New poem!

Board index - Poetry

Author	Message
questionable content Always Born a Crime Age: 28 Gender: Female Posts: 5604	November 16th, 2009 at 05:23pm Peace Imagine peace, with its cloudless, blue sky. Lie in a lush meadow, see the free eagles soar above. Breathe in the pure, silky air gently brushing your skin. The world disappears and we can stay here forever-- They call this dreaming, but we’re here, it’s real. “‘I’m Wide Awake, It’s Morning,’” said Bright Eyes, Because it’s “The First Day of My Life”. critiques welcome =)
Pansy Wayero Jazz Hands Age: 33 Gender: Female Posts: 372	November 30th, 2009 at 02:13pm woow i like
misa misa. Shotgun Sinner Age: 33 Gender: Female Posts: 8241	November 30th, 2009 at 11:01pm hey the sentiment in this poem was very nice and i liked some of your descriptions. I could really feel like i was in the meadow you described. A small point about formatting though-with poetry the end of the line doesn't nessecarily have to be at the end of the sentence. Sometimes starting a new line in the middle of a sentence (for example at some of the points where you had commas) can help create empahsis. For example Lie in a lush meadow, see the free eagles soar above. places empahsis on the start of the second line-so the reader is pulled more into the imagery of the eagles (which is very nice). You could smiliarly divide the line ending with its real this way. Its your choice, but thatis just my suggestion. I hope i didn't sound too harsh. The ideas were very nice

Options
Go back to top