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the vent thread

AuthorMessage
cricket.
Patron Saint of Switchblade Fights
cricket.
Age: -
Gender: -
Posts: 69567
May 11th, 2015 at 11:02am
I'm so glad I found a niche in life. and maybe even more importantly, a fantastic, wonderful, awesome group of friends. true, it wasn't where I expected to find it/them, and a year ago I wouldn't have believed that life could have turned out this way but I am so fucking glad that it did.
Richey Edwards.
Demolition Lover
Richey Edwards.
Age: 29
Gender: Female
Posts: 16507
May 12th, 2015 at 02:06pm
You infuriate me. You were raised to hate your mom. Sorry cuz, but it's true. You think your dad and aunt bought you all those nice, expensive things because they love you? No, they did it to pit you against your mom. And apparently it worked. You've turned into a real piece of shit. I told you your mom might have cancer, and you blocked me. Your mom has done nothing wrong. Stop being a fucking douche and call her. You are a fucking disgrace to this family.
cricket.
Patron Saint of Switchblade Fights
cricket.
Age: -
Gender: -
Posts: 69567
May 13th, 2015 at 04:09pm

I don't know where else to put this. it's not an angry rant in the least, but I still feel the need to get it off my chest.

over the past few months I've been feeling an overall sense of happiness with my life, and I've been giving a lot of thought as to why that is. and then it hit me. around the time I started feeling this happy was the time I stopped using the internet so heavily. I'm not quite to a level of complete happiness (and I might not ever be because maybe life isn't about that but whatever) but I think in order to get further I need to keep not using the internet.

I'm truly sorry wayt thread. you guys are all awesome and this isn't about any of you. I promise. it's about my personal happiness journey. it's just that I have an awesome group of irl friends now and I guess I get more satisfaction out of having face to face interactions than I do on the internet. I still love all of you very very much but I felt like I was using you guys to fill a void in my life which is why I was so unhappy all the time.

please don't be upset with me. this isn't goodbye forever either, it's just that I won't be around as much.

Smiley
Richey Edwards.
Demolition Lover
Richey Edwards.
Age: 29
Gender: Female
Posts: 16507
May 18th, 2015 at 10:15am
I know you'll be angry. I know your pride will get in the way. I know you'll tell lies to all your friends. But if you really love me, you'll understand why this is so important. We cant keep going like this. I'm sorry. I wanna give you the chance to find a love that you deserve, and I wanna give myself a chance to live. I need to get healthy. I just really hope you understand in time.
Frnk iero.
Awake and Unafraid
Frnk iero.
Age: 28
Gender: Female
Posts: 11747
May 18th, 2015 at 02:49pm
I want this journal I had with Kayla in high school. It was an art journal. But she has it and I'm not about to swallow my pride and text her if I can come by and get it sometime. Fucking cunt. Fuck that bitch so hard.
beaker;
Ghostbuster Famous
beaker;
Age: -
Gender: -
Posts: 71107
May 18th, 2015 at 11:04pm
Is it possible to be any more hardheaded that you think you can say shit about anything you actually know noting about? It's like talking to a brick wall who thinks they're right about everything.
I swear I hope this doesn't go on much longer because I can't deal with you anymore.
Richey Edwards.
Demolition Lover
Richey Edwards.
Age: 29
Gender: Female
Posts: 16507
May 21st, 2015 at 03:51pm
I'm very fucking close to knocking you the fuck out. If you know what's good for you, you'd shut the fuck up. I don't care if you're my dad or not, you don't talk to me like that. Fuck off.
Celestialbloo
In The Murder Scene
Celestialbloo
Age: -
Gender: -
Posts: 21962
May 23rd, 2015 at 08:17pm
Soooo here's the thing. I'm tired of being the only person who cares about my relationships. Like really tired. And as I said in the confession I'm pretty sure I have Asperger's, but I have gotten no sign since like last year that I belong in this group anymore except from Brandy or Hollie and maybe Jeka. I wish I just didn't come back although I meant to just take a break I'm not going to feel isolated and guilty while I'm here constantly out of the sentimentality of the memories of what it was like before. The people who want to talk to me can in other ways, but I'm not going be that person.
brother nero;
Always Born a Crime
brother nero;
Age: -
Gender: -
Posts: 6778
June 10th, 2015 at 06:09pm
fucking anxiety.
why?

Richey Edwards.
Demolition Lover
Richey Edwards.
Age: 29
Gender: Female
Posts: 16507
June 16th, 2015 at 05:09pm
Why does there have to be little reminders of you everywhere I go? I wish you'd just go. I wish you'd just leave my memory. I wanna forget your voice. I wanna forget you favorite things. I wanna forget we ever met. But I cant...
beaker;
Ghostbuster Famous
beaker;
Age: -
Gender: -
Posts: 71107
June 28th, 2015 at 10:41pm
fuck you for trying to make me feel bad about something I didn't do. If you wanted help, it's a two way street. I'm not a mind reader. I can only do so much with the information you give out, and just because I didn't immediately notice doesn't mean I don't care.
but your reaction makes me wonder how much I should care.
Richey Edwards.
Demolition Lover
Richey Edwards.
Age: 29
Gender: Female
Posts: 16507
August 9th, 2015 at 12:44pm
I just don't get why everything I decide to do has to lead to a fight. I thought I had freedom.
cricket.
Patron Saint of Switchblade Fights
cricket.
Age: -
Gender: -
Posts: 69567
January 26th, 2016 at 09:05pm

