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The Confessions Thread

AuthorMessage
andromeda;
Patron Saint of Switchblade Fights
andromeda;
Age: -
Gender: -
Posts: 69244
November 5th, 2016 at 05:10pm

if I've learned anything from this experience, it's that I really can trust my gut.
beaker;
Patron Saint of Switchblade Fights
beaker;
Age: 29
Gender: Female
Posts: 69226
November 7th, 2016 at 11:16am
Why do I do this to myself
I eat until I feel miserable, and then I do it all over again
sad savior;
Wild Eyed Joker
sad savior;
Age: 25
Gender: Female
Posts: 86228
November 8th, 2016 at 01:15am
I still love you. I've never felt so much love for someone as I did for you tonight when you hugged me under that street light in the pouring rain. Please don't break my heart again.
pretty.poisonus
Killjoy
pretty.poisonus
Age: -
Gender: Male
Posts: 2
November 8th, 2016 at 03:31pm
I still love you even if you don't love me back. I wish with all my heart you could see that but I guess you can't because of the walls I've put up. I say I understand but that doesn't mean I want to.
beaker;
Patron Saint of Switchblade Fights
beaker;
Age: 29
Gender: Female
Posts: 69226
November 8th, 2016 at 10:25pm
1.
My sister told me something today that's unsettling.
and I have no obligation to fix things, but now I feel like this affects me as much as it does her.
It doesn't. It shouldn't.
But now, someone who I was simultaneously jealous of, but also looked up to... I can no longer be jealous, and the hope was built on a lie. Or at least, as of late, it's a lie.
So now I feel bad that this is a thing... the thing she told me. And I feel bad that I feel like things are looking worse for me now. And I feel bad that I'm somehow turning this around on me. So basically, I feel bad about feeling bad for the wrong reasons.


2.
I was asked to read some writing.... a potential memoir... and to provide feedback as soon as possible.
I asked a similar request in August. I have yet to receive a response.
I never even sent my writing. I said I did. I was never told "hey, you forgot to include it."
the email was obviously never opened.
I'm helping her despite never getting the same help in return to begin with.
and now... a second person, asking for my help... my eyes... my "expertise" to judge and edit. But I guarantee it will never be reciprocated.
Use me. Go ahead. I'm good for that, and that's all.
sad savior;
Wild Eyed Joker
sad savior;
Age: 25
Gender: Female
Posts: 86228
November 10th, 2016 at 12:13am
I'm so thankful for you. I know that you were meant to come into my life, whatever the reason may be. The choice between moving to Nashville or staying local was a very difficult one for me, but every day I'm grateful that I chose to stay for the time being. I'm in the right place. We were meant to cross paths.
beaker;
Patron Saint of Switchblade Fights
beaker;
Age: 29
Gender: Female
Posts: 69226
November 11th, 2016 at 01:00am
Everyone's gotten so nasty I can't even voice my opinion on here.
brother nero;
Always Born a Crime
brother nero;
Age: -
Gender: -
Posts: 6778
December 2nd, 2016 at 02:55pm
I was nowhere near as mature as I thought I was, and for what it's worth I do regret that. I don't think it changed much, if anything, but yeah.

Thnks fr th vnm
Demolition Lover
Thnks fr th vnm
Age: 32
Gender: Female
Posts: 15766
December 6th, 2016 at 08:51pm
I do coke and ask people to cut me.
Young London.
Awake and Unafraid
Young London.
Age: -
Gender: -
Posts: 10039
December 10th, 2016 at 09:26am
8 more weeks to achieving my dreams. What a time to be alive.
brother nero;
Always Born a Crime
brother nero;
Age: -
Gender: -
Posts: 6778
December 15th, 2016 at 02:53pm
I need to be far more honest with myself.
-
I cannot fucking let someone in a relationship sleep with me. I can't. I'd hate myself for it.
-
I still miss our chemistry sometimes. I don't care what anyone thinks, we had great chemistry. And I miss it. I miss you. But maybe I never even knew you that well.
-
I really do have a problem with depression.
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I'm sick of being a pushover and letting people take whatever they want. I need to start saying no more often.
-
I don't quite understand why you hate me or why you treated me as shitilly as you did. I really tried for you. See point above I guess. That's probably it tbh. I wonder if you actually had a split personality or something, because I've never known anyone's moods change so drastically so suddenly without any real provocation. Maybe I don't have a clue. But no-one has ever made me feel as happy or as stressed as you.
-
I'm getting really disenchanted with charity work, even though I don't wanna admit it.
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I'm pissed off at both of you, and myself.
-
Part of me wishes I knew how life's gonna end up, just save the hassle worrying.


