| Author | Message |
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phantom.
Shotgun Sinner
Age: 31
Gender: Female
Posts: 8968 | December 8th, 2006 at 09:51pm |
StonyPony
Jazz Hands
Age: 37
Gender: Female
Posts: 385 | December 8th, 2006 at 10:06pm Laughed my ass off.
And milk out my nose. |
pop culture!
Salute You in Your Grave
Age: -
Gender: -
Posts: 3234 | December 9th, 2006 at 11:34am A store that sells husbands has just opened where a woman may go to choose a husband from among many men. The store is composed of 6 floors, and the men increase in positive attributes as the shopper ascends the flights.
There is, however, a catch. As you open the door to any floor you may choose a man from that floor, but if you go up a floor, you cannot go back down except to exit the building.
So a woman goes to the shopping center to find a husband.
On the first floor the sign on the door reads:
Floor 1 - These men have jobs.
The woman reads the sign and says to herself, "Well, that's better than my last boyfriend, but I wonder what's further up?" So up she goes.
The second floor sign reads:
Floor 2 - These men have jobs and love kids.
The woman remarks to herself, "That's great, but I wonder what's further up?" And up she goes again.
The third floor sign reads:
Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love kids and are extremely good looking.
"Hmmm, better" she says. "But I wonder what's upstairs?"
The fourth floor sign reads:
Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking and help with the housework.
"Wow!" exclaims the woman, "very tempting. BUT, there must be more further up!" And again she heads up another flight.
The fifth floor sign reads:
Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking, help with the housework and have a strong romantic streak.
"Oh, mercy me! But just think... what must be awaiting me further on?" So up to the sixth floor she goes.
The sixth floor sign reads:
Floor 6 - You are visitor 6,875,953,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. |
SIXX.
Awake and Unafraid
Age: 32
Gender: Female
Posts: 12590 | December 9th, 2006 at 11:37am haha...i loved that one |
Roxx my Soxx
Bleeding on the Floor
Age: 33
Gender: Female
Posts: 1390 | December 9th, 2006 at 11:41am Lmfao...
 |
r e v e n g e
Shotgun Sinner
Age: 32
Gender: Female
Posts: 7323 | December 9th, 2006 at 08:47pm Children's Books That Didn't Make It
1. You Are Different and That's Bad
2. The Boy Who Died From Eating All His Vegetables
3. Dad's New Wife Robert
4. Fun four-letter Words to Know and Share
5. Hammers, Screwdrivers and Scissors: An I-Can-Do-It Book
6. The Kids' Guide to Hitchhiking
7. Kathy Was So Bad Her Mom Stopped Loving Her
8. Curious George and the High-Voltage Fence
9. All Cats Go to Hell
10. The Little Sissy Who Snitched
11. Some Kittens Can Fly
12. That's it, I'm Putting You Up for Adoption
13. Grandpa Gets a Casket
14. The Magic World Inside the Abandoned Refrigerator
15. Garfield Gets Feline Leukemia
16. The Pop-Up Book of Human Anatomy
17. Strangers Have the Best Candy
18. Whining, Kicking and Crying to Get Your Way
19. You Were an Accident
20. Things Rich Kids Have, But You Never Will
21. Pop! Goes The Hamster...And Other Great Microwave Games
22. The Man in the Moon Is Actually Satan
23. Your Nightmares Are Real
24. Where Would You Like to Be Buried?
25. Eggs, Toilet Paper, and Your School
26. Why Can't Mr. Fork and Ms. Electrical Outlet Be Friends?
27. Places Where Mommy and Daddy Hide Neat Things
28. Daddy Drinks Because You Cry |
john bonham.
Bulletproof Heart
Age: -
Gender: -
Posts: 29314 | December 9th, 2006 at 09:31pm At weddings, old people poke me and say, "You're next!" At funerals, I do the same to them. |
pop culture!
Salute You in Your Grave
Age: -
Gender: -
Posts: 3234 | December 9th, 2006 at 09:34pm eMofo:Children's Books That Didn't Make It
3. Dad's New Wife Robert
12. That's it, I'm Putting You Up for Adoption
15. Garfield Gets Feline Leukemia
17. Strangers Have the Best Candy
19. You Were an Accident
21. Pop! Goes The Hamster...And Other Great Microwave Games
22. The Man in the Moon Is Actually Satan
25. Eggs, Toilet Paper, and Your School
26. Why Can't Mr. Fork and Ms. Electrical Outlet Be Friends?
: |
Bruised.
Salute You in Your Grave
Age: 31
Gender: Female
Posts: 3256 | December 9th, 2006 at 11:11pm Bah humbug.:At weddings, old people poke me and say, "You're next!" At funerals, I do the same to them.
LMAFO!!!! |
DanceWithMe
Motor Baby
Age: 31
Gender: Female
Posts: 996 | December 10th, 2006 at 02:57pm Yara; wtf...:SOMETHING TO OFFEND EVERYONE- PART I (ENJOY)
8. Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?
Because those men already have boyfriends. .
lol!!!  |
through the mire
Salute You in Your Grave
Age: 32
Gender: Female
Posts: 3499 | December 10th, 2006 at 08:26pm wow, Dad's New Wife Robert....sounds like a must read for any child! |
pop culture!
