Hi I'm new

Well I don't usually do message boards but I'm desperate. I feel like I can't talk to anyone I know.

I have been contemplating suicide, and I tried to reach out to a friend and he basically just told me I'm being ridiculous and to stop it, that we're not in seventh grade anymore. My Chemical Romance has been able to pull me back from it numerous times with their music and just everything that have taught us fans over the years. But now I can't even cheer up anymore, there's only so much that interviews will do, I need to reach out to someone and have someone grasp my hand back. I don't know if I'm making any sense, it's 1 am and I have a splitting head ache because I have been crying all day. As of December last year things have gotten really shitty.
Last December I moved in with my then- fiance's parents, they didn't like me at all, and didn't want me living there but they wanted their son back home, even though we lived literally right across the street. They didn't approve of me going to college, and thought I should stay home and cook and clean. Well while living there his mom made sure to do everything possible to make my life hell, she knew I suffered from depression and she still told me horrible things every day, and what was worse was that my fiance never stood up for me.
Well by Christmas time it was also my mom's birthday on the 23, and in my country we celebrate not just the 25th, but also the 24, and I had to be back on New Year's and sometime in between (I don't remember the exact date) for a orthodontist apt, so I suggested we stay in Celebration (that's where my parent's live) for the winter break, I didn't see a problem since my fiance's parents owned an apt there, and told us they would be there for Christmas. Yet, when I suggested that we stay in town they threw a huge fit, and she basically told me she wasn't going to let me see my mom for her birthday or Christmas, and me not having a car and relying on my fiance had no other way of getting there because I lived so far away.
Well that night I decided that I was leaving, I was going to move back home, hell I cleaned this lady's house and dog for her so she wouldn't throw a fit when I asked to stay in town.
Well I move back home and a couple of weeks pass and we break up, for a whole week I begged him to come back to me but he just wouldn't because he was "mad" at me, so on New Year's I did something I hadn't done in a long time, I drank, I drank to oblivion, and you know what? I was so happy that I called him and told him like an idiot. The next day he wakes me up with a joyous "you owe me" and kept throwing it in my face how he was thinking about getting back together with me until I went out and got drunk. Well the matter is that we got back together a couple of days later, even though my parents hated me for it, and then we broke up again, because his mom didn't like me.
That's not where it ends, when he was giving me back all of my stuff that was left at his house he kept every gift he ever gave me and returned all the gifts I gave him. Wow.
So we go through the regular arguing after the break up, and then one night I was cutting myself and I was contemplating just ending it all and I once again had to be an idiot and called him. He made everything worse. Luckily one of my good friends was online at the moment and he managed to calm me down and talk me out of it.
Well I then move on, and start developing for my then best friend, I had always had a thing for him but we were never single at the same time, he basically played me, he slept with me (while I was drunk and he had a girlfriend) then ignored me, then we started talking and everything was back to the old pace. We then go to lunch one day and he kisses me, twice, he then proceeds to delete me from facebook and skype, and now we're not talking. Hooray.
Then I got a boyfriend, he was one of my best friends (I know, again) and everything was great until he dumped me because we were too far away and he needed someone closer, a couple of weeks ago he told me he was still interested he just wants us to be closer, then tonight I find out that he has a new girlfriend.... who lives in the same town as me. Great.
Also, I just recently found out that I have heart problems and will be needing open heart surgery within the next 6 months, I'll also be the youngest person my doctor has treated for this surgery. As if that's not enough, between doctor appointments, dentist appointments, and all the drama going on I got really bad grades in college, so my parents refuse to pay for my college education, and are kicking me out, I officially have until May next year to find somewhere to live.
I have a boyfriend now and he's great, but he believes in tough love, and I'm so scared to talk to him about all this stuff, I don't want to get lectured. I know these aren't serious problems to most but they are to me, and I'm seriously thinking about just ending my life. I just don't see a point to living anymore.

Hollie and Jenni have already some some wonderful things, but I just wanted to say that I agree with them and it's never the way out. Even if things seem bad now, I've learnt that there is always something around the corner to make it all worth it again. Always. you have to hang on for that, okay? <3