Suicide and Self harm

Bob.:

from experience here, most cutters need a reason to stop. The cutters that can stop. If someone tells them that they'd be proud if they were able to stop cutting, or even just showed that they cared, it does make a big difference.

For some people, you have to make a choice between your friend's friendship, and their life, sometimes.

Mindfuck:

[But what if those friends don't understand? A lot of teenagers, for example, may not have gone through cutting so they may not know a lot about it. The reason I'm bringing this up again is because it doesn't always work out like a fairytale - someone's self harming, tells their friends, and their friends are supportive and saves their life etc. etc. It doesn't always happen like that. So what I'm saying is - would you still blame the friends who knew but didn't save the self-harming friend? Would you blame them if they rejected the self harmer?

I must say, I don't have a lot of time for self harmers. I lost a friendship in highschool because my best friend at the time was supposedly depressed and self harming, but I didn't have any sympathy. She eventually moved schools, but we were never friends again. I don't feel guilty because she was a pain to be around. She was always all "woe is me, I have the worst life in the world", and she wasn't fun. I know that sounds harsh, but I just don't like clingy, needy people who need to talk about themselves all the time - which is what she was like.

On the last page, the topic of blame was prevalent, so I'm still going on that discussion. Some one mentioned blaming the person around them, and I found that an interesting point...

Bob.:

In your friends case, I wouldn't feel guilty. Your friend sounds like she wanted attention, instead of actually needing help.
I was more talking about the people who are in serious need of help, and are turned away. If someone knows that they need help, and they try to get it and are ignored, then there is a problem. What I'm trying to say, is if someone who is already in danger of seriously hurting themself is rejected, it doesn't exactly help their chances of recovery, now does it?

My Dear Delirious:

I hate it when people say people cut for attention.. I know there are some people out there who do, but you can't just say someone who you know nothing about is an attention seeker due to the fact that they cut and they need to talk to someone about it. It doesn't matter if they aren't fun or whatever, just a simple optimistic remark can really help them, and I know people are difficult but sometimes they just need to know someone cares at least alittle.

My Dear Delirious:

It kinda sickens me that someone would let thier "best friend" go just because they were hurting....the probably just needed you there....not all the time but every now and then. Cause if their "best friend" can't be their for them, who will?

My Dear Delirious:

I hate it when people say people cut for attention.. I know there are some people out there who do, but you can't just say someone who you know nothing about is an attention seeker due to the fact that they cut and they need to talk to someone about it. It doesn't matter if they aren't fun or whatever, just a simple optimistic remark can really help them, and I know people are difficult but sometimes they just need to know someone cares at least alittle.

It kinda sickens me that someone would let thier "best friend" go just because they were hurting....the probably just needed you there....not all the time but every now and then. Cause if their "best friend" can't be their for them, who will?

It's really ironic that you're getting shitty with Bob. for making claims about someone they don't know when you're actually doing that yourself
You're claiming the exact opposite - you're claiming my friend wasn't an attention seeker. You're assuming that if I had made one optimistic remark then that would turn everything around. You're assuming they probably "just needed me there" when you don't even know them yourself.

The only person who knew the person in the example I gave is me.

She was an attention seeker. Whether she had actual depression or not wasn't clear - she said she did, but she also never went to a psychologist or a psychiatrist because her mother couldn't afford one. So how she got diagnosed, then, remains to be seen. She talked a lot with the school councillor.

And yeah, on paper - it does look like I was a bad friend. But I am not naturally an empathetic person towards humans. I am someone who has never had the misfortune of having a mental illness, or a psychological disorder. No one in my immediate family has ever been suicidal or self harmed. I'm one of those people who doesn't understand. But I still have an opinion on it.

I don't like being around depressing people who always need reassurance and always need someone to talk about them, them them. That is what my friend was like, and it got to a point where she was just terrible to be around. So I guess I wasn't much of a best friend. But from my point of view I couldn't - and still don't - understand why she became the way she did. It was almost as if it happened over night, and as a 14 year old I hadn't experienced any friend of mine suddenly self harming.

Mindfuck:

It's really ironic that you're getting shitty with Bob. for making claims about someone they don't know when you're actually doing that yourself
You're claiming the exact opposite - you're claiming my friend wasn't an attention seeker. You're assuming that if I had made one optimistic remark then that would turn everything around. You're assuming they probably "just needed me there" when you don't even know them yourself.

The only person who knew the person in the example I gave is me.

She was an attention seeker. Whether she had actual depression or not wasn't clear - she said she did, but she also never went to a psychologist or a psychiatrist because her mother couldn't afford one. So how she got diagnosed, then, remains to be seen. She talked a lot with the school councillor.

And yeah, on paper - it does look like I was a bad friend. But I am not naturally an empathetic person towards humans. I am someone who has never had the misfortune of having a mental illness, or a psychological disorder. No one in my immediate family has ever been suicidal or self harmed. I'm one of those people who doesn't understand. But I still have an opinion on it.

I don't like being around depressing people who always need reassurance and always need someone to talk about them, them them. That is what my friend was like, and it got to a point where she was just terrible to be around. So I guess I wasn't much of a best friend. But from my point of view I couldn't - and still don't - understand why she became the way she did. It was almost as if it happened over night, and as a 14 year old I hadn't experienced any friend of mine suddenly self harming.

Mindfuck:

And yeah, on paper - it does look like I was a bad friend. But I am not naturally an empathetic person towards humans. I am someone who has never had the misfortune of having a mental illness, or a psychological disorder. No one in my immediate family has ever been suicidal or self harmed. I'm one of those people who doesn't understand. But I still have an opinion on it.

