Bad parenting

I can't say what bad parenting is and what good parenting is because everyone sees it diferently but i think bad parenting is showing your child negolect for example leaving them at home all day from a young age , no physical interaction (like cuddling), ignoring them , not feeding your child(ren) or bathing them if there young .
But then i look at my parents and well we do not get along very well , they work all the time and from a young age (6) i was taken to a child minder then when i was old enough i have looked after myself they dont do a lot with me which is fine because i want to go to town a lot but then they don't trust me all that much to go on a train everyday to p'town and well they don't actually sit down and talk to me about anything but then i guess i can cope on my own as i have amazing friends looking after me which is better than my mom and my dad.
And a good parents ?Well i don't really know what to say for that. I guess a good parents is one that loves their child(ren) and is there for them everyday , and there child(ren) isn't afraid to tell them there secrets and not feel like crap doing so . I don't tell my parents anything anymore i even go to the doctors without telling them .

x

to lots of people think bad parenting is when letting your child do things like taking drugs,drinking or going out late and if their children do this they don't lay consequences.
lot's of people also say that when you want to know what a child is like you have to look at their parents because every child is a map of their parents.

Dude, my parents are great and all, but some 6th grader ratted to my mom for hearing me swear in the lunch room and she took all my MCR stuff away! it SUCKS! she thinks MCR is a bad influence on me because they swear. (she is sooo wrong) And get this, i dont get my stuff back for 1 year!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

bad parenting is usually decribed as letting kids do things like drugs, drink, and other illegal/taboo things.
but to be honest, i think that smothering a child is just as bad.
if a child is constantly sheltered, or babied, they never full get the chance to adapt like other children. they also never get the chance to grow up.
i mean, a parent making a child wear little kids clothes when their peers are starting to choose their own clothes like in middle school, is bad parenting in my books. this is because the child will enevitably not be able to fit in. they will be bullied and have no frineds and life will be hell for them.
of course this might not always happen but it can.
i also think that parents being naive about their children is bad parenting. for example, parents thinking that at 16 their child knows nothing about life, eg current affairs, relationships, etc...and that they cannot handle their own life is complete failure in the parenting stakes. it forces the kids to lie and cheat their parents, as they know they cannot tell them the truth about their lives as their parents will either judge them or be so mad at them they don't know what to do. this kind of non-communication is a sign of bad parenting even if it is just from being naive or treating the children in a childish way.

aymeelovesmychem:

I guess a good parents is one that loves their child(ren) and is there for them everyday , and there child(ren) isn't afraid to tell them there secrets and not feel like crap doing so . I don't tell my parents anything anymore i even go to the doctors without telling them .

x

god that is so true. i have to do the same. even though there is the pretence of a "loving and open family" i can't tell them the truth about anything. it sucks, because i know they won't understand. that comment sums it up.

yoey962:

bad parenting is usually decribed as letting kids do things like drugs, drink, and other illegal/taboo things.
but to be honest, i think that smothering a child is just as bad.
if a child is constantly sheltered, or babied, they never full get the chance to adapt like other children. they also never get the chance to grow up.
i also think that parents being naive about their children is bad parenting. for example, parents thinking that at 16 their child knows nothing about life, eg current affairs, relationships, etc...and that they cannot handle their own life is complete failure in the parenting stakes.
this kind of non-communication is a sign of bad parenting even if it is just from being naive or treating the children in a childish way.

That's very true, and I'm glad someone pointed it out. My parents were by no means perfect, but they pretty much left me to my own devices as a teenager and I was grateful for the opportunity to figure life out for myself, make my own dumb mistakes, and figure out how to bail myself out of certain situations.
Non-communication was a big issue in our house, though - I can never remember having a real conversation with my parents - if I had a problem, they'd listen, nod, then change the subject to, say, what happened at the office today. So I pretty much had to work stuff out my own way, and I experimented with drugs, drinking, sex, and worked out relationships (friendships and otherwise) all by myself, behind their backs, and I turned out fine. They were never strict with me, I can never remember being grounded over anything, I had no curfew, and if I stayed out at a party drinking till I puked, I could call them at 4am for a ride home and they would pick me up, let me sleep it off the next day, etc. So I never had to lie to them or go behind their backs (except with the drug thing, I'd come home high and say I'd had a few vodkas at a friend's house), and the trust allowed me the freedom to do pretty much whatever I wanted.
However, sometimes my mum especially pissed me off. For example, when I was 16 and had been dating a boy seriously for nearly five months, I went to her and asked to be taken to the doctor's to go on the Pill - just to be on the safe side. She completely closed up and pretended like the subject had never come up, just told me that I should wait until I was married. That really bugged me because I was trying to do the right thing, be responsible, and no allow any 'accidents' to occur, and she couldn't appreciate my maturity in that way - simply expected me to swallow her opinion with no questions and do as I was told. It hurt.
I'm going to be a parent in a few months and I'm afraid that I'm going to be too over-protective. The world is a scary place these days, there's so much wrong with it, and I don't want to expose my child to things that could injure her, whether it be physically, mentally, etc. But I know I'm going to have to make a conscious decision to step back and let them fall out of a tree and break their leg, let them ride their bike to the store unsupervised eventually, and allow them the freedom to experience life and learn from their own mistakes the way I did. I just figure I was so. freaking. lucky. not to have had anything bad happen to me.

