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the vent thread

AuthorMessage
brother nero;
Always Born a Crime
brother nero;
Age: -
Gender: -
Posts: 6778
January 13th, 2017 at 05:05pm
Why on earth am I thinking about you?? I've been over this a million times already in my head; I could've been more sensible and thoughtful, you could've cared more and been less unpredictable, when things don't work out there's a reason, the end. So why am I still thinking about you almost constantly? I'm just gonna put it down to it being Friday the 13th...
Although I could just miss the friendship we had, it's tricky to forget about that.
Orr realistically it could be that you were basically my safety net for five years, and so whenever the going gets tough I freak out a bit 'cause you're not around. I'll work on that.

hedge bitch;
Patron Saint of Switchblade Fights
hedge bitch;
Age: 28
Gender: Female
Posts: 66138
January 24th, 2017 at 10:44pm
I shouldn't have to fucking defend myself.
stop getting so offended by everything
sad savior;
Wild Eyed Joker
sad savior;
Age: 24
Gender: Female
Posts: 85936
January 28th, 2017 at 10:41pm
i just keep thinking about what he said yesterday about his gf.
"i don't think it's meant to be with us."
and i wonder if i have anything to do with that.

it was never my intention. if i would have known he had a girlfriend, i wouldn't have told him how i felt. but that's not my fault. i've known him for almost 6 months now and he's been flirting with me the majority of that time. he's had every opportunity to mention her. especially the other night when i told him i liked him. and he smiled bigger than i'd ever seen him smile. and he hugged me. and offered to help me with my homework later that week.
and he didn't say a damn word about her. i just wish i would have heard it from his mouth.
vacant alleyWAYS
Salute You in Your Grave
vacant alleyWAYS
Age: -
Gender: -
Posts: 2850
March 21st, 2017 at 06:49pm
God I hate this!!!
Why is it such a problem to admire someone??
What DID I do?? It's a whole miscommunication thing.
I had no idea I was really bothering this person!
Now I'm cut off. I feel...
well it just hurts soo much!!!
I trusted them!! Sad

and like, this person could have been such an asset to my life...
i really cannot believe this is happening! Sad

well, at least I can say that I gave it my all.
loved to the fullest, as it were.
I don't think I've ever actually been rejected like this...
ok, maybe one other time. yeah, that kinda sucked too...
woah man, how I am just realizing the similarity here! :/

Well, it HAS to be their problem, because I'm ready to reconcile
just here
just waiting
waiting until they come around...
could be here for awhile.
Good thing I have no place else to be. ^^
Thnks fr th vnm
Demolition Lover
Thnks fr th vnm
Age: 30
Gender: Female
Posts: 15766
April 12th, 2017 at 03:51pm
egg;:
fuck anyone who works in mental health who has never had a mental illness, this mentally ill bitch is coming for blood

WHERE'S the like button?


I 'love' how I surround myself with male friends as I tell myself "they don't wanna sleep with me, if they make a move I'll just turn them down." and I've slept with every. single. one.
andromeda;
Patron Saint of Switchblade Fights
andromeda;
Age: -
Gender: -
Posts: 69154
September 22nd, 2017 at 03:40am
I wish I was still afraid of dying. actually, I wish I was still afraid of anything.
andromeda;
Patron Saint of Switchblade Fights
andromeda;
Age: -
Gender: -
Posts: 69154
December 20th, 2017 at 06:51pm
it's weird to think that this time last year I had a friend group and an active social life and all that just went to shit in the past year due to my mental health. all my friends but one left me for other people. and I'm super grateful for the one (1) friend who stayed, but like now I'm in the awkward position of asking him to hang out with me too much and not having any other option when I'm lonely. like I completely understand that he needs space and his life can't revolve around my loneliness (he has a fiancee for fuck's sake) but idk. I wish people stayed and that they could change for the better, but it sucks I had to find out those harsh truths about life the hard way.
emurlee
Demolition Lover
emurlee
Age: -
Gender: -
Posts: 18294
December 22nd, 2017 at 05:46pm
I'm so impressed this forum is even still alive. Incredible.
Thnks fr th vnm
Demolition Lover
Thnks fr th vnm
Age: 30
Gender: Female
Posts: 15766
March 11th, 2018 at 03:12am
He treated my like less than but I'm still trying to send him good vibes. It's taking a lot of power not to message him and tell him how I feel about him. What he said to me really hurt but it just goes to show his caring personality is all an act. As someone who suffers from mental illness and a prior addiction he should have thought twice about what he said to me and I can't seem to shake it.
hedge bitch;
Patron Saint of Switchblade Fights
hedge bitch;
Age: 28
Gender: Female
Posts: 66138
April 2nd, 2018 at 04:09pm
I don't understand what happened, but somewhere along the way, I just started to really, really dislike these people. They used to be my friends. I guess in a way, they still are, but only out of convenience. Only because I keep going back to the same studio, and they're there, so I have to play nice or things could get weird.

But I care so little about the things they care about. And maybe I'm just depressed... I probably am, I mean, I barely care about anything at all anymore. But I really don't care about "women empowerment" in jiu jitsu.... I just want to train jiu jitsu with everyone else and not make a big deal about the fact that I've got a vagina while I'm doing it. I don't care about motherhood. I don't fucking care about acai bowls and essential oils and yoga and "being the best possible me" or "raising each other up no matter what."

Because you know what? I'm not going to "raise you up" just because we share a gender. That's not a good enough reason. You want support because you're a good person who tries hard? That's a good reason, but for some reason that's lost on them.