Mindfuck:

I don't like being around depressing people who always need reassurance and always need someone to talk about them, them them. That is what my friend was like, and it got to a point where she was just terrible to be around. So I guess I wasn't much of a best friend. But from my point of view I couldn't - and still don't - understand why she became the way she did. It was almost as if it happened over night, and as a 14 year old I hadn't experienced any friend of mine suddenly self harming.

My Dear Delirious:

I didn't mean it like to be singling her out...I just hate it when people say that people cut or harm themself for attention

My Dear Delirious:

if you were your friend who would you have felt? She may have "gotten depressed overnight" and it wasn't clear if she wasn't or not....but just talking to her at least once, not all the time can really help.

Mindfuck:

Amen.
That's the most well-written explination I've ever seen of the two "kinds", if you will, of cutting.
I personally know that I'm very offended by people who pretend to be depressed/have mental problems/cut for attention, because I myself have a moderate form of depression, [as in, the kind proclaimed by doctors and pyschologists, not the 'self-proclaimed' depressed kid,] and know how diffiucult it makes life for me when my mind doesn't want to cooperate. It's not fun, it's not cool, it's downright miserable sometimes. I've had a lot of issues with it, and seeing people mock them, [because that's really what people who pretend that they have depression are doing,] is extremely offending. I'd like to see one of those people suffer for a week with depression without medication.
as Mindfuck stated, I'm not saying that all cutters are "posers" and don't really have pyschological "issues", but that for those that don't have mental problems, it's really offending when they say they do.
[That said, I'm not saying that you need to have depression to be a "real" [not someone doing it for the attention] cutter, because I have a cousin who cut for almost 13 years with no depression, [despite her many trips to doctors and pyschologists,] And just recently quit. I'm just stating that people that cut/pretend to be suicidical/pretend to cut/pretend to have depression/pretend to have other mental problems are just what I stated: They PRETEND.
[/rant.]

One Thousand Oceans:

I personally know that I'm very offended by people who pretend to be depressed/have mental problems/cut for attention, because I myself have a moderate form of depression

One Thousand Oceans:

Amen.
That's the most well-written explination I've ever seen of the two "kinds", if you will, of cutting.

Why thankyou

One Thousand Oceans:

I personally know that I'm very offended by people who pretend to be depressed/have mental problems/cut for attention, because I myself have a moderate form of depression, [as in, the kind proclaimed by doctors and pyschologists, not the 'self-proclaimed' depressed kid,] and know how diffiucult it makes life for me when my mind doesn't want to cooperate. It's not fun, it's not cool, it's downright miserable sometimes. I've had a lot of issues with it, and seeing people mock them, [because that's really what people who pretend that they have depression are doing,] is extremely offending. I'd like to see one of those people suffer for a week with depression without medication.
as Mindfuck stated, I'm not saying that all cutters are "posers" and don't really have pyschological "issues", but that for those that don't have mental problems, it's really offending when they say they do.
[That said, I'm not saying that you need to have depression to be a "real" [not someone doing it for the attention] cutter, because I have a cousin who cut for almost 13 years with no depression, [despite her many trips to doctors and pyschologists,] And just recently quit. I'm just stating that people that cut/pretend to be suicidical/pretend to cut/pretend to have depression/pretend to have other mental problems are just what I stated: They PRETEND.
[/rant.]

the.sound.of.black:

The other day I came across a website where people submit photos of their injuries caused by self harming. Along with their pictures of fresh bleeding cuts, users can submit their story, and even update it later on. I was shocked. It is like having a site for people with anorexia where they can post pictures of their weightloss.

See, that's proof right there that some people are quite proud and seek attention for their cutting. As you said, it's almost as if this trend is an illness in itself

One Thousand Oceans:

Amen.
That's the most well-written explination I've ever seen of the two "kinds", if you will, of cutting.
I personally know that I'm very offended by people who pretend to be depressed/have mental problems/cut for attention, because I myself have a moderate form of depression, [as in, the kind proclaimed by doctors and pyschologists, not the 'self-proclaimed' depressed kid,] and know how diffiucult it makes life for me when my mind doesn't want to cooperate. It's not fun, it's not cool, it's downright miserable sometimes. I've had a lot of issues with it, and seeing people mock them, [because that's really what people who pretend that they have depression are doing,] is extremely offending. I'd like to see one of those people suffer for a week with depression without medication.
as Mindfuck stated, I'm not saying that all cutters are "posers" and don't really have pyschological "issues", but that for those that don't have mental problems, it's really offending when they say they do.
[That said, I'm not saying that you need to have depression to be a "real" [not someone doing it for the attention] cutter, because I have a cousin who cut for almost 13 years with no depression, [despite her many trips to doctors and pyschologists,] And just recently quit. I'm just stating that people that cut/pretend to be suicidical/pretend to cut/pretend to have depression/pretend to have other mental problems are just what I stated: They PRETEND.
[/rant.]

Mindfuck:

I don't even know how the trend started. Who's bright idea was it to think mental illness and depression and self harming was cool? Obviously, not everyone thinks this, but I'm baffled at the people who do.

Reckless Rogue:

I don't know either, how does anything become a trend? I honestly think that self-mutaltion as a trend is upright revolting. I'm really opposed to emo and people trying to fit the sterio type, but I don't sit there and say "OMG I HATE EMOS!" People do have real problems and it shouldn't just be grouped with some people who want attention or want to be part of this trend, but at the same time I don't want to automatically say that all these people do all this crap just to get attention. I don't know I've put myself in a very bad predictament. And I'm sorry for kinda snapping at you earlier Mindfuck about your former friend, but yeah, I was just thinking from my own experiences where I lost friends due to the fact I wasn't always cheery, I wasn't snobby about it, but I just was very gloomy.

Corrupted Dreams:

Mindfuck:

Amen.
That's the most well-written explination I've ever seen of the two "kinds", if you will, of cutting.