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My Chicago

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Pistol_GeeBucks
Joining The Black Parade
Pistol_GeeBucks
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Posts: 200
December 6th, 2008 at 04:02pm
My band, My Chicago have only just starting writing songs, so I thought I'd put some of my lyric ideas here so I could get some feedback.

Like The Wings Of A Humming Bird

Verse
I don't know how to talk to you
Will you ever know?
The jealousy tears us all apart
Like the beast that is inside
Like the fire in your eyes

Pre-chorus
Please don't
Leave me alone this time
I know you don't mean to be so cold
But it still hurts me so bad
Still hits me so hard

Chorus
I can't
Lie to you this time
I think I'm losing faith in you
Oh, won't you look my way

Verse 2
If you were me you'd feel the same
So humble to your smile
You're just that flicker of desire
That I just can't let go
Oh, won't you ever know?

Pre-chorus
Please don't
Leave me alone this time
I know you don't mean to be so cold
But it still hurts me so bad
Still hits me so hard

Chorus
I can't
Lie to you this time
I think I'm losing faith in you
Oh, won't you look my way

Bridge
And our hearts will beat like
Our hearts are
Beating like the wings of a
Humming bird

Chorus
I can't
Lie to you this time
I think I'm losing faith in you
Oh, won't you look my way
I think I'm losing...

A lot of this needs work, which is why I put it up here Wink
MyChemicalBlack
Salute You in Your Grave
MyChemicalBlack
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Posts: 2351
December 6th, 2008 at 05:35pm
I like the theme of the song.
Out of curiousity, what type of music is going with this?
Ex.) Slow, Fast, melodic, etc.

Otherwise I've got no beef with this. xD
Pistol_GeeBucks
Joining The Black Parade
Pistol_GeeBucks
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Posts: 200
December 6th, 2008 at 05:48pm
^ Thanks for the comment =)

I'm not really sure about the music yet. I play guitar, and I come up with loads of riffs, I just never know which lyrics to fit them to.
I think our band style is gonna be leaning towards Paramore, because everything we write seems to be that way.
So I guess it'll be quite upbeat, I can't see it being slow.
Pistol_GeeBucks
Joining The Black Parade
Pistol_GeeBucks
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Posts: 200
December 6th, 2008 at 06:12pm
Untitled.....and unfinished

Verse
The wire wrapped around my neck
Gets tighter every day
They've all stabbed you in the back
Oh, that so so tragic way
Is this what we will become
Hit bitter heights of low
Can't you see what we've become?
Whoa-oh-oh

Chorus
I'm scared to forget you
Deluded as I am
I'm scared to forget you
Please don't let me go

Verse 2
What are we supposed to see
When everyone's so blind?
Who are you supposed to be?
'Cause I can't see your mind
And were we all meant to burn
Burn so long ago
Are we all going to burn?
Whoa-oh-oh

Chorus
I'm scared to forget you
Deluded as I am
I'm scared to forget you
Please don't let me go

I'm not sure about this. I wrote the verses as a separate song to the chorus but decided to put them together. They're about the same story, but I'm not sure if it fits. =/
fabulous killjoy.
Moderator
fabulous killjoy.
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Gender: Female
Posts: 46256
December 6th, 2008 at 07:07pm
If these are lyrics, they belong here, not in the poetry section.