| Author | Message |
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no face.
Awake and Unafraid
Age: 32
Gender: Female
Posts: 13483 | July 27th, 2008 at 01:31pm
I like the first one honestly xD thanks, i couldnt think what to call it. I can only write songs if I'm really angry, really happy or really sad.
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Kitty Clover
Jazz Hands
Age: 32
Gender: Female
Posts: 292 | July 28th, 2008 at 05:19pm bert mccracken: those lyrics are amazing! my favorite part is the chorus and the thing about masks is so different in a good way, you're a great lyricist! :]
black presicion: i love the beginning and the way you've structured the song! i especially love the bridge and i think the first title "Hello" is the best ^_^ |
Miss Americvnt
Bleeding on the Floor
Age: 32
Gender: Female
Posts: 1163 | August 5th, 2008 at 10:17am Liaison
you can see straight through me
and i see all the possibilities.
im sleep deprived and yours for the taking.
so take me.
waking up in cold sweats
dreaming 'bout what we could do.
dreaming of a love affair with you.
stuck in this moment with my starlit eyes
searching for the words to say.
the fading night sky's not as bright
as your eyes, they shine for me.
just for me.
waking up in cold sweats
dreaming 'bout what we could do.
dreaming of a love affair with you.
That's all I got so far...
By the way, "liaison" is French for "love affair". =] |
Kitty Clover
Jazz Hands
Age: 32
Gender: Female
Posts: 292 | August 11th, 2008 at 05:01pm i think it's really good! i'm surprised no one has been on this thread for awhile. that's awesome how you used french for the title. the chorus is beautiful and romantic, it's like a fantasy and i can't wait to see the rest of it! :] |
Miss Americvnt
Bleeding on the Floor
Age: 32
Gender: Female
Posts: 1163 | August 11th, 2008 at 07:08pm Oh, thank you sooo much!
Yeah, I was like," Oh noes! My song killed the lyrics thread!" |
Kitty Clover
Jazz Hands
Age: 32
Gender: Female
Posts: 292 | August 11th, 2008 at 07:50pm you're welcome and it didn't kill the thread lol |
anthony green.
In The Murder Scene
Age: 28
Gender: Female
Posts: 23325 | August 14th, 2008 at 01:18pm been a while since i've been here 
i got grounded for about three weeks, and in those weeks i wrote a few lyrics. i've been working on storytelling more and not just focusing on a single thing. so, without further ado, my lyrics:
voices
i wrote this about someone who hears voices in their head, and they're sort of going insane, asking them who they are, what they want, and can't they annoy someone else.
while the likeliness of sunlight is so low,
get on your bed,
throw out the pillow,
you won't be sleeping tonight.
no, you won't be sleeping tonight.
you'll be up late tonight,
you'll be asking, (no answers)
and avoiding the turth.
who are they?
what are they?
won't they leave you alone?
they are the voices in your head
(do you hear them?)
just like you,
just like me,
but they don't exist.
can you hear these words?
you're saying no, maybe, perhaps,
but why?
can't leave it alone.
can't see beyond the confines
where are they? (in your mind)
where am i?
what do you want from me?
what can i do?
i think you've got the wrong number
insanity won't make me sane.
they are the voices in your head
(do you hear them?)
just like you,
just like me,
but they don't exist.
you don't believe them.
leave it alone,
(leave me be)
there's nothing you can do.
you've got yourself, in a corner
painted in,
and written on your face,
"i give up!"
to write love on her arms
this is kind of like a remake of "serious business", except more in story format.
she says nothing's wrong,
but she's lying.
just a scratch,
just an accident,
but the cuts grow in numbers
and they don't realize
because she hides.
something's wrong
and she knows but
as long as the razor's sharp
as long as the blood stains the sheets
and the scars heal
to write love on her arms,
it would be the best thing
for everyone who loves her,
cares for her.
she says that the scars don't matter
but they do, they do,
they matter so much
words can't help her
she's deaf in your ear
any deeper, any more
and it'll be the end
of her life
of her situation
but that's what she wants
to write love on her arms,
it would be the best thing
for everyone who loves her,
cares for her.
