She, The Souless Warrior, of Vast Suicidal Thoughts.
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| Helena Rush. Awake and Unafraid  Age: 31 Gender: Female Posts: 10158 | Watching the wind howl, Sat swinging on a lonely set of swings, Wishing to be dead, invisible, And unknown, so why don't, You say goodbye to everything, You once knew. With those overrated phobias, Overdramatic stupidity, Striking an elegant pose for a camera, Giving rude gestures behind the mirror, Caked in fakeness and crowned, In jealousy and hate. Oh, what a beautiful little liar you are, Sugarcoated in sweet sugar, Masked in all these pathetic lies, Procastinating about this and that, Because that's all you're ever worth, Behind that ugly little camera. Once had a normal life, Living in reality and not mars, Once was a friend, with a heart, Now you're a dissposable rockstar, With two-faced lies and I know more, Than anyone could ever tell, You're as fake as the rest, Typical showbizz drama, Forget everything you once knew, Of which includes me too. |
| Helena Rush. Awake and Unafraid Age: 31 Gender: Female Posts: 10158 | An Ode To The Emo Sterotype (MayYouDieInFuckingHell); Sitting by myself in a corner, Draped in black, with shocking ginger hair, And mesemorizing blue eyes, I'm nothing you wish to see, just good, For your general pleasure of taunts and teases, "Oh my God, you creep!" "Sad emo, go cut yourself and die!" It saddens me how sterotypical people have become, Labelling bands for how they dress, for how their lyrics, Are and how the fans get labelled too, I'm not an emo, I won't go cut myself and fucking die, And while I'm on this subject, I'll cram it down your throat, And hope you choke to fucking death. My Chemical Romance AREN'T emo, Do you even comprehend the meanings of those words? It's short for "EMO-TION-AL" and you, my dear friend, Can clearly not know or understand this word, For emotional is when you feel and care and love, You can't be anything of the sort, picking fights, And bullying us. Some of us are never okay, yes that's damned true, And thus we saw The Ghost Of You, be surprised, Cause we're still alive, occuring our minds from the tragedy, Of the loss of our beloved Helena, trying to make sense, Why people can be so dim-witted. I'm the kid who gets picked on for being not so tall, Not skinny or "pretty", with armfuls of scars, Battered and beaten from previous wars, From a fucking knife, but that doesn't mean I'm a damned 'emo'. These will be our Famous Last Words, to know that we're Giving 'Em, Hell, While we're Welcoming The Black Parade, Onto our decimated streets, Filled with crime, booze, sex,drugs and violence. Emo is a pile of bullshit, and may it die in fucking hell, You can't label me, only I can! I am me, and that's all I'll ever be, Don't call me any names, cause I don't really give a shit, At least I can sleep with a conscious kept clear, That I'm not the one picking fights here. Keep The Faith, because, My Chemical Romance will live on forever, In our hearts, souls and minds, They'll never be far behind; And for the last damned time, We're not fucking emo! |
| Helena Rush. Awake and Unafraid Age: 31 Gender: Female Posts: 10158 | Immortality Can Confuse The Mind; Got lost driving on my way home, I couldn't think or couldn't keep my eyes open, And my hearing, it was droning in and out, I didn't see another car coming, I didn't feel it, Collide with my own, or feel my body fly towards The windscreen and break it. I don't remember opening my eyes to a blinding, White light in a pale white room, Tucked under crisp white sheets, I don't know how, I don't know why, I'm here tonight, And I only know it's night, because it's so still, And dark outside of the small window, Giving this room it's only source of light. Lost in those on-coming headlights, They're all I see when my eyes are shut tight, I don't remember anything else, just those, And then everything else, it faded out, I don't remember being taken to hospital, Or why I can't feel any of my body's pain. I don't know how, I don't why I can't even cry, I can't move or speak, all I can do is shut my eyes, And cry inside my mind, which seemed like a blury mess, With no memories, no sense of time, Just those flashing on-coming headlights, On that once rainy night. And my hearing droned in and out, not giving me a chance, To understand anything that I was hearing, I couldn't make out the faint flatline beeping of a machine, Nor did I ever figure out that it meant that I was dead, Is that why I'm here right now, in some other world? In a hospital dressing gown, lifeless eyes and black circles surrounding them, With no feel or no touch, no heartbeat and no breathing, I don't understand why this ever happened to me. I was only a small child, who was too innocent, And didn't know whatever did happen. |
