nadiya's corner.

Killing Me Softly

You sit next to me
And I don’t know what to say
But it’s killing me softly
When you walk away

How can I miss you
When you’re not gone?
Near you but not with you
I just feel more alone

Unspoken words and unheard fears
Stretch into an eternity between us
The space you had within my heart
It slowly gathers dust

I’m sorry for the things I said
But more for what I did not
We shared so many special times-
I guess that you forgot

To think of how we used to talk it’s strange-
I have nothing left to say
But it’s killing me softly
Every time you walk away

II

Dreaming of a car crash
To drown my thoughts of you
But through broken glass and crimson pain
Your face is ever clearer
It’s seared into my brain

I thought I had kept my heart
Locked so tight inside my chest
Then you left
I found I was wrong
You had my heart all along

I wish I could forget
All the memories
Just like you did
But whose heart ever obeyed their mind?
Mine surely never did

The thoughts of loss
Your smiling face
They drive me to the edge
My mind burns with the pain
Of words you never said

I shed a tear
I hold my breath
Resolved
I nod my weary head:
I’m going to attempt the end

But I hope that you’re the one to find me
Just in time

III

I woke again late last night
In the wake of haunted dreams
To find my face taunt in another unheard scream
Your memory envelops me
It clouds my mind like mist
Your name like a split secret
Stains my lonely lips

Beckoning you draw me into thoughts of you
Again I cry the tears you are forever due
As always
The pain is laced with shame
As part of me wishes
I mustn’t go through this again

Your goodbye note was a lie:
What’s good about this?
The pistol was your starting gun
You ran to embrace the grave
Desperate for oblivion
Did you think of what you’d leave behind?
A myriad of crying eyes
A loss I can’t define

I always thought a broken heart was just a metaphor
Yet now I’m not so sure
My chest is but a gaping wound
From where you wrenched my beating heart
And clutching bore it with you
As you sank into the dark

I hope it keeps you company where you are
Caught up amongst the stars
While down below
Surrounded by the mess that you gave birth
Abandoned, alone and hollow
I grimly walk the earth

My Dearly Deceased/The Trials of Unrequited Love?

My chest is tight
I am but a bundle of nerves
As I stutter the words:
“Do you want to catch a movie sometime?”
My heart is in my mouth
Even as I practice them to myself
The words I am too afraid to say

We’re probably friends
But I wished we were more
I don’t even know, in the end:
Did you remember me?
[Cause I remembered you]

Too afraid to take the chance
Tortured by my regrets
Now it’s too late-
The moment has well and truly passed
You’re gone
You’re heart it beats no more
But mine-

It beats for you

Blood On My Hands

I don’t feel the pain
I don’t feel at all
The tears that cascade
Down my cheeks are hollow-
Since you left

Angry at myself for living without you
I welcome the burden of this grief
And let it consume me
Until it no longer feels like
I am the one left alive

I cradle this pain
That burns a hole into my chest
It is what I deserve
The punishment for failing
I did not keep you safe
I did not stop the fall

As I wallow in my regrets
The noose of guilt slips around my throat
And I choke myself readily
I know this is my fault
You left so alone, unloved
Tormented my despair
I never said I cared

Your blood is on my hands

Regrets.

You’re like this china doll I drop
And watch it break
The shattered pieces cut my skin
As I try to put you together again
But this wound I cannot mend
I cannot repair
The damage I have done

This friendship’s bleeding on the floor
I hang my head in shame
As the pain of the guilt
Gnaws me away
For in my trembling hand lies a gun
I wish I could change what I have done

There is no one to dry the tears
When you caused your own pain
And history claims another failed chance
Is there any point in trying
When I can never fix what I have done?

The Mirror.


Somewhere locked inside
this mirror is the key
to who I am.
Something more than haunted eyes
a fragile smile, a fraying line
Something that will define me

I am a victim of experience
a captive to my fears
a child of loss and regret
my collapse seems imminent
I am clutching at the fragments of my heart
But I still stand.

I am what you made me.

I am a bundle of foolish hopes
the servant to my dreams
I am the strength to carry on
when I fear I've lost my song
I am shaken to my core
But I still stand.

I am what I can be.

Somewhere locked inside
this mirror is the key
to who I am.
Something more than I seem-
a fatal mix of hopes and dreams
I've learnt you cannot define me.

That Day.