Im gunna try this a second time lol

Im not a parent. Yet In my opinion a good parent is someone who cares and takes care of someone teaching them in whatever they know sharing their wisdom and expierience. I think they should also have a good bond with their kids. yet at the same time let them be free and strike them down when the make a mistake but let them learn from it. They should also teach their kids that The world isnt as kind as some beleive. And should also prepare them for that world.
A bad parent would be someone who doesnt care. WHo sits down uses with their kids and uses infront of them and gives drugs to them. Someone who sells their kids out for personal gainage is a bad parent.
But everyone makes a mistake bad parents and good parents but they shouldnt be judged just by one mistake but lots and constantly making mistakes, thats my idea of a good parent

Roarr:

A bad parent would be someone who doesnt care.

but caring too much is also not good parenting.

yoey:
[quote]but caring too much is also not good parenting.[quote]
Which is where the limits come in yes it is bad parenting but id rather have someone that cared for me then not. Thats when parents should respect their childs freedom.

WELL I HAVE 2 KIDS AT 28 MY DUAGHTER NOW 12 AND MY BOY 4 NEXT WEEK I THINK IM DOING A GOOD JOB CONSIDERING I WAS A YOUNG MOTHER WITH MY FIRST AND LEARNING FROM MY MISTAKES I TEACH MY DAUGHTER THAT LIFE IS HARD BUT THERE IS ALSO A BRIGHT SIDE AND I LET HER LEARN FROM HER MISTAKES AS I DID EXCEPT SEX AT A YOUNG AGE AND TO BE THERE TO GUIDE THEM NOT CONTROL THEM THATS WHAT PARENTING SHOULD BE. MY FATHER THE WORST AND ABUSIVE BUT MY MOTHER IS MY ANGEL FOR SAVING ME FROM THAT AT 13 SO JUST REMEMBER THERE IS A BRIGHT SIDE TO YOUR PARENTS OR EVEN YOU THE PARENT.

MCR_ROX_MY_MIND:

WELL I HAVE 2 KIDS AT 28 MY DUAGHTER NOW 12 AND MY BOY 4 NEXT WEEK I THINK IM DOING A GOOD JOB CONSIDERING I WAS A YOUNG MOTHER WITH MY FIRST AND LEARNING FROM MY MISTAKES I TEACH MY DAUGHTER THAT LIFE IS HARD BUT THERE IS ALSO A BRIGHT SIDE AND I LET HER LEARN FROM HER MISTAKES AS I DID EXCEPT SEX AT A YOUNG AGE AND TO BE THERE TO GUIDE THEM NOT CONTROL THEM THATS WHAT PARENTING SHOULD BE. MY FATHER THE WORST AND ABUSIVE BUT MY MOTHER IS MY ANGEL FOR SAVING ME FROM THAT AT 13 SO JUST REMEMBER THERE IS A BRIGHT SIDE TO YOUR PARENTS OR EVEN YOU THE PARENT.

i think you have a great piont and i think it would be great to be a mother some day. i would base MY parenting on what my parents MAY have failed on with me.

Tanya1979:

I am not sure how many here are parents. But I just wanbt your opinions on bad parenting. what is considered bad parenting in your eyes?

I have my opinions, I would like just like to hear others opinions? Thanks Love and Light Honnies?

Also a friend of mine gave her kids away, to their fathers, all have different fathers. I think that she did the right thing. Other people that I know say she was being unfit by doing this. Which I do not think this way. I think her children are better off now.

Opinions?

When you say a friend of you gave their kids away to there fathers it's not nessisarily giving them away. There fathers are half of them and have responsibilitys to take care of there children aswel as the mother.

What I consider bad parenting is people who don't care about there kids. If they alkow there children to swear from a young age, skip classes, steal, fight and vandilise others property.

I think bad parents is parents who let there kids run wild or are complete push overs.

Yeah...uh...my parents suck.
Not that they let me run wild, in fact, the exact oppisite. Pssht, they don't let me do anything, and that's where they messed up. Now I'm trying to see if I can gain my independance early so that I'll be considered an adult by the governement so that I can leave this crappy place.

If that dosen't happen, when i'm 18 I'm changing my name and running to Michigan. LOL.