| Helena Rush. Awake and Unafraid Age: 31 Gender: Female Posts: 10158 | Ghosts May Ease; Looking through the looking glass, Trying to tie knots around my throat, And as people dance inside my mirror, Inside my imagination, I'm cutting open, My veins and making visible scars appear. This time tomorrow, I should be dead, It should've all vanished, oh how I wish it'd be, And as I hit the floor, I hear them whisper, "You're not going to die tonight," Which causes me to cry out deep inside. I have no way to escape, not even through death, They're everywhere I go, laughing and joking about me. I want freedom, as the nights fade and grows, Watching in a hall of ghost-like figures, dancing - To an upbeat tune, that somehow goes - "Came a time, when every starfall brought you to tears again..." And that's how it continue to go, in this ballroom dance of death, Now I'm puzzled because someone pulls me to the floor, And their hands slip into mine, as they make me fall into a trance, Swaying to their song of glory, looking into the see-through person. And I swore I once knew, who that person was, Beautiful and so pure, and that's when I began to feel sick, Truly disgusted with myself, as I look up my scarred arms, The cuts visible on my wrists, as the person continues to take me down, On the "groove" and that's when I felt connected. As the night lightens, the ballroom glamour fades, As if never existed, and I sit alone in the middle of my floor, Still watching my wrists bleed my life from me. |
| Helena Rush. Awake and Unafraid Age: 31 Gender: Female Posts: 10158 | A Weary Soldier; Silent words float into air, Into the midst and thunder, Trying to find a purpose in this life, Trying to find a reason to smile through, Cuts I'm making, carving a line into my skin, And it will prove nothing, cause I am nothing. I guess you could say I am invisible, As it underlines my pain, my tears, The bruises in question at hand. As I look up into the pitch blackness of a sky, A loaded gun held to my head, with my eyes burning, Burning up tears as I was about to pull the trigger. She's breaking, She's breaking, She's breaking, And no one's coming to save her! Hiding behind eyeliner and a fake smile, Untill the night comes, that's when her tears run, When the door's shut tight and no one sees, No one hears, but most importantly nobody cares. And as she empties the container of painkillers, Got something in mind, as the vodka gets cracked open, And the glasses began to fill, with a frown, Mixing alcohol and painkillers ought to do it, While carving lines into her wrists. She's breaking, She's breaking, She's breaking, No one's here to save her, Because nobody loves her. Lost a long time ago, she doesn't even remember, Who the hell she was in the beginning, In the end, she was so tired, Of handling all the responsibility, the lying, The crying, taking all the blame, and having, No one to love her, to hold her, to let her know, Just how much she means to people like us. She stares wearily up at the posters on her wall, Talking to them because no one else would listen, And even though they never answered her back, For once, she felt like someone wanted to listen, Wanted to care and wanted to know. She's breaking, She's breaking, She's breaking, Can't handle anymore of this life. Tortured in her own home, victimized without a crime, Broken, lost and hurt. So alone, she hasn't got anyone, Forgotten, left to die by her own hands, She's crying out inside, trying to run and hide, And after all this time, she was only looking, Looking for someone who wanted her, Despite all the lies and the crime she'd placed, Onto her skin and it's all just a sick hope, Because she has nothing. She's breaking, She's breaking, She's breaking, And I'm scared to say, I was the girl who was spoken, In this tragic poem, I was a weary soldier in a broken fight, And I'm still fighting to keep myself alive. |
