Whispered Thoughts
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calculated sacrifice Shotgun Sinner Age: 37 Gender: Male Posts: 7807 | Jsyk, my poems aren't at all that great, but i'd appreciate comments and criticisms anyway. =) Most of the poems i write are usually... short. and... yeah, you'll see =D i'll just... post up as much as i can. <3 Ana In Blood My life began with blood. Screaming, crying, and dark. I see the light, it makes me scream so many faces surrounding me. My life progressed in arms. Warm, comforting, and careful. Passed back and forth from breast to chest Seemingly normal, my life progressed. My life continued on foot. Stumbling, crawling, and walking. The familiar coos fill my ears This went on for a couple of years. My life took a turn in school. Bags, desks, and teachers. My friends came and went Not completely sure they were time well spent. My life somersaulted in college. Papers, due dates, and professors. Freedom was soon arriving in black hats and black gowns, and sashes twisting My life changed with marriage Rings, dresses, and promises His love so true and grand My character he could withstand. My life slowed in gray joints, pains, and memories. Not-so-little feet running around for me I wondered how the end would be. My life was over Dark, quick, and still Odd how it closed to a shut and how it ended in the same way it began, in blood. ox comments? |
calculated sacrifice Shotgun Sinner Age: 37 Gender: Male Posts: 7807 | This poem is like those 'My Name Is...' poems, where some kid died and explains how it all happened through a poem. I read one recently when i made this xD It's kinda weird and muy cliche... but, yk, it's me, so it's not so surprising. xD My name is Izzy Im sixteen and I have problems that seem surreal My mommy's gone she's dead you see And my daddy... well, he always blames me He always hurts me because he's drunk every night He keeps staggering left and right I beg him not to pain me so but I end up screaming: "Daddy, Please, Don't!" I was raised to be Holy and marry a man with an enchanted voice but all that ended when I had discovered I fancied girls more than boys When Daddy found out he got so mad he took away every dignity I had that night he raped me because he wanted to make me see that being with a 'he' is better than a 'she' But I didn't listen and with her the girl that understood and became my lover But daddy found out and made me cry again when he locked us in a room and shot her on the head And because of that night I started cutting my wrist it hurt so much but it felt so right School is a personal hell as I get stuffed in lockers and beat up as well by the jocks and cheerleaders They all think I'm 'emo' because of my hair the things I do the clothes I wear They dont even know the meaning of the word yet they put me on show wanting to be heard They smirked and sneered making it clear to everyone in the hall that I was a messed up queer that I was to be hated by all I couldnt take it anymore so I ran back home and into my room where I locked the door, crying and sat on the floor I brought out the cutter and carved into my arm "Life is a bother" 4 words that were on my mind from the start My name is Izzy Im sixteen and all the things that you have just read are the reasons why I'm dead. comments and criticisms are welcome. |
calculated sacrifice Shotgun Sinner Age: 37 Gender: Male Posts: 7807 | here's a short one i just wrote a couple of hours ago. it's not great. and it's just a few words. >.< short ones like these will be very common. Still Small. She'd talk and act like she knew She'd stay up long She'd stay alive and awake Til' the sun took over the moon. She would laugh in such a way It would sound so controlled It didn't sound like the boisterous guffaw She'd let out all day. She'd have posters on her wall It was 'in', she said or so her friends would tell her, and she was 'big enough' but she was still too small. ox might be continued, might be not, but.. that's it... xD i'll dig for the rest of my old stuff xD comments and criticisms are love. |
sherlock! Crash Queen Age: 30 Gender: Female Posts: 30830 | i liked the second one, bb. it's like every other girl who likes something for the trend and not something for something should read this. OoO GOOD JOB~ |
