Your Songs/Lyrics

i think i kind of suck but can you tell me what you think? a few pointers?

Lullaby of Lies (Rachel's Song)

Your eyes glazing over says it all
You’re slipping into your dreams
This lonely road you wander
Is it so lonely in your dreams?

You know mother’s confused and enslaved
As she cuts off all your ties
Still you listen when she cries out
And weaves her lullaby of lies

Sleep soundly and dream of pretty things
While the world around you falls
Believe there’s nothing you should change
Till there’s nothing to change at all

Wow...thank you!

I've been working on this one FOREVER but I never seemed to get it finished until today.

The diagnosis is suicide
You're lost in your lie
Stoic faces and places
Maybe tonight you'll die

This is you, Ice Queen
Not so simple now
When everyone knows your name
They refuse to kneel and bow

Of course they love you,
How could they not,
When you've lied and tried?
You're not who they thought.

Gashes of ashes
We've all gone down
"I'm sorry for what I've done"
Her lips move but there's no sound

She doesn't mean a word she says
She's lying right to your face
I must ask, would you obey
If she told you to die in place?

That was you, Ice Queen
Never simple at all
And all who knew your name
Refused to break your fall

Liars and cheaters
They're all the same
Worthless in my eyes
And now you're to blame

[It has no name...]

Whoa...that's really really good! I mean, seriously really good! Everyone here is really frickin good! It sounds like you know what it's gonna sound like to! wow, me jealous

I have another song. Yay. I don't know the title so...yeah

Verse:
If I hide with these ghosts
Would you still hear a sound
These whispers that waver
I guess they're too loud
With each step that I take
Makes a ripple affect
Does it look like I'm laughing
I'm the only defect left to kill
Cuz when you take command
Surely I'd love to keep
All the daggers I'm saving
To watch it sink deep
Though I'm craving for nothing
That you have in mind
You're finding the treasure
That I've left behind
So sharpen your daggers
And kiss them goodbye
This won't be very pretty
I expect you to all say goodnight

Chorus:
I want you all to remember
The blood that held up all my pain
Just one and I won't have to ever
Take a bullet to all that I will gain
Because on this mid-september
The nights are the deadliest to me
and blades that sparkle are never
the greatest strageties(sp?) to lead.

That's it so far. The chorus is not as crappy as my other song.
So what do you guys think?

This one is called Dead Too Soon. But the title will probably be changed.

Intro:
Tell me if you'd really try to run
If I told you that I had a gun
Each I'm getting one step eager
To hearing that blast of the trigger
Cuz nothing's like the feeling of this
When you try so hard but nearly miss

Verse 1:
Should I try to crash my car
Would it really go that far
Sweet smells of instigation
Just like the coporation
Meant to end up misbehaving
Instead I'm only craving
(Middle
The precision of your kiss
I'd always seem to miss
So far down
(back to verse)
The stenches of burning fumes
compares to impending doom
Just like the sweet sedation
of the accumulation
Obvious to this fake pose
You're reasons I miss the most

Chorus:
But Baby it's too hard
to push the blade that far
Will I be clear of all these scars
I went through
Like a bullet through a glove
You're the one I love
From these stains of this pain
I'd die for you

Verse 2:
Markings on the calendar
Climb out of the expander
That's holding up my grave
Question of will to save
The remaining of my ghost
Who forced me to love you most
(Middle
With the hell that I've been through
With you I'll continue
To the end
(back to verse)
I hear the cemetary screams
Below the midnight moon gleam
Temptation keeps on crawling
Pressure keeps me from bawling
Would I be the murder scene
Running from the police team

[Chorus]

That's all I have so far.
what do you guys think?

Okay, this one's called:
Whispered Last Words. (Title may be changed)

Verse 1:
Among the cemetary gates I'm a ghost of the past
If you look on the grave, my first name is last
Drunk on the streets in the dark of the night
Don't look too closely, I might give you a fright
I could take a blade to my heart or a shot to my head
Would it matter if I'm bleeding or if I was dead
You weren't at my funeral even though you swore
If I gave you all you want, would you hate me even more

Chorus:
Kiss me once just to remember
How much you made my life hell
I'll just pretend that I surrendered
Don't even bother to try and wish me well
I'd like to start a wild fire
and burn everything around
Maybe I'll reach my desire
And learn to die without a sound

Verse 2:
Those last words you choked was written on scratch
By those whispers of your words we weren't a perfect match
Did you cheat on your speech just like you did me
You didn't really love me you just needed a lead
I could take a blade to my heart or a shot to my head
Would it matter if I'm bleeding or if I was dead
Cuz you brought me this pain I'm addicted to
Would you dare to care if you really knew

[Chorus]

That's all I have so far.
What do you guys think?

Yet another song. Just so you know I wrote these a while ago and they're in my journal. I'm just picking them out to write on here.
Unknown title.

