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A Demolition Lover's Poetry

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DemolitionLover363
Killjoy
DemolitionLover363
Age: 26
Gender: Female
Posts: 33
November 18th, 2008 at 05:45pm
Untold Fears

I am not a child.
I do not get scared
By the boogieman under the bed.
I am not a child.
I don’t jump
When I hear a thunderstorm outside.
I am not a child.
I don’t run to Daddy
In the hope he’ll keep me safe.
I am not a child.

But I am a human.
I do get scared
At the thought of losing someone I love.
I am a human.
I do cry
When my heart gets broken again.
I am a human.
I don’t like
To spend all night on my own in the dark.
I am a human.

Am I not a person?
With my own rights
And my own responsibilities?
Am I not a person?
With the will
To fight for what I believe in?
Am I not a person?
Who can be scared
Without having to always be brave?
Am I not a person?

I am not a child.
But it doesn’t mean
I am invincible or never weakened.
I am a human.
I have the choice
To be rational or irrational when alarmed.
And I am a person.
I have dreams
But also nightmares in my sleep.
I am not a child.
DemolitionLover363
Killjoy
DemolitionLover363
Age: 26
Gender: Female
Posts: 33
November 18th, 2008 at 05:46pm
Silence

The shadows dancing on the ceiling
Match the shadows taking over your face
I turn away from your bedside
Just another unsolvable case

The doctor knocks on the door
I know it’s time for me to leave
Your eyes show me nothing at all
I know it’s time for me to grieve

For I’ve realised now that you’re gone
You went silent a long time ago
I hate to see you locked up like this
As the darkness of your mind overflows

I don’t know if you see as I’m going
I’m not sure if you did you would care
You don’t even know who I am anymore
Your eyes show only an empty stare

I have all the confirmation I needed
Your spirit is already long dead
So will your body be soon enough
As the nurse lays you down on the bed

And I’ve realised now that you’re gone
You went silent a long time ago
I hate to see you locked up like this
As the darkness of your mind overflows

I never really knew you very well
But now it seems oh so wrong
That the man once again sat across from me
Doesn’t know I am writing this song

You look blankly past my tired self
Is it really that interesting, the wall?
I search desperately through my memory
And try oh so hard to recall

A time when you might have been okay
Normal, or even just more alive
Where is your strength, your hope, your willpower?
Your motivation just to survive?

But I’ve realised now that you’re gone
I should’ve seen it a long time ago
I really can’t see you locked up like this
And watch the darkness in your mind overflow.
DemolitionLover363
Killjoy
DemolitionLover363
Age: 26
Gender: Female
Posts: 33
November 18th, 2008 at 05:49pm
Alone

I’m lying here
With tears in my eyes
But that’s no surprise
It’s not like it’s the first time

I was in love
From the very first day
In the craziest way
There’s no more for me to say

It’s much too easy
For me to fall in so deep
Give my heart for you to keep
And say your name in my sleep

Then to feel this way
How could I be so wrong?
When I thought I was strong
Now I don’t wanna carry on

Alone

Now it’s just me
With no-one to hold
Left outside in the cold
With no place to call my own

You stole my heart
Like so many times before
I can’t take it anymore
My heart agrees with me, I’m sure

And it’s much too easy
For me to fall in so deep
Give my heart for you to keep
And say your name in my sleep

Then to feel this way
Oh how could I be so wrong?
When I thought I was strong
Now I don’t wanna carry on

Alone

And now my heart will mend itself
Like it’s always had to do
And it’s all because of you
And it’s all because of you

It’s much too easy
For me to fall in so deep
Give my heart for you to keep
And say your name in my sleep

Then to feel this way
How could I be so wrong?
When I thought I was strong
Now I don’t wanna carry on

It’s much too easy
For me to fall in so deep
Give my heart for you to keep
And say your name in my sleep

Then to feel this way
How could I be so wrong?
When I thought I was strong
Now I don’t wanna carry on

Alone...
DemolitionLover363
Killjoy
DemolitionLover363
Age: 26
Gender: Female
Posts: 33
November 18th, 2008 at 05:52pm
UNTITLED

HOW DO YOU THINK I SHOULD FEEL?
DO YOU WANT ME TO CARRY ON?
WHEN THE PAIN INSIDE IS SO REAL
DO YOU THINK I CAN BE STRONG?