Salute You in Your Grave
Age: -
Gender: -
Posts: 3234 | December 10th, 2006 at 08:29pm A guy decides that maybe he'd like to have a pet and goes to a pet shop.
After looking around he spots a parrot sitting on a little perch; it doesn't have any feet or legs. The guy says out loud, "Geez, I wonder what happened to this parrot?"
"I was born this way," says the parrot. "I'm a defective parrot."
"Ha, ha," the guy laughs. "It sounded like this parrot actually understood what I said and answered me."
"I understand every word," says the parrot. "I am a highly intelligent and thoroughly educated bird."
"Yeah?" the guy asks. "Then answer this: how do you hang onto your perch without any feet?"
"Well," the parrot says, "this is a little embarrassing, but since you asked, I will tell you. I wrap my little parrot penis around this wooden bar, kind of like a little hook. You can't see it because of my feathers."
"Wow," says the guy, "you really can understand and answer; can't you?"
"Of course. I speak both Spanish and English. I can converse with reasonable competence on almost any subject: politics, religion, sports, physics, philosophy. And I am especially good at ornithology. You should buy me; I am a great companion."
The guy looks at the $200.00 price tag. He says. "I can't afford that."
"Pssst," the parrot hisses, motioning the guy over with one wing. "Nobody wants me because I don't have any feet. You can get me for $20.00; just make an offer."
The guy offers twenty dollars and walks out with the parrot. Weeks go by and the parrot is sensational. He's funny; he's interesting; he's a great pal, he understands everything, sympathizes, and gives good advice. The guy is delighted.
One day the guy comes home from work and the parrot says, "Pssst," and motions him over with one wing. The guy goes up close to the cage. "I don't know if I should tell you this or not," says the parrot, "but it's about your lover and the mailman."
"What?" asks the guy.
"Well," the parrot says, "when the mailman came to the door today, your lover greeted him in a pair of briefs that showed everything and kissed him on the mouth."
"What happened then?" asks the guy.
"Then the mailman came into the house and put his hand on your lovers crotch and began petting him all over," reports the parrot.
"My God!" the guy says. "Then what?"
"Then he pulled down the briefs, got down on his knees and began to lick him, starting with his chest, slowly going down and down." The parrot pauses for a long time...
"What happened? What happened?" says the frantic guy.
"That's what pisses me off. I don't know." said the parrott. "I got a hard-on, and fell off my fucking perch." |
pop culture!
Salute You in Your Grave
Age: -
Gender: -
Posts: 3234 | December 10th, 2006 at 08:31pm Little Johnny goes to school, and the teacher says, 'Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?'
Little Johnny waves his hand, 'Me, Miss Rogers, me, me!'
Miss Rogers:'All right, little Johnny, what is your multi-syllable word?'
Little Johnny says, 'Mas-tur-bate.'
Miss Rogers smiles and says, 'Wow, little Johnny, that's a mouthful.'
Little Johnny says, 'No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob". |
pop culture!
Salute You in Your Grave
Age: -
Gender: -
Posts: 3234 | December 10th, 2006 at 08:34pm
John invited his mother over for dinner. During the meal, his mother couldn't help noticing how handsome John's roommate was. She had long been suspicious of Johns' sexual orientation and this only made her more curious.
Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between John and the roommate than met the eye.
Reading his mom's thoughts, John volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Mark and I are just roommates."
About a week later, Mark came to John and said, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the beautiful silver gravy ladle. You don't suppose she took it, do you?"
John said, "Well, I doubt it, but I'll write her a letter just to be sure." So he sat down and wrote: "Dear Mother, I'm not saying you 'did' take a gravy ladle from my house, and I'm not saying you 'did not' take a gravy ladle. But the fact remains that one has been missing ever since you were here for dinner."
Several days later, John received a letter from his mother which read: "Dear Son, I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with Mark, and I'm not saying that you 'do not' sleep with Mark. But the fact remains that if he was sleeping in his own bed, he would have found the gravy ladle by now. Love, Mom"
|
StonyPony
Jazz Hands
Age: 37
Gender: Female
Posts: 385 | December 10th, 2006 at 09:07pm ^That...was genius. |
MistressRhi
Motor Baby
Age: 40
Gender: Female
Posts: 991 | December 10th, 2006 at 09:28pm lmfao - i love this thread!! I actually had to stop because i was crying!! |
Public Pervert
Patron Saint of Switchblade Fights
Age: 35
Gender: Female
Posts: 66857 | December 11th, 2006 at 12:10am |
whitney.
Shotgun Sinner
Age: 31
Gender: Female
Posts: 7871 | December 12th, 2006 at 05:09pm Haha these are great. |
lana del rey.
Demolition Lover
Age: 33
Gender: Female
Posts: 16030 | December 12th, 2006 at 07:14pm |
dark___sunlight
Motor Baby
Age: 31
Gender: Female
Posts: 801 | December 14th, 2006 at 05:54pm Q:whats the difference between a dead baby and a salade?
A: i dont eat dead babies. |
