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lolis12007
Really Not Okay
lolis12007
Age: 30
Gender: Female
Posts: 655
May 1st, 2010 at 07:37pm
Sometimes i feel like i have been raped.
with all the stares that feel like they are penetrating my back with burning fire.
i feel their desires and it sickens me to my stomach.
sometimes it makes me feel pretty and wanted, but later it feels like i have been raped and i know it. it is rape.
their stares as if they were being nice...their mean and repulsive intentions that creep inside my head and i can't do anyhting about it. They just raped my innocence.
It started with a Kiss and i gave in. it was a stupid game filled with joy and desire but it was nothing compared to the need of wanting more. Its like i became addicted thinking it was the only way i'd ever feel pretty. I soon became to feel paranoid and there's nothing i can do about it but accept the fact that im addicted to wanting to feel these things. It's like the post-trauma someone actually gets after they have been raped. This post-trauma is dangerous like any other, it never stops and when i feel it does, soemthing brings it back to my head to my thoughts to my lips to my words to my hands to my body...and theres nothign i can do but wanting it to go away.
Soemtimes the need to cut comes present but it never gets passed that. I am not liable to compare this sickness to being raped...but it feels that way. i wish someone could understand my playful facade. i ask myself if others feel the same way and if it is a matter of time to get accustomed to this feeling. but it doesnt seem right and i need to cut ends with this. I need razor sharp siccors to cut this feeling out and be normal.
lolis12007
Really Not Okay
lolis12007
Age: 30
Gender: Female
Posts: 655
May 1st, 2010 at 07:55pm
The tree's leaves move as the wind passes by
giving her a chilling feeling down her spine
the beautiful clouds at night pass by
so fast covering the dark sky
where theres no sight of stars
the stars she saw once in a land far away
the stars that protected her from her boringness
and the things she feared...n that one thing..
Complete darkness but that darkness has consumed her shallow mind
a mind that wasnt like this...she longs to be the girl she used to be
but now all she can do is look up at the dark sky
with clouds lingering n waiting to be pushed..
just like she lingers there..
sitting n waiting for someone to sweep her off her feet...she waits sliently.

And this waiting is making her tired.
Tired of everything she sees,
hears and thinks everyday..
shes tired of routines..
she wants to get out n explore the world
she wasnt to live.. to dance... to fall in love..
she wishes she were different n the same..
at the same time she doesnt know what she wants..
shes just a lingering soul lost in her front porch...
where she hears everything and nothing at the same time.
she waits in the porch of where it all began
she waits in the porch where theres nothing but memories n the present...
she waits n she waits n nothing happens..
she waits n she waits n just one car passes...
she waits more n little by little she starts to realize
tht she doesnt have to sit n wait
she can sit n enoy the view, the breeze
the abnormality tht grew into familiarity
n she just gets the ideas in her head n makes a mental image...
a girl sitting at night with passing clouds, passing cars,
trees making the rustling sounds of leaves everywhere around her.
ppl talking..her neighbors most likely..
houses with doors open, others with doors closed,
some lights on and some lights off..
windows closed n windowws opened.
sounds of the ice cream van....
sounds tht she doesnt recognize and
sounds shes known all her life
the life she knows is now
the beginning of the life
she has to finish all
confiusing but clear
and understandable
at the same time..
she knows
where to
start
now.
lolis12007
Really Not Okay
lolis12007
Age: 30
Gender: Female
Posts: 655
May 1st, 2010 at 07:55pm
Theres a sweet intense dream that has not ended yet...
it never ends completely, only ends in a pause
at night, and by day resumes leaving the ashes
of yesterday...

the ashes i want to grasp as memories and keep them
so close to my heart.
I want to keep those burned painful memories of my life,
those memories that make me who i am today,
and without the pain of yesterday it wouldnt
be the same...

Every splinter of pain, every tear shed
has become the asheds of yesterday,
the treasure that makes happiness even more valuable

From Every broken heart lies a purpose,
From every purpose lies a lesson to be learned,
and following those lessons takes you to your destiny...

The footprints we leave behind
are so that one day you'll turn back around
and find someone that always followed you,
that someone may turn their back or not,
but you'll always know someone followed,
someone passed through the pain
and happiness that you did,
someone shed those tears you did.

And when you're done crying now
I'll wrap my arms around and whisper in your ear
"it's ok im here...everythings gonna turn out alright"
you'll soon fall asleep in these arms
and in your dreams I'll guide you back home
to happiness, because that sweet dream won't end tonight
you'll wake up and resume your life,
but i'll be there , and then i'll show you
that sweet dream next night...
lolis12007
Really Not Okay
lolis12007
Age: 30
Gender: Female
Posts: 655
May 6th, 2010 at 06:05pm
is there really no one out there??
MyChemicalBlack
Salute You in Your Grave
MyChemicalBlack
Age: -
Gender: -
Posts: 2351
May 8th, 2010 at 12:19pm
Whew, managed to get online finally. Pardon my delayed response, time’s been short lately.
Anyways, on to your poetry! Smiley

Your style is unique, in a good way. Meaning, the mix between “narravtive-style” and emotion is done really well.
The second poem was my favorite. It had that story quality that “just works” for what you’re trying to convey.

Good to see your work, mon amie. Smiley
Keep it coming. ^_^
lolis12007
Really Not Okay
lolis12007
Age: 30
Gender: Female
Posts: 655
May 9th, 2010 at 11:34pm
well thank you very much Smile i really appreciate you reading my poems Smile

don't worry about the lateness, life calls hehe.


i'll try to keep them coming Smile
kristengurl555
Killjoy
kristengurl555
Age: 28
Gender: Female
Posts: 4
May 12th, 2010 at 08:55pm
Smile