why is self respect such a difficult concept for some people?? like yeah I respect myself plenty (or at least I try. omg do I try) and that has absolutely nothing to do with my sex life. and if you don't respect me for being sexually active, that says a lot more about you than it does me.
sad savior;
Wild Eyed Joker
sad savior;
Age: 27
Gender: Female
Posts: 86309
January 27th, 2016 at 11:11pm
i'm looking at old pictures and my heart is heavy because i miss being in greece so much. i've never had so much fun in my life and i've never felt so alive and connected to God and my own soul and the earth. it makes me want to sit here and sob. and i think about how when we were leaving i broke down in the airport and i cried and cried until my tears dried out. i think the only other time i've cried that hard was at my grandpa's funeral.
in a way it was mourning, when we left. it was mourning the incredible escape from day to day life that we got to experience for 2 whole weeks. it was mourning the 6am wakeup calls and adventuring new territory for 12+ hours every day. it was mourning my old self because i can say for certain that i was not the same after all of that.
when i left louisiana i came out of my shell. with every passing minute in airports, on flights, on buses and ships and walking the ancient marble oracles and philosophers have walked on i shed another layer of my old life. piece by piece my past and troubles and doubts all melted away. and i realized that life is beautiful and amazing even when it's difficult. there is always a light in the distance and it's always moving towards you if you choose to seek it.
i'm sad i won't be able to go to spain this spring. but i also know that even though it would be a beautiful experience, it won't be "my greece." greece is where i discovered myself and where i broadened my world view and where i opened my mind up to everything good coming towards me in life. i think part of me wants to relive that by going to spain. i know it would be amazing, but it wouldn't be the same. i think why i feel so sad looking at these pictures is because i know i can never relive those 2 magical weeks. i'm trying to learn that it's okay. i will make new memories with new people and greece was just the start of my life.
Thnks fr th vnm
Demolition Lover
Thnks fr th vnm
Age: 33
Gender: Female
Posts: 15766
February 4th, 2016 at 01:34pm
I hope you know how to fight like a 'bitch'.
Thnks fr th vnm
Demolition Lover
Thnks fr th vnm
Age: 33
Gender: Female
Posts: 15766
February 4th, 2016 at 01:34pm
I hope you know how to fight like a 'bitch'.
Thnks fr th vnm
Demolition Lover
Thnks fr th vnm
Age: 33
Gender: Female
Posts: 15766
February 4th, 2016 at 01:34pm
I hope you know how to fight like a 'bitch'.
Thnks fr th vnm
Demolition Lover
Thnks fr th vnm
Age: 33
Gender: Female
Posts: 15766
February 8th, 2016 at 08:31am
I hate this life, I hate this body. I am the walking dead. I have little education, no skills, and I'm not happy. I don't know how or why I came into this world. It's like I was raised by ghosts, taught by teachers who promised to teach me, but give me know education of the 'real' world. How do I die when every time I try I live through it? I know there's a man out there who loves me but not in this body, not in this world, not in this life, how do I get to him? I've been crying out in pain for too long, suffering in silence and wanting nothing but to fall in love with this world, fall asleep here, and wake up in the next. I have nothing. There is nothing I can do for this world but pray. I don't know who my friends are. I don't know what happened in my past life or who I was.
All I want is the God of science to let himself into this house and draw the life out of me. No pain, I just fall asleep here and wake up There. With Him.
sad savior;
Wild Eyed Joker
sad savior;
Age: 27
Gender: Female
Posts: 86309
March 16th, 2016 at 06:26pm
i really hope that this job works out. when i applied for the other one i prayed for it to work out if it were meant to be and if it wasn't meant to be for the right opportunity to come by. and last night my mom mentioned a place that's been on my mind for months now. i just really really hope i get it, it would be more money than i've ever made and the hours are great. i've been so stressed about finding a place to work.
beaker;
Ghostbuster Famous
beaker;
Age: -
Gender: -
Posts: 71107
March 29th, 2016 at 11:46pm
I don't know what I'm more sick of... the fact that she is so inconsistent with texting me back, or with the fact that I allow it to get to me. Realistically, I know I'm overreacting. But it's so fucking easy for me to just believe that I'm bothering her, and that she wants me to stop talking to her so she can stop talking to me. Just when I think I have my anxiety under control, it always comes back in the fear that I'm losing a really good friend.

And I've come to expect that she's not coming back to class either. It's been months, and even though she's healed enough to return, every time I ask she's got a reason why she can't make it. So I'm done asking. I'm done expecting.

I want to be really immature with her right now. I want to post vague facebook posts that are hidden from everyone but her. I want to ignore her if she actually does text me back, either answers to my questions, or anything. I want her to ask me why I didn't respond to her questions (if I were to get any) and give her a response like "oh, I thought I was texting you too much so I didn't answer."

I want her to finally go to class tomorrow, when I won't be there. And then she'll ask me if I'll be there on Thursday, and I won't respond. Or I'll say something bitchy like "idk. maybe."

I want her to fucking realize that this shit doesn't work with me. I don't want to be a super possessive friend but all it takes is to respond. that's all. just a fucking response and my mind doesn't go to these places.

I won't do these things, probably. Though, I might fail to respond like she does to me so often. But this shit is definitely working its way into the story that I'm writing, that she's supposedly reading. but oh yeah, she barely talks to me anymore so idk if she's even reading it.