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The Confessions Thread

AuthorMessage
chemical.lulu
Killjoy
chemical.lulu
Age: -
Gender: Female
Posts: 4
July 21st, 2016 at 02:13am
Mcrx is my life now
sad savior;
Wild Eyed Joker
sad savior;
Age: 25
Gender: Female
Posts: 86228
July 21st, 2016 at 02:33pm
exterminate.:
i've sat refreshing INO for the last few hours wondering if anyone will post anything or whether the forum will come to life again. miss talking to people on here, even if it has been like six years. it sucks seeing like no one ever online.
We're still active in The Band WAYT thread!!!

----
So I'm not off topic:

I really really hope I'm not in over my head with this friendship. We really clicked and I don't want to be overbearing about it but at the same time I just want us to be BFFs and have sleepovers and do stuff together. I hope it happens but I have to remember she probably already has really close friends.
Young London.
Awake and Unafraid
Young London.
Age: -
Gender: -
Posts: 10039
July 23rd, 2016 at 09:15am
I am so close to achieving my dreams but the pressure is real. I am hustling through it... I have waited for this moment for almost a decade. I hope it will all be worth it in the end.
brother nero;
Always Born a Crime
brother nero;
Age: -
Gender: -
Posts: 6778
July 23rd, 2016 at 06:02pm
edit 27/7: okay, it's hilarious at this point.
Thank God. Seriously.
I'm done. All the emotion, all the crying, all the experiences and now it's just a joke. Literally. And I'm so relieved.
I'm so glad I managed to get it right this time, that I took the time and didn't do anything without thinking, and that I've managed to understand that it wasn't all my fault the first time.
I've got to be careful from here,but yeah, I'm so relieved.
severus.
Awake and Unafraid
severus.
Age: 30
Gender: Female
Posts: 12900
July 27th, 2016 at 05:11pm
exterminate.:
wondering if anyone will post anything or whether the forum will come to life again. miss talking to people on here, even if it has been like six years. it sucks seeing like no one ever online.
brother nero;
Always Born a Crime
brother nero;
Age: -
Gender: -
Posts: 6778
August 15th, 2016 at 12:47pm
apparently i might be bipolar. if that's the case hopefully i manage to get the right medication and deal with it. that's it basically. i really hope everything improves but it is going better than it has done before.

brother nero;
Always Born a Crime
brother nero;
Age: -
Gender: -
Posts: 6778
August 20th, 2016 at 05:47am
Still not over you. I feel useless half the time and just vaguely angry at almost everyone around me the other half. And part of me always feels that if only I'd tried that bit harder we could've stuck together longer. But you wouldn't try at all, which just makes me wonder if I'm completely fucking worthless 'cause I've never cared about someone as much as I cared about you.

mandylorian
In the Cannibal Glow
mandylorian
Age: -
Gender: Female
Posts: 53011
August 20th, 2016 at 01:21pm
i've been thinking a lot since last night. i know he likes me as more than just a friend. he's made that very clear. and i've made it very clear that i do not feel the same way, and that i do not see myself ever feeling the same way towards him. but i do really value his friendship. and i've even told him that if it became to be too much for him, i'd step away for a bit to give him time. but he acts like he doesn't need me to step back. i feel like i do, though. i only go over to his place now when it's for group gatherings. yet he still tries to just be around me the whole time, pay for my meals, and act as if we are a couple. i barely even have enough room to breathe and try to get to know other people there. i don't know what to do anymore. i've tried stepping back before and it seems to make it worse. but i can't lose that group of friends, either. i feel like i've made myself clear, but at the same time i feel like i need to stay it yet again until he finally understands and quits acting like i'm his property.
brother nero;
Always Born a Crime
brother nero;
Age: -
Gender: -
Posts: 6778
August 22nd, 2016 at 12:19pm
Alright I'm thinking a bit more clearly, and everyone-family, friends, random people- say this isn't my fault, that I didn't get anything wrong. Which is true I guess, but it means that then it's up to you. And you're not gonna do anything. They're saying you're unstable, and you can't manage a friendship, let alone a relationship. They're saying I should cut you off, change my number, block your facebook, go and just move on. And I know deep down that that's probably the logical thing to do. It's been forever and I'm still here obsessing over you. I can't do that, I need to get on with my life. I still miss you, I miss you as a friend and I miss falling asleep with you when we were more than friends. You honestly mean the world to me, and if you don't want a relationship I'd love to just go back to being friends. I love you. It's messed up, I know you didn't want a relationship with me at first, but then we basically ended up together anyway. You seemed happy, except you kept saying you didn't want a relationship with anyone. I thought that was just you rejecting me, now I guess you might have meant it literally. I wanna tell you I still love you, that I want you in my life, that I care about you, but I think you'd just get upset or say you don't care, even when I'm pretty sure at least a part of you still does. Fuck it. I've got to go and get on with my life, instead of living in the past and obsessing over you. Maybe I'll try and talk to you; you'll probably just say you don't care, accuse me of something crazy, and we can split on really bad terms and convince ourselves that we always hated each other. Maybe we'll both just end up in tears again. Maybe I'll just have to cut you off to preserve my sanity and I'll feel like shit for doing it and lose any chance I ever had of seeing you again. Maybe there's that one in a million chance that we'll work something out, and it'll be okay eventually.
'Till then I'll just try not to think about you. Maybe I shouldn't even care, maybe I shouldn't have ever cared. But I do. I can't ever hate you. Please be alright. Please be happy. Whatever you do in life. But if you won't give me a chance to do anything else, please understand that I've got to move on.
I love you.
-
I don't know why I felt like that about you. But I did.

