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Middle-School Romance

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Jesse Lacey;
Awake and Unafraid
Jesse Lacey;
Age: 24
Gender: Female
Posts: 12077
November 22nd, 2007 at 02:25am
Sorry if there is already a thread like this.

I was wondering what everyone thought about the romances 6-8 graders have.

-Does it really qualify as something serious?
-At what age does someone become entitled to having a boyfriend/girlfriend?
-When has it gone too far?
-Pros and cons

Please let me know your opinion!
Ballroom Blitz
Bleeding on the Floor
Ballroom Blitz
Age: -
Gender: Female
Posts: 1702
November 22nd, 2007 at 09:19am
1; no. becuase at that age, they cannot understand love, nor the concepts of relationships.
2; you're talking about it like it's a licence or something. but i would say for it to count as any serious, 14, 15 ish.
3; in the sixth grade? i remember a girl in my class was called a slut because she kissed a guy, but i think ~too far~ would be making out, and sex.
4; pro, cute. it helps with selfconfidance to know that someone of the opposite sex likes you and finds you attractive.
con, ends, usually in more confusion and hatred than in relationships carried out with 'older' people. i don't know if this counts, but the rumours going around would be worse, because at grade 6, even holding hands is considered 'slutty'. [and untill grade 7, i thought babies came from kissing xD]

...that was one rambly shitty post. sry.
Radio Saturday
Salute You in Your Grave
Radio Saturday
Age: 30
Gender: Female
Posts: 3513
November 22nd, 2007 at 11:21pm
I don't know... For my cousin's sake, I hope it's not completely fruitless (I don't want my little Carrie getting hurt). However, I tend to think that before fifteen-ish, it's probably better to just stay friends. And even that... I remember crying over a guy I was friends with, because I was pretty much in love with him. But we never did anything; he was just a sweet guy.

On the other hand, this is from the girl who got her first kiss two weeks ago (maybe three weeks before my eighteenth birthday) so... Maybe my opinion doesn't count for much.
sayaprayer
Killjoy
sayaprayer
Age: 26
Gender: Female
Posts: 24
November 23rd, 2007 at 12:32am
I really don't think age has anything to do with love.
I think you could love at all ages.
I agree that maybe it might not be serious in younger grades and stuff, but you could still love. I believe they still understand the concept of love, but don't understand how serious it could be. I think that maybe in those ages their just experimenting.
You hardly see people those ages getting 'serious', but I don't believe they should be not allowed to love.
I think it counts on your morals really, and what you think.
Because everyone has their own opinion.
But me honestly I see no probem with loving when your young.

I had my first crush in grade 5, and we started going out in grade 6.
But it wasn't anything, we were to scared and too young to be anything more than good friends that pull each others hair.
When you hit puberty you actually start getting the want for a bf/gf and blah blah blah, so the relasionships become different then.

You don't have to be a certain age to love,
I guess that's what I'm tryng to say.

Sorry for not making any sense.
Aha.
UglyAsSin
Jazz Hands
UglyAsSin
Age: 29
Gender: Female
Posts: 283
November 29th, 2007 at 12:21am
Love/infatuation/a crush they are important at whatever age it occurs, they all add to an individual's experiences. Sure it might not be serious such as resulting in marriage but at that moment it may be the most important thing. I agree with ^ (sorry don't know your name or anything). Yes they can be heartbreaking or upsetting but again it makes a person stronger.
Rose Red.
Jazz Hands
Rose Red.
Age: -
Gender: Female
Posts: 336
November 29th, 2007 at 01:23am
I do believe that a person can love at any age, but I think that 99.9% of junior high school students are more in infatuated with the idea of love as portrayed in the media then anything. Back when I was that age I never witnessed one of those romances last. To answer your questions,

1. Maybe, but in very few cases. Most people that age haven't developed an adult, mature mentality towards most of these things yet (think back to your sex ed classes, and all the giggling whenever certain words were mentioned)
2. There really is no right age for a person to be in a romantic relationship, they just have to be mature enough emotionally and understand that a real romance isn't all like the movies.
3. At that age? Sex, and pretty much anything more intence than kissing.
4. I can't really say, because I was never actually in a relationship at that age.
Toronado
Bleeding on the Floor
Toronado
Age: 26
Gender: Female
Posts: 1464
November 29th, 2007 at 06:47am
My friend got her first boyfriend when she was eleven. They were together for pretty much the whole two years of intermediate school. I really believe that they were in love, even if it was only in a 'childhood romance' way.
gemstonefromabove
Killjoy
gemstonefromabove
Age: 30
Gender: Female
Posts: 13
November 29th, 2007 at 11:33am
Smile

hey

i dont think they can be classed as relationships. just understanding the world. lol. but hey thats just my opinion.

