creatures lie here Killjoy
Age: 32 Gender: Female Posts: 82 | October 9th, 2008 at 11:52pm
Untitled Phobia
Final pleas
and wretched goodbyes.
My stomach turns with every cry.
Deserted lives
left with no try.
My stomach turns with every cry.
Nocturnal watchmen
shine in my head.
No one is safe.
Drastic turns
help escape from crimes.
My stomach turns with every cry.
A paper shield
induces sleep.
No one is ever safe. |
Jenny. Moderator
Age: 29 Gender: Female Posts: 19720 | October 10th, 2008 at 08:03am That's really good (:
It really sticks in your head. I love the repitition.
PS. Please remember that this is your poetry thread now, and you should post all your poems in here and not seperately |
MyChemicalBlack Salute You in Your Grave
Age: - Gender: - Posts: 2351 | October 10th, 2008 at 02:03pm I like the flow a lot. ^_^
It's unique, but in a good way.
Very good. |
Plague Rat Jazz Hands
Age: 31 Gender: Female Posts: 343 | October 11th, 2008 at 11:11pm wow that was amazing . I really loved it . it was easy to find a rythym to it . |
Search and Destroy Moderator
Age: - Gender: Female Posts: 34535 | January 1st, 2010 at 03:46pm creatures lie here:Walking through the thirsty plains
With no boots to cover my feet,
A snake appears with wicked plans
And attacks my vulnerability.
I lay alone, gasping,
As I confidently take one last breath.
My chest rises again,
As it seems there is no venom left.
I cautiously rise to search for the One,
The One that poisoned my veins.
I crawl on the ground, inhaling the sand,
As I search for the venomous king.
When I discover it, lodged under a stone,
I beg for it to stay.
It bites me again and smiles knowing
I will search again, again.
Moved from a locked duplicate poetry thread |
misa misa. Shotgun Sinner
Age: 33 Gender: Female Posts: 8241 | January 1st, 2010 at 07:48pm hey
these are really good. You have some very nice expressions.
A paper shield
induces sleep.
No one is ever safe.
great work. |
riot reality Jazz Hands
Age: 29 Gender: Female Posts: 295 | January 5th, 2010 at 06:59am I've seen people say, all the time, that repetition isn't good. And I would just like to say, that Untitled Phobia has totally proven them wrong. If handled correctly, it can be pretty darn good, much like your fine example.
And also, from the one that a moderator moved in:
"A snake appears with wicked plans
And attacks my vulnerability."
I love those lines. And I don't know why. I just do.
Good job with these, stick to it :] |
xxtoryxx Killjoy
Age: 28 Gender: Female Posts: 51 | January 10th, 2010 at 10:04am i realy like these poems
but im not realy a fan of repition
only cuz i cant realy find the rithom
but i love the lines, "Final pleas
and wretched goodbyes.
My stomach turns with every cry." |