| Helena Rush. Awake and Unafraid Age: 31 Gender: Female Posts: 10158 | Thank You Ashlee For Breaking My Heart; Can't take that my heart is shattering; Falling into millions of pieces, played and used, Wasn't it fun for you to make a mockery out of me? If you had really loved me, you wouldn't off done this to me, And baby, I just can't believe... You captured my heart one by one, And took my hand through a showery storm, You swore you loved me and that you meant it, That I was your everything, your whole world, And I believed, cause for once I believed, That I had found someone who loved me so true. And I wish it were never true, How all the promises were cheap and fake, You promised me how we'd truly be, How our first night of love would be magical, And that our futures would be bright and filled, Filled with passion and love. You're breaking my heart and you never once cared, You swore all these things to me, and, I guess it was just never meant to be, even though, I still love you as much as I do, I feel like a fool trapped in stupidity and love, And you were such a tool, using me and playing me, Telling me this and that, when you were with her. Yes, with another, someone much better, Much closer and now I'm left here all on my own, With my heart bleeding on the floor. Only for you... |
| Helena Rush. Awake and Unafraid Age: 31 Gender: Female Posts: 10158 | Usual Loser-Kid's Anthem; I stand by a wishing well, And only hope, as I throw a stone into, The shallow water, that my wishes come true, This time around, I need them too. And I sit alone on the cold ground, Watching kids my age run free and play, They never have a care, they have their friends, And their top-knotch gizmo's, whereas I, Have holey jeans, worn t-shirts and beaten up converse, With an useless phone and an original mp4-player. I don't have pretty long blonde hair, Or skirts on that near enough show my ass, With every step I take towards my goal, I don't wear low-low-cut tops and I don't, Completely cake myself in all this make-up. I hide behind smiles, aswell as lies, As I stroke on some eyeliner, And listen to a clan laugh and joke around, I always begin to wonder how, How and why they could always laugh out loud, When I have the world weighing down on, My shoulders and I'm forever crying out loud. I'm not exactly one hundred percent smart, Yes that's true, and the music that I love, Is considered a total and utter row, If I'm not being called a loser, it's an emo, And if I'm not being called ugly or fat, Then I'm locked in a bathroom, crying. They think that their actions never hurt me, But truth they may never find, is that, Words, actions, everything they do, kills me one by one, And all the kids in my neighborhood, they had it all, Yet they're as ungrateful as the next. Would you like to spend a month in my shoes? You won't get all the top-knotch gizmos, You won't receive much attention - not unless it's insults, And you'll end up crying yourself to sleep every single night. |
| Your Ghost. Thinking Happy Thoughts  Age: 28 Gender: Female Posts: 440 | Extremely powerful poems. The emotions speak loudly. Wonderful Job.(: |
| Helena Rush. Awake and Unafraid Age: 31 Gender: Female Posts: 10158 | Vanity, Sanity, Insanity, Maybe A Little Crazy; It's dark and cold outside, Rain clouds thickening our skies, Lightning striking and bullet breaking, Heart for heart, bottle to bottle, And this vanity I'm making, Can let me be alone like this. Ghost whispers lightly upon our air, As thunder rumbles, and imagination sparks, Could've sworn to see something move, Around the corner of the bedroom door, And I think I'm being crazy, it's got to be, The alcohol talking. Footsteps creep up and down the stairs, Making me cry and shake, Am I really losing my sanity, or should, I perhaps stop drinking so late into the night? All alone and no one cares, All alone and that's perfectly fine. This addiction is getting insane, Needing it more and more every single day, This vanity isn't helping, and as the lithium, That I'm taking, could help me live like this. |
