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Story of my life

AuthorMessage
anastasia
Killjoy
anastasia
Age: 32
Gender: Female
Posts: 1
November 18th, 2015 at 04:59pm
So hey everyone Smile

I'm new here and just thought I should introduce myself, or tell why I waited for so long to register. I'm not a native english speaker, so I apologize for possible mistakes.

It happened to me just a few weeks ago. I was randomly browsing through all the ancient folders in my laptop and suddenly discovered a Frerard fanfic I wrote like 7 years ago. I started to read it, and oh my god the nostalgy that came with it. I mean, I never stopped listening to MCR and the band has had a special place in my heart since I first started listening to them, but I had forgotten how it FELT. When I was in high school I didn't really fit in, and somehow I hated everyone. I wasn't suicidal or anything but I just didn't feel like I belonged anywhere. MCR filled the gap I had inside me, and I spent my days listening to their songs and reading fanfiction. Their lyrics got me through every crisis in my life, and the self-esteem I've built, it's thanks to MCR.

Anyway, when they started having kids and eventually broke up, I felt heartbroken because I had thought of them as "Peter Pans" who never grow up. At the time I felt like I never wanted to grow up too.

Since then my life has changed, I have an amazing boyfriend and I'm studying in a university. But few weeks ago, when I found that old Frerard fic, the obsession I had for MCR when I was a teen, just came back like it was never gone. And since that day I've been listening to MCR all the time, and I've been reading all the fanfiction I can find. It feels strange being 24 and obsessed over some guys I don't even know. But that's the thing: I feel like I know them. Through the lyrics, interviews, everything.

The problem here is, though, that there's still a part of me which doesn't want to grow up (even though I'm in a serious relationship and about to graduate). I'm somehow not ready to face the "reality" of paying bills and having kids, and NOT being able to just listen to music all the time and dream.

If someone can relate to this, then please, tell me how you're coping Smile How do you come to terms with the fact, that these are just guys you don't know, who did and still do amazing music, but who aren't really part of your life? How do you give up that "fictive world" and accept that you have to live your own life? I want to learn to be happy that this amazing music and these guys exist, but I don't want to feel sad about my own life because of them.

Sorry for the long story, I'm forever grateful if someone finds the time to read it Smile <3
vacant alleyWAYS
Salute You in Your Grave
vacant alleyWAYS
Age: -
Gender: -
Posts: 2991
April 1st, 2016 at 04:14am
go here to chat with all of us

Also, you'd be a great candidate for this project we are doing this year...

anniversary blog