Author | Message |
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MyChemicalBlack Salute You in Your Grave
Age: - Gender: - Posts: 2351 | February 25th, 2009 at 05:19pm
I agree with the poem.
Can't wait until you post the rest, it has potential to be a very good poem. ^_^
Awesome job, mon amie. |
Pansy Wayero Jazz Hands
Age: 33 Gender: Female Posts: 372 | February 25th, 2009 at 05:51pm thanks for the comment. yeah i might add to it it doesnt seem finished |
MyChemicalBlack Salute You in Your Grave
Age: - Gender: - Posts: 2351 | February 26th, 2009 at 09:01am Quotethought it was about murder. very genius how you wrote it so it seemed innocent but it actually isnt. but to be honest i cant see you writing nice poem about rainbows and lollipops so the school will just have to use that poem. did they use it?
Nah, they didn't. I guess they figure anything from me is depressing or "vile".
I don't really care, I only did it to show them I am capable of something mildly "cheery" on the outside.
Thanks for the response.
I'm going to keep writing the way I do, though. lmao. xD |
Pansy Wayero Jazz Hands
Age: 33 Gender: Female Posts: 372 | February 26th, 2009 at 09:47am Make me your victim
Come tame the beast in me,
Trap it and never let it free.
Chain it up with ribbons and lace,
And make me feel like a disgrace.
Break my heart till I obey,
Play mind games with my head all day.
Make me feel like I’m being used,
Coz I fucking love being abused.
I fucking love the pain,
So come punch me again.
Call me names; leave me crying on the floor,
And laugh at my pain as you walk out the door.
When you degrade me and leave me broken on the floor,
I feel like I can’t take anymore.
I ask myself what I see in someone so cruel,
But I guess you’re my bad boy and I’m your fool.
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The inspiration for this poem came from an argument i had with my boyfriend because he tried telling me what I could and couldn’t do recently so I had a huge argument over the phone with him lettng him know that in no circumstances am i letting anyone have control over me. Grrr! I thought i'd write this as a sadistic point of veiw. as if the victim actually likes this abuse of power because they are in love with the abuser and dont realise they should leave the relationship. the bottom line is a personal reference because my boyfriend says hes my bad boy and no one elses. I feel this poem needs improvement.
Any ideas on how to improve it? |
Pansy Wayero Jazz Hands
Age: 33 Gender: Female Posts: 372 | February 27th, 2009 at 12:04pm bump |
MyChemicalBlack Salute You in Your Grave
Age: - Gender: - Posts: 2351 | March 1st, 2009 at 12:29am Man, those first two stanzas were killer. o_o
Obviously I loved the whole poem, but those two stood out to me the most.
Awesome work on this. |
Pansy Wayero Jazz Hands
Age: 33 Gender: Female Posts: 372 | March 1st, 2009 at 05:31pm thanks i wrote it as a kind of sarcastic poem. as if the person is lyin wen they say they are ok |
Pansy Wayero Jazz Hands
Age: 33 Gender: Female Posts: 372 | March 8th, 2009 at 06:19pm bump i love this poem i wrote |
Pansy Wayero Jazz Hands
Age: 33 Gender: Female Posts: 372 | March 12th, 2009 at 05:54pm no one else want to comment??? *pouts lol |
Pansy Wayero Jazz Hands
Age: 33 Gender: Female Posts: 372 | June 25th, 2009 at 07:50pm Unnoticed Absence
I haven't been here a lot, I chose to escape this world for a while,
so I could control the feelings of hate behind my smile.
I was hurt in this world so into my daydreams I ran away,
in the shadow of the trees I hid from the harsh light of the day.
Whilst I was gone did you miss me?
Or was I just another forgotten memory?
Did my face haunt your worst nightmares?
Or did you think 'Shes gone but who cares?'
I hate this world I have ventured back too
I gave up all the fantasies and dreams to be with you.
But why should you care you ask? It's not your life thats dying,
At night in bed it's not you that is crying
I paint a plastic smile on my face whenever you're near,
and I pour sweet idolizing words in your ear.
I let you treat me like a slave because then at least I'm noticed by you,
but yet still you'll only be happy on the day my lips turn blue.
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i haven't been on line for ages so i thought I'd write a poem about being lost in your daydreams to escape the world around you.
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inspiration song: missing by evanscence |
Pansy Wayero Jazz Hands
Age: 33 Gender: Female Posts: 372 | June 30th, 2009 at 10:23am BUMP |
MyChemicalBlack Salute You in Your Grave
Age: - Gender: - Posts: 2351 | July 14th, 2009 at 12:12am Whilst I was gone did you miss me?
This line struck a chord with me.
Sometimes the feeling of "not being missed" is evident in certain circumstances.
Well done, as always! |
Pansy Wayero Jazz Hands
Age: 33 Gender: Female Posts: 372 | July 14th, 2009 at 05:19pm thanks more soon one about russian roulette which shall be posted. |
Pansy Wayero Jazz Hands
Age: 33 Gender: Female Posts: 372 | July 23rd, 2009 at 03:39pm yaaay my birthday today. i like the last verse |
Pansy Wayero Jazz Hands
Age: 33 Gender: Female Posts: 372 | August 19th, 2009 at 09:56am no else want to comment? |
Pansy Wayero Jazz Hands
Age: 33 Gender: Female Posts: 372 | September 14th, 2009 at 09:59am I'm sorry I'm not perfect
'I wish I could tie you up in my shoes,
make you feel unpretty too.'
The things that you do
make me think you want us to be through.
The first time we met I saw you as an angel,
someone to have and to hold.
But since we've been together you've made my life hell,
I geuss when we met I was wearing a blindfold.
Your stupid jokes about you flirting with other girls,
seem harmless to you but are actually destroying our world.
Your hurtful games and the cruel names
will you ever change?
I'm sorry babe I dont look like a porn star.
I'm sorry your life never went very far.
I'm sorry I don't have big boobs and blonde hair
but most of all I'm sorry you don't seem to care.
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Inspiration: My bf always says immature jokes to me that offend me. |
Pansy Wayero Jazz Hands
Age: 33 Gender: Female Posts: 372 | September 20th, 2009 at 04:19pm -bump- |
Pansy Wayero Jazz Hands
Age: 33 Gender: Female Posts: 372 | October 8th, 2009 at 12:13pm Anyone want to comment |
MyChemicalBlack Salute You in Your Grave
Age: - Gender: - Posts: 2351 | November 8th, 2009 at 01:28am First off, the title was AWESOME. It drew me in immediately.
But after I read it, and heard what you said was the poem's inspiration...it just made it even better.
Lots of emotion and a good message.
Excellent as usual. |
Pansy Wayero Jazz Hands
Age: 33 Gender: Female Posts: 372 | November 25th, 2009 at 06:47am thanks for the comment. the title wasnt even thought of. it canme straight from the heart. |