| Helena Rush. Awake and Unafraid Age: 31 Gender: Female Posts: 10158 | Poison Me; Poisoning my mind with, Wasting my time, hoping, wishing, That you'd come running back to me again, And when the day's gone, you've made no connection, Only broken the bridge between us, And now I'm beginning to wish you vanished into thin air, Before time drawed on and I got to know you, It'd be so much easier if I could say you were never there, When I grew up into a teenager, when I could understand, What you were playing at with that person. Poisoning my tongue with cursive insults, Pleads for you to shut up and not to remind me, Begging you not to dig out and re-open, The empty hole inside my heart, which just, Grows ever so much bigger as time passes me by, Eating up the once pure heart, filled with love and happiness, Now torn in two, ripped from the seams, trod on, And spat on, because now I understand, This was never worth my pain or your time. Poisoning my every thought, Of how you could betray us so badly, Of how you'd be able to cut me so deep, No note, no goodbye, no "I love you," or, Even a hug, just took your stuff and away you went, Taking my bleeding heart with you, Taking everything I once knew, away and breaking it into two, You poisoned me the day you didn't say goodbye and forgot me. |
| Helena Rush. Awake and Unafraid Age: 31 Gender: Female Posts: 10158 | Beautiful Disaster; Beautiful Disaster, So true, it's a nightmare, Cut deep to the flesh, Disgustingly pretty lies, Hides nothing, that's how, Worthless you are. Lying across the floorboards, Feeling so empty, lost and alone, Inside is dying, the beauty, It's fading, doesn't remember, How to put on a real smile. Abnormality can inflict pain, Thoughts run and take alive, Killing the sufferer, the victim. Beautiful Disaster, Lost at sea, dying in floods, Of her own tears, drowning, In her misery, caught in her lies, Such a tragedy! Beautiful Disaster, Nightmare coming true, Demon in my dreams, In my mind, taking me, Taking me alive! Just a Beautiful Disaster... |
| Helena Rush. Awake and Unafraid Age: 31 Gender: Female Posts: 10158 | If You Suffer Like This, You Must Speak Out; Falling into deep pit of nothing, Wanting to scream and cry out, Pleading for anybody's help, As it takes her down, burying her alive, The night fades and morning grows, She's sprawled on the kitchen floor, Unconscious and not moving, No ammount of makeup can save her, She knows the truth amongst the lies. Nobody was there for her, To catch her when she fell to the floor, And encourage her to get back up, Just to see another fight the next day, Too sad to even look at herself in the mirror. He'll go to hell, in vain, Rott and burn, alongside the Devil, After all, he was Satan himself, Cruel and uncaring, Ignoring her pleads of cries to stop, Stop all the beating; stop it all! Walking down the deserted street in the rain, Watching as her life goes down the drain, She decided a long time ago, she deserved this, And now she knows, it'll never go away, It's become part of her DNA. Her smile's false, and her lies are unconvincing, But it doesn't matter anyway; it all fades, The cries and pleads vanish and, She doesn't even bother to fight back the tears, Caught up in the nothing that she was. Her face was broken; her body beaten, Her tears telling the story of her unspoken pain, And all her lies, masking up the truth, Trying to deny to herself, more than anyone else, That she wasn't a victim, not a sufferer, Or a do-gooder, just a woman. And she never had it all. Just beatings, and finally a funeral. |
| Helena Rush. Awake and Unafraid Age: 31 Gender: Female Posts: 10158 | You Can't Destroy Me; Tell me what do you see? Look into me, and you'll find, I'm not the kind've person I seem, I was born and forever left alone, Detested by people surrounding me, Judged and used for a good fuck, Another beating, equals another lesson, 'Don't cross me, bitch.' Or you'll wish you were done for. You can't destroy me! You can't destroy me! Try and take me alive! Just you wait and see, I'm full of surprises, as you'll find. I'm all for swearing, screaming and yelling, So use to all the needless beating, Screams of insults and statements, Of how worthless and useless your's truly is, And your's truly is me. Surrounded by people, don't trust people, No