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The Confessions Thread

AuthorMessage
Richey Edwards.
Demolition Lover
Richey Edwards.
Age: 31
Gender: Female
Posts: 16507
July 28th, 2014 at 04:31pm
It seems like you're gaining all of your weight back. I'm too afraid to mention it. I don't wanna hurt your feelings.
Frnk iero.
Awake and Unafraid
Frnk iero.
Age: 29
Gender: Female
Posts: 11747
July 29th, 2014 at 02:46pm
When I was still in my first year of college and still homicidal, I would spend hours and I mean HOURS sitting still, listening to Everlong by Foo Fighters, just to calm down.
I don't know why, but today has been very emotionally painful and even though i'm not homocidal, I am sitting here listening to it, and have been for an hour.
Today, one year ago, I broke up with Andrew and even though he means nothing to me, now. At the time it was the biggest thing that had happened to me and I was terrified about what would happen to me.
I feel like it's all connected.
I feel like I'm going to wake up tomorrow and be a new person. That this year, this trial, is finally over. I feel like i'm mourning my past self, today.
Richey Edwards.
Demolition Lover
Richey Edwards.
Age: 31
Gender: Female
Posts: 16507
July 29th, 2014 at 04:24pm
All I really wanna do is be alone. But I keep forcing myself to interact with people. It's not helping. I'll just hurt their feelings if I tell them I wanna be left alone, though. I'll just deal.

I also wish I could see into the future. Even if just by a few years. I know life's a journey, and a learning experience, but I just wanna know if I'm making the right decisions. I wanna know what I'm supposed to be doing. I wanna know what career I'll have and just what my life looks like in general. I mean, I already have a good idea, but I wanna be wrong.
Richey Edwards.
Demolition Lover
Richey Edwards.
Age: 31
Gender: Female
Posts: 16507
July 30th, 2014 at 04:32pm
Well this confirms it. I'm stupider than I originally thought.
fire at will.
Damned After All
fire at will.
Age: 35
Gender: -
Posts: 105653
August 1st, 2014 at 09:32am
I don't know what is wrong with me lately.
Everything that made me happy isn't making me feel anything anymore.
I just feel like an empty shell walking around, doing my normal routine of eat, sleep, wake up, go to work and repeat.
I've already come to terms with the fact I may suffer from depression.
And can even cope with it at times but this bout is far worse than the other ones.
Last night I did something I haven't done in almost two years just to make me feel again.
But it was fleeting and didn't last long.
Frnk iero.
Awake and Unafraid
Frnk iero.
Age: 29
Gender: Female
Posts: 11747
August 1st, 2014 at 11:26am
i think the fact that im in a bad mood so often isn't because i miss you. It's the opposite. I think im scared that I don't need you at all.
Richey Edwards.
Demolition Lover
Richey Edwards.
Age: 31
Gender: Female
Posts: 16507
August 1st, 2014 at 09:52pm
I wanna be able to just live and let things happen, but I don't know if I can.