All the blood in the war that I'm in
With all that I've lost I have more to defend
Everything that I've killed adds one more sin
I don't need anymore with all my wounds(or words) I must mend
If I have to carry on would you be at my side
Cuz the ghost of my past are on the attack
And each one I watched die represents another lie
Now I'm too far to turn back

Chorus:
Just one more
Just one more night
to claim all I've done right
and kiss you tonight
Cuz I need you
And I miss you so hard
Cuz when my heart breaks down so hard
I can't go that far

Verse 2:
All the blades by your side did not do much good
You can tell from the blood that you knew you should
The sound of perscriptions hid in your hood
Is it enough to say that you could
When you go tthat feeling more and more
Did your head ever once feel sore
I wished you'd warned us a long time before
They found you on the bathroom floor

[Chorus]

That's all I have so far.
Um...what do you guys think?

Okay this is a short one. No title. Not finished yet.

Should I run
Far enough to strike a match
to this heart that tends to patch
All the pain
from breathing poison gas
Just one's not enough to pass
The agony
of living without you
the risks of trying something new
Oh how I miss
the one last crash of your kiss
surrounded by this mist
I know the truth about you

Chorus:
Save me
From the hearts you break
Bury me
to the hell you make
Don't try
to say goodbye
cover up the side
makeup with the lie
You said you'd be there to the end

That's all I have so far.
Okay...what do you guys think?

This song goes along with a chorus that my best friend made up that is the best I've seen from her. It's fuckin amazing! Okay here it is. No title.

Verse 1:
Cover up the looks
With all the makeup and books
Is it enough to impress him
They wouldn't dare eat a thing
To keep their bodies real thin
Just as long as they fit in
They'd go and flirt with the guy
They only talked with one time
Because of drinks they got with their friends
So put the keys in the car
As they drive out of the bar
Who knew the next minute they would be dead

[biffle's chorus...]

Verse 2:
Well, some are dying to blow
the trigger just so you know
the drug's not really much of a help
They throw the razor away
And try again the next day
A little deeper to know how it felt
Fags joke about it at school
It's all an act to be cool
So they won't become a victim(sp?) of pain
The kid comes in with a gun
He says it's just for some fun
While all the parents are going insane

[biffle's chorus...]

That's all I have so far.
Okay...what do you guys think?

Another song.
It's called:
A Deadly September

Verse 1:
No please don't cry
These fragile eyes can't bare to see
The pain swell up it's hard enough knowing
I can barely breathe
Help the millions of us all
Who has no one to hold hands with
I will (I'll) learn to fall
One engraved bracelt says it all
like pinkies chained forever
The bond between us tends to grow
As you hurt to know
Someday I'll have to go

Chorus:
And as I whisper a goodbye
Please baby don't you cry
Another song for me
I want a kiss to remember
On this deadly september
a smile for all the broken deeds
So please just carry on
This last minute song
of leaving you

That's it.
All I have so far.
Okay...what do you guys think?
OH, and what's your favorite song that I wrote so far on this forum?

Today, in Language Arts, we were assigned to write a song with a deep meaning. I chose to write about this girl who's really depressed because her boyfriend decided to get drunk at a party and drive around, and he crashed his car at midnight and died. (Run-on sentence...) I don't have very much of it written, but here's what I do have...

Teardrops fall on piano keys
Can you hear the music?
It's your favorite song.
These words flood down her face
In the form of tears
That have been held back for years.

Rolled up sleeves reveal slit wrists
Smiles disguise everything inside...

And that's it so far. I have another day to finish it *dies*

^ wow. that is absolutley awesome

i have a chorus for a song. i need verses. bleurgh. i have the sweetest guitar part and everything. just need verses.

chorus:
hit me harder
cut me deeper
whatever you need if it makes you feel bigger

rip my hair out
bruise me darker
whatever you need if it makes you feel stronger

then a little bridgey part:
i'll get away from this
i'll get away from this
i'll get away from this if it kills me now

so yeah... any suggestions?

This Is My Revenge

All these bullets are my tears,
I've held them back for two long years
Now it's time for my revenge,
Tell me, what did you intend?

I can't take this anymore
Soon you'll be bleeding on the floor
These are my tears, do you see
All the pain that you've caused me?

Did you think this would happen
When it started way back then
No idea what you were doing
Revenge is what I'm now pursuing

All these bullets are my tears
I've held them back for three long years
And now you're bleeding on the floor
I've shot you down, no life no more

This is my revenge
This is my revenge
This is my revenge
THIS IS MY REVENGE.

All those bullets were my tears
I'd held them back for so many years
Pulled the trigger, shot us both
And now my life I miss the most.

I wrote it about a girl that brings a gun to school. It's like the columbine, that's what I based it off of.

^ wow. i think that's really powerful. especially the "all those bullets were my tears" bit

my chEMMAcal romance:

^ wow. i think that's really powerful. especially the "all those bullets were my tears" bit

Thanks :] I was actually really depressed when I wrote that, because I'd been made fun of a lot that day, so you can kinda see where I got the idea from, and also I'd been researching Columbine a couple days before.

^ well it's good to see you can turn a fucked up day into an awesome song. it's like a big fuck you to the ppl who were making fun of you. like, "you can bully me all you want, and i'm just gonna write an awesome song about it and get rich and famous one day." lol