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Through Foggy Glass: Rei's works

AuthorMessage
geradsredskittle666
Really Not Okay
geradsredskittle666
Age: 30
Gender: Female
Posts: 610
September 6th, 2008 at 07:25am
I'll upload my old poems in order of oldest to newest

Little Angel
5-oct-07

Hello little angel
Are you my savior?
Are you the one to stop the hurt
To take me to a better place
Take my dirty hand in your pure ones
Look into my guilty darkened orbs
With your innocent wise ones
Its all for sale
Going cheap!
Take me to your home
Your happy peaceful place
See my past and present
What i am
What i could be
What i always was
Don't judge
For my doom is sealed already
Take my hand
Make me wings
To fly like you can
I'll see her smiling face
I'll await theres
Then we will be together
Whole
Like we were before they came
Before they ruined it
in heaven they can't touch us
In perfect union
In perfect harmony
Safe from them

Can you fall and rise at the same time?
15-Jan-08

I'm so confused
All these things racing around me
I can't run away
I can't hide
Past and present
Both joy and missing
Pain and rushing rivers of memeries
Best forgot
I feel the tug from the past
The urge to join them
To reconsile
To stop running
To stop forgeting
To stop pushing them away

I don't understand how far I've fallen
Or how I've assended so high
From the ash rises the phionex
But I'm just the rat
Can you fall and rise at the same time?
Can you feel so crushingly augished
Yet the happiest you've ever felt?
I don't know
But I do

To push away is the same as too run
Weak
Unhonerable
Yet one who lives for honer does so?
It makes no sense

No fucking sense

I should face the past
If only to make me a better person
Let my demons kept a lick away consume me
Can I?
Am I that strong?

Frightened childlike eyes stare
And I don't know if i can.

Hope?
6-Feb-08

I dare not hope for whats to be
Nor what may not be
I hold the hope in its cage
Un willing to let it free
Un wiling to be hurt again

You look with such hope
I can barely look away
I see the same with myself
But hold back

Steelly resolve is my shield
Only showing what i must
My heart commands an ocean
Yet sense guids me to the bay

Not sure where to tread
I giud my hands forward
To navigate this darkness
I can't see
Can't breathe
But still i wade this water
Unsure
Scared...

Danger
5- March-08

What if I put you in danger
By simply being there?
What if there was something
A dark whispering
A secret kept far from you
Its everywhere but no where
Danger is what i thrive on
Danger could harm you
I'd give it all to keep my friends safe
If only to make up for the danger

You don't understand
You wouldn't believe me
But its for your own safety
At least the secret will bide time
Til I greet them again

I understand/ Is it so wrong?
7- May-08

I see the beast
All scales and teeth
And in his eyes
I see myself
I understand
I understand why he kills
Why he eats little boys and girl
And delights in their screams

Is such understanding wrong?
They say killing is wrong
They say understanding is right
In such a crazy world
Who is to say whats right and wrong?

I've felt the thrill of tearing flesh
Of drinking the blood of an innocent
Of the frantic screams
When it is inevitable

Is that so wrong?
Is that so right?
That i may feed like i was born to
Innocent blood
A prize or a shame?

Who is worthy of telling whats right and wrong?

Is it true?
24-May-08

So is it true?
Whats always been said,
Whispered by school girls
Yelled by parents
Reinforced by truth

Is it true I'll always be a failure?
I'll never succeed
Is it true that I'm just another dumb kid stumbling through life?
How much longer can i make excuses
For poor grades
For failed tasks

Are they excuses
Or are they true challenges
Can I rise to the battle?
More importantly
Will i succeed?
Will i survive this time.

Turn to the blade
See it run
No more
No more
Not again

Turn to darkness to feel less pain
Hello old friend
I missed you
Let me feel nothing once more

Turn to light
Where i don't belong
Where i'm the black angel amongst pure souls
Home is the darkness
Its safe and cold

Light is sucess
Fortune
And favour
It is the key to living
Andif you don't live you don't move forward
geradsredskittle666
Really Not Okay
geradsredskittle666
Age: 30
Gender: Female
Posts: 610
September 6th, 2008 at 07:52am
An update

I am Rei
6-9-08

You call an angels name
Emily
In a voice so soft
I almost believe I am an angel

In your arms
I feel like Emily
That angel

But I'm not Emily
I abandoned that innocent human name
I'm Rei
The surviver
A dark soul that is an oposition of itself
I care yet I don't
I enjoy the pain of others
I want to kill
I'm arragant and think I'm better than them all

When I'm with those that matter
I 'm the kind Rei
I care
I help
I understand
I'm a better person

Better?
Will better help you survive
You gotta steal
Cheat
And lie your way to victory
Its the way life is
I'm not ashamed

Why be ashamed of living?

Am I a "bad" person?
I'm honest with those closest
Does that amend my sins
Make right all I've wronged?

Do I want to?

