Deb's Stuff

Thank you, Aly!

Can't shake the sameness
Of everything
Feel like I'm climbing
A funhouse ladder
The higher I reach
The further I fall
Can't find my smile
Wondering what's so funny
Tragedy is where it's at
My friends
Only then can you achieve greatness
When you're dead
No box big enough
To shut out the world
Sleep just dulls it
Remember waking up
For that final time
Nothing says reality
Like a corpse to the head
What is so fucking funny
Don't you have a dream to catch
God is not a place
And friend is not a word
I love I possess
My word's all I own

No success without failure
But where is the truth
The faith in my thought process
Is teetering dangerously
It’s been a nice run
But I’m wavering now
I’m all out of crutches
And time is flying past me
Before I can even take a breath
Another year’s gone by
Today I cannot smile
And no hands to hold me up
I’m just not getting the hang
Of this life
The tears come easily
And the feeling of defeat beckons
Where is my support
I’ve devoted countless hours
I could hardly spare
Yet it never comes back my way
Does it
Just more discouragement
Always time for that
You all would let me
Crawl into this hole
Is that love?
How long would I need
To be missing from your life
Before you even noticed
That I was gone?
You tell me not to say these things
Yet you continue to watch me go

Just realized again
how much I loved the sound of your voice
I close my eyes and feel
your breath against my skin
Your hands, oh what they could do!

Is there no end to this suffering?
This frustration at never being able
To let you know how you've made me feel
Obessively tormenting myself
By wondering if you found happiness

Your eyes still haunt my dreams
The vibration of your throat underneath my lips
Images like these pulling on the strings of my heart
What I wouldn't give for only a moment!

Alternate realities
Visions of what could have been
What should have been
Had you not been so blind

Eternal?

Someone called me a child today
Yet I feel the years weighing heavily upon my shoulders
Staring out into the nothingness
I find myself wondering yet again
If there is anything I can still fix
If there’s respect to be had from anyplace
And if so, for what?
All of you with your fear and anger
Your judgments and your alienation
Seem to navigate this place with ease
While I flounder amidst a sea of forgotten dreams
Hope lies eternal inside of a blackened heart
The stories never told
Desperate desire to replicate
In some form or another
The child that we once were
As the moon draws ever nearer
Fatigue resides within my bones
As I gaze upon a life alone
Do I leave anything in my wake
To call my own?
If cancer is sorrow, than I am riddled
Scraping the surface of truth
A hollow well that I can only gaze into
Its darkened secrets too far removed
From the light that was my eyes
Once I knew love
In its wounded form
Now even my most darling
Offers me guilt-laden scorn
And I rail at the skies once again
“How long?”

I didn't know that you wrote poetry! It's amazing!

Thank you Theresa