Underage Marriage/Engagement
| Author | Message |
|---|---|
| gerardxwaysxloverx-x Killjoy  Age: 31 Gender: Female Posts: 97 |  |
| forbidden snowflake Killjoy  Age: 32 Gender: Female Posts: 39 | i disagree with teenage marriage. if you're so sure you will be together forever what difference would waiting a few years make? |
| S713 Joining The Black Parade  Age: 34 Gender: Male Posts: 225 | forbidden snowflake: Just for the sake of debate, you could get killed in a car crash. Or forced to never see each other again. Etc. |
| Save The Bunnies!! Jazz Hands  Age: 33 Gender: Female Posts: 343 | i think its alright for teens to get married but its there choice and as long as the two people know what they are getting thereselves into and they want to take that risk of getting married early! then its there choice! |
| sou kanarazu atta Banned Age: 33 Gender: Male Posts: 156 | I don't underage kids should be aloud to get married/engaged just because most don't have the right for it yet, they are young and in love and just go on impulse for most things. Except for this you just can't take it back if you really love that fine be with them until you are older and are really sure you want to be with them forever don't just think "no one understands me I love him/her" because being a teenager is hard enough without the pressure of being engaged and/or married. |
| Cigarettes And Suicide Bleeding on the Floor  Age: 39 Gender: Female Posts: 1725 | S713:My point was nothing to do with underage marriage being a mortal danger to other people. I was responding to your point that 'most relationships you enter into fail, whether as a child or an adult', thereby implying that kids should be able to marry because, although kids are fickle and generally couldn't make a marriage work, neither can 'most adults'. I was simply responding to that inferrence by saying that there are other situations where adults suck at doing things, but that doesn't mean kids are allowed to do them just because some adults have trouble with those decisions. As I've stated before, yes, some (and, by 'some', I mean hardly any) teenagers could make a marriage long-lasting and work, but I fail to see why the existing laws should change just to suit them, when, if they're as mature as they claim to be, they should have the insight to see that waiting a few years will cause them much less distress than to change the rule for everyone and have all these stupid little kids running around getting married, divorced a month later, and then married to somebody else, only to have it fail. Yes, adults are capable of doing that too, but one would assume that they at least take the time to think about the consequences of such decisions before entering into them, which is something most teenagers just don't have the patience or foresight to do. As it is, teenagers have the right to commit to each other in the form of getting engaged, which, in my experience, is no different to the feeling you have after the paperwork is signed. So why can't they just be happy with being engaged for a couple of years, the way most sensible adults are before they marry? Nobody's asking them to wait until they're fifty, and most adults I know stay engaged for at least eighteen months while they plan their wedding, or are engaged for a year or two before they even start planning a wedding, so what difference does it make to get engaged at fifteen, start planning the wedding at 17, and then get married at 18, when you're legally able to? Why the rush to enter an official commitment, when exchanging rings and declaring your intentions is close enough? |
| Golden Cat Thinking Happy Thoughts  Age: 30 Gender: Female Posts: 503 | You should be at least 25. I know it sounds extreme, but studies have shown that until you're 25 you can't completely and fully make such a big decision. But what do I know..? |
| hopeless honey Fabulous Killjoy  Age: 31 Gender: Female Posts: 163 | ya, you need to be able to know that you are completly in love. and if you are then wats so hard about waiting for a few years more years to be married? |
| S713 Joining The Black Parade Age: 34 Gender: Male Posts: 225 | hopeless honey: And you would know that you're "completely in love" how? |
| Cigarettes And Suicide Bleeding on the Floor Age: 39 Gender: Female Posts: 1725 | ^An individual knows when it's happened to them. There's really no point in asking such a question because not only is it different for everyone, but it's such a hard thing to describe. I'm just wondering if I've misconstrued your post, or if it really is a hint of sarcasm/scorn I detect in those words. Hard to tell on a messageboard, I know, so if I'm wrong and it was an honest question, I apologise. All HH was saying, was that if you really are in love, then waiting a couple of years shouldn't be a problem - if you're in a hurry to get married, you'd have to ask yourself why? Because you're scared you'll break up in a few years, so you better get committed now so that your partner is either 'trapped' in the relationship, or so that you have something to take with you when the relationship's over (kind of like borrowing your boyfriend's jeans and 'forgetting' to take them back so that when it's over, you still have some reminder)? Adults can't get married instantly either, I hope nobody's forgetting that. In most countries (that I know of anyway), there's a lengthy process involving the lodging of paperwork, then a 'cooling-off' period of (in Australia, at least) over a month so that the couple can have the time to seriously think about the step they're about to take. Then, if you're planning a big wedding, it can take between 12 months and three years (or more, depending on your individual circumstance) to pull a wedding together, so it's not like you go to dinner, get proposed to, and head down to the church next Tuesday. Therefore, I don't see what the fuss is about - adults doing it sensibly take the time to wait a while, so if teenagers really are in love and determined to commit, it really shouldn't hurt them to wait until they're legal. My husband and I (aged almost-21 and almost-22, which reminds me I need to start thinking about a birthday present for him, it's a couple of weeks away) set our date for six weeks after lodging the paperwork at the courthouse, and then regretted doing it quite so soon as we got closer to the date, simply because there was a lot more involved in planning a wedding than we'd anticipated. We had to do things that sound simple, like find outfits, buy rings, organise a 'wedding reception' and the like, and as it was, my wedding ring arrived two days before the wedding day, so it would have been better for us to wait another week or two. But the fact is, we couldn't just get married a week after we'd decided to do it - we had time limits placed on things, so why are teenagers so impatient that they can't just hold out until their next birthday or a couple more years? The extra time could well be used researching and planning the wedding - at least the things that need booking will have plenty of notice! |
