Teaching Myself To Live (Teach Me To Drown's Poetry)

Make a Wish........................It May Not Come True.......

Table Of Contets.......
Spineless...In a Good Way. 6/22/08


Helping Your Enemy. 6/8/08

Fire of the Iris(a very rare diagnosis) 6/9/08

Sharp Lies 6/3/08

Broken Butterfly 6/6/08

Crying to Kill 6/1/08

Made of Lead 5/31/08

She Rolls In The Clover 6/6/08

Oh So Patiently 5/30/08

Running From Something That can Catch You 5/29/08

Black Curtains 5/18/08

Let Us Make Believe 5/15/08

What? Another Rumor. 5/13/08

Closer To Hell 5/14/08

Do Not Beg Or Plead 5/14/08

Twisted Faces 5/11/08

Without a Purpose 5/12/08

Heart Not Beating I Am Alive 5/8/08

Am I The Patient? 5/8/08

Broken Life Line 5/7/08

Show Me Your Wrists 5/5/08

Looking With My Eyes Closed 5/4/08

Concrete Getting Closer 5/4/08

Burning Gashes 5/4/08

Screaming Whispers 5/2/08

Four Walls, Four Corners and Cancer 5/2/08

Barbies 5/1/08

Lost the toughest game...life. 5/9/08

Emotional Foundation 7/13/08

Dropping Land Mines 7/16/08

Lacking Instinct 7/20/08

Now I Know The Difference 7/20/08

Sad Clown Industry 7/21/08

Is This What You Were Planning? 7/24/08

Spineles...In a Good Way 6/22/08

Hooked claws, at the end
sliding down the screen.
Like falling prisms
from the skies eyes.

My mouth words,
seem to bother you.
Lips move, words more bitter,
than pure lemon juice.

Back bends, like a snake,
as if no spine at all.
Extra knuckles come
reaching farther than before.

Mirror image, total opposite,
backwards...it may seem.
Up and down, jumping,
I go up, image comes down.

Smiling, or at least trying
Image, turns it to frown.
Whistles, with boiling
water in its stomach.

Dialated, black gets bigger.
The color fades away.
Lightning files down,
in jagged lines, hitting the ground

Helping Your Enemy


You must not worry
I can't make it on my own.
You must not be afraid,
for i do not sting,
I am a drone.

You look at me
as if i have grown
an extra arm
You avoid me as if
I would cause you harm.

What have I done to you?
Why must you run away?
For I am the one who made you
what you are today.

You made me shed the tears
by making me face my fears
Now I sit and,
wait for my prize

Now I have figured out why,
you are very good at lies.

Fire of the Iris (a very rare diagnosis)

Fire of the Iris
is a disease that i can't contain
It leaves my eyes fiery red
as if they were stained,

All of my passion left me
along with my love too
No one left to blame
no one left but you

My emotions i keep locked away
recently escaped
The lock i keep on my heart
you the only one who had the key

Now i suffer the consequence for your actions::::

Every time I look in the mirror
the red bounces back like a laser
Right toward my chest
nothing left to say
'cause i didn't live
To tell the rest.

Sharp Lies

Dangling above
Your sharp but sweet lies
The only thing holding me
Is the truth
By a thin story
I keep my life longer
I keep it worth nothing at all
The scissors get closer
And you continue to lie
Saying I will be alright
When I am hanging above
Sharper lies than before
I see them snip the line
And I crash to the ground
And realize I’m still alive
The only thing that
That kept me from dying
Was the truth

Broken Butterfly

Bare feet rested on cold stone
Icy water lay below
The wind blows hard against your face

Toes touch the liquid ice
you laugh out loud,
Now you are knee deep
starting to worry
Your waist line
is quickly being hidden

Chest, feels like a million pounds
is being pressed hard against it,
Your head is submerged
faster than you could think

Mouth puffs out,
in hopes of gasping in a breath
Arms swat around like
a broken butterfly

But you have gotten nowhere
close to the surface,

A pull, tugs at your leg
'Escape' the only thing
that runs through your mind
'Give up' the only thing you hear

Arms and legs stop flailing
Breath becomes short,
The scoreboard shows
FEAR-1 YOU- 0

Crying To Kill

Sitting around an open casket
Letting the tears fall
Not worrying at all
Who will catch them

I dare not shed a tear
Because I live in fear
Of letting my emotions fall
Without knowing them at all

People wonder why
I do not cry
At such a tragic affair
It is not that I have no love
It is 'cause I'm scared

Scared of never seeing
You never breathing
Living in such fear
All of this will come true
If I shed a tear

You brought pain to me
Scars that everyone could see
Why did anyone come
To something that should have been done
A very long time ago

I hesitate to let it fall
I do not know why I stall
You stare at me and hold your breath
I have just cried out your death

Made of Lead

My heart falls
To the pit of my stomach
As if it were made of lead

My emotions swirl up
Into the sky
Now I am left with none

My hands are fisted
So tight I think my nails
Are making my palms bleed

My steps getting heavier
I feel as if
They are sinking into the ground

My voice is getting quieter
No one can hear it
Except for myself

I see you get closer
And all of this stops
Thanks to you I am alive

Oh So Patiently

Sitting oh so patiently
Razor in their hand
Wishing that someone
Would understand

Watching the world
In what seems like black and white
Their vision going bad
They are losing their sight

They start shaking
And now they cannot stop
The razor gets closer
And their vein pops

The tears are falling
They are sobbing full of regret
Why would they give up
Everything they wanted to forget?

Wishing and grieving
That someone would see
The person sitting oh so patiently
Was me.

