/font]
That's exactly the point I was trying to make. |