| forbidden snowflake Killjoy Age: 32 Gender: Female Posts: 39 | S713: then what difference will a piece of paper make? |
| girl interrupted. Salute You in Your Grave  Age: 30 Gender: Female Posts: 2792 | My mother was married to my father in 1991. I ws born in 1994. She was 22 when she had me. So, she was 19-20 when she ws married. She was divorced by time I was 3, in 1997, in the summer before my 4th bithday. Young marriages hardly ever work from my family's expierienes. |
| mrs.johnnychrist. Really Not Okay  Age: 32 Gender: Female Posts: 640 | well.i don't think it's underaged,but i'm getting married when i'm 18. lol. i mean if you've been dating someone for like 5 years starting at like 14, then i think you shouldn't have to wait any longer. my mom keeps tellin me that i can't get married that young but w/e. if i know i love someone that much and i've been with them that long,hell yeahh i'm gonna marry them as soon as i can. |
| MistressRhi Motor Baby  Age: 42 Gender: Female Posts: 991 | I personally don't think it's a good idea for people younger than 18 to get married because they still have so much more to do, like get their first jobs(full time) party, drink etc etc and they may find that they don't want to be with that person any longer, then they have to go through divorce, which can be messy and it's just putting a toll on their lives that they don't need. why not just get engaged, or stay as a couple, move out and just give it some time to see if you're right together. If you really love each other then waiting won't do you any harm, you'll still have the one you love right there with you. If they want to go ahead with it then that's more than fine, i mean people who wait are just as able to get divorced as people who didn't wait. I took my time with mine, but that's just how i felt about it. My fiancee and i have been together since i was 18 and he was 19, we are now 24 and 25 respectively, we got engaged 2 years ago and it's only now in August that we are getting married. I am expecting my first child and i must admit i feel very young for that, but that's just the way i am. i have no problems with them getting married young, i just think it would solve some heartbreak and money if they didn't. |
| the.sound.of.black Jazz Hands Age: - Gender: Female Posts: 281 | No I don't think it is a good idea...neither does the govt. That is why the law stipulates that you have to be 18 to get married. The divorce rate in Aus. is 40%. Could you imagine if 14 year olds could get married. They don't need to be married. |
| Jayohen Fabulous Killjoy  Age: 31 Gender: Female Posts: 121 | I have friends, who got married at 12/13 and are still happily married at 23/24. |
| Beeblebrox Really Not Okay  Age: 45 Gender: Female Posts: 688 | hopeless honey: Ted Huston, a professor of human ecology and psychology at the University of Texas at Austin found that "many newlyweds are far from blissfully in love. Couples whose marriages begin in romantic bliss are particularly divorce-prone because such intensity is too hard to maintain. Believe it or not, marriages that start out with less romance usually have more promising futures." Cigarettes And Suicide: Actually, in the US, you can get married pretty instantly. You can get married in under an hour in most states simply by walking into a courthouse, paying a fee (usually $50), filling out a form and getting sworn by a judge. A few states (like the one I got married in) have you wait three days. But in Las Vegas, you can drive your car through a drive-thru window and be legally married in under twenty minutes. lying.next.to.me.: When I was 18, I had been dating someone for five years too. I was engaged and we were very much in love. Real, honest, mature love. But in our last year of school he dropped out, made friends with a drug dealer, started doing cocaine and got another girl pregnant. He lost all direction in life within a few months. It was like all these hidden aspects of him came out that I never knew were there. When you're young, you're still exploring life, still trying to figure yourself out, you're still not secure in where you're going. That's why you shouldn't get married that young. You need to wait for stability in your life, your career path, your head. |
| Beeblebrox Really Not Okay Age: 45 Gender: Female Posts: 688 | According to the Rutgers University National Marriage Project, they did a study to find what factors increased marriage success and what led to divorce. If you earn more than $50,000 a year - 30% less chance of divorce Waiting at least seven months after marriage to have a baby - 24% less chance of divorce Marrying after 25 years of age - 24% less chance of divorce Parents still happily married - 14% less chance of divorce Involved in a religious community - 14% less chance of divorce College eduation - 13% less chance of divorce |
| mychemobsession Killjoy Age: - Gender: - Posts: 15 | IDC |
| Cigarettes And Suicide Bleeding on the Floor Age: 39 Gender: Female Posts: 1725 | Beeblebrox:I totally agree with that point. It's hard for some people to comprehend, but the 'honeymoon phase' of a relationship never lasts, and I strongly feel that couples in the midst of passionate bliss have an expiry date without knowing it. My partner and I, of course, went through that period when we first started dating, but we'd known each other as friends for years and lived together as friends for almost a year before we embarked on our relationship, so I know that what we have is long-lasting, because every couple has that crazy-sex-laying-in-bed-all-day-kissing-every-two-minutes-calling-to-say-hi-three-times-a-day phase, and not only were we best friends for a long time before that, but that phase was over pretty quickly and we settled back into our regular 'friendship but so much more and so much better' relationship. There's not much that pisses me off more than seeing people get together, they have that honeymoon stage, and when it ends they go, 'Oh, well we mustn't love each other anymore' and they either break up or cheat - either way they're looking for that same feeling elsewhere. What people need to realise is that it never, ever lasts, with anybody, no matter how in love they are. Beeblebrox: God. Have I ever mentioned how f-ed up America's laws can be at times?? Honestly. I'm so glad my husband and I had to wait a month and a day (we actually scheduled the date for six weeks, rather than four, just to give us time to get everything organised).... it was frustrating because we wanted to just head down to the courthouse and get married, but then at times we sat there and were like, 'Yeah, it's good we've got this time, it allows us the opportunity to think seriously about what we're doing, as well as thrash out any problems we have in the relationship'. Vegas is ridiculous lol. |
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