beaker;
Patron Saint of Switchblade Fights
beaker;
Age: 29
Gender: Female
Posts: 69226
August 23rd, 2016 at 01:38am
I'm becoming more and more comfortable with the thought "I want to die," and I'm not sure how I feel about that
Young London.
Awake and Unafraid
Young London.
Age: -
Gender: -
Posts: 10039
August 26th, 2016 at 10:39am
I'm not sure what I am going through right now, but I hope i'll make it.
brother nero;
Always Born a Crime
brother nero;
Age: -
Gender: -
Posts: 6778
August 28th, 2016 at 11:21am
I literally have no friends, which sucks. I'm trying to keep everything in perspective, and I'm managing to do that pretty well right now for once, but yeah, it sucks. Some things haven't gone so well so far, and a lot of it's been out of my control. I'm still really young and I'm on the right track now, so it should improve, but it takes a lot of effort not to just think of myself as a failure and be jealous of everyone around me 24/7. I'm not sure of what to do other than think positively and try as many things as possible. It does feel like it's gonna be a long process at times though, and that drives me crazy.

beaker;
Patron Saint of Switchblade Fights
beaker;
Age: 29
Gender: Female
Posts: 69226
August 30th, 2016 at 01:51am
I'm so sick of being miserable
And every time I think I'm on a road to feeling better, I'm pulled back down.
I honestly don't remember the last time I've felt even remotely close to happy. Content... that was my normal. But it's been miserable for months
I'm sick of breaking down crying over things I can't control
I hate that I can't fix the things that are getting to me.
I hate that there are people out there with missing bowels, and parents who have killed themselves, and just people with their own tragedies who are able to smile everyday and look at life with positivity. And then there's me, wh had a fairly normal childhood, and is doing pretry well for herself, and yet I feel like if rather die than continue to go through life convinced no one cares about me.
I'm such a fucking narcissist and I don't even deserve to cry.
brother nero;
Always Born a Crime
brother nero;
Age: -
Gender: -
Posts: 6778
September 2nd, 2016 at 07:51pm
Stuff's going much better, which is great. I'm still really uncertain as to what to do with my life though. I'm grateful for everything I've got, and the stuff in my past that was tough could really help me to help other people, hopefully at least, and I'd love to do that. But I've got no idea how to arrive at that point. I've got no real interest in university, I have no passion whatsoever for any academic subjects. I just really need to pass this course. Right now I'm barely qualified to wash your car, in a year I could be in the position to get a degree. I can't let myself and everyone else down. You'd think that'd be enough motivation, but it just stresses me instead. Idk. At least I'm starting to try and get help for my problems rather than ignore them.
I wonder how this is gonna go. I swear I never see any middle ground, it's either one extreme or the other. And whatever it is it always seems like the only logical conclusion.


brother nero;
Always Born a Crime
brother nero;
Age: -
Gender: -
Posts: 6778
September 18th, 2016 at 01:32pm
I think I've finally got over being heartbroken about you...
I do miss you from time to time and it'll take a while for that to stop I suppose, but I can see that you weren't really the person I thought you were, that I hoped you were. That I wanted you to be, I guess. You can be manipulative, and I think you're far more calculating than you let on. Not that you're not amazing, cause you are.
But it feels like I'm just an option to you. That that's all I ever really was to you at first and definitely what I am now.
And I'm not gonna be that for anyone.
Hopefully that isn't just me being proud, but I can't do it.


andromeda;
Patron Saint of Switchblade Fights
andromeda;
Age: -
Gender: -
Posts: 69244
September 25th, 2016 at 08:05pm

I love him. and I think it's real this time.
mandylorian
In the Cannibal Glow
mandylorian
Age: -
Gender: Female
Posts: 53011
October 9th, 2016 at 10:14am
I've never felt this way about anyone before, and it scares me to death. When I am not around him, I am constantly thinking about him and wishing that I could be hanging out with him. He's always popping up in my dreams every single night. But I don't know if he feels the same way that I do. I can tell that he likes me, but he may not be at the same level. All of this is really messing with my anxiety.
brother nero;
Always Born a Crime
brother nero;
Age: -
Gender: -
Posts: 6778
October 11th, 2016 at 01:33pm
The only thing I did wrong was to fall so hard for you.

sad savior;
Wild Eyed Joker
sad savior;
Age: 25
Gender: Female
Posts: 86228
October 31st, 2016 at 08:19pm
I knew it was too good to be true.
andromeda;
Patron Saint of Switchblade Fights
andromeda;
Age: -
Gender: -
Posts: 69244
November 4th, 2016 at 01:55pm

for once in my life it would be great if I wasn't the side chick. but honestly why should I expect any different at this point?