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Whispered Thoughts

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calculated sacrifice
Shotgun Sinner
calculated sacrifice
Age: 37
Gender: Male
Posts: 7807
February 28th, 2009 at 06:22am
Wheeeyy... okay, this is probably the weirdest thing i've ever done, but i'll try it anyway.

Jsyk, my poems aren't at all that great, but i'd appreciate comments and criticisms anyway. =)

Most of the poems i write are usually... short. and... yeah, you'll see =D i'll just... post up as much as i can.

<3

Ana

In Blood

My life began with blood.
Screaming, crying, and dark.
I see the light, it makes me scream
so many faces surrounding me.

My life progressed in arms.
Warm, comforting, and careful.
Passed back and forth from breast to chest
Seemingly normal, my life progressed.

My life continued on foot.
Stumbling, crawling, and walking.
The familiar coos fill my ears
This went on for a couple of years.

My life took a turn in school.
Bags, desks, and teachers.
My friends came and went
Not completely sure they were time well spent.

My life somersaulted in college.
Papers, due dates, and professors.
Freedom was soon arriving
in black hats and black gowns, and sashes twisting

My life changed with marriage
Rings, dresses, and promises
His love so true and grand
My character he could withstand.

My life slowed in gray
joints, pains, and memories.
Not-so-little feet running around for me
I wondered how the end would be.

My life was over
Dark, quick, and still
Odd how it closed to a shut
and how it ended in the same way it began,
in blood.

ox

comments?
calculated sacrifice
Shotgun Sinner
calculated sacrifice
Age: 37
Gender: Male
Posts: 7807
February 28th, 2009 at 06:28am
This poem is like those 'My Name Is...' poems, where some kid died and explains how it all happened through a poem. I read one recently when i made this xD It's kinda weird and muy cliche... but, yk, it's me, so it's not so surprising. xD

My name is Izzy
Im sixteen
and I have problems
that seem surreal

My mommy's gone
she's dead you see
And my daddy...
well, he always blames me

He always hurts me
because he's drunk every night
He keeps staggering left and right
I beg him not to pain me so
but I end up screaming:
"Daddy, Please, Don't!"

I was raised to be Holy
and marry a man with an enchanted voice
but all that ended when I had discovered
I fancied girls more than boys

When Daddy found out
he got so mad
he took away every dignity I had
that night he raped me
because he wanted to make me see
that being with a 'he' is better than a 'she'

But I didn't listen
and with her
the girl that understood
and became my lover

But daddy found out
and made me cry again
when he locked us in a room
and shot her on the head

And because of that night
I started cutting my wrist
it hurt so much
but it felt so right

School is a personal hell
as I get stuffed in lockers
and beat up as well
by the jocks and cheerleaders

They all think I'm 'emo'
because of my hair
the things I do
the clothes I wear

They dont even know
the meaning of the word
yet they put me on show
wanting to be heard

They smirked and sneered
making it clear to everyone in the hall
that I was a messed up queer
that I was to be hated by all

I couldnt take it anymore
so I ran back home and into my room
where I locked the door, crying
and sat on the floor

I brought out the cutter
and carved into my arm
"Life is a bother"
4 words that were on my mind from the start

My name is Izzy
Im sixteen
and all the things that you have just read
are the reasons why I'm dead.


comments and criticisms are welcome.
calculated sacrifice
Shotgun Sinner
calculated sacrifice
Age: 37
Gender: Male
Posts: 7807
February 28th, 2009 at 06:43am
here's a short one i just wrote a couple of hours ago. it's not great. and it's just a few words. >.< short ones like these will be very common.

Still Small.

She'd talk and act like she knew
She'd stay up long
She'd stay alive and awake
Til' the sun took over the moon.

She would laugh in such a way
It would sound so controlled
It didn't sound like the boisterous guffaw
She'd let out all day.

She'd have posters on her wall
It was 'in', she said
or so her friends would tell her,
and she was 'big enough'
but she was still too small.

ox

might be continued, might be not, but.. that's it... xD i'll dig for the rest of my old stuff xD

comments and criticisms are love.
sherlock!
Crash Queen
sherlock!
Age: 30
Gender: Female
Posts: 30830
February 28th, 2009 at 08:59am
i liked the second one, bb.
it's like every other girl who likes something for the trend and not something for something should read this. OoO
GOOD JOB~
calculated sacrifice
Shotgun Sinner
calculated sacrifice
Age: 37
Gender: Male
Posts: 7807
February 28th, 2009 at 09:02am

The spray of seawater on my cool feet
Brings back a few memories
Those which i thought were once so sweet
Now hidden in between the shade of the trees

Once, during the day the sky was so blue
you held me so lovingly close
your love was so irresistibly true
I can still remember the smell on your clothes.

Another time, I recall from last winter
When we were curled up on the floor
Warming up with your blue, wool sweater
in front of the fireplace, enjoying staying indoors.

