dyingXalone

I'm not going to say MCR saved my life. I'm still depressed and I still feel like killing myself sometimes. But, thanks to their music, and a few other bands, I don't feel like that as often anymore.
My name is Amanda, and music is my world.
I love to sing, write songs, play drums, play guitar, and bass. I'm learning to play the keyboard.


++Stupid Shit++

+ Every time I see "The Princess Bride," I laugh.

+ My English teacher dubbed me suicidal because of a story I wrote involving Kurt Cobain, and now I'm supposed to be going to guidance.
The guidance teacher said she trusts me, but she doesn't know the truth.
Fuckers, if you're going to make me miss a class, make it worthwhile.

+ I can't wait until we have to write about our heroes and I write about Gerard, Mikey, Ray, Bob, Frank, and Matt, even though he isn't in the band. She'll get pissed off because of who they are.

+ I love "The Breakfast Club," and I nearly cried at the end.
I must be special like that.

+I also love Donnie Darko.

+ I sometimes wish I were dead because then I think everyone around me would be happier. I know I would be, if I were someone else, and I wasn't around anymore.

+My cousin says I saved her life. I don't know how, but I love her, so I won't question it. She is awesome.

+My mom found out I was a cutter on the fourth of July, 2007.

++End Stupid Shit++

Gerard Way, and everyone else in MCR, is, and are, my hero and heroes, but especially Gerard. Why? Think about it.
He overcame drugs.
Depression.
Alcoholism.
His little brother's in his band. You have to be nice to let your younger brother be in your band, right? Meh-heh.
And I know that when I've had a bad day, when I've slit my wrists, or considered suicide on that particular day, I can go home and his voice will make me feel better.

Ray is fucking awesome at guitar.
And his 'fro is cool, too.
He seems awesome, and he has a cool way of saying "shit." ...She-it. GAH, I love it.
He seems really funny, and he really deserves more respect than he, and everone else in MCR, gets. Like people will say Gerard is so cool or whatever (if they can even name him), but they can't name the rest of the band, that just pisses me off.

Frank is seriously insane.
He's like a fucking Red Bull can of energy.
And he has cool tattoos.
And he's really funny, from what I can tell. But I guess people act different when there are cameras around, don't they?

Mikey seems really quiet.
But he's one of the best fucking bassists ever.
I doubt he's as quiet as everyone makes him out to be.
And his anxiety attacks and all make him seem stronger, I guess. He and the rest of My Chemical Romance are my heroes, and my role models.

Bob fucking owns the drums. He is amazing on those.
He has a cool haircut.
I wish I could play drums like him.
I really don't know much about him...so...yeah.
OH! BUT I LIKE HIS LIP RING!
And he likes cats more than dogs. So he owns your soul.

Matt was a good drummer, too, especially for Vampires Will Never Hurt You and Headfirst For Halos.



But you guys don't care. Do you? Because that's what happens. No matter what, you think you can trust, even the tiniest part of you thinks you can trust, and then the person drops you or hurts you. So I don't let anyone in. I hide myself from the world and only communicate with people who I can never trust. It scares me to think someone I meet might actually trust me, and I might trust them.
I think we're all going to die alone, and that's all there is to it.
I think I'd love to die alone.
~Amanda