Things I See

YOU
so you see me
revolving in circles around my mind
my Lucy
but then I spirl out of it
and go into a whirlwind of mystery.
I watch the sun rise and set in 2 seconds
as I yield the officer of life
i find my numbers
and my financial imbalance
and I say
"take this, brother, may it serve you well"
I hand you a clump
your not sure what it is
it is a magical mystery.
as you listen to my music,
you being to mold it
into something so extravagant
that no one can truly identify it.
you ask everyone around
"what is it?"
they all ignore you and dutifully
and briskly
walk towards their resting area.
it feels like a bad dream
but your not even sure it's that.
as I turn invisible
you wish I came back to life
then you slowly realize you're turning in circles.
you find a revolution
with the same name as you
and grab it by the spline.
you shake it
until it is yours
and then you plunge into a never ending
ocean.
you travel through time and space
as if you balanced it.
you hear fighting in the background
but you don't follow it
your so intent on the thing that you made
you cannot peel your eyes away.
it leads you to
a fountain
thats spurting music and blood.
you touch it and you dive into
this inference of imagination
this unreal reality
and then you finally discover
that you've found the meaning of life
you see it
in your masterpiece
and in your surroundings
and you've found
yourself
your mind
your soul
you

sorry, I wrote this one above in a ten minutes (under a time limit). I'll change it to modern english later once I've posted all of mine

PERFECTION
her cold, dry fingers
caress your
warm, soft skin.
it sends shivers
through your stable body.
everywhere she travels
with her hands
leaves an ice burn
on your soul.
her frozen
silky lips
lightly touch
your cheek.
you sigh
and smile
as she would want you to.
she begins to shake
uncontrollably
from her unknown chill.
you hug her
desperately trying
to warm her
somehow.
you whisper in her ear
you love her forever.
she replies
not with the same feeling
but with
"too much for me
this blissful ecstasy."
you wish she wouldn't say that
all you need is
those reassuring words
not
how she
does not
deserve you.
she is your
everything.
thats all there is.
nothing more to it.
what one deserves
and not deserves
doesn't matter.
as long as
she's there
everything is
perfect.

(I just wrote this on a random feeling so I don't know what to call it)
The way you really see it, it is nice to know, why everything eventually swings to and fro. As you sweep your hands down the road, you see a wonderful kaleidoscope. Full of wonders and dreams and so called love that will fill you with happiness, joy and tubs. You wonder aimlessly about this magical mystery place and you wish you were not so out of space. Of one of the things you find, you see it sparkle in the light. Once you wrapped it around your heart, you know you will not have to travel far. For the thing that you were looking for was here, in your delightful mind that’s oh so queer.

