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Letters to Anyone

AuthorMessage
vacant alleyWAYS
Salute You in Your Grave
vacant alleyWAYS
Age: -
Gender: -
Posts: 2845
January 17th, 2017 at 12:12am
(messages unsent continued)
S,
I'm doing it again (messaging you again), but I'm REALLY sorry.

I'm sorry about the message last night. Honestly sorry. I mean, I'd confide in you about those things (I mean, I am or I'm trying) but your absence makes me nervous. The fact that we haven't exactly talked much about "stuff" recently...

But I'm sorry, because...well as much as I didn't want to, I feel like I need? you.

I can't even imagine what you think of me now. I know we talked about this before, that it's normal to be a little anxious waiting around to see what or how folks respond to you, and I'm really feeling this anxiety right now!

I don't know what else to say except pleeeeaase stay with me!

C
sad savior;
Wild Eyed Joker
sad savior;
Age: 23
Gender: Female
Posts: 85665
February 5th, 2017 at 06:55pm
R,

I still love you and I wish that I could flip a switch and turn it off. You've broken my heart twice now. For a few days last week, I was an absolute wreck, but I was done with you. I decided that you exhausted me and I couldn't take it anymore, and I was letting go. And I did that for like 3 days.
I didn't want to leave with you the other day. I didn't want you to walk me to my car. I mean, I definitely wanted it, but I knew I shouldn't have let it happen. I knew the second we were alone together, I'd fall in love with you again. And I was right. You assumed everything was the same and left with me and walked me to my car anyway. I told myself I wouldn't let that happen, but it did, and I was happy.
Tuesday I was completely exhausted over everything and decided we were through and you couldn't make it better. Wednesday, I followed through with that. I gave you the cold shoulder. Thursday I didn't see you, but you still occupied my every thought. And Friday you hugged me twice and I told you one of my deepest, most well kept secrets, and you almost kissed me. And I got in my car and drove away, happy and confused.
I'm really in a constant state of limbo and I wish you'd make a decision either way. You have to realize it's going to hurt somebody. I don't want it to end, but it's her or me, and please make up your mind.

- H
vacant alleyWAYS
Salute You in Your Grave
vacant alleyWAYS
Age: -
Gender: -
Posts: 2845
March 20th, 2017 at 05:46pm
To whom all it concerns,

I need emotional distance….the problem is that I DO need to talk and ask thimgs sometimes. (Ok, that was my firstreaction.)
Ok, in order now. You ARE the one to ask because I meantyou specifically. Like, do you think me weird or crazy…no, I mean I justhoped you didnt fear me and that if I ever do need to talk…ok, anyway. I am reassured….again!
On that aubject, yes…sorry that I have to keep asking …it IS so hard doing this over text, youknow? Ok, the weirdor problem thing is…well…I can kindof see you, hear you….butyouhaveNO CLUE about me. And that is a problem…not that I can do anything about this…but, yeah it iskindof one sided…maybe I feel I know you better…you are the type of person I would gravitate towards as a friend….but all of this is unfair anyway, for what I justsaid. And I have to make some distance, because that unfairness or…Idk, it just sucks, ithurts for me…it is ok. It is the way, just…but it is like there are so many things I want to say (not uncomfortable things, mind you, just day to day things…but like they flood out…like so many!…well, that is an obsession, I guess. I am not…I mean, …I mean you wpuld be this way for anyone you care about right?…I just maybe shouldnt care so much…or I have to keep it to myself…I guess, just admitting this to you, I DO hold back. Now,…I probably am in the wrong for even saying that. Just…I hold back for you and for me…so neither ofus get overwhelmed…
eh…forgot what I wanted to say. “Obsession” keeps glaring atme and I hate the connotation of that word. :/
maybe just that I will keep working on this.
the reaction stuff..hehe funny enough, I always think of that scene in Titanic when Jack says to Rose, oh you must be thinking blah blah. And shes like oh wasnt thonking that at all!
I guess, even knowing this andhow you said it, I still have this habit…omg! That is what I like about you! You can tell it…I mean…I mean you are like my conscience??? Um, I mean you just illuminate things that I should know but I cant always think of….is this like a muse? Or no…just you help me with ideas I need…like how is that bad?? Eh ok, nevermind. Losing the point here…um just yeah…I DO need to work on this…Iguess it gets confusing when people DO react or say whatyou kindof expected.
butthis time, I really did need a re assessment. My head was a little clouded and I honestly didnt know what you were going to say exactly.
ohhh, I just…like I finally find someone who I can talk to and or text to …have a “real” conversation with…so yeah, that is where the excitement comes in…but I atill have to have boundaries.
ok, that is all. Sorry formy babble. I kinda talked it all “outloud” to you. Maybe you can read this and see my thinking…but I will try to learn to write less and assume less…
cuz yeah, the factthat, well we seem so in tune…sometimea that leads to assumptions…no, see, it IS different with you! But then I take it on the forum and like if YOU dont see it and or…ok, so I have to work on my assumptions of how others react…this kindof thing is what I love (but also a few time hate) about allen. Mostly love….but just how he will say anything! Ok, I am again assuming, but like there is a bit of that…consistency??
ok ok, another poin,t, and last one, I love reading good writing, and I guess maybe I am a writer (although the mosti commit to is writing letters. I cant justwrite for myself. I have a problem with this need ofinstant gratification? Ok nevermind) but damnot! Um ok well was gonna….ok I will just say I like reading your writing…among others works.
ok, now I am done. I guess I could have just read that and taken the advice, but in typical fashion, here I write it all down…maybe I shpuld write a book! Journaling my life just seems to drab…except my interactions….ok sorry rambling. Justtrying to move forward here though, you know?
ahh, ok….I will think about the survey.
ok, back to our lives.
Young London.
Awake and Unafraid
Young London.
Age: -
Gender: -
Posts: 10034
June 1st, 2017 at 08:34am
Dear O,

