Bad parenting

Good or bad parenting can't be defined easily by anyone, let alone a bunch of children who don't understand the motivations behind decisions that parents make, or those who don't have children themselves.
Not to say that any of these opinions aren't valid, but it's so much more than a simple black-and-white matter...

I admit that until very recently, I always thought my parents had it right 95% of the time - until my fiance pointed out that there were aspects of their behaviour, especially in my difficult teen years, that by our standards would make them bad parents. And now I see it happening with my younger brother, and sadly he doesn't have the maturity or common sense to make smart decisions the way I have, and I can see him getting out of control, maybe even to the extreme of getting in trouble with the law or dying of a drug overdose, not so much because of my parents, but because of their sheltering him, being there for him materially and physically but not emotionally, and having the 'but we're a good family with good morals and good kids - they'll turn out okay' attitude.
On the other hand, my fiance had an extremely different upbringing from mine, but from what he tells me and what I know of his father, I completely disagree with his (my soon-to-be father-in-law's) parenting methods and would never use them on my own children. It even makes me nervous about leaving my child with him as far as babysitting and that kind of thing goes, because I know what he's like and I'm afraid that something could happen, whether it be him influencing my child's attitude in ways I'd rather he not, or putting my child's life at risk because, 'Oh, it'll be okay, I used to do this with my kids all the time,' as far as reckless activities or 'games' go.

It's a difficult issue to address, and I don't think most people understand the difference between good and bad parenting until they have experienced being a parent themselves, or are at least into adulthood and can take an objective look at their own parents' skills - I know when I was a kid I thought that one thing or another made someone a terrible parent, but now I can totally understand the motivation behind it, that kind of thing.

MCR_Angel_REV:

Sammie:

I don't think good or bad parenting can be defined in a book or anything like that. I also that too much belief is put into parenting books. I think you should go with your instincts, we all have them and I think you should follow them and only use outside help when you ave tried everything else.

My father, I have to admit he hasnt been the greatest parent, but he has never hit me or anything like that. He just has never been there as a parent. When I call my dad 'dad' it feels like just a word. He only created me nothing more. But can he be labelled a bad parent? Its for you guys to decide.

I think that maybe if you guys spent more time together that "dad" would mean more to you and saying (enter name here) would mean more to him... I don't spend as much time with my dad n-e more but i still try and i feel like its my fault sum times- but i don't think my dad's a bad parent because of it

I agree to this subject.cause just because you did something bad dosent mean your parents get to hit you rrea bad

I thought the fact that my father openly displayed the fact that he preferred my brothers to me was bad parenting.

Bad parenting is definetely putting your work before your children. Although, to be a good parent, you must work so you can provide your children with a safe and healthy living environment. I live in Canada, and there has been a debate about sextuplets who were born here. Do you think that it is right for these parents (Jehovahs Witnesses I think) to put their religious beliefs before their children? Opinions?

"I thought the fact that my father openly displayed the fact that he preferred my brothers to me was bad parenting."

Yeah, and also a mortal sin, you aren't supposed to choose one over the other. I give you my sympathies, it isn't 'fun' when your parents pay more attention to your siblings.

xKodak.Momentx:

Bad parenting is definetely putting your work before your children. Although, to be a good parent, you must work so you can provide your children with a safe and healthy living environment. I live in Canada, and there has been a debate about sextuplets who were born here. Do you think that it is right for these parents (Jehovahs Witnesses I think) to put their religious beliefs before their children? Opinions?

Well, how are they doing so?

Well, the babies need blood transfusions if they want to live. The parents are Jehovah's Witnesses, a faith that has a doctrine against blood transfusions.

Oh...I feel weird, I'm a n00b and the last one to post on every board, I think I talk too much.

Cigarettes And Suicide:

Good or bad parenting can't be defined easily by anyone, let alone a bunch of children who don't understand the motivations behind decisions that parents make, or those who don't have children themselves.
Not to say that any of these opinions aren't valid, but it's so much more than a simple black-and-white matter...