x x
Alexface.
Salute You in Your Grave
Alexface.
Age: 27
Gender: Male
Posts: 3489
November 29th, 2007 at 09:14pm
- Does it really qualify as something serious?
I think that, with young people (pre-teenagers), having a girlfriend/boyfriend is a thing that has become a kind of common playground thing. I mean, many young children at that age may say that they are "going out with" a boy/girl, when usually it will be just to look special or cool. I don't like to use the phrase "don't understand love" because i think that makes children that age sound as if they have very small emotional ranges, which they don't. Infact, children feel many emotions, possibly more so than adults. As i said, a relationship at that age isn't often serious, but you have to start somewhere. Relationships at a young age can be useful for the future, especially
- At what age does someone become entitled to having a boyfriend/girlfriend?
I don't think that it is about age, i think it is more about maturity, and how much they understand what is involved with a good relationship; being loyal to their girlfriend/boyfriend etc. For example a young child of seven may be considerably intelligent and mature enough to handle a relationship like that, while a 15 year-old may not.
- When has it gone too far?
i don't know, im not sure that children who have not yet reached their teens are ready for passionate kissing (ie tongues). In my opinion, thats something that is learnt more in teenage years. Sex is definitely out of the question. i hope. but an innocent little kiss on the lips is fine, i reckon, for children that age.
- Pros and cons
Pros:
- It strengthens children emotionally, ready for a proper relationship where a lot of maturity and care will need to be involved.
- I definitely believe that it raises a child's self-confidence to have a boyfriend/girlfriend, because it involves a lot more care; yes, possibly love, than even your best friend. It is a good feeling for a child to be loved by someone who isn't necessarily related to them.
Cons:
- If a child has not developed emotionally enough to handle a break-up, it can leave them confused about love and relationships, and i think that that is why children should have matured enough in that way to go into a relationship, incase it ever goes wrong.
i.love.sarah
Killjoy
i.love.sarah
Age: 25
Gender: Female
Posts: 4
November 30th, 2007 at 06:11am
Before you read this, you might want to know that I am 13 years old, and currently in one of these sorts of "relationships". I am just livin in the moment, and i have kissed her on the cheek a couple times. I do not know about her, but i know that i am definately taking things seriously, and we are in hiding as well (we are both girls, and afraid of coming out. and no, i'm not just experimenting. unless you consider my entire life one big experiment). I believe that i love her, and i pay no heed to what the fairytale romances say. I know that nobody is perfect, and no relationship will be, either.
We have been best friends for 4 years, and we trust each other with EVERYTHING. Sexual attraction was second, and thus we will definately not get out of control. We are friends first, gfs second. So it is going to remain innocent.
I also have been planning, in the event of a breakup, we will still be happy and supportive of each other, and not much will change. Not much SHOULD change. After all, the only thing that will change is that we will probably hug less, and kiss even... less--er...

You should probably just disregard that, after all I am just in a middle-school romance. You can go back to your "adult" discussion now.
Radio Saturday
Salute You in Your Grave
Radio Saturday
Age: 30
Gender: Female
Posts: 3513
November 30th, 2007 at 05:36pm
i.love.sarah:
You should probably just disregard that, after all I am just in a middle-school romance. You can go back to your "adult" discussion now.


Actually, I was just going to point out at our current disregard for young (i.e. middle-school age) romance is a fairly recent thing, and that not all that long ago, it was still not uncommon for a girl to get married at 14. I'm thinking as recently as the end of the 19th century. It was being done less and less, for various reasons, but it was still going on, and as far as I know, many of those relationships were reasonably happy and strong.

Obviously, this practice arose due to certain inescapable facts, such as a younger average lifespan and the dangers of childbirth and various illnesses still common. But that doesn't stop the fact that these girls were 14-odd years old, and their "men" not much older.

So, I just wanted to say that this condemnation/disregard for "middle-school romance" is a fairly recent invention, in the grand scheme of things. Also, i.love.sara, no one is aiming their comments specifically at you. We're not trying to offend you, so maybe bear this in mind next time. (Again, not wishing to offend; merely stating an opinion.)
shanty0301
Killjoy
shanty0301
Age: 27
Gender: Female
Posts: 3
November 30th, 2007 at 06:51pm
hey thats cool!
Beeblebrox
Really Not Okay
Beeblebrox
Age: 40
Gender: Female
Posts: 688
November 30th, 2007 at 06:52pm
-Does it really qualify as something serious?
I think in terms of social development, it is a serious learning experience. It helps us grow and define what we look for in later relationships down the road. However, I've rarely heard of a 12-14 year old whose relationship lasted outside their teenage years.

-At what age does someone become entitled to having a boyfriend/girlfriend?
I think you can have a boyfriend or girlfriend ar any age. It doesn't have to be taken seriously, it can be just for fun. I had boyfriends starting at age 11. We kissed, held hands, wrote love notes. It was all in good fun. Neither of us professed undying love for each other. We knew it wasn't anything major.