Seeing you today made me super happy because your smile reminds me of the sun. You are gold.

love, A
sad savior;
Wild Eyed Joker
sad savior;
Age: 23
Gender: Female
Posts: 85665
June 3rd, 2017 at 10:55pm
R,

I want you so badly. I feel it deep in my soul that we're meant to be together, and while it's KILLING ME, if it means I have to wait for you, I will.
If someone else comes along that I feel that same magic with, then I'll be open. But it's so rare, and you're the only person in my 21 years of life I have ever felt that kind of electricity with. It goes so much deeper than physical. Our souls connect, and you know they do.
If I meet someone equally or more incredible than you, then I'll take that road. But I don't think I will in the near future, and right now, I don't want want anyone else. I love you. I want to be with you. I want ALL of you, and I want you to let me have it.
I'm here when you're ready.
Charbarmanning
Bleeding on the Floor
Charbarmanning
Age: 17
Gender: Female
Posts: 1145
June 6th, 2017 at 07:51pm
The group at lunch

I just need to get this off my mind. I know all the drama is over and done with now but I'm still annoyed over how it all started. I should just put this behind me and celebrate the fact that we are all together again but I still need to adress that the drama shouldn't of even started in the first place. You all lied to E when you said that nothing was going on behind her back. Even if you were just carrying on a conversation when she'd left, that's still talking about E behind her back. You called her mum a bad parent. Okay, that kind of made sense when talking about the sunscreen situation but still you don't know what her mum is like behind closed doors. E's mum works a lot to support her family alone. E has to go to her grandmas after school everyday because her mum isn't at home and that's a responsible decision. You can't just call someone's mum bad due to one reason. Also you told her who to invite to her own birthday party when it's her birthday and you have to remember that. You're just being selfish if you refuse to come on the basis that someone you don't like is going. You are going for the birthday girl and she's meant to be her friend. Ignore the person you don't like and just socialize with the others. Another point, M you always complain about E not waiting for you at the gates on a morning. Alright you have a point there but you don't have to ignore her the rest of the day and complain about in every conversation you have. Just talk to E about it. It's between you and her. If she isn't waiting for you then there must be a reason for that. Maybe she wannts soneone to wait with. If that's the case then I could get on E's bus instead and wait with her. Simple. I think this might be the final point now but we all know that E lies quite often but if we want to be friends with her still then we put up with it. Also we don't have 100% proof about the Australia thing was a lie. Remember the fact that me and G posted sweets and a card through her door and we haven't heard what her mum must of said about that. What you lot do is make fun of her about these 'lies' in front of her face which either leaves her feeling really awkward or confused. That's not what friends do to each other. I remember when you used to see how angry you could get E about these lies she had told and that's not what friends do! PUT UP WITH HER! L and M, you've known E much longer than I have and you have managed to put ip with her for about 10 years so why can't you now?