Bad parenting, I've seen, is the parent's inability gauge how much control would work on a child, and to tailor discplining according to the child. Sometimes, the one size fit all disciplining rule can really mess kids up. Children are different, they learn differently, have different personality, etc, so they can't always be handled to same way. A good parent should recognize and be sensitive to that in their kids.

The worst thing a parent can do is bullying a child. ‘Because I said so!’ is a line that should not be used by parents often.

mirarle:

The worst thing a parent can do is bullying a child. ‘Because I said so!’ is a line that should not be used by parents often.

That's not bullying, though.
IMO, children need to learn proper respect for their parents and elders (eg grandparents) and I believe that a small (note, I say 'small', meaning that there is much, much more to teaching respect etc) part of that is not questioning their authority.
When I was a kid, 'Because I'm the parent and I said so' was a perfectly reasonable and acceptable explanation for not being allowed to do something. At a certain age, I wasn't able to be sat down and talked to in a rational manner, and certainly wouldn't have listened to a convoluted explanation as to why something was unacceptable. 'Because I said so' was quick, easy, and diffused a difficult situation before it arose (because any other explanation I could argue with, ask questions, or poke holes in - 'Because I said so' was the end of the story and I couldn't say anything to contradict it).
Sure, it shouldn't be used often, but there are times when a parent is short-tempered and has no patience to try and speak calmly to an unruly child, so a short answer saves arguments.
And, back to my first point, it's about teaching some respect - authoritarian figures shouldn't be questioned in the first few years of life. They know what they are doing, and what they are doing is for the child's own good, so it's a good thing to teach them to simply accept that somebody else knows better than they (the child/ren) do, and not argue with it. Imagine if an entire classroom of 30 kids wanted to argue when their teacher said, 'Okay, it's time to put the toys away and sit down quietly for story-time'! 'Because I said so' is simply an introduction into respecting the guardian's authority and not causing a scene.
That's not to say that this behaviour should continue until or into adulthood - they get plenty of chances to develop their own brain and assert their independence later on, but toddlers and young children should definitely be taught to just swallow what their parents tell them and not fight it until they're old enough to think for themselves.

Respect-wise, I agree, I see what you’re saying.
Perhaps that was a bad example of bullying (although I did say ‘often’), but in my experience that phrase has been mis-used (imo) by parents and adult figures to the point I’ve always been a bit sensitive about it. I’ve been beaten and caned by adult figures while they say ‘Because I said so’, so I always try to stay far away from that phrase or similar as much as possible when I’m disciplining my brother and kids I’m babysitting. But I do agree that it does not constitute bullying entirely.

Reflecting, I don’t make sense much saying that I don’t like that phrase when I’m not completely against beating/caning either. I need to get my priorities straight…

Hey eveybody knows about some kid who has bad parents. Like "Jimmy's parents never watch him", or "Shoudn't Tina have better manners?" But I think it basically good parenting boils down to this...

If you love your kids, try to provide the best you can for them, be responsible and be involved in there lives, and listen, then your a good parent

There's lot's of ups and downs in familes, but it makes you stronger if you stick it out.

But we all should know that the parents that aren't "good" ( I use that term loosley, nobody has a offical who's the best list) are the one's who beat their children, molest them, don't give a crap, etc.

I came from a broken home so I've dealt with that. My mom's dead to me, wich is for the better and for now I like with my Dad, Oma and Opa (you can tell i'm german eh?) and the family unit's pretty strong. Life's alot better, ( I really only have my dad to talk to, my oma and opa don't care) but it's better than no family at all.

my parents *sigh* or rather my stepparent...we jsut dont get along. I've left home bc of it and im having an awful time dealing with it. I've lost my mother and my sister by getting away from him and im afraid that i wont get to see them again.

so how do i deal?
i cant go back bc its a rather dangerous situation for me (of u get my drift)
so what do i do?
ideas?
advice?

i dont think that there is a song about this.
so what does one do when parents are the reason for the heartbreak. your family is supposed to love you. What do you do when they dont?
are they even ur family then? or just your DNA donors?

Tanya1979:

I am not sure how many here are parents. But I just wanbt your opinions on bad parenting. what is considered bad parenting in your eyes?

I have my opinions, I would like just like to hear others opinions? Thanks Love and Light Honnies?

Also a friend of mine gave her kids away, to their fathers, all have different fathers. I think that she did the right thing. Other people that I know say she was being unfit by doing this. Which I do not think this way. I think her children are better off now.

Opinions?

how can they say she was being unfit?
unfit would be keeping the kids and not being able to care for them...*sigh*i really dont get people

^^ when it comes to the point that youre unloved by your parents, then yes, they are pretty much DNA donors and blood related "roomates" who may or may not pay for your food and such, i dont know your situation so i cant say =/

im a product of addicts and alcoholics and i turned out alright