YOU STOLE MY HEART AND MY SOUL
AND YOU TOOK ALL THERE WAS TO TAKE
AND SET ME UP FOR MY DOWNFALL
IT WAS MY MISTAKE TO MAKE

HOW DID I CARE FOR YOU?
TRUST YOU ENOUGH TO SAY
THE THINGS I KEPT SO SECRET
PAST THAT WAS LOCKED AWAY
HOW COULD I BELIEVE YOU?
YOU’RE SOMEONE I NEVER KNEW
MY HOPES WERE BLINDING ME
AND TO THINK THAT I LOVED YOU

I KNOW YOUR DECISION WAS RIGHT
I KNOW IT WAS TIME TO MOVE ON
BUT NOW I FACE SO MANY NIGHTS
OF LAYING HERE ON MY OWN

AND I’M DROWNING ONE MORE TIME
IN ALL OF THE BLOOD AND THE TEARS
YOU MADE SURE I STAYED UNDER
AND MADE ME RELIVE MY FEARS

HOW DID I CARE FOR YOU?
TRUST YOU ENOUGH TO SAY
THE THINGS I KEPT SO SECRET
PAST THAT WAS LOCKED AWAY
HOW COULD I BELIEVE YOU?
YOU’RE SOMEONE I NEVER KNEW
MY HOPES WERE BLINDING ME
AND TO THINK THAT I LOVED YOU

SO WALK AWAY FROM MY SADNESS
AND LEAVE AS I CRY IN SORROW
WE LIVE IN THIS WORLD OF MADNESS
FOR ME THERE IS NO TOMORROW.

NB - I wrote this out in Microsoft Word first and I was feeling really upset at the time. I wrote it all in capitals and it would take a while to re-write it. I hope nobody minds my capital letters!!

xx
DemolitionLover363
Killjoy
DemolitionLover363
Age: 26
Gender: Female
Posts: 33
November 18th, 2008 at 05:56pm
Me

I'm just me
It's something you could never be
I'm random and I'm strange
But it's a fact you'll never change

I'm just me
I try so hard to make you see
That I want to be myself
And I don't need anybody's help

I'm just me
And I hope you will agree
That I'm fine the way I am
And if you don't

WHO GIVES A DAMN?
DemolitionLover363
Killjoy
DemolitionLover363
Age: 26
Gender: Female
Posts: 33
November 18th, 2008 at 05:57pm
Living With My 14-Year-Old Self

One day at a time
I count down
The years I live with myself
Past caring
What others think of me
But always knowing
That no-one's perfect
Especially not me

One minute at a time
I count away
The time it takes me to see
That I'm not
What I think I am
That's something different
To how others see me

One friend at a time
I count up
All the people I have hurt
To help myself
But then I think
It doesn't hurt to want
Something for myself

One problem at a time
I count alone
The things I have to deal with
And realise
That life isn't so bad
It's not always good
But It's always worth living.
Your Ghost.
Thinking Happy Thoughts
Your Ghost.
Age: 25
Gender: Female
Posts: 440
November 18th, 2008 at 06:28pm
Your poems are really goodd!! Moreee!! lolz XD
DemolitionLover363
Killjoy
DemolitionLover363
Age: 26
Gender: Female
Posts: 33
November 20th, 2008 at 01:58pm
thank you!!

i will post more soon

xx brit Very Happy
DemolitionLover363
Killjoy
DemolitionLover363
Age: 26
Gender: Female
Posts: 33
November 21st, 2008 at 11:30am
I’ll Be Falling Solo From Now On

In a classroom full of people,
She sits alone.

Lost in her own thoughts,
The others tease her,
Make fun.
She doesn’t even notice.

In her head, she is happy.
In her head, she is loved.

But nothing,
Not even the sweet, sweet dreams,
Can erase the nightmare she will face
When she returns home.

She is imagining herself,
Somewhere far away from where she is.
She imagines all the way home from school.
But when she walks in, the dream is shattered.
Like being woken from a deep sleep,
She is brought back to the real world.
Not gently woken though.
The slap to the face is not gentle.

She drops her bag on the floor,
As she listens to her mum shout abuse at her.
She knows it is all true.
“You dirty, filthy little whore.”
Yes Mum, I know.
“You’ll never be anything.”
Yes Mum.
“You’re just a no-good little slut.”
I know, Mum, I know.

She walks up the stairs to her room.
She turns on the computer,
And starts to write an email to a pen pal.
Her mother comes up the stairs after her.
“Don’t walk away from me, you dirty cow.”
I’m sorry Mum. I didn’t mean it.
I’ll never do it again.
“You dare be cheeky to me?”
No Mum.
“You ungrateful little sod.”
I’m really sorry, Mum.