I'll end this off saying how I'm sorry. (I'll be honest when I say that I believe that I've wronged both sides of this drama and I didn't mean to). It's really hard to stay neutral in a fight between your good friends. I've already explained a bit of this to E but I may have been leaning more towarda the side of the people that I'm with. If I was hanging around with E, I'd believe her but still teying to not let anything through to her from the convos between A, M and L. If i'm with A, Land M, I'd agree with them and try not to let anything slip from convos with E. I didn't really have an opinion in the situation because both sides were in the wrong. I know that most of you don't trust me anymore because a similar situation happened just about (i don't even kniw tbh) but I swear that I didn't really have an opinion in this situation. I was trying to please both sides. L, I sewar that I was telling truth about E finding out herself and telling me that it was easy to guess. The only reason she told you, M and A that I told her was because I did agree with her after she said that but if you want the screenshots from out convos after that I'll give you them. All I talked about was her birthday party with her. I can't give you any proof on our convos irl but I swear all E talked about was her mum's opinion. A, I know you probably don't trust me the most because you were involved in the previous situation with the other M. That time I was in the wrong but at first I thought I was helping. It may sound stupid but I did. I though that if I told you what they had been saying I thought it would speed up the drama and you wouls go back to normal again quicker you've never really fully gone back since. It just sounds stupid thinking of it now but I really did think that because that's what has happened in other situations. You were already picking up the vibes that something was going on so I confirmed that for you. Now it's starting to make sense to me again. I have learned a lot from that situation and i've tried my hardest never to tell anyone anything in the middle of a fight but it's hard when you are trying to pleaee both sides and they ate aware that they can use you for information. I'm not annoyed at you lot it general, just how the situation started. I haven't been throughout the whole drama. I only sat with E on the first day back because I knew you lot wouldn't, I didn't want to fall out with her and I was afraid that she would be alone (something a friend should be). I try not to talk about people for the reasond why these situations have occured. If I have an opinion od someone I either keep it to myself or if I can't keep it ib my head I tell either my mum, my dad or G just because I know she would never tell anyone because I would do the same for her (something a friend should do)

Done (didn't mean to spend 50 minutes on this but I just needed to express something before it is no longer relevant)
Young London.
Awake and Unafraid
Young London.
Age: -
Gender: -
Posts: 10034
June 10th, 2017 at 08:30am
J,

I think we'll sink if we keep this up.
Young London.
Awake and Unafraid
Young London.
Age: -
Gender: -
Posts: 10034
June 14th, 2017 at 06:45am
Note to self,

Please keep calm and be unreactive.
Charbarmanning
Bleeding on the Floor
Charbarmanning
Age: 17
Gender: Female
Posts: 1145
June 21st, 2017 at 06:32pm
The group at lunch

Is all your friendship actually fueled on talking about people behind their bacjs because that's all I can tell because now you're on about me now. It's so easy to tell when you lot are talking about someone behind their back because you make jokes about them in front of their face. L, I heard that joke you made at lunch the other day and it wasn't funny but I pretended not to hear it because I'm not gonnaa be like E in this situation. Well if you thought that I was bad in when you talking about E behind her back wait until you hear she did the same thing with me. I asked E if she heard the joke from the other day. She said no and said it must have been something between you lot. I told her that I didnt fully trust you lot and how I felt that you were talking about me behind my back. She confirmed it telling me that 'they talk about you at break [im not on the same break as you lot] and I tell them to stop but they never do". Confirmation. Just what I needed. That's hwat she gave me and that that's what I gave her in her situation. So stop saying I told her because I didn't! SHE WANTED CONFIRMATION SO I GAVE HER IT, THE SAME WAY SHE GAVE ME IT! Anyway, I was quite happy that you lot weren't in lessons today beecuase I was afraid that a whole situation like E's would happen again because all the news around school spreads like wildfire. I didn't sit with you at lunch because I wasn't sure if E had told you or not about the situation. If she had, you'd all interrogate me the way you did to her. I didn't want that. So even though tomorrow I'll tell you that I sat with G because I''d already rold her I'd sit with her and felt bad but couldn't tell you at break because you'd walked past so quickly", the real reason was that I was avoiding you lot. I still want to but you'll all suspect something. To be honest, I can't trust you all. I thought I could but you all have your flaws. M, you always complain about everyone and everything. L, you are always the ring leader in the gang when a fight occurs. A, well I should have learned because you are the reason my crush blocked me on Instagram, from telling him everything I'd ever said or done to do with so thanks a lot for that. Carry on your complaining without me. I've always felt awkward on that table, especially when you talk about my friends behind their backs. The only people I'd ever complain about to people at school noe is you lot (and maybe my crush, that twat)
Young London.
Awake and Unafraid
Young London.
Age: -
Gender: -
Posts: 10034
July 6th, 2017 at 02:50am
E,