more than their backs or faces are turned, I won't let someone touch me, Let alone hug me - I'll knock you dead, Go find someway to entertain yourself, Because I'm not the type of person, You're probably looking to find. Go slit your own throat, I hope you choke to fucking death, On your own blood and spit, While I laugh at you, waiting forever, For this moment to come, when, I'm not the one who's defeated, And I'm not the one who's life is slipping. Fourty fucks and seventy beers, Twenty five cuts on the wrist, And an overdose of fifty pills, Equals less than one person who cares. Look at me! Look at me! Just fucking look at me! I'm a mess, I'm a mess! I'm in a terrible state, You turned me into this monster, You created me, you destroyed me, And my individuality. Oh, how you hate me deep down to the core, How you fucking look at me with such disgust; Look at me as if I'm something rotting, Something with a terrible stentch, And that something will have to be tossed away. Just like that! JUST LIKE THAT! It's all fucking gone! Try and stop me, just you try! I'll be one standing up high, all mighty, You can't step me down, you can't, I repeat, YOU CAN'T DESTROY ME! You're never going to care, so why should I? For the last time - I don't honestly give a fuck! I'll wear whatever I want to wear, I'll dress how I wanna dress, and rock out to music I LOVE, I don't care if you hate it, I don't care if you hate me for, dancing infront of my mirror, I don't GIVE A DAMN! I'll sing and scream every single line, That holds so fucking deep and true to my heart. You can't destroy me! You can't destroy me! I'm indestructible, Just you try it. Go on, go on, you know its all you want! And then when you run out of bullets, I'll walk away - because I'm never coming back, And when you speak "I love you," it'll be my turn, To spin around and say three words that never slipped my tongue. I hate you. BANG! BANG! Dead, lying on the ground. I killed you, took my last victory, Took all my glory, my pride, And now I'm screaming it out aloud, I'm no mericiful son of a bitch! But just so you know, I'm indestructible, You can't destroy me! You can't destroy me! I'm the vampire with the slit throat, slit wrists, And forever a beating dead heart, Forever with a cold heartless soul, Taking away everything this normality once knew! You can't destrory me, you can't destroy me! |
| Helena Rush. Awake and Unafraid Age: 31 Gender: Female Posts: 10158 | L-I-N-A; I know someone beautiful and true, Someone so sweet, and real, Caring, loving and amazing; One of the most truest friends I've ever known, And I think about you, all of the time. And I discovered, that there is a little special poem, For a little special friend who is you. L is for Listener; You know how to listen to me, And you never minded once. I is for Incredible; I don't think I'll ever know anyone like you, You're beautifully true, And you're my friend. N is for Nice; I'll never find anyone so nice, so sweet and true, So amazing and fabulous as you. A is for Amazing; There will never be someone as amazing as you, In this fucked up world, and I'll never find, Another friend who's just as perfect and amazing as you. My friend's name is Lina, and she could rock your world, But just so you know, Lina you're one of the greatest. |
| Helena Rush. Awake and Unafraid Age: 31 Gender: Female Posts: 10158 | Flames Of Our Love; A love that burns so strong, Its like a candle: uniting us day by day, Untill the flames finally decease, Capturing our souls and taking our hearts, As we die - together, in the flames of our love |
| Helena Rush. Awake and Unafraid Age: 31 Gender: Female Posts: 10158 | Fool's Love (I'd Never); I don't understand how you could think, Of me so easily, simple and plain, Quite strange, quite unimpressed, With what I think about that, How could you be so blind? How could you be so cruel? Because maybe, it's time for you to go. I'd never lay you down to die, And I'd never wipe those tears goodbye, I'm sick from these feelings, All of these thoughts, And I'd never rip your throat out, When knowing you've hurt me so deep. I'm tiring myself out for the love of you, Desperate, clearly quite a mess, And for what it's not worth, I'd never wipe away my tears goodbye, I'd never lay myself down