and so she wrote the words
L-O-V-E
she wrote big letters
and she wrote love on her arms.
bars
this one i wrote about someone who died in a barfight, stabbed in the heart.
i'm dead but i'm far from gone.
carry the corpse,
i'm already miles away.
but i can see you,
burying the body.
no need to say a prayer
i'm already in hell
waiting for you
yeah, you'll come to me someday.
a kinfe through the heart
can end a life
but it can end the silence
the calm before the storm
help me find my life,
i seem to have lost it.
tell them not to look for me.
tell them it's no use.
tell them what you did,
no, that would do the worst
for what you're worth.
all because of an upset
drunk and unconcious
my final memory is my worst
i won't let you forget
i can't forgive,
i left my heart in the body.
a kinfe through the heart
can end a life
but it can end the silence
the calm before the storm
help me find my life,
i seem to have lost it.
do you remember my tragedy?
forgot what you did to me?
i'll never let you forget.
i'll see you in hell.
help me, i'm helpless.
this one is about depression, mainly from my encounters.
i've been thrown off the edge
words on a tearstained page
are not enough
to end this
i just don't feel quite right.
razorblades don't seem to help
tears are temporary
yes it's true,
i don't care about you
let me figure it out.
happy seems so far awat.
miles and miles,
and i've got square wheels
this cliff leads straight to rock bottom.
what's wrong with me,
why can't i see ahead of me?
it's within my reach
but my arms are glued
i can't move.
razorblades don't seem to help
tears are temporary
yes it's true,
i don't care about you
let me figure it out.
i'm my own bulldozer,
my own disaster.
your favorite tragedy
help to me is my defeat,
this prescription will be my downfall.
razorblades don't seem to help
tears are temporary
yes it's true,
i don't care about you
let me figure it out.
the nicotine kiss
remember when i had those two choruses, and i got serious business written first, and never really got around to writing abusive addiction? well, it's because i was making some huge changes. so, this is the finished product:
every time you're here,
you're drunk and swing
black and blue are all i know
tears won't stop you
most of me is in pain
but the rest is in love with you
your nicotine kiss is my addiction
your abuse my drugs
and these tears are the anti
but they don't seem to work.
it doesn't matter how hard, how much
i'm hanging on
i'm willing to stay
but you're not trying
all you like is my pain.
you don't care at all.
there is no rehab.
no hope for me.
i'm a full-on addict
for your tough love.
your nicotine kiss is my addiction
your abuse my drugs
and these tears are the anti
but they don't seem to work.
knock me down,
knock me out
hit me hard
i like it like that
something tells me, this is wrong
i can't break free
i'm under your spell.
katrina
this one i wrote a while ago, and i found it while i was flipping through an old notebook. the way i wrote it, i was trying to make it seem like it was about this girl that was ruthless, and she'll kill you, but it's actually about hurricane katrina.
terrorizing beauty,
she doesn't give up
she's armed and she's dangerous
she's a hurricane,
she's katrina.
she's a fighter,
what a bitch to resist
but now she lies
she's broken, dead and gone
she knows she's beat
katrina, katrina
she pulled the trigger
and left us all to die.
she's a killer and she'll bring you down.
you can't do a thing.
katrina, she's a ruthless thing.
she'll kill you with just one glance
and she won't give a damn.
katrina, katrina
she pulled the trigger
and left us all to die.
she left her mark
and now she's gone
she's killed us all
so now she's done
rebuild our battlefield
rebuild our everything
katrina, katrina,
she pulled the trigger
and left us all to die
she's a hurricane
she's a hurricane
she's a hurricane
and she won't give a damn. |
MilitaryFairy
Killjoy
Age: 32
Gender: Female
Posts: 83 | August 14th, 2008 at 03:40pm Uuum... I honestly don't think this is very good. Some pointers are always great! I don't know the title either.