And as i turn away from my thoughts
I stare out into the sea, eyes glazed
I let go of us, our dreams, our hopes
On this very day, when we parted ways.

ox

really corny and cheezy. xD

but again, comments and criticisms are love.
The Broken Choker
Killjoy
The Broken Choker
Age: -
Gender: Female
Posts: 23
March 1st, 2009 at 04:51pm
Eh. I don't think it's horribly corny, its somewhat classic subject, though. But the words you use make it unclassical and original. The lines are hypnotic and strong. <3 your poems Smile
Sex and Candy
Salute You in Your Grave
Sex and Candy
Age: 31
Gender: Female
Posts: 2160
March 5th, 2009 at 11:38am
I love the second one about the girl named Izzy, That was really excellent!!!!
Good work
calculated sacrifice
Shotgun Sinner
calculated sacrifice
Age: 37
Gender: Male
Posts: 7807
March 18th, 2009 at 05:56am
just a couple of shorties i thought of. Haven't really gotten round to putting them into a poem. I might soon.

Like a kite spiralling out of control,
She's head over heels for you,
but the blue skies wonder,
does the wind ever tell the truth?

~

There she goes again,
Waving her crown around,
But when you're at the top
there's no other way but down.

c//c?
Your Ghost.
Thinking Happy Thoughts
Your Ghost.
Age: 28
Gender: Female
Posts: 440
March 18th, 2009 at 06:37pm
Those are both really good. They are also really good poem starters in my opinion. Fantastic work XD
calculated sacrifice
Shotgun Sinner
calculated sacrifice
Age: 37
Gender: Male
Posts: 7807
March 19th, 2009 at 04:17am
thanks =D
calculated sacrifice
Shotgun Sinner
calculated sacrifice
Age: 37
Gender: Male
Posts: 7807
March 19th, 2009 at 11:35pm
fate has us round and round
i'll pick you up off of the ground
the sound of silence muffling our hearts
i'll look around for you, even in the dark.
And the sound, though shaking,
you screamed whispers, promising,
I'll swear my love to you.
Your Ghost.
Thinking Happy Thoughts
Your Ghost.
Age: 28
Gender: Female
Posts: 440
March 25th, 2009 at 08:57pm
That has really wonderful wording, especially " I'll swear my love to you". Its alot stronger than just saying I love you. I personally think that fits together extremely well. Great Job.
calculated sacrifice
Shotgun Sinner
calculated sacrifice
Age: 37
Gender: Male
Posts: 7807
March 26th, 2009 at 02:20am
Ngaw~ Thank you so much =)
Sex and Candy
Salute You in Your Grave
Sex and Candy
Age: 31
Gender: Female
Posts: 2160
March 28th, 2009 at 05:06am
For your age your very talented, really and you must be very very smart! I love your poetry
calculated sacrifice
Shotgun Sinner
calculated sacrifice
Age: 37
Gender: Male
Posts: 7807
March 28th, 2009 at 11:15pm
thanks! =D I'll be writing some more soon x]
calculated sacrifice
Shotgun Sinner
calculated sacrifice
Age: 37
Gender: Male
Posts: 7807
March 29th, 2009 at 02:23am
Some would say we couldn't take this.
But honey let's show them how we do
Let's show them we live this
Let's show them what I do to you.
And what you do to me,
Honey, show them what it really means
to keep faith and to live blood.

I see them staring up at us
Their faces in the mud.
Baby, the world was meant for this.
The world was meant for Judas' kiss.


Lol.

I can imagine this as like, a screamo part in a song xD
believing.
Salute You in Your Grave
believing.
Age: 30
Gender: Male
Posts: 2318
March 29th, 2009 at 11:51am
Wow, these are awesome.
I really like your style of writing.
Keep up the excellent work! Very Happy
calculated sacrifice
Shotgun Sinner
calculated sacrifice
Age: 37
Gender: Male
Posts: 7807
April 6th, 2009 at 08:54pm
One last chance to keep up
We're staggering and falling from our dance
Come on, baby, let's bring this to a stop
We can't keep doing this, we're missing our chance.

Let's start all over again under the sky
We'll watch them dancing far, far away
We'll keep doing this and soon wonder why
We can't keep away from each other even for a day.
gerardgrl23
Killjoy
gerardgrl23
Age: 32
Gender: Female
Posts: 63
April 11th, 2009 at 02:51pm
omg. your poem about the girl izzy is amazing!! it was such an emotional thing to read that i actually cried. i like your writing style a lot and think there is nothing you could change to make your writing any better!
The Original Bob.
Demolition Lover
The Original Bob.
Age: 28
Gender: Female
Posts: 16672
April 11th, 2009 at 04:38pm
The first one, the "my life..." one is amazing. I can't believe i just found this. You're an incredible poet. I love the flow in the first one.

Like a kite spiralling out of control,
She's head over heels for you,
but the blue skies wonder,
does the wind ever tell the truth

this is the best though. I love the imagery and the way you use object and ideas in such a new way, like the last two lines.