It's probably the second time I caught you lying to me.
I'm just gonna chill and take notes.
polystyrene;
Patron Saint of Switchblade Fights
polystyrene;
Age: -
Gender: -
Posts: 69132
July 18th, 2017 at 12:38am

k-

you treated me so shitty, but I guess hindsight is 20/20 and wanting you back is part of the process of moving on.

idk.

L
Charbarmanning
Bleeding on the Floor
Charbarmanning
Age: 17
Gender: Female
Posts: 1145
July 20th, 2017 at 11:58am
The group at lunch (not including E)

I'm sorry but I don't want to be friends with you anymore. You aren't true friends with anyone but yourselves and I'm sick of it. After two relaxing days without you lot I've only realised the only person I want to be friends with is E and that's why this isn't addressed to her. You were originally nice but now all your friendship is built on is complaints and talking about people (including me and E + nearly everyone on my new lunch table) behind their back. E is sitting with us tomorrow. Enjoy just being a group of four. Stop acting innocent because you can't deny all of this. Admit to all of this nonsense and never do it again and get your friends back. Learn from this experience.

[edit] To Mad (the new member of the group at lunch) I would say for you to stay away but I think you'd fit in just well seen as when you fell out with my new lunch table group, you thought it was okay to log into B's snapchat account and screenshot all their messages about you and B's private messages because, and I quote "If you fell out with your friend and they gave you their password, wouldn't you log into it?". No. Alright, B shouldn't had given away her password in the first place but you two were best friends along with Aimee and there were no signs of you lot falling out for years. Oh, I haven't forgot about when you told B one of A's biggest secrets that she never wanted B to hear. That's just selfish. Just because you aren't friends with them doesn't mean you can just break up their friendship. Luckily, they are still friends. You are gonna love complain and talking about others behind their backs with that group. That's not what I want in a friendship
hedge bitch;
Patron Saint of Switchblade Fights
hedge bitch;
Age: 27
Gender: Female
Posts: 65427
July 21st, 2017 at 10:37am
H,

I'm glad you're happier now, but I miss you
And I don't want to drag you back to hell just to keep me company.




J,

I don't know if you're happier. You just seem to be okay without me or it wouldn't be weeks since we talked. Did I fuck it up? Or are you really that shitty at heart?





G,

The number of good friends is dwindling, but the shallow ones remain. Why? I'll always ask you, why?
polystyrene;
Patron Saint of Switchblade Fights
polystyrene;
Age: -
Gender: -
Posts: 69132
July 23rd, 2017 at 12:06am

k, n, & j:

never thought I'd make friends and have fun in the hospital. thank you guys for being awesome. Smiley

L
Charbarmanning
Bleeding on the Floor
Charbarmanning
Age: 17
Gender: Female
Posts: 1145
August 5th, 2017 at 07:25pm
The (old) group at lunch,

I do feel a bit stupid for easily persuaded back into the group after being so annoyed with you for a month or two but I feel like the group was bonded back together at M's party. I mean I'm surprised that M still invited me and E. I want to know if there's any hard feelings between (L and E and me + Mad) and (A and M) for not inviting them to the cinema. I mean really it's their fault they weren't invited because they complained about us picking to see Dunkirk rather than Baby Rider. I mean they missed out on a good film. I loved it. I love how L at the end said "you lot probably think I've taken you to the most depressing film of your lives" and we all just turned to her and said "NAH WE LOVED IT" and then had a conversation about how good looking all the actors were in the film XD. I don't know if i'll join your table again when we go back to school in September but I'll definitely think about it. G will probably drag me over to her table but I'll still consider your table. As long as you act like you acted at M's birthday lunch and only bitch about Mad's mum XD and no one else including memebersnof the group! I do kind of miss your table because we were a great group of friends until you bitched about E and blamed me for "telling" her and whole storm started. I don't fully forgive you for all that back stabbing but you are probably thinking the same for your side of the story. I'll say I'm sorry for going on E's side of that situation but I promise I didn't tell her. She assumed and used me to tell her the info she wanted so then she could tell ypu I'd said it to her when all I really said was "yes". I'll apologise for it although I didn't tell her anything if it will stop your negative opinion of me. I'm trying to be the better person in this situation but it's hard when I have a website that you'll never find and a thread that's free for me to write anything I want 'to you' just to let out any annoyance. This is what I've been doing rather than confronting you about things and making the situation worse