calculated sacrifice Shotgun Sinner Age: 37 Gender: Male Posts: 7807 | The spray of seawater on my cool feet Brings back a few memories Those which i thought were once so sweet Now hidden in between the shade of the trees Once, during the day the sky was so blue you held me so lovingly close your love was so irresistibly true I can still remember the smell on your clothes. Another time, I recall from last winter When we were curled up on the floor Warming up with your blue, wool sweater in front of the fireplace, enjoying staying indoors. And as i turn away from my thoughts I stare out into the sea, eyes glazed I let go of us, our dreams, our hopes On this very day, when we parted ways. ox really corny and cheezy. xD but again, comments and criticisms are love. |
The Broken Choker Killjoy Age: - Gender: Female Posts: 23 | Eh. I don't think it's horribly corny, its somewhat classic subject, though. But the words you use make it unclassical and original. The lines are hypnotic and strong. <3 your poems |
Sex and Candy Salute You in Your Grave Age: 31 Gender: Female Posts: 2160 | I love the second one about the girl named Izzy, That was really excellent!!!! Good work |
calculated sacrifice Shotgun Sinner Age: 37 Gender: Male Posts: 7807 | just a couple of shorties i thought of. Haven't really gotten round to putting them into a poem. I might soon. Like a kite spiralling out of control, She's head over heels for you, but the blue skies wonder, does the wind ever tell the truth? ~ There she goes again, Waving her crown around, But when you're at the top there's no other way but down. c//c? |
Your Ghost. Thinking Happy Thoughts Age: 28 Gender: Female Posts: 440 | Those are both really good. They are also really good poem starters in my opinion. Fantastic work XD |
calculated sacrifice Shotgun Sinner Age: 37 Gender: Male Posts: 7807 | thanks =D |
calculated sacrifice Shotgun Sinner Age: 37 Gender: Male Posts: 7807 | fate has us round and round i'll pick you up off of the ground the sound of silence muffling our hearts i'll look around for you, even in the dark. And the sound, though shaking, you screamed whispers, promising, I'll swear my love to you. |
Your Ghost. Thinking Happy Thoughts Age: 28 Gender: Female Posts: 440 | That has really wonderful wording, especially " I'll swear my love to you". Its alot stronger than just saying I love you. I personally think that fits together extremely well. Great Job. |
calculated sacrifice Shotgun Sinner Age: 37 Gender: Male Posts: 7807 | Ngaw~ Thank you so much =) |
Sex and Candy Salute You in Your Grave Age: 31 Gender: Female Posts: 2160 | For your age your very talented, really and you must be very very smart! I love your poetry |
calculated sacrifice Shotgun Sinner Age: 37 Gender: Male Posts: 7807 | thanks! =D I'll be writing some more soon x] |
calculated sacrifice Shotgun Sinner Age: 37 Gender: Male Posts: 7807 | Some would say we couldn't take this. But honey let's show them how we do Let's show them we live this Let's show them what I do to you. And what you do to me, Honey, show them what it really means to keep faith and to live blood. I see them staring up at us Their faces in the mud. Baby, the world was meant for this. The world was meant for Judas' kiss. Lol. I can imagine this as like, a screamo part in a song xD |
believing. Salute You in Your Grave Age: 30 Gender: Male Posts: 2318 | Wow, these are awesome. I really like your style of writing. Keep up the excellent work! |
calculated sacrifice Shotgun Sinner Age: 37 Gender: Male Posts: 7807 | One last chance to keep up We're staggering and falling from our dance Come on, baby, let's bring this to a stop We can't keep doing this, we're missing our chance. Let's start all over again under the sky We'll watch them dancing far, far away We'll keep doing this and soon wonder why We can't keep away from each other even for a day. |
gerardgrl23 Killjoy Age: 32 Gender: Female Posts: 63 | omg. your poem about the girl izzy is amazing!! it was such an emotional thing to read that i actually cried. i like your writing style a lot and think there is nothing you could change to make your writing any better! |
The Original Bob. Demolition Lover Age: 28 Gender: Female Posts: 16672 | The first one, the "my life..." one is amazing. I can't believe i just found this. You're an incredible poet. I love the flow in the first one. Like a kite spiralling out of control, She's head over heels for you, but the blue skies wonder, does the wind ever tell the truth this is the best though. I love the imagery and the way you use object and ideas in such a new way, like the last two lines. |
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