A Look in My Head

Hi. I have been wondering for a while whether or not to put some of my work up on here or not. Some of this I have not shown anyone yet so it may well, suck. So yeah. Hope you like it.

Not Scared, Yet Still Fearing

Why should I be scared
of something I wish?
Of something I have yearned for,
cried for?
Something others fear
A dark abyss
A gold castle
A fiery pit of screams
It is portrayed as many things
Yet I think of it as an
escape
My cries echo in my own mind
scarring me
scaring me.
A single consistent beat
in my chest
is the one thing keeping me tied
down
like an animal
about to be slaughtered
I am not afraid of
the cloaked angel
yet my beating heart betrays me
It's consistent beat
speeds
until I hear
the blood rushing
and I close my eyes and I stop
And the night turns to dawn
my eyes open and
I try to forget
for my family's sake
yet as the sun falls and the moon rises
my thoughts change
and I am not afraid

A New Thought To Entertain

It never occurred to me
that suicide could be an option
for anyone to take
My father obviously did
I was young
didn't even know what the word meant
But now
I am still young
but somehow old
I have the weight of the world
on my back
pressing into me
with every mistake
I make
Pain relieves the weight
for just a while
then it's back
worse than before
I yet again turn to my
haloed demon
horned angel
and then all I see is red
it trickles down my arm
my stomach
my legs
every once and awhile
a thought floats in
my damned savior
whispers to me a solution
"Death!"
it hisses
as I sob
then it makes the most sense
but then it passes
and I am better
I smile and laugh
and it's genuine
and then when I get home
it all comes down
And it becomes more
and more
appealing