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ToxicMoron

ToxicMoron
Name:
Sarah BeeeeeKay
Age:
29
Gender:
Female
Location:
Teh UK 8D

Member since March 27th, 2007

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About

Well.. I'm Sarah. HAHAHAHAHAHA. no.
That wasnt a joke. My name is Sarah. Questions so far? Yes, sir, at the back?
"Urmm.. yeah. Is there something wrong with your brain?"
Yes, SIR! I think someone left a spoon in there or something. Anyone else? Madam with the weird face?
"Should I be calling to police? You're scaring me a bit.."
Correct, ma'am. I'm a lion.


I'm nothing special, really. I'm not gonna be all like "yaay, I'm MCR's biggest fan" because I know there are people who devote their entire lives to them. I'm just some kind of 14 year old English kid with a weird little head full of confusion. So many weird systems make so much sense, but only to me, you know? If you dont get it, dont worry, no one else does either.

Does anyone else have this thing going on where at every single good thing, you have to tell yourself that it's not that great to avoid disappointment?

Or get obsessions with little things? Asking questions with simple answers. Answers which are obvious. Answers that lead to more questions?

I dont hate myself, particularly, but there are times I just wish I could get my head fixed. I hate everyone, including my best friends. I just hate some people less than others. Imperfections can be bitches, which is what drives me to hatred. Such a shame that if I were two people, I'd hate myself to hell for being the imperfection queen. If I were two people, I think everyone would. One moany little twat is enough to deal with.

Extreme perfectionism? Or am I just a toxic moron?

I dont have talents. Art is something I can do, but not well. I'm a bit paranoid with it. Paranoia just fucks me up.

A few years ago now, I kind of realised that everyone will die. Sounds fun, right? Not really... I was like 7 or 8 at the time, so you can understand I was kinda upset. And still am, but I'm getting used to it.
Dying must be better than life or people wouldnt die, right? I mean, you spend an eternity without life, so you should really do something cool or life would be worth so much more. Maybe life's just like a repayment. Like living is to pay for all the cool stuff you do when you're not alive, but you dont even realise so you're just constantly thinking of little things like "is my hair okay?" and "what's wrong with my fucking face? What have I done to deserve to be the ugliest jerk in the world?" Atleast, that's what I'm thinking. You know?

You know what else sucks? (appart from me moaning at strangers). The fact that no matter how much MCR change our lives, they'll never even know we exist. That's lame.
Today, I got the book. 'Something Incredible This Way Comes' about MCR. It's probably just another way for me to know more and more about them but it doesnt mean anything. I scare myself a bit... But they still dont even know I exist. There's better reasons to be sad, but this is definatly a major one for me, on a personal level. I've never met them, and I dont think I ever will, but I dont know if I'd want to just get something signed or anything like that because I'd just be another kid in the crowd. As always. And no amount of wishing desperatly or praying or waiting can change it. What lameness.
They're awesome. I know it's probably just their amazing lifestyle and constant photo-editings in Kerrang! but they really do seem like the most amazing humans ever. I'm not even convinced their human. I mean.. from experience, there's very few people who are both amazingly talented, socialogically perfect, totally original and still look so brilliant?

I'd be a good person if I wasnt a jerk. Honest!

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