SUBJECTS
white
is that racist?
because i think its an interesting color
its almost angelic
---------------
ANGELS
hmm
what are they?
stalkers from the sky?
do they even guide me?
or are they mini gods?
---------------
god...
existent or nonexistent
yes or no
its all belief
I don't see it like so many people do
he is a figment of our imagination
and he apparently sent a savior down
to save us
---------------------
savior
he is with me
he is mi savior
not from god
from the wild array of what some may call heaven
he fills me up
complete I am
......
I should not be self centered like i am around him
I should let him do what he wants not the other way around
I'm mad at myself for being so
why am I so
not
what I want to be
its a goal
I must complete it
but he wants me to be up
not down
he wants me to talk
not be silent
he doesn't want me to say sorry
when i have so many times
its hard not to be self centered when hes with me
I hate it
but hes saving me
should I let him?
everything that comes out of mi head and mi mouth
its just so
down casting
I wonder if it hurts him
I wonder if happiness is what he wants from me
and all he wants as a gift
is more of my love
I wish I was selfless as him
I wish
I was him
I wish we were one
how can I do this?
this is so hard
------------------------
ONE
"one is the loneliest number that you ever knew
two can be as bad as one but the loneliest number
is the number one"
is loneliness love?
is to love to be lonely?
.....
once....take away the see and u get one
.......
is to act to lie?
is to lie, to pretend?
to pretend.....
pretending to love
is what too many people do
truth
is disappearing
everyday everywhere
I love truth
truth should be my best friend
yet I lie so much to people that I believe are unimportant
but I should believe that they are important
......
today I ask
why do I talk?
talking is of no use to me
I wanted to be silent today
silence helps me daydream
dreaming is beautiful
I want to dream of strawberry fields
of diamonds and skies
of walruses and revolution 9s
of life and love
of mystery and truth
of kaleidescope eyes
------------------------------------------------------------------------
I'm telling you....you are more than that of heavens....you are greater to me than anything..I don't know if this will ever end...this feeling of complete adoration for you ...its so impeccable my mind will swirl into a series of visions...visions of heaven
------------------------------------------------------------------------
this is the never ending poem
about subjects
that com to mind
-----------
dreams
are
beautiful
bad dreams and good dreams
all have their little meaning
sanctuary I find in them
they lead me to my little world of reality
in a place of time and space
that cannot be balanced
they are dark and unseen
like all the colors blend to one
------
black
no...I'm not racist
space is made up of so much
it is black
blackness
is visible
as well as invisible
it is life in its worst metaphor
black is the leading color in everything you see
------
SIGHT
I see sight as a verb
not a noun
it is an action in a statement but its so much
deeper than that
sight is what u see at the end
sight is what u do when you find something incredible
is it so deep that its sad?
-------
is sadness deep?
why?
is it because its emotional?
is it because it pulls the heart down into
such fathomless pain,
its too much to bear?
what is sadness?
will it ever sleep?
--------
SLEEP
sleep is a mystery
no one shall ever discover it
so many people test it
but they never will figure out
that there is no scientific answer
sleep everyone needs
it lets you drift into a state of consciousness
unknown to reality
into a place where anything can happen
or maybe into your happy place..
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
why do people hate me? they hated me first...they hurt me first...they targeted me first...they don't even know me...yet why do they hurt me like they always do? am I not good enough to satisfy them? am I just so weird or ugly that I become the point of a conversation? am I that bad?

to be continued

SUBJECTS cont.
why does everyone hate what I crave?
what have I done wrong?
no, more like what have I done wrong
that I haven't apologized for
-----
do I have to yell?
do I have to scream?
why cant you hear me?
why cant you just listen harder?
why are we so lazy?
maybe if we just
stopped
everything
it would go back
if there is a back
to where it belongs
but
"we can't go back"
fine
then we'll go forward
in the right direction
we should work together
we should solve together
there should be
no complaining
no yelling
and no such thing
as busy
------
the world seems to be revolving
in the wrong direction
not right
not left
just
wrong
------
if I tell you the truth
will I get punished?
if I tell you the truth
will you listen?
if I tell you the truth
will you not tell
others?
if I tell you the truth
for once in my life
will you hate me?
------
someday
someone
will find me
they will see the true me
and they'll be speechless
for what they find
looks horrid
on the inside
but looks beautiful
on the outside
but they wont jump to conclusions
like too many people do
they will finally
discover
the hidden elegance
and extravagance
and luxuriousness
in the horrible
unearthly
clump
that is me
------
for now
my insanity
is what keeps me
from drowning
it helps me fly away
from the hate
and the gravity
of my "priorities"
my insanity
is a mask
a lie
a test
to see if you really
truly
genuinely
understand
and
appreciate me
-------
I hate
attraction
attraction of forces
attraction of lovers
attraction
is fictional
attraction is not the correct
term of usage
it is
a deception
---
if you absolutely
must
love me
you must be
mature enough
to identify my lies
and my truths

to be continued

MY OWN OPINION
no one is free
tho we all dream to be
i would very much like to fly away,
but i kno that would ruin my future,
i dont care about it anyway
.............
i just want to do what i do best
and preach my opinion to the world

im the worst communist you can get
i dream of equality and simple solutions
how naive i can be
there is also unfathomable parts
i only truly know how to carry on

everyone is crazy to someone else
everyone is special to someone else
to love a lie is to be innocent
to lie about love is to cheat
-
my good mood is bad for others
my middle mood makes people happy
my bad mood gets people concerned...
i definetely dont need their sympathy

i am the worst best angel of hell

(this one's in my info)

