Jerm

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  ass kissing does not become you jerm. im sorry im a crazy pmsing b*tch, but you made it sound like you didn't want to come because of kourt and his bullsh*t. im not trying to push you away or say if you where to come i wouldnt come see you because of kourt. actually i talked to kourt about you coming to visit, i kinda left out the part about me offering to help get you here only because he'd never allow it. He's perfectly fine with you coming to visit and said that i could see you as much as i wanted, but he didn't want me to be alone with you at all.
  and as for your doctor I'd tell him that i wanted a second oppinion and take all your info to another doctor and see what they say about the gout meds. Consultation is almost always free unless they have to run tests. if youre buying a medication that's to expensive and isn't technically for you then you probably shouldn't be taking it. adverse side effects and what not. and we don't want you getting sick because some doctor f*cked you so he could meet his quota or some sh*t. I love you honny and im sorry i yelled at you. like i said, pms... it's not a good excuse but it's the only one i got and if it counts for anything i was starting fights with everyone the other day so it wasn't just you that got b*tched out for no reason lol, i really am sorry though

  Lady Wicked, January 21st, 2013 at 12:04:43pm

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  and don't tell me how to deal with kourt. i can more than handle it thanks. sorry i voiced a concern

  Lady Wicked, January 19th, 2013 at 01:37:30pm

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  YES CAPS LOCK IS f*ckING NESSECARY!!!!! YOU STUPID f*ckING STUPID f*ck!!!!! WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?????? YOU HAD UR CHANCE. YEAH OKAY CUZ THAT WAS SO f*ckING LONG AGO AND LIKE YOU HAD A f*ckING CHANCE!!!! YOU GOT HERE THEN GOT THROWN UNDER A f*ckING BUS!!!! DONT YOU f*ckING TALK THAT sh*t TO ME! f*ck YOU. IT WASN'T f*ckIN OVER FOR ME THEN AND IT ISN'T NOW OR I WOULDN'T BE WASTING MY TIME TALKING TO SOME DUDE THOUSANDS OF MILES AWAY THAT I NEVER GET TO SEE. f*ck YOU JEREMY. I DON'T GIVE A f*ck HOW MUCH IT COSTS AND NEITHER DOES ANYONE ELSE HERE WHO MISSES YOU AND WANTS TO SEE YOU. YOU CAN GET SOME f*ckING HELP. ALL YOU GOTTA DO IS f*ckING ASK YOU DUMBASS. I HAVE 11 GRAND RIGHT NOW I'LL f*ckIN PAY FOR A STUPID TICKET SO YOU CAN GET UR STUPID ASS UP HERE AND VISIT YOUR f*ckING FAMILY!!!! i can't believe this sh*t. f*ck you. i love you. i love you to death but f*ck you. that is the stupidest thing i've heard in a minute. buy your f*cking meds. send me the sh*t for your bank sh*t or whatever and i'll wire you some money. I'll have to send it through my mom first so kourt wont see where it's going so moms name will prolly be on everything. why do you gotta make this sh*t so f*cking complicated. did i tell you to f*ck off yet?

  Lady Wicked, January 19th, 2013 at 01:34:38pm

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  That's such a long time away though. and results wont come for another month or so. eck. stupid doctors.
  i know you'll behave. Im more worried about kourt throwing a tantrum. there's a 99.9% chance he wont let me come see you.

  Lady Wicked, January 15th, 2013 at 03:39:30pm

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  you behave yourself. don't go startin sh*t. Yeah he acts like a child sometimes, but i can understand why he does it. just play nice okay?
  and i dunno about the doctors other than new pills=good blood in piss= bad. i dunno babe. i hope it all comes out okay. let me know

  Lady Wicked, January 9th, 2013 at 02:41:13pm

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  i hope so. i haven't seen you in almost 3 years. only thing is that if kourt knows you're here which he will i really doubt i'll be allowed to see you. that'll f*ckin kill me lol.