Sunshine sets
Only you know me best
Don’t sleep in the east
When I’m setting in the west
Patience can kill
Like bugs God’s window sill
Forget me not
Please say that you will
Laughter breaks the silence
Such pail, fragile glass
Don’t break like my confidence
Because only you know me best
Your dresses come in many colors
Like a prism of your past
Or a rainbow blend of slight confusion
Just know the sunsets never last
Lightening strikes in the same place twice
And you never forget the scars
If I could live a thousand years
I would not turn into what you are
There’s always second chances
They’re always a better way
But if you want to walk down that bend
There’s nothing more to say |
intuition11
Killjoy
Age: -
Gender: Female
Posts: 1 | August 17th, 2008 at 10:03am this is just something i'm working on
Wake up
Flush all my happiness away
A different pill for all the tragedies of the day
Try to find the innocence that I had left behind
In a web of addiction
Well I got to try to make it through the day
If I can do it
Maybe I’ll be ok
And not craving with every breath
And not sinking with every step |
Black Presicion
Killjoy
Age: 28
Gender: Female
Posts: 93 | August 23rd, 2008 at 08:48pm Wow, seriously, you don't think it's good?
I really like it! A lot! And I'm not just saying that to make you feel good - I'm telling the truth. I love these lines the best:
Your dresses come in many colors
Like a prism of your past (<-amazing!)
Lightening strikes in the same place twice
There's nothing more to say (<- I love the ending and how you just end with a simple line like this but, at the same time, it's saying everything.)
Only thing is that it's a bit forced rhyming but that's okay - I've done that millions of times before.
You're a really good lyricist!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Well, I have a new song. It, um... It just means the world to me because this is written to my absolute best friend in the whole fucking world and I know this might be a bit confusing but... it's hard to explain what I'm trying to say to her. Stars are kind of my figurative thing... well, I'm rambling but this is mainly about a certain.... event that happened one day.... It's called Breathe... hope you like it.
(Song: soft but powerful feel)
Verse 1:
Hold on, I have so much to wish (<-hope?)
Since you fell upon me
My memories consume my mind
But the words won't escape me
Refrain:
Wait, don't fall away from me
Hear me please
Let me stay forever
I'm sorry
Chorus: (powerful)
Please don't ever go away
Save those scars and breathe for me (I don't know if i should have "for me" in there)
Cause I won't let you fall today
Please don't ever fade from me
Verse 2:
Now it's so hard to think
of what to say
The longer I hold in
The more you slip away
Refrain:
Wait, don't pass away from me
Hear me please
Let me stay forever
I'm sorry (<- higher, more powerful in this line)
Chorus:
Please don't ever go away
Save your scars and breathe for me (<-optional)
Cause I won't let you fall today
Please don't ever fade from me
Bridge:
These dreams won't ever escape
Oh, its so hard to explain
These dreams won't ever go away
I'm sorry
Chorus:
Please don't ever go away
Save your scars and breathe for me
Cause I won't let you fall today
Please don't ever fade from me
Outro: (Soft)
Hold on, I have so much to say
To a star that shines like you
I won't let you fade (<-High, powerful)
Please breathe for me (soft - the end) (Should I add that in there?)
Okay, so in the choruses I'm not sure if I should switch the second and fourth line or not.
And I have a guitar part for the outro and I know how the vocals should go for the outro... and I might have a second guitar part for it too - I'm not entirely sure.
If you guys could help me with what I said along the song and just now, that'd be great.
Thank You. |
brand new eyes
Always Born a Crime
Age: 29
Gender: Female
Posts: 6798 | August 29th, 2008 at 08:02pm wow, everyone on here is so talented.<3
i really need to improve my stuff.
when i have something halfway good i'll post. |
goodbye blue sky
Always Born a Crime
Age: 29
Gender: Female
Posts: 6461 | August 30th, 2008 at 11:50am parawhore.:
OMG! I liked all of them very much! Keep writing hon!
|
anthony green.