Her mum walks up behind her.
Before the hit, before her head hits the floor,
She can smell the alcohol on her mum’s breath.
Her mother looks down at her.
“Get up, you dirty slag.”
Okay Mum, I’m getting up.
“For all I’ve done for you...”
Slap.
“Look what you went and made me do.”
I’m sorry for making you hit me, Mum.
I really am.
“You can’t go to school tomorrow, that’ll bruise.”
Okay Mum, I’ll stay home again.

She really wants to go to school.
At least there, she doesn’t get hit.
Well, not too much.
At least at school, she has something to do.
Something to take her mind off
The throbbing pain in her ear.
A pain she got from one too many knocks on the head,
From falling down the stairs.
My, she was so clumsy.

She stays in her bedroom today, though.
She sits, and she dreams.
She tries hard to think of any times
When it wasn’t like this.
She gives up.
Those times were obviously long ago,
Before she could remember them.
So she dreams.

But then Mum returns from the shop.
Oh dear.
I have to do something before she comes up.
I know.

The only people who noticed she was gone,
Were the bullies.
They didn’t have anyone to pick on.
DemolitionLover363
Killjoy
DemolitionLover363
Age: 26
Gender: Female
Posts: 33
November 21st, 2008 at 11:33am
This was one of my poetry challenge entries

City Lights

The south wind blows
A cold chill down my back
Caught in the throws
Of a blinding attack
The birds are all calling
They've come all this way
To hills rolling, planes sprawling
But I long for the day
I will live life downtown
See the people and the lights
I will walk all around
And take in the sights
But I know I must wait
My day hasn't come yet
I will not chase my fate
But I really can't forget
That I had a dream once
Of living the dream
I have to keep working
And then I'll be free.
DemolitionLover363
Killjoy
DemolitionLover363
Age: 26
Gender: Female
Posts: 33
January 2nd, 2009 at 04:55pm
Scarred

You cut me deep

Like barbed wire in a razor wound.
Sure I wouldn’t surface again
You hid me like a dark secret.

I disappeared
I drowned in the tears
And the darkness suffocated me.

The blood you drew
Was the essence of my soul.

My spirit withered
Shrank and died away
Leaving just the emptiness.

When I ran out of sorrow
I turned instead to anger.

Then from anger
To pure desperation.

And from that helplessness
To nothing.

I am nothing.

I am but a silhouette of myself
Drawn against a white curtain.

I am an outline
Scribbled in the frenzy of a dream
Onto paper.

I am a ghost.

The shadow you see
Against the wall by the dim light
Of a single lamp.

I am only gone.
DemolitionLover363
Killjoy
DemolitionLover363
Age: 26
Gender: Female
Posts: 33
January 2nd, 2009 at 04:56pm
Searching

Hollow shells
And empty shadows.
Secret hells
And public gallows.
Waging war
And fighting for rights.
Dark back-alleys
And bright streetlights.
Endless nights
And retreating days.
A fork in the road
We go separate ways.
Wanting more
But still needing less.
Taking stock
Of an organised mess.
Losing hope
And being put on a shelf.
But always wondering
Will I find myself?
DemolitionLover363
Killjoy
DemolitionLover363
Age: 26
Gender: Female
Posts: 33
January 4th, 2009 at 03:46pm
Feigned Naivety

It’s these extenuating circumstances
We find ourselves drowned in
That really takes the cake this time

Come on
Tell me you won’t be starting a fight tonight
I need to hear it from your lips
The red lips that tell the white lies

I fall for it every time
And it means nothing to you
Or the world you fool so easily
With a flash of the smile and batted lashes

Oh, you’re so innocent
And it makes me feel sick
To watch you watching me like I’m the one
They all pay attention to

Cry for me now
And I’ll die for you forever

But tell me the story of last night’s party
At the rich divorcee’s house
Did you tell him what you are?

Or did you keep him in suspense
As you took off your dress
I’m only wondering

And I’m curious as to how much wool
You’ve gotta be hiding
To make everyone think you’re the angel
Well you can have back my piece

‘Cause it’s not over my eyes anymore
No, you’re not fooling me anymore.
DemolitionLover363
Killjoy
DemolitionLover363
Age: 26
Gender: Female
Posts: 33
January 4th, 2009 at 03:49pm
Signature

Bordered with gold frills
Covering hard redwood.
The notice board sits low
So pupils of small stature
Can read the information.
Get involved!
Be part of something!
The orange paper screams at me.
I sign my name.

Bright white paper
Boasts bold black writing.
The official next to me
Promises this will keep
The man away from me.
He won’t come near me
For fear of facing the courts.
He hands me a pen.
I sign my name.

