| Author | Message |
|---|
K.K.
Bleeding on the Floor
Age: 28
Gender: Female
Posts: 1787 |
I just hate him and them...whoever thinks it's justified to be about 30 against 1......? of course his stupid mother is on his side cause shes a fucking pussy and a bitch but welll..... idc ... just dont get on my nerves.. |
Richey Edwards.
Demolition Lover
Age: 31
Gender: Female
Posts: 16507 | I don't know, I just feel so trapped in my own body. I can't express my feelings in a way I feel would fully express them. I feel like I can't function. I feel like there's something inside of me that controls me and won't let me live the life I used to love so much. I want to break free, I just don't know how. Counseling might be a good start, but I have no idea where to find one. And it's expensive. I'd also want it to be secret, I don't want anyone to know just how fucked I am. I just don't wanna feel trapped anymore. I want to break out of my own skin. I kinda wish someone understood too. |
sad savior;
Wild Eyed Joker
Age: 28
Gender: Female
Posts: 86309 | i should know by now that no one ever really wants to be my friend. i should know not to get attached and to think that i actually have a friendship with someone. because i don't, i never do. they always leave. no matter what. i'm better off alone. |
beaker;
Ghostbuster Famous
Age: -
Gender: -
Posts: 71107 | I'm just infatuated with him. Or maybe that's not the write word, maybe I'm just fascinated. I think it's somewhere in between. It can't be healthy, but hopefully it's just a stage I'm going through. Hopefully it'll pass, without losing the good parts |
wednesday.
In the Cannibal Glow
Age: -
Gender: Female
Posts: 53026 | i wanted to cry so much last night, but i just couldn't do it. i guess it's because i secretly expected him to disappoint me, as he has done so many times in the past. why should this time be any different? i keep telling myself to just to give up, and to forget about him. but i can't forget about him. and i'm afraid i never will. |
sad savior;
Wild Eyed Joker
Age: 28
Gender: Female
Posts: 86309 | i'm scared of everything it seems lately. my anxiety is getting worse. i guess it's everything that's going on but i don't like it. |
Frnk iero.
Awake and Unafraid
Age: 30
Gender: Female
Posts: 11747 | To thinK i almost started trusting you. |
Richey Edwards.
Demolition Lover
Age: 31
Gender: Female
Posts: 16507 | May 10th, 2014 at 09:51pm When will it get better? When will I get better? I just wanna fix myself. |
malibu.
In the Cannibal Glow
Age: 30
Gender: -
Posts: 54114 | May 12th, 2014 at 05:36am I hate not being overwhelmed with stuff to do, it gives me time to think.
I don't want these feelings. |
Richey Edwards.
Demolition Lover
Age: 31
Gender: Female
Posts: 16507 | May 22nd, 2014 at 09:47pm They say all your life questions become answered when you least expect it. I haven't expected an answer in years, so where the hell are my answers? What am I supposed to be? What skills should I be trying to learn? Should I just break down and tell my parents I need professional help, or keep it inside? When are things going to get better? I just want answers. |
fire at will.
Damned After All
Age: 35
Gender: -
Posts: 105653 | May 24th, 2014 at 11:00pm i seriously do not know what i am doing with my life.
most days i really do just want to give up.
and most days i get really motivated to do something about it.
but that goes away quickly.
i'm just so lost. |
malibu.
In the Cannibal Glow
Age: 30
Gender: -
Posts: 54114 | May 25th, 2014 at 11:43pm Much angst. |
wednesday.
In the Cannibal Glow
Age: -
Gender: Female
Posts: 53026 | May 30th, 2014 at 03:15pm i have known for over a year now that my grandmother is sick. after all, she was diagnosed with breast cancer last year, but they put her on medication to slow the process. however, my father just told me a few minutes ago that they may have found more cancer yesterday. a type of cancer that spreads extremely fast through your entire body. i'm trying so hard not to break down right now. she's the last grandparent that i have left. |
sad savior;
Wild Eyed Joker
Age: 28
Gender: Female
Posts: 86309 | June 2nd, 2014 at 04:05pm i don't know why everything is irritating me lately. i thought when i got back from my trip that would all be gone but it's just gotten worse. i think i need to become independent very soon. the only reason i came back from greece was because i knew a few people in my family would be upset and worried if i stayed. but i have to do what's best for me and every ounce of my body is telling me that i need to go back to greece. |
Frnk iero.
Awake and Unafraid
Age: 30
Gender: Female
Posts: 11747 | June 4th, 2014 at 11:38am It pleases me greatly that you think you have her virginity, but you don't. It also makes me happy thinking that you're the first to use that dildo on her. But you're wrong again. I spent five years fucking the shit out of her. Five years where we did so many more things than you've even thought of doing to her. And even though I don't wish to fuck her anymore, I still hate you. And I am eternally grateful that I was there first. |
beaker;
Ghostbuster Famous
Age: -
Gender: -
Posts: 71107 | June 8th, 2014 at 12:17am I really like these classes, I do. I like the people there. I like going and learning something new. And I know that every negative thought I have is unjustified, but that doesn't stop me from having them.
I'll sit there watching him teach a new move and I suddenly think to myself "what am I doing here?" I'm just a white belt with two stripes I probably don't even deserve. Two years and I feel like my knowledge of the art has amounted to nothing. Meanwhile I'm surrounded by purple belts and brown belts, and I feel like I have no business being there with them, occupying the same space as them.
I know it took them years to get to that point -- years that I have to put in if I want to get to that point, but then that voice in the back of my head pushes its way through and starts to scream "but you're a fucking white belt! you're nothing compared to them! why do you keep trying? you'll just embarrass yourself!!"
And then I spend the next few hours in a funk until I fall asleep. Then I'm better for about ten minutes after I wake up and it all those negative thoughts try to drown me again.
Sometimes I get a reprieve from this cycle when his wife starts to complain about hows things aren't making sense, but I seem to grasp the concept of the drill we're doing. And he says of course I am because I've been doing this for longer. He uses me to demonstrate. He praises my efforts.
And yet it's still not enough to keep those negative thoughts at bay -- the ones that I know are irrational. And on those really bad days, they're drowned with the equally sadistic thoughts of "they don't like you. How could they?" |
brandleys;
Death Defying
Age: 29
Gender: Female
Posts: 186345 | June 12th, 2014 at 02:47am Right now it's hard to tell if I legitimately care or if I only "care" because I think that's how I'm supposed to be. It might just be the medicine fucking with me, and taking away my love for things. |
sad savior;
Wild Eyed Joker
Age: 28
Gender: Female
Posts: 86309 | June 12th, 2014 at 02:40pm i don't know if i want to keep doing this. i enjoyed it but last time i went to class i felt really out of place. |
wednesday.
In the Cannibal Glow
Age: -
Gender: Female
Posts: 53026 | June 12th, 2014 at 03:06pm i still can't get over the possible idea of me and him being together. i find myself wanting to text him and ask him if he wants to hang out sometime soon, but i always stop myself from doing so. i just don't think he's interested or else he would be contacting me, so i don't want to seem desperate. god, i miss him so much. i shouldn't have ruined our friendship last year. |
littlejeka
Generation Nothing
Age: 32
Gender: Female
Posts: 126288 | June 15th, 2014 at 03:23pm biersack.: i seriously do not know what i am doing with my life.
most days i really do just want to give up.
and most days i get really motivated to do something about it.
but that goes away quickly.
i'm just so lost. |
