The Confessions Thread

I'm trying really hard to make this work. Really hard. It's literally the only future I have. Stop making it so difficult for me.

I make too much money for having such a simple job.

I feel really shitty about this. Mainly because I can't force myself to love you. And you love me so much. And that I can't talk to you about this in person. God knows I've tried to, but you wouldn't have it. I just feel like we've ran our course. After three amazing years, I think we're pretty much burnt out. I mean, we literally have nothing in common. We have nothing to talk about. Most of our conversations are over in a minute or less. We never really go anywhere, except out to eat, because our interest are completely different. I feel like I just drag you places. I know I'm pretty boring, but it'd be nice if you at least acted like you wanna be out of the house with me. And, this will sound really vain, but I don't care anymore. You're incredibly unhealthy. When we met, you were a size small and you'd tell me all about your weight loss journey and it really inspired me. Now, you're an extra-large or larger. And it's not even that I find you less attractive. I still find you to be very attractive. I just don't like that you've let yourself go. It's understandable because you've had a really rough life, and I've only experienced three years of it. I just feel like you gave up. I've suggested we work out together. I wouldn't ask you to do anything I wasn't willing to participate in too. But, I'm sorry to say, you've gotten straight up lazy. Your roommates are right. I despise agreeing with them. You're a grown man, you shouldn't have to be asked to do anything. That's a bullshit excuse. All you like to do is sit on your ass and play video games, when you're not working. I get it, okay? You like to relax when you're off work. Everyone does. But it wont kill you to clean up some cat shit or wash some dishes. It's not that difficult.
You constantly want sex. Even when I say no, you still constantly ask. It annoys me very much, and you know it does. It's not all about sex. Honestly, I kind of wish I had waited a little longer. Because maybe it'd be one less thing for you to bug me about.
You know we can't live together. We, or even just I, need counseling. Neither of us make even half of what it would cost to live together. And we can't get along for anything. I'm not living with you just to move out the next week cause I get sick of it.
I've tried telling you I need a length of time to work on myself. And that I just wanna be alone. But you can't seem to let go. But I also can't let go if it's not mutual. I cried for three days because I was contemplating breaking up with Chris (years ago), and we were only together barely a month. I've tried breaking things off, twice. Each time was an absolute failure. For me to even think of doing something to better myself is a big fucking deal. I know you'll be hurt, but your support is important. No matter what decision I make.
But, you're literally the only future I have, love wise. As much as I think I need to be alone, I know it wouldn't be good for me. The only person in the entire universe I would give my everything to doesn't feel the same. I guess the wrong one is better than no one. I know I'm not strong enough to leave. I'm not even sure if I want to. I just wanna know if we're salvageable. I mean, we have three years of history. Surely there's something there worth saving. I really hope I find it. I can't keep all this inside much longer. I'm close to exploding.

I thought I had a job, but it fell through.

Something just doesn't feel right. I've felt this way all week.
I hope it's just work, and that I'm not missing something big
or just stress. maybe then I'll finally snap

I'm perfectly fine controlling myself physically. I've stopped myself from sitting a little too close. I've stopped myself from looking into your eyes too long when we're being silent. I've stopped myself at the line between flirting and playing around. I've stopped myself from hugging just a little too long. I've stopped myself from kissing you when I've had literally a million chances. It's my mind I can't control. I think about you a lot during the day and it's getting problematic.

You've never failed me. I know we've had a kind of on-and-off friendship lately, but you've still managed to be there for me whenever I need you. I am eternally grateful for you. Know that I'd never abandon you on purpose.

I'm feeling less and less like my age lately and I just want my daddy

Which is weird because technically, nothing is wrong right now

So when our group went out to the bar tonight, we approached a lot of interesting topics.
somehow we got on the topic of religion. One person said how she grew up very invested in her religion, and then in college completely rejected it. But still has to deal with a family (both hers, and her in laws) being very, very religious.

And it just made me think about my beliefs, and how lucky I consider myself to be. I was raised Christian, but it was never forced on me, nor was it oppressive. I never felt like it weighed on me. And that's why I feel lucky, because it gave me the opportunity to make my own decision on it. It wasn't forced on me, so I didn't blindly follow it, nor did I feel anger and resentment towards it with a need to do the opposite.

Honestly, I feel like that's something I could apply to a lot of "movements" that are currently "popular" among my generation/gender.
But in this case, dealing specifically with religion, I'm glad my parents, and my dad specifically, never overdid it with me, and it's helped me come to terms with it in a place where I'm happy, and hey, it's a bonus if I don't end up disappointing my dad along the way.