| Author | Message |
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Richey Edwards.
Demolition Lover
Age: 31
Gender: Female
Posts: 16507 | March 5th, 2015 at 09:48pm
I mentally feel like I've been holding my breath forever. It's like I cant breathe. I'm waiting to exhale, but the moment never comes. |
Frnk iero.
Awake and Unafraid
Age: 30
Gender: Female
Posts: 11747 | March 7th, 2015 at 10:03pm I was on the highway earlier. I was on my way to an art gallery thing that my independent study rec'd that everone go to, and while i was on my way there (coughing like a mother-) it kind of hit me, bu not as much until i was half-dead giving a delivery drive two dollars of the money i had earned doing her job earlier that week.
I have become a piece of shit.
Now I say that, with a grain of salt.
The thing is this, litterally 7 days ago, at this hour, i had had all that shit with worm/ed happen and i thought i owned detroit.
I came home, and of course, celebrated the next day but then, instead of accepting it and continuing to move up, kept binge eating, sleeping until 12, neglecting milo, trashing my house, skiping out on my responsiblities, half-assing my job at work and ended up here. Sick as fuck.
Now I know i's not like "god punishing me" for being a lazy fat ass, but i just think it's a little sign that I should be taking care of myself and my cat. I should stop being so fucking scared of what happened and everything else. Because that's what it is. I'm scared.
And its stupid. No one knows what they're doing, no one has their shit together, no one has everything they want. And they sure as hell aren't trying to do it all at 21. I'm gonna give myself another stroke (not just a "unknown virus" ) over trying to be God; when i can't even legally drink.
So, I got up, a few minutes ago and did my laundry, threw out all the junk food i own, and sat down to tell Milo that there's gonna be some changes around here.
He ran and hid in the closet. He knows what's up.
|
Richey Edwards.
Demolition Lover
Age: 31
Gender: Female
Posts: 16507 | March 8th, 2015 at 04:24pm You are my sunflower. You always will be. No matter what my future holds, know that you were supposed to be the only one who mattered. I wish my heart was enough... |
Richey Edwards.
Demolition Lover
Age: 31
Gender: Female
Posts: 16507 | March 9th, 2015 at 10:10pm I'm sorry you guys don't see things the way I do. I'm sorry it looks pathetic. I know I'm forcing this. I have to force it. Otherwise I may get brave and end it. And I know how toxic and destructive things will become if I end it. IT HAS TO BE THIS WAY! It has to be this way...
It's not even that I fear the unknown. I know exactly what would happen. That's what I'm afraid of. The unknown actually sounds good right now. |
roseieroway
Salute You in Your Grave
Age: 26
Gender: -
Posts: 2068 | March 10th, 2015 at 09:42am I wanna start cutting again. Really, really bad. |
sad savior;
Wild Eyed Joker
Age: 28
Gender: Female
Posts: 86309 | March 11th, 2015 at 05:09pm i think you might be a narcissist. it's not normal to try make me feel guilty about something that you did wrong. |
Richey Edwards.
Demolition Lover
Age: 31
Gender: Female
Posts: 16507 | March 11th, 2015 at 08:37pm I'm engaged, just not to "the one". Its sad because at one point this was all I ever wanted. Now all I want to do is go. I cant... |
cricket.
Patron Saint of Switchblade Fights
Age: -
Gender: -
Posts: 69728 | March 13th, 2015 at 09:58am
this probably sounds dumb, but I'm super bummed I didn't get to meet my fav last night. I guess it's just part of post concert depression tho. I'll get over it.
|
Richey Edwards.
Demolition Lover
Age: 31
Gender: Female
Posts: 16507 | March 16th, 2015 at 08:15pm I just wanna know what it's gonna take to make you budge. |
Frnk iero.
Awake and Unafraid
Age: 30
Gender: Female
Posts: 11747 | March 17th, 2015 at 03:34pm I'm glad that only certain people are good enough for you to talk too and for you to support.
Kinda funny that you want to go into a career that depends on you being friendly to everyone. Good luck with that, you mindless bitch.
|
Richey Edwards.
Demolition Lover
Age: 31
Gender: Female
Posts: 16507 | March 17th, 2015 at 03:53pm I wanna just run away with you. Literally. Just you and I exploring the world. That would make me truly happy. |
harrystyles
Salute You in Your Grave
Age: 32
Gender: Female
Posts: 2440 | March 18th, 2015 at 08:44am i miss home so much and i really wanna give up.
scared that everyone is moving on without me (know this to be true). |
Richey Edwards.
Demolition Lover
Age: 31
Gender: Female
Posts: 16507 | March 20th, 2015 at 09:11am You really need to stay out of my room. You're in there more than I am. You just look for things to fuss about. It's getting really old. My room isn't "ridiculous". And you know it's not. The only things on the floor are my shoes, my purse, and my journal. Guess that means I'm out of control. Oops. |
Richey Edwards.
Demolition Lover
Age: 31
Gender: Female
Posts: 16507 | March 20th, 2015 at 09:49pm I just don't see a future for myself. |
Richey Edwards.
Demolition Lover
Age: 31
Gender: Female
Posts: 16507 | March 22nd, 2015 at 09:20pm I really wish I had another option. |
beaker;
Ghostbuster Famous
Age: -
Gender: -
Posts: 71107 | March 24th, 2015 at 12:39am I don't think anyone has even noticed |
Richey Edwards.
Demolition Lover
Age: 31
Gender: Female
Posts: 16507 | March 24th, 2015 at 11:34am I need to just give it up and accept it for what it really is. But what I really wanna do is just run all of your red lights and break all of these rules. |
beaker;
Ghostbuster Famous
Age: -
Gender: -
Posts: 71107 | March 25th, 2015 at 10:42pm I'm fairly certain that when May 9th rolls around, I'll be up for some kind of belt promotion. I don't want to be all "oh yeah, totally I earned this shit!" but if I'm basing it off of the past, and if my instructor is consistent, then yes, I'm due a promotion.
but if I base it off the past, and if my instructor is consistent, all I'll get is a 4th stripe on my belt. I just really, really, really want him to skip that and give me a blue belt. I've been training gi consistently for 2 years, and I trained no gi for a year before that. I think a blue belt is possible, but I so can't get my hopes up.
Wishful thinking... I just hope it'll be enough, and that I won't get upset if all I get is another stripe |
Frnk iero.
Awake and Unafraid
Age: 30
Gender: Female
Posts: 11747 | March 26th, 2015 at 03:31pm Man. You really can have it all.
All you need is faith, hard work and a little lipstick.
|
sad savior;
Wild Eyed Joker
Age: 28
Gender: Female
Posts: 86309 | March 27th, 2015 at 08:21am I binged last night for the first time in a while. I contemplated making myself throw it up like I always think about but I didn't do it. I just tried to remind myself that it was a mistake and today's a new day with better choices to be made. And that what I ate was significantly less than what I used to eat when I'd binge. I just feel like shit about it.
Edit: cool top |