In The Murder Scene
Age: 28
Gender: Female
Posts: 23325 | September 1st, 2008 at 04:22pm :] thanks, Dove Melankolia!
i wrote another one a bit ago...it's called "lullabye" (i spelled it wrong on purpose) and it's about suicide. it's kind of hard to explain what i mean by "lullaby", but i think once you read it you might get it.
lullabye
sing me a lullaby
so i can fall asleep
i'll stay as long as i can't breathe
nothing's keeping me here.
i wasn't born to be bound
no electricity can save me now
where have you been
those five years ago?
whatever i said,
you answered no.
i'm not here
you're standing there
i see you,
you don't see me.
there are no tears.
there is no regret.
i remember my last words.
sing me a lullaby
so i can fall asleep
i'll stay as long as i can't breathe
nothing's keeping me here.
there was no blood,
no time to scream,
it all worked out
in my end.
i didn't want your help.
you can lie and say you miss me
but i'm not coming back
i wrote a letter
but you can't read,
why do i care?
you never did.
i remember my last words.
sing me a lullaby
so i can fall asleep
i'll stay as long as i can't breathe
nothing's keeping me here.
you handed me the loaded gun
and as i held it to my head
i screamed
"this is all your fault!"
note: the outro is spoken, it's not really supposed to be smooth, so yeah :$ |
MilitaryFairy
Killjoy
Age: 32
Gender: Female
Posts: 83 | September 1st, 2008 at 06:49pm Thank you, Black Precision, you have awesome lyrics yourself  |
Black Presicion
Killjoy
Age: 28
Gender: Female
Posts: 93 | September 1st, 2008 at 08:56pm Thanks
Parawhore: (By the way LOVE the name)
I also wrote a song called lullaby but I really like how you used 'by' as 'bye'. I thought that was really clever.
Personally, I just thought the song was really well written and unique in how you organized it!
Please keep writing!
---------------------------------------------------------------
Well, you know the song I last wrote? I have a couple more songs about the same thing...I'm still guilty, I always will be...
Broken Wings:
Can we make this temporary?
These silent lies are about to break
your heart carried by broken wings
And I blame myself
Now my thoughts consume me
I was so blind, so naive
of what I feared to see
when all along
Your heart was flying with broken wings
And I'm so sorry
That I could let love die
I made it so hard to be alive
And I can't believe
I didn't take your pain away
I almost let you slip away
Now can we make this permanent?
And promise scars won't let us break
our hearts and fix our broken wings
But I still blame myself
And I'm so sorry
I let myself fall through
You know, I'd always die for you
And I'm so sorry
I had to see you cry
You know, I'd bleed myself dry
And I'm so sorry
I let you fly with broken wings
~~~~~
Perfections: (I might change the title to: 'So Alive' or 'Alive')
And I hopelessly fall in whispers
My words tremble at your cries
We're softly breaking in hidden shadows
Oh please tell me you're still alive
Why forgiving exchanges?
I'm the only one to apologize
You're weakness is only one more perfection
You're strength gives me the power to fly
You breathe so much air into my lungs
And yet all I can do is sigh
Your empty defect had my envy at rage (Instead of empty defect, it might be 'Your grand Pheonix' which I might use instead...)
Left my selfishness to arise
I was blinded by fear of saying goodbye
I'm the only fake in my lie
Why forgiving exchanges?
I'm the only one to apologize
You know how my wings can be fragile
But with you I can let them die
My words can escape me so gracefully
I've never felt so alive
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
(This is about something different that I wrote just this morning)
I Believe:
Verse -
Forgive me
for my hesitant words
with the cautious mayhem in my mind
Never have my thoughts believed like this
But I feel your words
Your presence heard
The unthinkable is breathing
I'm breathing
Verse 2 -
Forgive me
My half - trust only dwells in
my thoughts and dreams
I may not present my faith
Are you listening for this sounds
to restore innocence for you
The unthinkable is alive
I'm alive
Bridge -
Can I live without this selfishness?
Be free but still be heard
with limited sound
My free-form spirit flows (or hangs - idk) in the air
Loyalty still not demanding
But, yes,
I believe
---------------------------------------------
Er, yeah. That's it.
Tips please! |
Charlie Chaplin
Thinking Happy Thoughts
Age: 33
Gender: -
Posts: 468 | September 5th, 2008 at 12:15am Comments are appreciated.
This song is about lust, in case the meaning was lost in the wild metaphors. ;]
Consuming the apparition with desire she moves like a shape seen in a dream.