Also

This is gonna sound so dumb, but I really just want to get my hair done. I have so many split ends, and my natural color is coming out from not doing anything to it in years. Not that I necessarily mind my natural hair color, just it fading into my old hair dye is kinda of blah looking. I literally haven't don't anything to it in over a year. At the very least, a trim would be nice. But then I get into moods where I dont feel like I deserve one. Depression is slowly killing me.
wednesday.
In the Cannibal Glow
wednesday.
Age: -
Gender: Female
Posts: 53026
August 4th, 2014 at 01:14pm
there are so many things that i hate about myself right now, and i need to try really hard to fix that.
beaker;
Ghostbuster Famous
beaker;
Age: -
Gender: -
Posts: 71107
August 5th, 2014 at 01:22am
I just want to tell some people so bad that they need to grow up.
beaker;
Ghostbuster Famous
beaker;
Age: -
Gender: -
Posts: 71107
August 5th, 2014 at 11:56pm
Sometimes I feel like the only way to fix my problems would be to throw my head against the wall. Not to injure myself, but as though just the traumatic force would knock some sense into me.
Or maybe it would do enough damage that it would hit a reset button.
The urge to do this happens a lot more now. The only reason I don't is because I know it won't work. And I know it'll hurt.
Richey Edwards.
Demolition Lover
Richey Edwards.
Age: 31
Gender: Female
Posts: 16507
August 7th, 2014 at 08:18am
It's all wrong, and I know it's all wrong.
But I can't do anything about it now.
There's too much time, money, life invested.
But I think I'm ultimately the one who's overcomplicated it
beaker;
Ghostbuster Famous
beaker;
Age: -
Gender: -
Posts: 71107
August 8th, 2014 at 01:12am
Once upon a time I thought about what it would be like to be blind, and what my life would be like if I suddenly lost my sight. Part of me wanted this to be a thing, until I realized how much it would fuck up a lot of things I like to do.
So I thought of another disability, and came up with losing one's voice -- permanently. And I started placing this into my life, what would my life be like if I suddenly lost my ability to speak? Part of me wanted this to be a thing, and then I started coming up with scenarios. I imagined being in class and no longer being able to speak. I imagined the complications, and my relationships with others being effected. I imagined a backstory as to why and how it happened. Eventually it morphed into a story all it's own, a character separate from myself in her own life, and I intend to write the novel one day.
But through it all, some days I really do wish that the event would happen, and I would permanently lose my voice.
Richey Edwards.
Demolition Lover
Richey Edwards.
Age: 31
Gender: Female
Posts: 16507
August 12th, 2014 at 08:22pm
I want to be alone. Not single alone or no friends alone, just left alone. I wanna go on a trip by myself, to somewhere far. I wanna be able to go somewhere without having the need to answer a text right away. I don't want anyone to try and contact me. I just want to be by myself for a little while. But when I get alone with my thought, bad things happen. So maybe it's not a good idea.
Frnk iero.
Awake and Unafraid
Frnk iero.
Age: 29
Gender: Female
Posts: 11747
August 13th, 2014 at 11:48am
I really miss swimming.
I feel like I wouldn't be as overweight, if that stroke hadn't happened.
It's so unfair.
Frnk iero.
Awake and Unafraid
Frnk iero.
Age: 29
Gender: Female
Posts: 11747
August 13th, 2014 at 08:56pm
I just want to be held.
I don't want sex, or even kissing. I just want to be cradled in someone's arms.
Richey Edwards.
Demolition Lover
Richey Edwards.
Age: 31
Gender: Female
Posts: 16507
August 14th, 2014 at 01:39pm
I'm in love with a fantasy. Reality isn't all that bad, really, I just can't stop being in love with a fantasy.
stereo typical.
Tragic With a Capital T
stereo typical.
Age: -
Gender: Female
Posts: 46847
August 15th, 2014 at 02:54am
The truth is, you taught me to never give up
that believeing in myself is sometime possible
that I'm the only thing holding myself back half the time
and that it's okay that I need help or an extra push sometimes, it's how I get better
tackling my problems head on has proved so much easier than burying them all, you were a major factor in me getting to this point.

and losing you has therefore, been really rough on me. I felt like all I'd ever done was fail you, but when I replay some of our last conversations and I realised I haven't failed you, not at all. I really think you would have wanted me to realise that too.
Richey Edwards.
Demolition Lover
Richey Edwards.
Age: 31
Gender: Female
Posts: 16507
August 15th, 2014 at 08:22am
That's fine. If after almost 3 years you still can't remember a fucking date, I won't ask you to anymore. I won't even ask you to plan things anymore. I won't trouble you. I can't really remember the last time you got me a gift anyway. A few birthdays ago maybe. So don't worry. Anniversaries, holidays, birthdays, events, I wont ask you to remember any of them. I'll do it from now on. I'll plan everything from here on out. I'll save up all the money. I'll buy whatever's needed. I'll make whatever reservations are needed. I'll drive us to wherever. No need to remember anything. All you'll have to do is ask off work for those certain days or ask to work specific hours. Really, I'm not mad, I'm doing this to save you any kind of trouble. I love you. You just really step on my toes sometimes.
cricket.
Patron Saint of Switchblade Fights
cricket.
Age: -
Gender: -
Posts: 69728
August 16th, 2014 at 10:52pm

You're making me nervous and I don't know if I should be.
But if we have to go out, can't we go with a bang rather than a whimper??
Richey Edwards.
Demolition Lover
Richey Edwards.
Age: 31
Gender: Female
Posts: 16507
August 17th, 2014 at 09:52am
It's scary, really. Being in love with a total fantasy. Something I know can't even happen, yet over the years my mind has told me it can. I'll be internally tortured about it forever, while you can go on living as if you have no part of it. Right as things are just starting to get better, you show me they really aren't. It wont stop. I don't even think I want it to. But truth be told, I can't really afford for it to keep going on.