A cold and generous host.

i am a wonderful magician.

i can make almost anything disappear.
Feed an ocean of fire, and gluttony, thoughts that linger, like living dead. Never to exhume for further investigation.
A once cluttered closet space, now barren like aired plains under scorching skies.
Shall i trade the heat ridden land, for one with ashed skies, and fruit of black?
Or stay here and drink from the water i myself have polluted with hope, dreams, skeletons and bones long forgotten.

I lay with these tonight,
pull them close as a lover.


criticizing much welcome.

Dare i strike a match in an unknown room, just to satisfy curiosity?
just to see something in a new light, in a new prospective.
May i invoke that shadow across the corridor?
Pull it in to see it's face, to send it back to its place, only to stare the most fear in the eyes, to say that i have done so.

Watching from a far has drained its own energy.
Tempting, antagonizing, threatening, all depicted and the brightest lights, too opaque to reveal anything real.
Still not one step back would be taken, even as it breathes down my neck, and just when its ready to fight, I'll strike the match.

Bare and frigged, no where to hide your baggage,
so toss them aside, let them see.
What happens when they all leave?
casted to the way side,
with only your false sense of acceptance to hide that gapping hole in your chest.
let their laughter ring, let them strip you, let them contour you.
when will you understand?
they have left you a shell, frail, brittle, and worn.
All your entities were envied, but you traded them for a gray cloak.
Redemption has never been so out of reach.

False hope and temporary confidence- I am let down, or rather tied down.

The boards break my back and the ties numb my limbs.

I close my eyes, but it only magnifies this state of mind.





I don't care to venture there,





don't care to invoke any questions,

I just wish to be free, on my own terms- false hope.

I will set a fire to the walls around me, and sit in the ashes.
I will tear myself down, and stay till I am found.
I will scream till I have no strength, speak till my mouth is dry.
I have what it takes to get there, but as soon as I arrive,


I'm absent-false hope.

Just one grin,
you pulled me in.
not before long,
you were in my veins.
crawling beneath my skin,
orchestrating my thoughts,
and all the chemicals with in.
a fimilar light,
that warms and wraps tightly around my neck.
Dictate what i let in.
whispers in the dark keep you here,
where you least long to be.
still the thought of me pulls you in.




i let you take the pigment from skin,
set the balance perfectly off centered,
and i stood proud, and spoke what you wanted to say.




So god damn beautiful the webs we weave...

return time and time again,
to stare at this mess,
to take it all in,
to think about taking it on.
We return,
all the while knowing what we are about to face...
still we come back,
sometimes we are pushed into places we swore we would never see again,
or we back into a door while avoiding another.
Identical..
which shall i open?
the one that looks most promising..
promising of what though..
its a blind feeling,
but something invokes it.

I watched your from across the room,
admiring your every move.
Did you wonder where the fire went?
It was all around you.
Now its more then bright,
it scorns, it scars, it incinerates.
Taking her with it,
dose it mean anything anymore?
Maybe just a memory to feed,
just to make it through the day.
It doesn't hurt that much,
not like fire.

I'll keep myself here,
I'm used to it by now.
Yeah i can stand this,
as long as as no ones around.

You can't change my mind,
this is who i am, who i want to be.
No You don't phase me,
say what you like, it doesn't effect me.
So you can keep tearing this place apart,
but i'll never leave.
No, this is my turn,
to be everything i had wanted,
you cant take this from me.

So i sat here, and took every blow.
Was that your best shot?
Yeah i thought so.
You can kick and scream,
no you can't tear me down.

Keep me safe inside,
keep me close,
give me light once in a while.
Whisper when no ones listening,
Place me beside you when no ones watching,
there is where i like most to be.
"dance for me my love!"
I dance..
"sing for me my love!"
I sing..
Keep me here forever,
I will be here when you need.
Just don't toss me aside,
Keep me safe inside.

I'm sure this justifys as cruel and unusual punishment,
the silence on the other end forces me to assume.
"It runs from my chest to my toes".
A pain no person should endure,
but one i would over and over,
if you said it would all work out in the end.

Im so tired of putting on a smile for people who think they care.
these masks heavey us,
break our backs,
clinging to our skin.
what chemical may break this down?
the cure envokes an inevitable battle that advoidence will only wear you down.

*insert your happy ending here*