No
I am what I am
That I will never escape

I'm Rei
geradsredskittle666
Really Not Okay
geradsredskittle666
Age: 30
Gender: Female
Posts: 610
September 14th, 2008 at 07:42am
Sometimes I just want to escape
Run in the rain
Untill its all gone
Borrow an angels wings
If only for the day

If I run away
Wild winds and rain
That wild gleam
An excitement
My hair whipping behind me
In the pouring rain

I know why I love this
I know why i want this
geradsredskittle666
Really Not Okay
geradsredskittle666
Age: 30
Gender: Female
Posts: 610
September 25th, 2008 at 08:25pm
Do you even care?
I love you
I need you
Yet you treat me like nothing
Am I still your lover?

A part of me wants to see you
In joyous strides
Kiss you
Like theres no tomorow
But the other half refuses

I can here the thorns in your vioce
Somethings changed
Did I piss you offf?
Again
geradsredskittle666
Really Not Okay
geradsredskittle666
Age: 30
Gender: Female
Posts: 610
September 25th, 2008 at 08:56pm
I promised I'd never lie to you
I promised a sincereity
So rare for me
It was hard to give
To promise

As I open my eyes
I smile
A happy grin
Hello world
I'm just dandy
I'm a'ok

Never have they seen
My pain
Never shall they
Its mine

I lie to all those around me
I lie to thier face
And feel no guilt
As another lie escapes my lips
I'll sleep well tonight
geradsredskittle666
Really Not Okay
geradsredskittle666
Age: 30
Gender: Female
Posts: 610
September 26th, 2008 at 07:01am
I hate you
I hate you so much
I hate you with a passion
And I want the world to know

Stab me in the heart
Stab me in the back
It would hurt less
You betrayed me and my love
I thought you were different
I thought I could trust you
The way I could no other boy

I thought you loved me
I thought you cared

But I was wrong
And I should have expected it
I should have known

I was too nice
Too easy
Too stupid
Too weak
Now I pay the price.

I'm sorry I wasnt good enough
And..

I hope your girlfriend knows
That you were too much of a coward
To even tell me
geradsredskittle666
Really Not Okay
geradsredskittle666
Age: 30
Gender: Female
Posts: 610
September 27th, 2008 at 07:18am
A cut for the pain
A cut for the anger
A cut for you
And one for me

For all the sacrifice
For all the love
For all the anger
Tonight you will regret it

Anger burns
And to be honest
Its the only thing keeping me here
To seek revenge is to live
If only a little

I don't want to fly
I want to fall
To feel the world in all its bright intensity
Then feel no more
I.wish.i.wer.a.ghost
Motor Baby
I.wish.i.wer.a.ghost
Age: 27
Gender: Female
Posts: 940
October 3rd, 2008 at 03:00am
i like them =]
geradsredskittle666
Really Not Okay
geradsredskittle666
Age: 30
Gender: Female
Posts: 610
October 7th, 2008 at 03:39am
Thanks. I read some of yours. Its pretty good.
geradsredskittle666
Really Not Okay
geradsredskittle666
Age: 30
Gender: Female
Posts: 610
June 24th, 2012 at 06:06am
Whats really going on
24-6-12

You see whats there to see
Not whats on our minds
You see a happy girlfriend
Smiling and playing around

You see our 'talks'
Never a fight
Only smiles as the good girlfriend conceded
Cooks and cleans for him
Just to see a smile grace his beautiful face

You won't see them yell
Or the strain of a kiss
The strain in her laugh
The hesitance in her eyes
As he talks of babies and marriage

No you won't see her cry
Or her desperate pleas to the gods
Give me a reason to live
I want to die
I want to let go

No we all see what we want
And never question whats there
geradsredskittle666
Really Not Okay
geradsredskittle666
Age: 30
Gender: Female
Posts: 610
June 27th, 2012 at 08:14am
Deaths sweet release
27-06-2012

Take your best shot
I'm ready to die
Nothing to lose
A mother to gain

I want to feel her open arms
Her soft hugs
Her gentle ways
She who left too early
To be truly met

I'm not done here
But I'm not ready to finish it
I'm not gonna listen to my head
I'll listen to my heart

To be free and happy
All I've wanted to be
All I've never been
All I will reach in death
geradsredskittle666
Really Not Okay
geradsredskittle666
Age: 30
Gender: Female
Posts: 610
June 29th, 2012 at 08:28am
Born anew

I feel as if I'm born a new
I want to rise out of this mess
Into a new day
I am Emilia
I am another face
A part of the collection

What will I become?
What do I need to be?
I am not afraid
Just nervous of the crowd
I need to be brave
Unafraid
Unashamed
But strong enough to resist
Strong enough to survive

Strong enough to live

I need only the will power
Not a fleeting hope
A fire to put others to shame
What is there?
The friendship of duds
The love of a boyfriend
Too much of a child to know his actions
Or its reactions
A family long gone
A family of hate

This will be tough
I need to be tough
Or patient enough to wait
Is the desire to help enough
Or just apart of the problem

Still it burns
Despite all the tears
Pain
Is it strong enough?
Or foolish enough to break it