  Lady Wicked, January 8th, 2013 at 01:10:43pm

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  Ur gonna come visit????YEAH!!!! this is gonna be akward.....again lol. all well i don't care! ur gonna come visit! lol i miss the way ur lips taste lol *blush.
  i love you too my Jerm

  Lady Wicked, January 7th, 2013 at 05:44:10pm

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  Ur gonna come visit????YEAH!!!! this is gonna be akward.....again lol. all well i don't care! ur gonna come visit! lol i miss the way ur lips taste lol *blush.
  i love you too my Jerm

  Lady Wicked, January 7th, 2013 at 05:44:09pm

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  i miss you so much

  Lady Wicked, January 6th, 2013 at 04:05:30pm

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  IM sorry i havn't gotten ahold of you Jerm. Christmas this year has been crazy. btw merry Christmas and Happy new year XD
  i really wish you where here. sh*t got all kinds of crazy and just f*ckin...crazy. Kourt and i broke up Christmas morning. i woke up to him throwing presents and stomping on my phone saying i'd cheated on him. i didn't though. it was just nonsense. so we broke up, or i broke up with him. he was up the whole night crying and puking sasying he couldn't handle this sh*t. we tried talking but the whole time he was just trying to get me to stay with him. he tried proposing with his dead cousins ring. i told him no and stayed a few days at my moms. we started talking again and he keeps telling me he's going to make things better. that he's gonna stop ignoring me and our relationship bla bla bla. i don't know what to think. we are sort of back together. or at least I'm still living with him. things are still pretty rough though. i don't know if i believe him or if i even should. our entire time together it's always been about money. getting money saving money going to school for more money. it's like b*tch i've been homeless i've lived in 1 room cabins living with 5 other people. Money is not an issue to me at all. I'm more comfortable without it actually. i know how to handle myself without it. im really good at it actually but that's not him. I don't know that he could ever change something that hardwired into his personality. He lives to get money no matter how or what it takes to get it. he doesn't know how to have a relationship just because that person makes you happy. his idea of a relationship is some trophy girl who can help him get money and look good doing it.i can't f*cking live like that. i want to be happy with the person im with not have my life be one big business transaction. i don't think i even remember how to have a normal relationship with someone anymore. i dunno im sorry im ranting my problems at you again. don't worry about it. i just can't help but comparing. i mean when you where here nether one of us had money, or sh*t really anything to our names and we still managed to go out and do things and have fun just being together. sh*t raid the change jar grab a couple of burgers and go to the park. it's fun! it's playful it keeps things exciting and interesting. just being with someone and being happy and knowing that they're happy too just being with you. it makes you want to get up in the morning just so you can see that person again no matter how long you've been together. there was this old couple i met years ago. Mike and Pat Algier who'd been married for over 40 years who where still crazy in love with eachother. i asked Pat why after so many years she was still just as in love with Mike as she was when she first married him and she told me that it was because he still called her mother ( it was a pet name she got after they had their first kid) even though her kids where grown and had kids of her own, because after so many years he still thought she was beautiful even when she was sick or had to use her oxygen tank, that he could still surprise her, and he still did all the little things that mattered. That's how i want to be when i'm old. I want to be old as sh*t, but still be a child with my lover, but i don't see that ever happening to me and it scares me to death. that i'm going to be 70 or 80 years old with some bitter old man i can't stand to be around, but what scares me most is that if that where to happen that said persons death will be a relief rather than something that would devistate or hurt me. i dunno. i'm just being silly.

  Lady Wicked, January 6th, 2013 at 04:05:10pm

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  That's always been my favorite poem :)
  Its strage to think we've known and loved eahother for six years. Of those six years we've only been able tho be as close to eachother as we should have always been for 3 days. It don't think its really nessesary to say those where the happiest days of my life. Its hard being so far from your soul mate. You are me . I always one constant and the one man I've ever truely given my heart to. I'm so sorry for everything I've made suffer through and I thought that if I ignored the truth, if I forgot our love and everything you've saved me from that we could be happy again. But I was wrong. I'm not in the pain I used to be in. I'm not suffering or hurting anymore because of the closure you gave me years ago. Jeremy its like I said from the beggining.you are my savior my love my best friend. And I want you forever in my life. You promised me this years ago and you're the only person in my life that has ever kept that promise. It means the world to me. I only wishthat I knew what I know when you where physicaly at my side. I had and still have a lot of learning to do about what is really important in my life. Who really loves me and who is really my friend. I'm learning not to be so angry for others ignorance and forgiving those who I once thought ruined me life. And though I hurt you and condemned you for nothing you still stand by me.I was cruel and relentless. And not only to you but everyone around me. I made myself colder and harder than I've ever been. I thought I was making thing better but if anything I hurt more than I can ever fix. I mean I tore your heart out and handed it back bto you. I started a relationship built on negetivity to prove a point shunned my family for pain that was over years ago. Abandoned my friends when they needed me. I have learned from my mistakes and I only hope that I am strong enough to suffer the conciquences. And ammend myb wrong doings for those who deserve it. } want you to know that if it wherent for you I never would have realized this . When you went to the doctor and told me what happened I was mortified. I wasn't there. I couldn't help you and it hurt. But I was con.vinced that I was right in leaving you be. Your life is hard enough without some brat thousands of miles away whispering in your ear. I know that was a mistake. I missed you but wouldn't alow myself to feel . I'm sorry my Jerm I only wish there was a way to make thing better. To go back to the way they should be. Hell by now if I had only realised thi then we could have a life together right now. I could be taking care of you and my family they way I should be rather than chasing frivilouzs dreams with some one I'm not sure of. Its not fair to anyone andx I'm living a lie.
  I miss you so much and I will always love you with all my heart