It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all
But once you have seen the moon the night is so much darker in its absence…

That Day

That day we laughed and ate and swam,
Happy in our ocean frame
That day we talked
And fell asleep on the road out in the rain
But if only under those stars
I had realised
That enchanting blue
Was the pain behind your eyes

I would bleed for you
I would cry for you
If it would bring you back

That day they found you gun
Empty by the door
That day they found life and dreams
Broken on the floor
And if only I could erase
These thoughts of your crimson pain
My memory could maybe see
Those eyes as blue again

I bleed for you
I cry for you
But I can’t bring you back

That day I think I forgot
What hope was for
That day I think my heart
Broke a little more
But if only all the little things
Did not constantly remind me
Then maybe one day I could
Leave all this behind me

I bleed for you
I cry for you
Come back to me, come back

That day I wondered why
I’m caught in this memory
That day I wondered why
I court this misery
But if only I could forget
I could maybe smile
If only I’d let me forget
I could sleep a while

I won’t bleed for you
I won’t cry for you
I can never bring you back

This day I promised myself I’m done
It’s over, I’m moving on
This day I finally realized
You are forever gone

Dear Boy.

Dear Boy,

Everyone tells me
And I’ll make myself believe
That somewhere you are out there
Waiting for me

One day, they say
You’ll find me
And they say you’ll be
The perfect boy for me

We’ll lose our breath
And lose our heads
And we’ll find love and it will be
Better than they ever said

We’ll talk for hours on the phone
And walk barefoot on the sand
My fingers will feel so alone
When not held in your hand

Out at dinner I’ll not say a word
Captivated by your smile
I’ll sit and stare wondering
How such beauty could be complied

We’ll spend every minute together
From dawn until dusk
And wish the day had more hours
For the time is not enough

And when the sky fades to deepest blue
And the moon is high
I will reluctantly leave you
But not suppress a sigh

You’ll walk me to my door
And kiss me by the stair
“See you tomorrow” you will promise
And I will know you care

And if the world catches up to you
And the moonlight dims in your eyes
As tears decorate your face
I’ll hold you as you cry

I’ll hug you tight and not let go
I’ll keep you from harm
When lost we’ll always find
Home in each other’s arms

And if reality starts to strangle me
I know you’ll do the same
You’ll be there for me
If I only whisper your name

You’ll chase the shadows from
The corners of my mind
And in their place uncover beautiful things
Only you could find

We’ll be perfect for each other
Hold the key to each other’s hearts
Like Romeo and Juliet
Nothing will tear us apart

Or Edward and Isabella
Miss Bennet and her Mr. Darcy
Perhaps Heathcliff and Catherine
Each a possibility

But romance novels won’t compare
To the way we feel
We’ll turn this world upside-down
Make happy endings real

With this in mind I’ll bide my time
For what is surely fate?
But ask that Boy you hurry
For I can’t stand the wait

Autumn Leaves.

The cool wind
blows us forward,
like autumn leaves
we stumble
through this life.

And like autumn leaves
we're cracked and brown
withering at the edges.
we fall.
But find each other on the ground
to lie
together in the dirt.

The sky is cold.
The earth is cold.
Snow falls
and covers us from sight.
And beneath its icy blanket
like autumn leaves that lie
we slowly rot away.

Until there's nothing left of us.

Starlight.

late at night
they seem to mock me
as they pierce the midnight sky
tauntingly advertisingly a place
i can never reach

to shoot for the moon
and fall amongst the stars
the romantic imagery
meaning,
aspirations' prize

but the more i stare
the more i come to realise
their dazzling allure is merely reminiscent
of what i found in your eyes

oh the stars-
how insiginificant they are
naught but a reminder
of beauty faded too fast
an inferior reflection,
fragmented memories of you.

I love IV. There's something about it. The "promise me"s make it...fragile. Make it pretty like the petals of a flower. I love your tone, it's this gentle thing that has such a strong and powerful undercurrent.

"In dreams of eyes green and blue
remember the sun warm on my cheeks."
Here, I'd recommend maybe adding an "I" in front of "remember" to make it a little clearer.

"And treasure close to my chest
that time we smiled without these crystal tears."
In this part I'd also recommend putting somehting in between the lines. Maybe a colon or some punctuation or word that connects the two.

It's beautiful, Aly. I love how...quiet it is. I know that's a wierd thing to say, but that's just what it is. It reminds me of Regina's music where her voice is all quiet yet the music is so beautiful. You give yourself too little credit.

Talk to you soon, wifey.

A/N: its been a long time. The style is a little different to my usual. Let me know what you think.

Addiction.
Your hungry eyes stare,
anticipating the taste
as she wets your lips.
Swallow
Drink deep of passion’s cup
immerse yourself in decadence
the euphoria won’t last.
And I’ll throw my heart
out with your trash.