THE WISH OF IMMORTALITY
the luscious moonlight
drifts over the virgin snow
and leaves
shadows
in its dust
as an abandoned swing set
stands stiff
in the negative
cascade of wind.
the majestic trees
layered with angelic white
unnecessarily
crouch and cower
in the long after twilight darkness.
their haunting and taunting
branches
linger without reason.
the magnificent
light of the night
creates the elegance
of the nervous trees
and encourages them
to swoop into the sky.
the child
whose soul never sleeps
watches and listens
intently
on nature's silent conversation.
the child is intrigued
by its expressionless
emotion
and its universal
power.
the child dreams of becoming a part
of the unknown excitement
and desperately hopes
that the magic
and the mystery
will never die.

your wrong, you rebel
Everything I do,
whenever I flashback
I always think of how stupid it was.
Always.
Every time I think that,
I picture myself being slapped,
hard.
What is wrong with me?
Oh, nothing, dear Dazi,
It's just you being young.
The tendency for me to cling
to childish things
Makes me an all over baby
to the world of reality.
I hate how I am.
I hate it all.
It seems that I have four sides
to one soul.
One: the bisexual MCR crazy freak that scares people
Two. the one that tries to please everyone and is a fake friend to you
Three. the hateful depressed, self-centered piece of crap
Four. the extremely nice one that thinks she knows all
I am just a naive
stupid
ugly
creep.
Oh don't you just adore the painful truth of it?
Oh yes it's quite lovely, I should say.
today I ask,
why do I talk?
For I always,
do the wrong thing.

IMPOSSIBLENESS
As I gaze out the windows of flight
I view the stars
as seen in near space
I am mesmerized by the silver dots
that litter the heavenly sky
I feel like I am a ghost
I can reach out and float
freely in the atmosphere
I can stretch out my hand
and let it glide through the watery night
I can let each particle of my spirit
dissolve into all the stars
I loathe this earthly attachment of gravity
The only home for me is the twilight of life
Up into unknown regions of unimaginary beauty
I belong high up
Where I am an Untouchable
Where I am a speck in another's life
or an idol which to wish upon
Now as I watch the grand show
I believe I see every little point
but I know better
there's always more
My mind is drifting back down to me now
I look back and realize
The only way to be where I wish
is to travel throughout dreams
All I have to do is close my eyes
and I will be
or open my eyes
look up
and long to be in my non-reachable sanctuary
In conclusion
I shall love what loves me
and my distant dream
will only be a distant dream
Life will go on within and without me
and I will go wherever it takes me

no title
Let's scatter the stars
They'll become our tornado
Let's roll in the winds
They'll become our lightning
Let's fly through the leaves
They'll become our thunder
Let's swim among the lights
They'll become our blizzard
Let's melt on the rivers
They'll become our earthquake
Let's explore inside dreams
They'll become our sky

THE REMNANT
say,
can i borrow your ear?
mine doesnt seem to be working properly
or are you speaking words of truth?

I'm just sitting on this door step
sitting and waiting
My butt is numb
for I have not moved for ages
Every time I knock on the door
you yell out a knock-knock joke
I play your game
because maybe you might let me in
but no
I'm still waiting
It seems to be my destiny
to wait and linger and remain
in my fetal position
passing the time away until I knock again
Your disguised rejection
cuts like a knife to my aura
But I'm still yours
If you hide what I seek
then I hide
what you never want to see in me
If you lay your head down
I lay mine
The funny thing is,
"If I lay here
If I just lay here"
you refuse to lie with me
"and just forget the world"
But you want me happy
and that's my character
in the magnificent play called
The Gypsies of the Night Wind

A DEATH IN A PLAY
Today I showed you truth
that once dawdled in sunflower fields
when it strikes your eyes
your insides shriek in horror
you cringe in ignorance.
Instantly you block the image
you change the subject.
someone needs to learn
how to face their fears

AVE MARIA
My grandpa died this summer.
One day he was crying in bed.
He said it was so beautiful.
He was listening to the divine
Ave Maria.
I repeat that line.
Over and over
everyday.
I sing it too.
Ave Maria.
Because I want to be beautiful.
Beautiful for Grandpa.
Beautful for my love.
Beautiful for the benefit of others.
Ave Maria.
<3

I can't see anything...