to die, I'm sick from knowing the truth, And the truth was that it was all such a lie. I'd never lay you down to die, And I'd never wipe those tears goodbye, I'm sick from these feelings, All of these thoughts, And I'd never have the guts to walk away from you, I'd never be able to end it all when my love is so few. How could you be so blind? How could you be so cruel? To go ahead and think something like that of me, And to deny my right, my only friend, I'd never rip your throat out, I wouldn't, Want you lying dead on my floor. I'd never lay you down to die, And I'd never wipe those tears goodbye, I'm sick from these feelings, All of these thoughts, And I'd never rip your throat out, When knowing you've hurt me so deep. And maybe, it's time for me, to let it all go, I'd never say so long, or let you down to die, I'll never wipe those tears goodbye, Only a fool could be so blind and cruel, I'd never believe that I was trapped in fool's love, And I've laid myself down to die. |
| Helena Rush. Awake and Unafraid Age: 31 Gender: Female Posts: 10158 | Serial Killer In My Nightmare; Caught up in heat-sucking time, Windows flying open, doors creaking, Masked figure standing over me in my dreams, Holding a knife to my throat, whispering, Whispering words of pathetic sympathy. "It'll be over in just a quick slash," he whispers, So, so violently and disturbingly. Slit my wrists and pull the knife up my arms, Making me cry out in pain, as he pins me down, And as the knife plunges into my stomach, I scream as tears of blood run. I feel his breath hitting my throat, As the pain erupts through my body, His lips meeting mine, as he clasps, The bloody knife tightly in his hand, Ready for the final blow, Over in the flash of an eye. "Please don't do this to me!" I cry out, hoping for someone to hear, For someone to care, but nobody comes, And the only thing that I can remember, Is something penertrating my throat, Making me whimper for the finale, As everything goes cold, my body goes, Rigid and it's all gone black; There's no life left dancing in my eyes. |
| Helena Rush. Awake and Unafraid Age: 31 Gender: Female Posts: 10158 | Darkest Of All Days; Do you know how I feel? To be frightened and feel so alone? To never know how it'll feel to, Always feel so destructive, So painfilled and unproducive? I've been kept free from the limelight, From all questions raised in hand, For how I speak to how I act, On a daily basis, and some people, They think it's so easy, To be and feel like me. I use to be made to feel out of the ordinary, So misfitted and unloved, Corrupted and tortured mind; All from the hands of fate, Strangling me through every, Mistake I'd make in my little house. I use to stare out the window at the stars, And wish upon the moon, Hoping that one day soon, my life would change, That I could be more than I am, and stand up so tall, Prove to everyone that surrounds me; That I'm more than what I seem to appear, And for that I'm shyed away, To the veil of my misery. As the sky's crying, releasing my pain, Clouds darkening our days; Burning inside my heart, a longing ache, Desired for more than this life's day. Do you know how I feel to stand here, And sing this song of total unjoyful hate? Standing before your eyes, crying my fears, To the darkest of all the days. |
| Helena Rush. Awake and Unafraid Age: 31 Gender: Female Posts: 10158 | Angel Sitting On My Bed (dedicated to a friend called Bobbert who I miss so much); Angel sitting on my bed, Staring at me, protecting me from demons, Whispering away my fears, Saving my life with dignity, Angel sitting on my bed, Trying hard to rescue me from this nightmare, Hoping that I'll see this life, Is really worth living because, Angel sitting on my bed, Guarding me from any harm, And her wings will be my grace, Her halo, so bright and gold, Polished in all it's glory, Will be my halo of glorified gold, Whisking away all my fears untill, Angel sitting on my bed, Finally left me. |
| kafe. Shotgun Sinner  Age: 28 Gender: Female Posts: 9268 | all you poems are beautiful lolly :' D my favourite is 'serial killer in my nightmare'. i forgot to breathe when i was reading it x] and 'L-I-N-A' is so cute, it's like something out of spongebob  |
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