-When has it gone too far?
I think between the ages of 12-14, sexual activity is going too far. I know it happens, it's just too early in my opinion. You're still very much in a growing stage at the point in life. I don't think most 12-14 year olds possess the responsibility to lead a sexually active, mature relationship. It's tough, your hormones are kicking in during that time and your emotions are on a rollercoaster as you grow up and start becoming a real individual.

-Pros and cons
The pros are obviously the experience of just communicating and interacting with another person on a romantic level. Having experience, no matter how silly or immature, really helps when you start to have more serious relationships down the road. The cons are, like I mentioned, when things get physical. When pre-teens aren't prepared for the responsibility, people will get hurt and girls can end up pregnant if they're not mature enough to handle things.
i.love.sarah
Killjoy
i.love.sarah
Age: 25
Gender: Female
Posts: 4
November 30th, 2007 at 09:00pm
Radio Saturday:
We're not trying to offend you, so maybe bear this in mind next time. (Again, not wishing to offend; merely stating an opinion.)

Oh, I realize this. I was just saying that, although I wanted to comment on this topic, that you might want to disregard what I had said. I am sorry if I sounded offended when I posted that previous post. I was just trying to show a bit of a different perspective on junior high "romances". I realize that we probably won't last, I just don't like thinking about that.
ThinkxHappyxThoughts
Joining The Black Parade
ThinkxHappyxThoughts
Age: -
Gender: Female
Posts: 204
December 1st, 2007 at 04:50pm
-Does it really qualify as something serious? It depends on what level of middleschool. I mean at eighth grade, yeah. Might not always be, but it could be fairly serious.
-At what age does someone become entitled to having a boyfriend/girlfriend? I know Kindergarteners who have boyfriends/girlfriends. There's no age to be "entitled" to one.
-When has it gone too far? When you're a sixth-grader and renowned around the school as a slut....
Jesse Lacey;
Awake and Unafraid
Jesse Lacey;
Age: 24
Gender: Female
Posts: 12077
December 1st, 2007 at 05:45pm
I didn't mean to confuse anyone, but when I said "at what age does someone become entitled to have a boyfriend/girlfriend?" I meant at what age does it normally mean something serious, if that makes any sense Razz

But thank you guys for your wonderful opinions. I just ended my own "middle school romance", actually.
doctor.
In The Murder Scene
doctor.
Age: 26
Gender: Female
Posts: 23302
December 2nd, 2007 at 09:39pm

I believe that the age you are ready for a serious, commited relationship very much depends on the indivual themselves. Some people mature much quicker than others.

Some teenagers know when they're in love. Certain things happen that make them seem special and 'right' for eachother. Usually the people in the relationship can't see this themselves but mutual friends agree and believe that they are in love.

Love and age, I believe, are totally unrelated. You can fall in love with someone when you are 9 or 90. It really doesn't matter. If the people in it believe they are truly in love, who is any one else to critise?

So I believe that it qualifies as serious at any age.

As for 'going too far', some young teenagers have sex with their partner before thinking through the consequences, talking to the other person about it and knowing that they are ready for what they do. If they use contraception, are safe about the matter and consent entirely to it (knowing they won't regret a thing) then I think the option to have sex is up to the people in the relationship. I'm not saying a 10 year old having sex would be right but if you are in a year relationship with your partner when you are 14-15, I don't think it is 'going too far'.

i.love.sarah
Killjoy
i.love.sarah
Age: 25
Gender: Female
Posts: 4
December 3rd, 2007 at 07:17am
Painful Reality, you make a point that i had wished to make. This is about the thought of "going to far". Even if someone is in their 30's they still might not be emotionaly ready for sex. they might be careless, or having sex for the wrong reasons. Everyone, regardless of age, should consider what they are doing before they do it, and think about ALL of the consequences. Emotional pain, STD's, physical pain, regret. This can all happen no matter how old or young one is.
howrie
Killjoy
howrie
Age: 31
Gender: Male
Posts: 82
December 3rd, 2007 at 09:38am
these are not real relationships....sure the odd one may work but most of them dont...its annoying when a grade 8 person gets a bf/gf and then says they love them after 1 day of going out......that just doesnt work
doctor.
In The Murder Scene
doctor.
Age: 26
Gender: Female
Posts: 23302
December 3rd, 2007 at 07:33pm
howrie:
its annoying when a grade 8 person gets a bf/gf and then says they love them after 1 day of going out......that just doesnt work



I understand exactly what you mean there BUT that is another kind of 'middle school relationship'. Young relationships have many kinds, the same as adult ones. Every couple is different. Some adults and couples, fall in too quick and presume they're in love... but then they find out their not and it just simply doesn't work. Some are in it for a very long time, others not so long.

The point I'm trying to make is every couple, regardless of age, works in a different way. Some couples are genuinely commited from a young age, just as some adult relationships don't work and last a very short while.