Domestic Violence

Why do you think it happens?

I think it happens for many different reasons. For example, the abuser could have a mental disorder that makes them think it's okay to do it.

What should be done about it?

There should definitely be more awareness about it, on both sides-preventing someone from ever starting, and helping someone who's already in that situation. I also think there should be more, and more available hotlines and shelters, and ways of getting back into a normal life, and tougher penalties for abusing, as well as witness protection and individual people, reaching out to someone who's been through it. And not just for women, I know that there are also men who have been victims of domestic violence.

Why do you think it takes the person being violated so long to leave the situation?

It's not easy to leave-the abuser could threaten them, and cut off communication with other people, so the victim wouldn't have a way out. Also, staying with the abuser, could possibly the only way to stay alive, off the streets, or at least in their eyes. They might also stay to protect their children, pets, etc, or just out of fear that the abuser will find them if they leave. The victim might also believe that the person will change, and they keep holding on, hoping for that.

forgotten.:

Why do you think it happens?

I think it happens for many different reasons. For example, the abuser could have a mental disorder that makes them think it's okay to do it.

What should be done about it?

There should definitely be more awareness about it, on both sides-preventing someone from ever starting, and helping someone who's already in that situation. I also think there should be more, and more available hotlines and shelters, and ways of getting back into a normal life, and tougher penalties for abusing, as well as witness protection and individual people, reaching out to someone who's been through it. And not just for women, I know that there are also men who have been victims of domestic violence.

Why do you think it takes the person being violated so long to leave the situation?

It's not easy to leave-the abuser could threaten them, and cut off communication with other people, so the victim wouldn't have a way out. Also, staying with the abuser, could possibly the only way to stay alive, off the streets, or at least in their eyes. They might also stay to protect their children, pets, etc, or just out of fear that the abuser will find them if they leave. The victim might also believe that the person will change, and they keep holding on, hoping for that.

i definetly agree with you there really does need to be more awarenss about it and it is hard to tell people about it, and its hard to leave. and also theres always they cycle of abuse, in a violoent home, one can possibly turn out to be a violent person also.

Ghostgirl191:

i definetly agree with you there really does need to be more awarenss about it and it is hard to tell people about it, and its hard to leave. and also theres always they cycle of abuse, in a violoent home, one can possibly turn out to be a violent person also.

It really is a vicious circle. And the sad thing is those who abuse where probably abused or in an abusive environment when they where young.

Yes, that's exacly what happened to my friend.
Her mom growing up wasn't in the best household. Then my friend's mom married her dad, and her dad abused her mom.
I can't imagine how to hold yourself through all that kind of chaos.
I think the people who go through this kind of stuff are strong.
I give them credit and respect.

i know some one how went through demestic violance, she was pregnant with her third child who only lived for four hours.
1. I think demestic violance happens because he/she wants control.
2. I'm not sure.
3. I think their too scaered to leave them, but i also think the ones that say "but i love him/her" are just stupid, if your partner hits you for control he/she dosen't love you.

tiny-t:

i know some one how went through demestic violance, she was pregnant with her third child who only lived for four hours.
1. I think demestic violance happens because he/she wants control.
2. I'm not sure.
3. I think their too scaered to leave them, but i also think the ones that say "but i love him/her" are just stupid, if your partner hits you for control he/she dosen't love you.

Yeah, thats like why my friend's mom stayed with her father.
He got help for his problem, and he's fine now, but she still loved him and was scared to leave him when he was abusing her.

I agree.
You need to get help in some form or another.
No one should ever have to go through this, it's horrible. :[

I think that domestic violence happens because the person that's doing the abusing was abuse sometime in their lifetime and they feel the need to make someone else feel the same way they had.

I found this list of factors that cause abuse. I'm not sure if it's entirely accurate, but it seems to be.

1. History of Aggressive Behavior
2. History of Abuse as a Child or Witnessing Parental Abuse
3. Large Power or Status Differential
4. Isolation and Lack of Resources
5. Controlling Relationships
6. Poorly Defined Masculinity and Identity
7. Mental Illness such as Alcoholism or Other Drug Abuse

So obviously a history of abuse is not the only cause. I think I read a study at some point that actually said the opposite is true. Maybe I can find it online.

Eponine:

1. History of Aggressive Behavior
2. History of Abuse as a Child or Witnessing Parental Abuse
3. Large Power or Status Differential
4. Isolation and Lack of Resources
5. Controlling Relationships
6. Poorly Defined Masculinity and Identity
7. Mental Illness such as Alcoholism or Other Drug Abuse

Ok this is a really personal thing I'm going to lay out there. I am an open person, so I have no issue telling people I barely know that I've been there. Seriously. Got out, learned alot, moved on. If my experience helps one single person, then it's worth laying it out for all to see.

Eponine, this list is dead-on. Thanks for finding this. Because abuse comes from usually one or some combination of these things involved. My experience was a combo of most of these.

Why do people stay? Many reasons, the biggest of which is probably fear. Flat out fear. When you're threatened with a weapon and/or told repeatedly that you're nothing and no one will ever want you and your family will be harmed if you leave - there are times that you just have to believe it. In my experience, the jerk I was with was completely capable of that kind of thing. After I got out, he shot one of my dogs, to "punish" me. So did I believe he'd hurt a person? Absolutely. He hurt me after all. There could also be no one to turn to, fear of being found at a shelter, no one to help you, some people have kids involved, money can be an issue. Just so many reasons.

Far too often though, the offender doesn't get punished. Sometimes, if you're the one being abused, you can call for help (like police) and they don't do much unless something violent has already happened. Or after they leave the abuser makes you pay for it.

Trust me, it's definitely one of the worst situations you could ever be in.

^I just got to say, as corny as it sounds, thank you for sharing that, and kudos to you for getting out. Sorry about your dog though.

Eponine:

^I just got to say, as corny as it sounds, thank you for sharing that, and kudos to you for getting out. Sorry about your dog though.

Thanks. I thought it might help to hear it from the point of view of someone who's been there. I try not to think about my dog. That's easier now since it's been years but it still breaks my heart.