Don't have an account? Create one!

The Confessions Thread

AuthorMessage
Richey Edwards.
Demolition Lover
Richey Edwards.
Age: 28
Gender: Female
Posts: 16507
July 12th, 2015 at 07:09am
I wish I could forget.
I wanna forget your voice. I wanna forget your favorite color. Your favorite animal. Your favorite kind of apple. The fact that your birthday is coming up. The fact that you were so sweet, and now you're gone. The amazing conversations we had about literally anything and everything. You're gone, why cant the memories go too? It's eating me alive. I'm sure I don't even cross your mind.
sad savior;
Wild Eyed Joker
sad savior;
Age: 25
Gender: Female
Posts: 86228
July 12th, 2015 at 01:33pm
i think i'm developing an eating disorder and i want to talk to a therapist. but i'd have to tell my mom so she could find me one through her insurance and i don't want to tell her. i know that if i tell her every calorie i count and anything i eat will turn into an interrogation. i know it'd be for my benefit but i really cannot deal with that. i'm on the verge of a mental breakdown over my body and it's really fucking exhausting having to worry about everything that goes in my mouth. i just wish i could talk to a professional.
Richey Edwards.
Demolition Lover
Richey Edwards.
Age: 28
Gender: Female
Posts: 16507
July 13th, 2015 at 02:24pm
I really hope I get this job. It'll be exhausting and difficult, but I need it. I hope I can prove myself.
brother nero;
Always Born a Crime
brother nero;
Age: -
Gender: -
Posts: 6778
July 13th, 2015 at 06:16pm
In fairness, I definitely only have myself to blame~

Richey Edwards.
Demolition Lover
Richey Edwards.
Age: 28
Gender: Female
Posts: 16507
July 20th, 2015 at 08:08pm
Half of me is wanting to take the leap and go on that date with you. The other half is telling me to just wait because I'm not ready. Which side is right? Im so confused and scared.
Richey Edwards.
Demolition Lover
Richey Edwards.
Age: 28
Gender: Female
Posts: 16507
July 20th, 2015 at 08:08pm
Whoops
beaker;
Patron Saint of Switchblade Fights
beaker;
Age: 29
Gender: Female
Posts: 69226
July 21st, 2015 at 11:12pm
not even sure if this is the proper thread for this, but it's something that's been messing with my head lately.
three of the other girls I train with have decided to compete in August. And they keep asking if I will. One is fairly insistent (in a completely friendly way at least), and yeah, I kind of want to, except for how much I don't want to.
would I love to be able to try this experience? Yes. Share it with my training friends? Yes. Would I love to tell me dad and maybe he comes to watch and he can finally see what I put myself through? Sure!
But all I can think of is 1) that ever-present anxiety concerning a brand new experience I know nothing about (as in, how competitions work), 2) I will have to weigh in at the heaviest weight class, which, could mean I would be up against really heavy people, just because we're lumped into the same class, and 3) the all-consuming lack of confidence I have for myself and my "skills." Despite what one person says, and only one person, I feel like my skills are subpar. I feel like my belt is undeserved. And I feel like going into a competition will be one big humiliating experience.
oh yeah, 4) and it's $80
shishio
Demolition Lover
shishio
Age: 28
Gender: Female
Posts: 18333
July 24th, 2015 at 11:59pm
I miss everyone here.
I wish I tried harder to be everyone's friend but I sucked too much.
Second chance?
Richey Edwards.
Demolition Lover
Richey Edwards.
Age: 28
Gender: Female
Posts: 16507
July 25th, 2015 at 06:45am
Currently laughing at myself for thinking this would be a nice family vacation. We haven't even left yet and my parents are already angry at who knows what. Silly me.
mandylorian
In the Cannibal Glow
mandylorian
Age: -
Gender: Female
Posts: 53011
July 27th, 2015 at 01:16pm
i am tired of existing.
beaker;
Patron Saint of Switchblade Fights
beaker;
Age: 29
Gender: Female
Posts: 69226
July 28th, 2015 at 01:06am
helena bonham carter:
i am tired of existing.