beaker;
Patron Saint of Switchblade Fights
beaker;
Age: 29
Gender: Female
Posts: 69226
December 15th, 2016 at 03:42pm
I wish there were people here more often
I wish I was comfortable with being alone
I wish I had someone to turn to with my problems
And I wish they were problems worth listening to (sort of)
stay away;
In the Cannibal Glow
stay away;
Age: 26
Gender: -
Posts: 54740
January 10th, 2017 at 03:18pm
came to confess but im not confessing shit on the same page as that bot D:<
Thnks fr th vnm
Demolition Lover
Thnks fr th vnm
Age: 32
Gender: Female
Posts: 15766
January 12th, 2017 at 12:13pm
pinkucha;:
came to confess but im not confessing shit on the same page as that bot D:<

I do hope you mean me. I am flesh and blood however.
sad savior;
Wild Eyed Joker
sad savior;
Age: 25
Gender: Female
Posts: 86228
January 13th, 2017 at 02:49pm
I know it's ridiculous, but I'm really bummed that our schedules won't line up quite as well this semester. I know I'll see you 3 days a week, and I know I'll have extra time with you certain days too, but it won't be as much as last semester, and it makes me sad.
I know it shouldn't, you're not as stressed now and have less on your plate, and I feel selfish for wishing you'd be around a little more.
I wish we could just move forward with this but I'm scared if I say anything it'll just set us back. I don't know. I just know I love the way you look at me and smile. It's different than the way anyone has ever looked at me before. I love you, and I hope that maybe you love me too.
beaker;
Patron Saint of Switchblade Fights
beaker;
Age: 29
Gender: Female
Posts: 69226
January 24th, 2017 at 10:46pm
There's really only one person I want to talk to right now.
everyone else, right now, I can't stand and want nothing to do with
beaker;
Patron Saint of Switchblade Fights
beaker;
Age: 29
Gender: Female
Posts: 69226
January 30th, 2017 at 11:55pm
I almost threw up today. I was on the floor, crying into my arms, debating on if it had been too long since I last ate if it would actually be effective if I tried.
I ended up not doing it. I threw food planned for tomorrow into the trashcan instead

I looked up online ways to deal with binge eating, and one of the top suggestions is to call a friend and talk to them. It might as well have said "go to the toilet and force yourself to throw up" for all the good that suggestion would do for me. Who the hell am I supposed to call? The friend that tells me to talk to her whenever I need to, but can't seem to make time for me? Or how about the ones who are never around? Or the ones who have their own problems to deal with so they shouldn't have to deal with mine? Maybe my sister, who will brush off my problems as immaturity, and then tease me about them in front of the rest of the family?

Yeah... call a friend... that's a great suggestion.
sad savior;
Wild Eyed Joker
sad savior;
Age: 25
Gender: Female
Posts: 86228
February 5th, 2017 at 12:30pm
Now that I know you have a girlfriend, I'm not innocent anymore. Before, I was ignorant to the situation. I had no idea, and that was all on you. But that's no longer the case. Do I keep this up and play along or shut it down?
I don't want to hold on to hope and I also don't want to feel like a second choice. I was reading A Moveable Feast earlier and there's part of a chapter where Hemingway writes about being in love with two people at once and how it'd probably be easier to break your legs than to break your heart. And I think it gave me a lot of understanding about what you're feeling right now.
No one could ever deny the chemistry between us and it started the very moment we first exchanged words. And how jarring and upsetting that must have been to feel so deeply for someone when you're already committed to another.
I still wish you would have told me. But I know that's a hard thing to do and you know it'd probably mean you'd have to let me go. And that's exactly why I'm scared to bring it up with you. I don't want to let you go.
brother nero;
Always Born a Crime
brother nero;
Age: -
Gender: -
Posts: 6778
March 2nd, 2017 at 06:36pm
I took that all a bit too seriously, I guess. Which is embarassing to an extent, but you live and learn.

beaker;
Patron Saint of Switchblade Fights
beaker;
Age: 29
Gender: Female
Posts: 69226
March 6th, 2017 at 09:45pm
What I want vs. What's good for me:

cake and brownies - losing weight
giving into temptation - keeping my goals on track
sleeping in - going to work
a relationship - embracing this whole.... live alone, do things alone, figure out how to do everything alone
What I want is not necessarily what I need, or what I should have