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

To Seeking / Sea King / That Twat / The Twat

Hey look you have another few weird nicknames that are actually really easy to crack when said out loud; that's why they only work on paper. I still call you "That Twat" when you are spoken about (which is rare now seen as I've manage to convince most of my friends that I don't like you anymore without saying). Anyway, I don't know if you knew about your nickname or the fact that I still kind of like you. By kind of, I mean it's the features you can't edit that I like about you such as you height and facial features. Well unless you underwent several strange surgeries but I don't think a 14 year old. Oh btw, its you birthday in like a week or so... so happy birthday? I'm not going to say that to your face or on facebook cause that's just weird. I'd rather pretend you've read this. Wait no, i'm going to write this but hope you never see it if i'm honest. Mate, just feel lucky, the fact that i no longer really like your personality (because i don'tteally know you anymore), my brains kind of wired on looks so... if you found someone who looked just like you or similar, ill just move along to them. That's a teenage girl's brain for you there! Anyway Twat (just to clarify I no longer think you're a twat, it's just become a nickname that's stuck), I just kinda see you as a friend (even though the closest you'd get to friends is friends on facebook) . By 'as a friend' I mean I don't like like you as much as I did back in Year 7 (did you know I liked you back then?) And I just want to be friends and nothing more... but you're still good looking. This may seem complicated but I'm about 95.5% sure you'll never see this (the remaining 4.01% goes towards the fact that I use the same username for most things and I've shown three people from school this site and im 100% sure those three either know of ypu or your sister. Right bye!

~~~~
I'm not writng another, I'm just saying that the keyboard on my phone is rubbish so if anything is spelt wrong or there is missing caps or punctuation then it's not my fault, blame this stupidly small keyboard, my giant thumbs (compared to the buttons) and the fact that sometimes it automatically puts caps and punctuation in for me but other times i have to do it manually
Michael James Way.
Always Born a Crime
Michael James Way.
Age: 27
Gender: Female
Posts: 6103
August 31st, 2017 at 08:17am
E,

I love you, I really do, I never thought I'd find someone who clicks as well with me.
I thought I would be alone forever. Then you came along and changed that.
You are amazing, you are truly incredible. I love you with all of my heart. but I'm not good enough for you. You deserve so much better than me. I'm a piece of shit.

I will always love you.

C
polystyrene;
Patron Saint of Switchblade Fights
polystyrene;
Age: -
Gender: -
Posts: 69132
August 31st, 2017 at 05:05pm

acid-

thank you for existing. love ya.

L
Charbarmanning
Bleeding on the Floor
Charbarmanning
Age: 17
Gender: Female
Posts: 1145
September 16th, 2017 at 08:23pm
JO,

I'm sure that you already know this but I don't trust you... and I haven't since June 2016 but I still enjoy our sarcastic conversations and I kinda miss them a bit. One of the problems that comes with not being in classes together is that we don't talk that much. I'll probs try talking to you at break at some point
Thnks fr th vnm
Demolition Lover
Thnks fr th vnm
Age: 30
Gender: Female
Posts: 15766
October 10th, 2017 at 07:41pm
Dear self,

Fuck it, right? Eat 'til it hurts and purge it all, or fucking kill yourself idgaf. Can't see the stars tonight because they don't want to see your ugly face, they're HIDING.
hedge bitch;
Patron Saint of Switchblade Fights
hedge bitch;
Age: 27
Gender: Female
Posts: 65427
November 5th, 2017 at 09:10pm
J

I guess that's it then. In the past two days, two things happened that I thought, if anything, would get us talking again. And you didn't even acknowledge the second one. You had two opportunities to, and you didn't. And I know you saw it. Everyone else did. And you would have had to skip over it to like the other picture like you did.
You saw it, and you said nothing.
The one good thing that happened, and you said nothing.
You really don't care, do you?
Should I even expect a birthday wish from you this week? I gave you one. Sure, I didn't text you, but I can feel it, how very done we are.
And now, I'm so glad I didn't, because I'm less upset that you were a shitty friend, and more angry now.
You were a shitty friend, and a shitty person. And I miss the small window of time where we were good, but I kind of hate you now.

I just wish I could tell you off to your face.