I admit that until very recently, I always thought my parents had it right 95% of the time - until my fiance pointed out that there were aspects of their behaviour, especially in my difficult teen years, that by our standards would make them bad parents. And now I see it happening with my younger brother, and sadly he doesn't have the maturity or common sense to make smart decisions the way I have, and I can see him getting out of control, maybe even to the extreme of getting in trouble with the law or dying of a drug overdose, not so much because of my parents, but because of their sheltering him, being there for him materially and physically but not emotionally, and having the 'but we're a good family with good morals and good kids - they'll turn out okay' attitude.
On the other hand, my fiance had an extremely different upbringing from mine, but from what he tells me and what I know of his father, I completely disagree with his (my soon-to-be father-in-law's) parenting methods and would never use them on my own children. It even makes me nervous about leaving my child with him as far as babysitting and that kind of thing goes, because I know what he's like and I'm afraid that something could happen, whether it be him influencing my child's attitude in ways I'd rather he not, or putting my child's life at risk because, 'Oh, it'll be okay, I used to do this with my kids all the time,' as far as reckless activities or 'games' go.

It's a difficult issue to address, and I don't think most people understand the difference between good and bad parenting until they have experienced being a parent themselves, or are at least into adulthood and can take an objective look at their own parents' skills - I know when I was a kid I thought that one thing or another made someone a terrible parent, but now I can totally understand the motivation behind it, that kind of thing.

you definitely have valid points here about the validity of our opinions. mine are mostly speculation. personally, i've noticed many similarities between my parents and myself that make me question if i even want children. for instance, i'm showing signs of emotional instability similar to my mother's and a very addictive personality--these two of her problems caused a lot of problems in my upbringing, and i would question if i'm fit to be a parent knowing that i could cause that kind of pain. that's NOT to say my mother isn't fit to be a parent, she copes very well with her problems--but what if i have less self control? what if that, in combination with the temper i inhereted from my father, turns me into some sort of monster? i suppose what i'm trying to say is that i really have thought these things out.

the other thing is that, sometimes as the relative of an alcoholic, you end up being put in a parent-like role sometimes. there have been times when i've been tempted to take my aunt's keys when she's not looking because i'm concerned she'll try to drive while drunk. there was a time when a neighbor was going through a relapse with alcoholism* and was in bed drunk for a week--i played "mother" for her child during this time. i'm not saying it was like being a real parent, but it put me in the mindset of "oh my god i have to try and keep this kid sane and keep myself sane and do a zillion things around the house and manage my own life and watch out for this person as well..." and i think it may have been a taste of what parents go through.

*[yes, i realize just about everyone i know is an alcoholic.]

xKodak.Momentx:

Well, the babies need blood transfusions if they want to live. The parents are Jehovah's Witnesses, a faith that has a doctrine against blood transfusions.

Oh...I feel weird, I'm a n00b and the last one to post on every board, I think I talk too much.

With reference to religious beliefs and parenting, I have to say that I hotly disapprove of certain aspects. The blood transfusion thing saddens me greatly, I was watching a doco recently where a child was crushed under a collapsed wall and needed a transfusion to live, literally - without it, his chance of survival was less than 8%. The doctors made the parents sit down with the hospital's supervisors/managers etc, and even after being made aware of all the facts, they still insisted that signing his death warrant was preferable to the punishment they'd receive from God for going against his wishes.
What a load of crap. People take the Bible far too literally, and I could go on about it more but then I'd probably be better off in the religion thread. But to me, that decision is bad parenting to the worst degree, being ready, willing and able to essentially kill your child when there's perfectly good, safe treatment out there and being offered to you. The law should be able to prosecute these people with manslaughter.
In other news, the 'no-contraception' rule of Catholicism (and for all I know, other branches of Christianity) is kind of ridiculous. A report in the Sunday Mail a couple weeks ago about the public housing crisis featured a woman who, at the age of 26, had seven children, couldn't afford to buy or rent a house, and was begging the government to bump her up the waiting list for public housing. Their response? 'There just aren't houses big enough for seven bloody kids.'
Which made a lot of sense to me. If this woman used the brain almighty God gave her, she'd realise that it came down to ignoring an outdated doctrine and using contraception, or keeping her damn legs shut in order to keep her family at a manageable size. She obviously doesn't have the money to support all these children, so in my opinion that makes her a bad parent.
A lot of couples would love to have more children, or even just one, but the financial climate means they simply cannot afford to give their children the basics, like a roof over their head - so they do the right thing, the smart thing, and either go without or wait till they're in a position to provide adequately. Meanwhile, morons like this woman do stupid things and then want to blame the government instead of themselves for not handing her a mansion - because I've heard rumours lately that Child Services has passed a legislation dictating that no children of the same sex can share a bedroom, or even that no children can share a bedroom (they need their own space and privacy etc), which means a family with that many kids would need at least an 8-bedroom home... who builds them? Nobody except millionaires. So how could the government possibly find such a house for this woman? She shouldn't have had that many kids unless she had a house to put them all in, for starters.
Religion and parenting should go together in the way of teaching your kids good values, but I think there are some instances where the Bible and your beliefs should be left at the door, and you instead use your brain and common sense to make decisions.

some ppl just think that they just have bad parents but really
they just dont like there parents......

