Over-Controling Spouses/Lovers/Boyfreinds.
| Author | Message |
|---|---|
| Go fuck yourself Devil's Got Your Number  Age: 30 Gender: Female Posts: 37823 | you hear these stories of an over-controling boyfreind and the girl is just miserable but to afriad to leave, or whatever the scenerio is. it can be an over-controling girlfriend but (not being sexist) it's ussauly the boyfriend. now i've had a couple of over-controling boyfriends. and i know how hard it can be. should the other one get out? if so how? how can you really tell before you go out with someone if they're over-controling or possibley a threat? |
| ChildVision Really Not Okay  Age: 32 Gender: Female Posts: 657 | It's simple...if your boyfriend/girlfriend is being overcontrolling and it bothers you. break up with them. |
| joni. Shotgun Sinner  Age: 30 Gender: - Posts: 7747 | Yes, but sometimes, if they're really controlling, you're afraid that they might get violent if you ty to get out of the realtionship. That's only sometimes, though... |
| Stripey-Stripes. Motor Baby  Age: 34 Gender: Female Posts: 804 | CemeteryDrive123: It's nice that you can be so strong, but not all of us are so blessed. It's really not that easy. It's not like the victim is pathetic, but they are a victim. They are nearly brainwashed to the point where they cannot function without the other person. They need the person in their lives because it's the other person who hold their lives together. Without them, they feel like their world would fall apart, that they would be nothing without them. Don't judge it, they're virtually unable to leave without a huge amount of self-control and will power. |
| Go fuck yourself Devil's Got Your Number Age: 30 Gender: Female Posts: 37823 | Stripey-Stripes.: exactly, they might stay out of fear, or because they don't want to be alone.think about it is so complex, they leave where will they go? who else will love them...etc... its not just, "oh you hit me, ok bye." if only it were that easy |
| Cigarettes And Suicide Bleeding on the Floor  Age: 37 Gender: Female Posts: 1725 | ^ If we're talking about physical violence or the threat of violence, this needs to be locked and continued in the domestic violence thread. Whether you've been married for twenty years, or dating for two weeks, it's called domestic violence. If we're talking about over-possessiveness and jealousy issues, then that's a different matter that I guess warrants its own thread, but be careful with this - I can see it turning into a domestic violence discussion and we already have a thread on that. My two cents' - an over-possessive or jealous spouse/boyfriend/girlfriend isn't necessarily evil to the core. They probably have issues of their own, severe insecurities, that need to be worked on so they can overcome the fear of being hurt by their partner (which is essentially what's driving them to become jealous and possessive). It's a control issue. Maybe they just need reassurance from their partner, maybe they need to seek professional help to get over whatever inferiorities they believe would lead their partner to hurt them by leaving or cheating. |
| Stripey-Stripes. Motor Baby Age: 34 Gender: Female Posts: 804 | We do need to be careful, and keep this thread on the mental issues only. Otherwise, we've got a double post, and no one wants that. I know first hand what it's like, my step-dad has got my mother to the point where she honestly believes that she's inferior. Maybe she's always been weak-willed, but he does have her brainwashed. She could use professional help, but chances are she won't get it. C&S is right when she says it's a control issue, that's exactly what it is. The abusive partner has a desire to control every aspect of the other person's life, it's abuse, yessir it is. They say it's harder to leave a mentally abusive relationship than a phyically abusive one. The spouse just can't bring themselves to realize that there is another world out there. |
| Mindfuck Always Born a Crime  Age: - Gender: Female Posts: 5614 | illustrated_romance: I agree with Stripey-Stripes... But there can also be psychological damage done to partners of people that are overly dominant. |
| Ignore Alien Orders Salute You in Your Grave  Age: 34 Gender: Female Posts: 2026 | Not to reference this thing to death, but: Stanford Prison Experiment. If you don't want to read it, the study essentially explored the effect of authority and inferiority on average people in the form of a prison scenario. Those who played the roles of guards quickly assumed the authoritative position and as many as 1/3 of them were thought to have displayed "genuine sadistic tendencies" in the form of abusing and humiliating the prisoners. However the facts that pertain here are the actions of the prisoners. They quickly assumed the role of the abused, and believed that they were under the guards' ultimate authority. When they were offered parole in exchange for forfeiting their participation pay, they accepted--and then when parole was denied, none of them quit because they truly believed themselves to be prisoners. Why I brought this up is that, while it doesn't explain why some people are controlling in relationships, it begins to shed some light on why those who are controlled won't just up and leave. As the experiment shows, we're all able to be manipulated into believing that we are the inferior and that we're supposed to be under control, rather than that we're being pointlessly abused. |