I, of sound mind
But not of sound body,
Hereby declare to leave
All my worldly possessions
To my daughter, her child too.
Some to my best friend
Who has been there for me,
And seen me through to find peace.
I sign my name.
DemolitionLover363
Killjoy
DemolitionLover363
Age: 26
Gender: Female
Posts: 33
January 4th, 2009 at 03:50pm
Angel Of Anger

Rage
And a red mist to match.
Spittle flies from his mouth.
As he screams
She cowers in the corner
Too scared to do the same.

Fear
Of times worse than this.
She says a silent prayer.
As he screams
She cowers in the corner
Too weak to do the same.

Surprise
You would never believe.
His perfect features distort.
As he screams
She cowers in the corner
Too tired to do the same.

Need
She looks at his face now.
Realises she can’t see.
As he screams
She cowers in the corner
Too shocked to do the same.

Hope
His beautiful self packs.
And now he lets her alone.
As he leaves
She huddles in the corner
Too heartbroken to call his name.
DemolitionLover363
Killjoy
DemolitionLover363
Age: 26
Gender: Female
Posts: 33
January 4th, 2009 at 03:51pm
Crash Around Me

What if the sky were to fall down?
Would you know your own happiness?
Would you know, even
What happiness is?

What if the sea were to swallow us?
Would you know that you were loved?
Would you care, even
To know who by?

What if
What if...

What if the world were to end right now?
Would you be ready to say a final goodbye?
Would you know, even
What that word means?

If it were all to crash around me now
If it were all to finish right here
I’d rather live til my time runs out
And not know my death was near.
DemolitionLover363
Killjoy
DemolitionLover363
Age: 26
Gender: Female
Posts: 33
January 4th, 2009 at 03:53pm
Crawling

Down on my knees,
I’m crawling.
Striving for attention,
Anybody to say,
“Yes, I’m listening.”
Starved of an ear to hear me,
And a shoulder to cry on.
I can’t leave.
He told me I can’t leave.
I can only imagine the price.
So I stay in the house.
The only time I’m allowed out,
Is to fetch shopping so I can cook.
Wouldn’t want anyone to notice,
To see the bruises that fight for space
On my face, arms and neck.
At first, he would leave them only
In places where no-one could see them.
But now it doesn’t matter to him.
He knows that even if someone were to suspect,
I would not tell the truth.
He turned me into everything I never aspired to be.
A liar, a recluse, scared to dream.
I can never imagine what life would be without him.
I don’t know how to.
It’s like I’ve never known anything else.
Pansy Wayero
Jazz Hands
Pansy Wayero
Age: 30
Gender: Female
Posts: 372
January 6th, 2009 at 03:46pm
WOW these poems are great! i realy like untold fears and me, very genius peices of work. well done. *clap* *clap*
DemolitionLover363
Killjoy
DemolitionLover363
Age: 26
Gender: Female
Posts: 33
January 11th, 2009 at 08:47am
Medicine Won't Cure Mankind

Why do the heaven’s angels
Sleep on through my tears?
Why are the forgiving gods
So ignorant of my fears?
Why does this great world
Believe it soothes such pain?
When one person feeling it
Must hope for relief again.

Why does the sun slay
From burnt and blackened skies?
Why won’t the rain fall
When the suffering flower dies?
Why does the man pray
In the hope of some release?
Why does the mother call
The baby’s name in howling grief?

Why does the child cry
In the middle of the night?
Why is the black man bad
When the good man is always white?
Why will the razor-wound flow
When the heart can kill so clean?
Why does the apple fall
But never too far from the tree?

And why does the sun slay
From burnt and blackened skies?
Why won’t the rain fall
When the suffering flower dies?
Why does the man pray
In the hope of some release?
Why does the mother call
The baby’s name in howling grief?

Why does mankind damage
Itself for the greater good?
And how do we always manage
To be so misunderstood?

So why does the sun slay
From burnt and blackened skies?
Why won’t the rain fall
When the suffering flower dies?
Why does the man pray
In the hope of some release?
Why does the mother call
The baby’s name in howling grief?

And why do we survive at all
If living is our own defeat?
DemolitionLover363
Killjoy
DemolitionLover363
Age: 26
Gender: Female
Posts: 33
January 23rd, 2009 at 05:07pm
I'm Ready, I'm Set, And I'm Going Nowhere.

She takes a sleepy step
To the bedroom door
The light is hurting her eyes
Daybreak outside comes much too early.

Memories flood back
Of times she couldn't remember
And the tears flow down
As she struggles to clear her head and think.

Lovers part, at the fork in the road
And what becomes of the one broken heart?

One foot in the door
And the other one in her own grave
The man in the black coat smiles
And plots as he hides in the black of the alley.

Watching the bedroom window
The ex-boyfriend frowns deeply
That fork in the road
Never loved him much.