Please pardon my typing; I'm working with a terrible space bar. I try to correct my mistakes when I notice them, but I have a bad tendency to not look at the screen as I'm typing.

I think that bad parenting is when kids get yelled at when they do just the slightest thing wrong, instead of just gently chided, or when their parents aren't loving or are unable to provide the kid of home that will leave the child happy and feeling loved instead of abandoned and seeking psychotherapy. Favouritism is a huge element as well--it should be absent from all families with multiple children.I babysit for these kids; a fouryear old girl and a sixyear old boy; and the family spoils the boy to no end, but the girl is often sent to bed early with no dinner when she--for example-- doesn't wash her hands after going to the toilet. Josh, the boy, is allowed to makeas much of amess as he likes--as long as his sister cleans it up.
When I am in charge I try to give them close to equal treatment [and probably am nicer to bothof them then their parents are] and I think I maytend to spoil Rachel a bit because I know how her parents treat her; and I believe thatto be unreasonable. She's onlyfour.

Ashley69-:

some ppl just think that they just have bad parents but really
they just dont like there parents......

That's true.
But some parents are bad parents.

There's also bad parenting that involves the parent doing the exactly opposite of not giving the child enough attention.
I believe my stepfather and mother are bad parents to my sister.
When she gets grounded they take it back after a day.
I mean, is that really going to teach her a lesson?
She also gets whatever she wants and knows she can get it if she raises her voice.

Bad parenting in my opinion is not being there for your kids. And even worse, bad parenting is not being able to take care of your kids. So if ur friend didnt feel she could take care of her kids then she did the right thing. but i think she should still take a part in their lives. I've grown up without my father for 6 or 7 years now and it still hurts. Though my mother has done a good job of parenting. She is concerned about everything that goes on in my life, and makes sure im following the rules. She is always there when i need her and she never lets anything get in the way of taking care of us. in my eyes tht is good parenting.

It's so hard to define what a "good" or "bad" parent is. In truth I think it depends on the child. Of my two brothers and myself, most would say that I'm the only one that turned out okay. Though I would disagree, my problems just aren't visible to people unless they look closely. Honestly I am one f****d up person. I love my parents, but they weren't good parents for me. They divorced when I was five, and I was forced to grow up early and learn to take care of myself.

I think the key to being a good parent is just being there for your child, no matter what. Sure, they may love you unconditionally, but they shouldn't love you from a distance. They need to be there and be involved and accept you for the person you really are.

Bad parenting is beating your kids, or not disciplining them.

Being overly cruel (both physically and mentally) can have obvious damaging results, but if a parent does not enforce rules and condone morals and things of the like, then the child is boned to be a rude loser for life.

...What run-on sentence?

I agree. But you can also discipline your kids without physical action.

I think that bad parenting is leaving your child all the time whilst you go out, introducing them to ciggerettes and drink at young ages, not taking any interest in their school work, beating them, ignoring them, not giving them clean clothes and not providing a bath and not feeding them propperly

My dad litterally tore me apart mentally.

He's said everything from 'if you weren't my daughter, I wouldn't love you' to 'you're lazy'. The worst part is that when he read my diary and found out I was suicidal, he did NOTHING! I sit helpless and no one cares.

To me ignoring redflags because its easier on yourself is bad parenting.

PS: I've never told anyone this

Soleniod:

My dad litterally tore me apart mentally.

He's said everything from 'if you weren't my daughter, I wouldn't love you' to 'you're lazy'. The worst part is that when he read my diary and found out I was suicidal, he did NOTHING! I sit helpless and no one cares.

To me ignoring redflags because its easier on yourself is bad parenting.

PS: I've never told anyone this

i do feel really sorry for you, it must be hard because it would be the end of me if my dad treated me like that. <3