| Go fuck yourself Devil's Got Your Number Age: 30 Gender: Female Posts: 37823 | Cigarettes And Suicide: yeah i know, sorry i should have made that more clear. but yes, i agree with you. but i'm thinking about the effects of the victem, will it be carried on to all of thier other relationships too? to what extentwill this go to on a person? |
| All_You_Need_Is_Love Joining The Black Parade  Age: 34 Gender: Female Posts: 215 | CemeteryDrive123: It's not that simple. Often times, people believe they can change the person they are with. They believe that just because their spouse/boyfriend/girlfriend controls what they do doesn't mean they can't change. A lot of people in relationships like that also have abandoment and dependency issues, and will cling on to any "love" they can get. Relataionships with overly controlling people are also mentally and emotionally abusive. Often times, they are also physically abusive, or the controlling person makes threats. |
| All_You_Need_Is_Love Joining The Black Parade Age: 34 Gender: Female Posts: 215 | Cigarettes And Suicide: They kind of go hand-in-hand. Often times in relationships where one person is controlling, there is often physical abuse or threats of physical abuse. The victims in relationships like this often fear that if they do leave or if they do anything to try and stop it, they will be beaten. |
| Go fuck yourself Devil's Got Your Number Age: 30 Gender: Female Posts: 37823 | All_You_Need_Is_Love: thats my thought on it, i like how you explained it |
| Your.Guardian.Angel. Jazz Hands  Age: 33 Gender: Male Posts: 306 | "Over-controlling"...Hmph, how annoying... If ya really love someone you would have no reason to control them. Wouldn't ya want them to be themselves no matter what...? |
| Go fuck yourself Devil's Got Your Number Age: 30 Gender: Female Posts: 37823 | Your.Guardian.Angel.: well true, but is it because thier afriad of losing their lover, or is it just part of thier ego? |
| Firefly. Salute You in Your Grave  Age: 32 Gender: Female Posts: 4264 | But it's so hard to break up with someone who you're afraid will hurt you. My friends have been in relationships like that, and what they tell me almost makes me want to puke. Their boyfriends controlled every aspect of their lives, so their good friends weren't that close anymore, so they felt they had nowhere to run to if they DID break up with them. |
| horse_riders_r_stable_ppl Motor Baby  Age: 32 Gender: Female Posts: 847 | CemeteryDrive123: yeh, if they really like you they wont try to just use you for sex or just to control you. in my case it was sex, & i didn't like him like that, so instead of giving in i dumped him, simple as. |
| Jesse Lacey; Awake and Unafraid  Age: 28 Gender: Female Posts: 12077 | I can understand why they are afraid to leave, but then again what the hell are they doing there just letting it happen? I know my opinion is probably not the best here as I have never been in this situation, but I just don't know why someone would let that awful sh*t happen to them and do nothing.  |
| Lovesick Melody. Bulletproof Heart  Age: 83 Gender: Female Posts: 25760 | ^^ I don't know much on the subject, but I suspect that it happens so gradually that they dont realise it. Maybe a small slap at first and him/her apologising to you, but it might grow to a beating. And sometimes people can't get away, what if their just married and move somewhere remote. How is she/he meant to get away? But I don't really know much, this is just what I think. :] |
| Blackroses_MCR27 Killjoy  Age: 32 Gender: Female Posts: 53 | What makes this worse is when your bf is like super popular and if you break up with him no one will take you back in your "circle" and no one will date you again becuase they wont belive he hit you or did something to you. That sucks! And if he has money and is powerful your screwed becuase no one will belive you....Sad part about it all is most people die before they get out.....So many girls die becuase of their over controlling lover....See women on the other hand arent so controlling and nuts!(maybe we should cut their balls off to keep them sane like a stalion) Thats my view on this topic take it or leave it Shandra-In love with her bf/future groom Eric William Heidrich |
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