I hope you know you can always talk to us if you need to
beaker;
Patron Saint of Switchblade Fights
beaker;
Age: 29
Gender: Female
Posts: 69226
July 28th, 2015 at 01:08am
I find that as I get older, I don't seem to gain much more independence from my father.
that is to say, I get upset when I can't go out to him with dinner.
and when he tells me he's no longer able to attend my competition, I break down in the shower and start crying, and I can't even understand why I'm letting myself get upset over the fact that he's not going to watch his grown daughter in something he has no interest in watching anyway. It's not like I'm a kid anymore. So why do I act like this?
beaker;
Patron Saint of Switchblade Fights
beaker;
Age: 29
Gender: Female
Posts: 69226
August 1st, 2015 at 06:34pm
I stuck my foot in my mouth. I'm sorry I said what I said the way that I said it, but I'm not sorry for defending myself.
beaker;
Patron Saint of Switchblade Fights
beaker;
Age: 29
Gender: Female
Posts: 69226
August 2nd, 2015 at 11:35pm
I'm actually kind of scared. I've been feeling anxious all day, and I was afraid to address why, but now I think I know, that I'm scared that I'm about to lose all my friends. Maybe it's stupid. Idk. But my friend that I train with, she's the closest friend I have that I can actually see because she lives just a few miles away. And now that stuff is happening where we train, she's not sure she wants to keep going there anymore, and I'm confident that if we don't see each other everyday like we do now, we'll stop talking to each other. I've lost too many friends just because we never saw each other anymore.

And then on top of that, feeling like I'm getting more distanced from everyone on the wayt lately, I just feel like it's only a matter of time before I'm sitting in alone in my home staring at the wall because I have nowhere to go and no one to talk to, and maybe I'm being melodramatic, but I'm legitimately scared that everything is about to go to shit.
amo.
Damned After All
amo.
Age: 32
Gender: -
Posts: 105480
August 3rd, 2015 at 10:08pm
While this "break" hurts, I'd rather have you in my life as my friend than not have you in my life at all.
Richey Edwards.
Demolition Lover
Richey Edwards.
Age: 28
Gender: Female
Posts: 16507
August 5th, 2015 at 12:01pm
For the first time in years, I'm finding myself being able to be content with someone other than my best friend. I'm genuinely happy. For now anyway. I hope it lasts.
Richey Edwards.
Demolition Lover
Richey Edwards.
Age: 28
Gender: Female
Posts: 16507
August 15th, 2015 at 08:44pm
I start my new job tomorrow night and I'm absolutely terrified. I really hope I don't fail. Orientation went pretty good, but it wasn't very hands on. I know I'll have to take in a lot of information in a short period of time. I just really hope it works out because I need it to. Please, for once, let me excel at something.
Search and Destroy
Moderator
Search and Destroy
Age: -
Gender: Female
Posts: 34535
August 25th, 2015 at 03:17pm
I fucking hate spammers
beaker;
Patron Saint of Switchblade Fights
beaker;
Age: 29
Gender: Female
Posts: 69226
September 11th, 2015 at 07:09pm
I'm putting this here because I'm really upset, but I don't want to bring anyone else down with my stupid feelings. But I just don't get it.
How the fuck am I gaining weight by eating nothing. Yes, I ate today. I had cereal for breakfast, and green beans for lunch, and somehow, through that, I gained two pounds.
and I'm so freaking frustrated that I can't get past this. I'm putting so much damn pressure on myself to get to a certain weight in what is now less than a month, and it's not getting there. and I'm trying so hard not to do something destructive to myself to make up for it. and it's getting harder and harder to stop myself.
Richey Edwards.
Demolition Lover
Richey Edwards.
Age: 28
Gender: Female
Posts: 16507
September 21st, 2015 at 06:56am
It's been a while since I've been this upset. I really wanna know why someone felt the need to lie and make me lose my job. I didn't even get to plead my case and prove my innocence. I swear, I did everything they said I didn't. I swear I wasn't lazy. I worked my ass off. I did my very best, just to have it slip through my fingers. I had one of the best jobs in the state, and now its gone . Nothing I can do. I planned on doing so many things that needed to be done. Getting my own place, getting that new car I desperately need. And now all that is impossible. I just feel hopeless. I really hope things turn around soon.