Stop with the incessant picture taking every week just because more than one woman showed up to class. Stop planning group activities and assuming everyone is automatically 100% on board.

And finally, just let me fucking chill!

This is a long rant. I just don't want to deal with these people anymore, but they're my last "real life" friends I have left. I lost my best friend due to her disinterest in our friendship, and the rest of my friends are only on here.
KirstTheWorst
Killjoy
KirstTheWorst
Age: -
Gender: Female
Posts: 16
April 22nd, 2018 at 06:54pm
Why can't he like me the same way i like him...
dark blue;
Killjoy
dark blue;
Age: -
Gender: -
Posts: 14
May 17th, 2018 at 07:47pm
Just leaving this as a kind of message in a bottle to my future self. I don't know what I'm going to do. My brothers have lives, meanwhile I just lie around. With a track record of appalling mental health problems and fixations that never helped anyone. I really don't know where to start, what to try and drag myself towards. I can't help but think about where I could be if stuff hadn't gone off the rails last year from time to time, and sometimes I try and figure out what it was I was really aiming at, but I can't honestly say what it was. Most of the time I don't think of anything, like there's nothing in my brain, I'm just focused on whatever song I'm listening to or video I'm watching. It's pretty stupid, I guess, I know, but it's an anaesthetic that stops me feeling frustrated, or too depressed, or anything really. So yeah. Destination unknown. Something's gotta change, but I have no idea whatsoever of where to start. Maybe I've given up, I hope not. I just do nothing. I guess I'm a loser, I don't really feel like one though. I don't really feel anything, to be honest. I'm sure as hell not happy, but I don't feel unhappy. One day this has got to change, I've got to change, like I'm in a rut that feels about fifty feet high and if I ever want a life I've got to get out of it. And hopefully I'll look back and wonder what all the fuss was about, like, I've done that before, albeit briefly. But till then I'm just gonna rot, the days are gonna slide by like they are doing, and I'm gonna do nothing, achieve nothing, be nothing, and just be completely numb to it all. So yeah. Hopefully I'll look back on this and I'll have, I dunno, changed for the better. Have some friends. Be doing something productive with my time. Hell, have some freaking hobbies. Have my own place. Speak to people. Take an interest in things. Take an interest in my life, instead of letting each day go in a haze of phone screens and apathy. Till then, bubba. Till then. It does cross my mind that maybe some people just never get out of the starting gate, that there's something in them that just, I dunno, stops them from being productive members of society. Warps them in some way that they never recover from. And I hope that's not me. But even if it was, fuck it, imma try. I have to.

And that's all there is to it.


hedge bitch;
Patron Saint of Switchblade Fights
hedge bitch;
Age: 28
Gender: Female
Posts: 66138
March 14th, 2019 at 03:03am
I'm so sick of it being an acceptable thing anymore to just hate on men. I almost lost it on a coworker today who was bragging about being temporarily banned from Facebook because she said "men are trash" and she had "no regrets" about it.
And I feel so bad for her son that he's going to grow up in that environment.
hedge bitch;
Patron Saint of Switchblade Fights
hedge bitch;
Age: 28
Gender: Female
Posts: 66138
April 6th, 2019 at 11:01pm
so like, my sister messaged me through instagram that she was sorry about ruining easter.
and first of all, why did she message me through instagram instead of texting me like she normally would?

but anyway, at this point, idc that easter dinner was ruined. because it would have been ruined anyway. am I upset that it's not happening this year? yes. but it would have been bad too if my sister and her husband were both there, with him trying to act like husband of the year, without actually being such, and my sister trying to ignore him.

but I told her that, just that it could have been worse if everyone was together, and reminded her that she didn't even want to go anymore anyway. but she comes back at me saying she would have for the kids, and then says that we should just uninvite her.
so I said to tell dad that instead of complaining to me.

like, I'm not the one who made the call, I wasn't hosting, so I'm not going to be the one to change that.

and idk, to me it feels like she's being immature. like trying to make herself the victim here or something. idk I could be wrong, but it didn't come across as legitimate guilt because I didn't say anything first. and after talking with dad today, and after two fucking nights in a row of losing sleep over this, I've just started to feel like as this goes on, my sister is going on the defensive. Like she's badmouthed her husband enough times, so let's just make her look like the martyr now. It kind of reminds me of mom, which doesn't surprise me because she's been talking to our mom regularly now, who is apparently 100% in agreement with her. But that's not necessarily a good thing?

again, idk, I'm just tired of trying to moderate everything, and the past three days have just been exhausting with everyone.
hedge bitch;
Patron Saint of Switchblade Fights
hedge bitch;
Age: 28
Gender: Female
Posts: 66138
May 16th, 2019 at 08:47am
Pick. Another. Topic. Or go away. I'd be fine with either.
gnash
In the Cannibal Glow
gnash
Age: -
Gender: Female
Posts: 52989
May 17th, 2019 at 02:20pm
i'm tired of being treated like a pile of shit at work
the sooner i can find a different job, the better
Aphex Hanna
Bulletproof Heart
Aphex Hanna
Age: 31
Gender: Female
Posts: 25932
May 23rd, 2019 at 03:24pm
I cant believe this site is still up and running! I spent my teen years glued to it. I was even admin for quite some Time. I often wonder what happened to the people I spoke to on a daily basis. We leaned so much on each other and I’m forever greatful to you all, not sure I would have reached adulthood without you. Now I sit here with the most wonderful little son.