  Lady Wicked, December 9th, 2012 at 01:58:46pm

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  That's good to hear. I was worried. Happy thanksgiving a few days late.

  Lady Wicked, November 28th, 2012 at 02:43:06am

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  Any news from the doctor?

  Lady Wicked, October 16th, 2012 at 01:46:01pm

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  i really miss you. sometimes i wish that you could come and take me away from all this bullsh*t. other times i wish i'd never met you so neither of us would have had to go through all of this. Talking to you has got me all confused all over again. I don't mind so much this time. it's more like you're my escape from reality than a painful memory i've tried all to hard to forget. i dunno. i also sort of feel bad because i don't feel like the same person you used to know and love, and i worry that you see me the same way i do. i've gotten older, harder, bitter, and closed off. I feel like all the life and confidence that i used to have is sucked dry. i remember on rainy days i'd go outside and splash in the puddles and sing really loud and off pitch and not give a sh*t. i was more free. now on rainy days i hole up in the house and watch, and cry and wait for it to pass. i don't want to get wet because it'd ruin my clothes and i'd end up making a mess in the house. f*ck- i don't know why i'm telling you this stupid sh*t. and on a page every one can see no less haha.
  I"m not going to lie- i hate seeing you with her because of how she makes you feel. i think that you deserve better, but then again you could have the most perfect of person at your side and i'd still think it wasn't good enough. like i said- i've gotten bitter in the past few years. I"m' scared to death of you being as sick as you are. i don't know what i'd do if something happened to you or even worse- if i'd be able to do anything at all. I'm afraid to talk to you, but then again it kills me when i don't. I'm afraid to open up to you. that's part of the reason why every time i call you i'm either drunk or high. i feel like i can when i'm f*cked up and to be honest that's the f*cked up thing. what's worse that that is that i'm hiding this letter, because i'm afraid you'll actually read it. i don't know if you get on this site anymore and i'm half ways praying right now that you don't because i'm afraid of what you'll say when you read it. i hate this and i hate what i've become under Kourts watch. i'm not blaming him, it's just what happened.
  what i'm afraid of the most is telling you that i'm still very much in love with you. i love you as much as i did when i was 17. nothing's changed for me and it scares the living sh*t out of me because my head is screaming that i need to let you go and let you live your own life without me in the background screwing sh*t up for you. i know that's what i'm doing but i can't let go because i f*cking love you way to much. it hurts because the only thing i can think about is that day we where at the park sitting by the pond. i can't think of a time i was happier, safer, more comfortable. it was all to easy. the thing i really can't stop thinking about is when you kissed me. i can't explain what it was, but the closest thing i could think of at the time was that it was like falling and knowing you'd be safe when you hit the bottom. i can honestly say i've never been kissed like that before and i miss it. part of me wants it back.
  like i said i'm really hoping you don't read this, but at the same time i kind of hope you do.
  i love you my Jerm and i miss you. i wish i could talk to you this openly all the time but something tells me that wouldn't be a very good thing haha

  Lady Wicked, December 27th, 2011 at 03:00:32pm

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  oh no i didn't mean that i just.... yeah =] i miss you too

  Lady Wicked, August 30th, 2009 at 12:00:00am