I now see the world
In a whole new sight
I see the top of my coffin
And not filled with any fright

This is where
I wanted to be
Laying in my coffin
Oh so patiently

Running From Something That Can Catch You


Making you sweat
And making you cry
Making you live
When you want to die

Making you march on
When you feel like
Nothing more than a pawn
In this awful game called life

Making you writhe
From all the pain
Making you think
You are insane

Making you feel all alone
While standing within a crowd
Making everything seem quiet
When it is really loud

Strangling you
Till you turn blue
And you wish to be pale again
So you can be responsible...
For the end

Black Curtains

I am draped in
Black curtains
Stopping me from breathing
Every time I try
I suffocate more

Behind these curtains
Is the true me
But I hesitate to get out
I cannot figure out why

I want to know
Who is behind them
Basically in front of me
But these drapes
Blind me

Now I am frustrated
I am the only one stopping me
From finding myself
And I want to
But can't

If these curtains would
Let me breath
Then i could actually
Make an effort to escape

Then I give in
And let them suffocate me
Then I see myself
And all I had to do was die

Let Us Make Believe


Let us make believe
That everything is okay
Let us make believe
Every single day
Because things seem to better off that way
Let us make believe
That it will be better tomorrow
That tonight i will not
Drown in my sorrow
Let us make believe
That I will not let the tears fall
I am made of porcelain
Like a doll
That when i am dropped
I shatter to pieces
I am a soul
That cannot be mended
Let us make believe
That i did not let the blood fall
Off of the top of a very sharp wall
Let us make believe

What? Another Rumor

I get asked if i cut my wrists
And i just walk away pissed
Who are these people who think we are so bad
We dress a little different so why are you mad

I could easily
show them all the pain
That their comments have brought
Are you not sane?

I think they are too full of themselves
To see
How angry we are
How angry we'll be

They just don't get
The word respect
Do we swoop into their lives?
No, we don't we are quiet as flies

I think they 'ought to
mind their own business
instead of making up rumors
That we slice our wrists

Closer To Hell

If god wants us to come to him
Then why are we laid closer to Hell
He wants us all to come and join him
Then why are we closer to his enemy
If he wants us to be angels
Then why are most of us sinners
If God wants us the see the light
Then why do we first see Hell
God wanted me to see the light
But i refused
I went to his sworn enemy
Now i torment the angels
And get them to join
The Devil's great club
Also known as
Hell

Do Not Beg or Plead

My feet are falling out from under me
i hit the ground with a great impact
i look up and see who has given me this awful fate
i do not beg or plead
they will just show no love
for they are the ones who should feel it
i do not deserve this
i don't even know them
they are not giving up
i have used my last bit of energy
to saving myself
but i do not live
they stand above me with a smile
i see the darkness coming
i now feel the pain
i am doomed to the clutching hands of hell

Twisted Faces

therir faces twisted
into a position that they can't explain
trying to fit
is harder than you think

wearing clothes so skimpy
to get a guys attention
acting like some one else
when inside they know this isn't them

doomed to the tormenting
they get in the morning
but they get what they want
and have more than they need

those girls are barbies
and nothing but plastic
cold hard and mean
inside their hollow head
is plotting a scheme

a scheme to get the people
who act like themselves
to get them to join their cult
and add to the crowd

i refuse to go there
though i've seen it many times
all of those people
used to be fiends of mine

Without a Purpose

In my heart is a flame
That fails to never die
Sometimes i wish it would
So i could have a cry

Though i cry without purpose
You think the flame would fade
The flame still goes strong
Gleaming like a blade

Flaming in my heart
Is the one whom i love
With his delegate skin
Softer than a dove

As the flame flickers
Deep within my heart
I feel like it is
Being slowly ripped apart

I wish that i had never heard
What you told me here
What you said
Only brought me to tears

Now the flame is dying
And there is nothing I can do
Now when I show no love
I can just blame you

Heart Not geating I am Alive

As he sit there waiting
for the rest to come
he slowly decays
in the darkness of his room.

He hears a hiss
coming from the door
he quickly goes to open the door
to what he thought was one
is actually four.

He had no idea
it would take more than one
he thought they they bit you
and there you are done.

They started to come closer
and asked if he was sure
he said absolutely
and they slammed the door.

The four of them lay him on his bed
and sunk their sharp teeth in
the victim quickly thought to god
am i committing sin?

Once all was over
and the sheets now stained red
he was anxious to know
if he was among the living dead.

He touched the vein on his neck
to find it not beating
he also turned to find
the predators leaving.

As he quickly paid his dues
he ran to lay on his bed
he just lay there sighing
i am neither living nor dead.

Am I The Patient?

My Guardian quickly shoves me in the car
another appointment with what they call
the person that keeps all my thoughts in order
I'm perfectly fine is just what i told her

once i am in she speeds off with my anger
she tells everyone "oh, it is going to change her."
she tells me that i just need to go
who are they to actually sink that low

once we get to the lot to park
i take the very last sip of my diet coke
i try not to to whine or complain
they will just add more sessions i have to bare

as i slip into to the doctors cramped room
like all doctors they say "How do you do?"
like any patient i just say "fine"
and he cuts to the chase

i heard that you had a breakdown
and i say "well....."
before i can finish he starts to yell
this is what usually what happens
and i think what the hell

today he made all my emotions inside
turn into one big explosion
i yelled back and he blew me across the room
i hear my mom come in and him get arrested

now i am in a hospital bed
i recently took a huge blow to the head
i had staples and stitches in every which way
my mom still makes me go till this very day

Broken Lifeline

Everything that has happened to me
In these past thirty days is
Something i just wont forget,
It is something that won't change.

You took my lifeline
Broke it in three
Can't you tell?
Your murdering me

You never seem to notice
The way i notice you
You never seem to notice
A single thing I do

As I sit alone
With my self and I
I will not forgive
You until the day I die

I will continue on
with my dying soul
Still no one can change
The way I feel about you