The fire in her heart is burning like a thousand candles, yet her words are lost.
Sustain the outcome, disappear to a new beginning.
Sustain like the sun, the writing on the wall is uncovered.
We are a thousand lovers engulfed in a thousand arms.
And we're too blind to see that we are killing ourselves
She's a captivating lover, she heals my wounds.
Steadfast modesty!
Take the children from the elders beds, replace their lust with a stronger emotion.
The great fire burns, we are the only ones to control it.
Lay your weapons down, put down your arms.
Take your virtue back, we are the only ones
Don't shield your eyes child, there are things you should know
like how we're drowning in our own sweat, we are our own downfall.
Don't shield your eyes child, we've made a crucial mistake,
we've been playing in the devil's yard, now is the time for change.
Sustain the outcome, disappear to a new beginning.
Sustain like the sun, the writing on the wall is uncovered.
Close your eyes now, its time to say your prayers.
Seal your nightmare, this is a fantasy world.
She's left sleeping in a time of war.
Cold through the air, its time to say your prayers 'goodbye to the world!' |
MilitaryFairy
Killjoy
Age: 32
Gender: Female
Posts: 83 | September 5th, 2008 at 09:59pm This one is called "Junior Highs and Lows"
Constructive critism is always awesome
(V2)
The clown faces splattered the room
Frizzy hair and yellow molars
I was an ugly duckling in their view
I wanted to put a stick in their heads
13 queens and no one to rule
To break the trend I had to break the rules
(Chorus- kind of like the "Whoa Oh" by Forever the Sickest Kids feel"
I say oh well
Oh oh well
Things change over time
I say oh well
Oh oh well
I’ll let this go somehow
(V2)
Now they’re ugly butterflies
I’m still the lovely duckling
They fake their way through everything
Rotten apples fill the air
They let it seep inside
To think I thought you were the golden one
(Bridge)
All these junior highs and lows
The scars built up inside
And you don’t even know
You made me give up hope
And you don’t even know |
Black Presicion
Killjoy
Age: 28
Gender: Female
Posts: 93 | September 6th, 2008 at 01:33pm Oh I like both songs very much! Charlie Chaplin: I love how your song has so many metophorical phrases and figurative language because I love figurative language. Its fun to figure out the meaning and you can interpret it different ways. You're a very talented lyricist. You should be very proud.
thegiftofoneliners: I love this song and I know what you mean with the chorus. Becuase I'd do that to. Its usually when I have a song stuck in my head, I would write lyrics that could replace the lyrics in the song stuck in my head. And the "Whoa oh" feel fits really well in the chorus.
Please continue writing - both of you! |
Charlie Chaplin
Thinking Happy Thoughts
Age: 33
Gender: -
Posts: 468 | September 6th, 2008 at 02:31pm Black Presicion:Oh I like both songs very much! Charlie Chaplin: I love how your song has so many metophorical phrases and figurative language because I love figurative language. Its fun to figure out the meaning and you can interpret it different ways. You're a very talented lyricist. You should be very proud.
thegiftofoneliners: I love this song and I know what you mean with the chorus. Becuase I'd do that to. Its usually when I have a song stuck in my head, I would write lyrics that could replace the lyrics in the song stuck in my head. And the "Whoa oh" feel fits really well in the chorus.
Please continue writing - both of you!
Well thank you very much miss ;] |
MilitaryFairy
Killjoy
Age: 32
Gender: Female
Posts: 83 | September 7th, 2008 at 07:44pm Black Presicion:Oh I like both songs very much! Charlie Chaplin: I love how your song has so many metophorical phrases and figurative language because I love figurative language. Its fun to figure out the meaning and you can interpret it different ways. You're a very talented lyricist. You should be very proud.
thegiftofoneliners: I love this song and I know what you mean with the chorus. Becuase I'd do that to. Its usually when I have a song stuck in my head, I would write lyrics that could replace the lyrics in the song stuck in my head. And the "Whoa oh" feel fits really well in the chorus.
Please continue writing - both of you!
Thank you very much! You always say nice things about my little songs... |