Moutians wer'nt made in a day
So it is with life
geradsredskittle666
Really Not Okay
geradsredskittle666
Age: 30
Gender: Female
Posts: 610
June 30th, 2012 at 03:44am
Oh angels of above
Pull me up with you
I don't want to be crazy
I don't want to lie
I don't want fear
I don't want to be alone
I don't want to be scared

I was once a young baby
To young to know my life
To young to understand hate
Or know pain
Innocent and pure
Oh to understand that again

I was one a young girl
I wore dress and pink
I loved barbie and dolls
All to please you
I wanted to love cars
Transformers
Trucks
GI joe

I was a shattered soul
The moment I had to resist
I didn't know daddy
I didn't want to anger you
I swear I never meant it
Back then

I was a nervous school child
Different
Hated
School enemies hitting nerves
I was freak and loser
Just like at home

I was a nervous worker
A scared child in an adults world
Yet i grew to love this place
Here I was Emily
Just Emily
Not mistake
Freak
Loser
I was just Emily the team member

I'm an adult now
Hurting and afraid
Learning how to live
Like the other well adjusted around me
Pretending to be like them
Still that shattered soul
geradsredskittle666
Really Not Okay
geradsredskittle666
Age: 30
Gender: Female
Posts: 610
July 7th, 2012 at 05:36am
Another facade
7-7-12

I don't want to lie
But my facade must stay
I don't want to smile
I want to cry
I don't want to say sweet nothings
I want to scream
I just want to be me

For you I'll smile
Say I love you
Say we will be forever together
Have babies
Get married
All lies
I want to yell and scream
But If I don't have you
I'll kill myself

For you I'll smile
I'll laugh and play
Just like in the old days
I don't want your company
I need your company to be sane
I don't want to need your company
But if I don't have you
Who will remember me when I die?
Finally kill myself

I want to cry out loud
Be heard
Live life without pain
Without this urge to cry
To die
Yet I must act sane
Maybe that will make me sane
Or dig me deeper

Some part of me cares
Hangs on
The other part is waiting to die
So willing the knife to cut
The marks to bleed
And death to come
MyChemicalBlack
Salute You in Your Grave
MyChemicalBlack
Age: -
Gender: -
Posts: 2351
July 7th, 2012 at 06:51pm
Love the narrative style of each of these works.
Nice work. Smiley
geradsredskittle666
Really Not Okay
geradsredskittle666
Age: 30
Gender: Female
Posts: 610
July 11th, 2012 at 05:30am
thanks
geradsredskittle666
Really Not Okay
geradsredskittle666
Age: 30
Gender: Female
Posts: 610
July 11th, 2012 at 08:10pm
That girl

12-7-12

She's a million miles away
"Her heads up in the clouds
She need to come back down to earth"
They say
She's so cold
So sharp
Barbs seem to prick any who dare come close
"She's just a bitch
Her heart is ice cold
Don't bother with her."

She doesn't think she can make it alone
She curls up and cries
She can hear their insults
Their laughter
She can still feel the bruises where her parents hit her
Hear their insults
Maybe an angel can save her
Or maybe she will die

The school kids don't know
They are ignorant
They don't ask her story
Just judge her
If she turned up dead
Would they care at all?

Arms a carved up mess
The bandages forgotten
The blade on display
And her pain showing to the world
The world who let her down
geradsredskittle666
Really Not Okay
geradsredskittle666
Age: 30
Gender: Female
Posts: 610
July 20th, 2012 at 04:40am
I'm standing on the edge
A smooth calming place
Not knowing where to go
Just where I was
Toward the light my only direction

I have a heart of pain
A wondering mind
And an uncertainty
Yet I will walk till I drop
I will not stop to drown
This ocean of pain is too deep
But if I believe I will be granted a path

Strong in mind
Weak in mind
Strong in heart
Weak in heart
Strong in body
Weak in body
To choose seems so easy
Yet is so hard
geradsredskittle666
Really Not Okay
geradsredskittle666
Age: 30
Gender: Female
Posts: 610
August 2nd, 2012 at 09:26am
So your finally gone
All packed to go
Should I feel angry?
Yell and scream
Say its all your fault
Should I cry for loss?
Beg you to stay
Cry and plead?

My heart aches for you
I just want a human touch
Anyones
A hug
A smile
Anything to show someone's there
That someone cares

I'm as lonely as a child
Desperate for some light
A hug
A friendly kiss
Anything to end the darkness
geradsredskittle666
Really Not Okay
geradsredskittle666
Age: 30
Gender: Female
Posts: 610
August 2nd, 2012 at 09:26am
So your finally gone
All packed to go
Should I feel angry?
Yell and scream
Say its all your fault
Should I cry for loss?
Beg you to stay
Cry and plead?

My heart aches for you
I just want a human touch
Anyones
A hug
A smile
Anything to show someone's there
That someone cares

I'm as lonely as a child
Desperate for some light
A hug
A friendly kiss
Anything to end the darkness