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pop culture!
Salute You in Your Grave
Age: -
Gender: -
Posts: 3234 | December 7th, 2006 at 07:40pm
Coming into the bar and ordering a double, the man leaned over and confided to the bartender, "I'm so pissed off !"
"Oh yeah? What happened?" asked the bartender politely.
"See, I met this beautiful woman who invited me back to her
home. We stripped off our clothes and jumped into bed and we were just about to make love when her god damned husband came in the front door. So I had to jump out of the bedroom window and hang from the ledge by my fingernails!"
"Gee, that's tough!" commiserated the bartender.
"Right, but that's not what really got me aggravated," the
customer went on.
"When her husband came into the room he said 'Hey great! You're naked already! Let me just take a leak.' And damned if the lazy son of a bitch didn't piss out the window right onto my head?"
"Yeech!" the bartender shook his head. "No wonder you're in a lousy mood."
"Yeah, but I haven't told you what really, really got to me.
Next, I had to listen to them grunting and groaning and when they finished, the husband tossed his condom out of the window. And where does it land? My damned forehead!"
"Damn, that really is a drag!" says the bartender.
"Oh, I'm not finished. See what really pissed me off was when the husband had to take a dump. It turns out that their toilet is broken, so he stuck his ass out of the window and let loose right on my head !"
The bartender paled. "That would sure mess up my day."
"Yeah, yeah, yeah," the fellow rattled on, "but do you know what REALLY, REALLY, REALLY pissed me off? When I looked down and saw that my feet were only SIX inches off the ground!!"
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pop culture!
Salute You in Your Grave
Age: -
Gender: -
Posts: 3234 | December 7th, 2006 at 07:48pm On hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparent's house to visit her 95 year old grandmother and comfort her.
When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied, "He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning."
Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that 2 people nearly 100 years old having sex would surely be asking for trouble.
"Oh no, my dear, " replied granny. "Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even. Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the Dong."
She paused, wiped away a tear and then continued, "And if that damned ice cream truck hadn't come along, he'd still be alive today!" |
pop culture!
Salute You in Your Grave
Age: -
Gender: -
Posts: 3234 | December 7th, 2006 at 07:51pm The bride tells her husband, "Honey, you know I'm a virgin and I don't know
anything about sex. Can you explain it to me first?"
"OK, Sweetheart. Putting it simply, we will call your private place 'the
prison' and call my private thing 'the prisoner'. So what we do is: put the
prisoner in the prison.
And then they made love for the first time.
Afterwards, the guy is lying face up on the bed, smiling with satisfaction.
Nudging him, his bride giggles, "Honey the prisoner seems to have escaped."
Turning on his side, he smiles. "Then we will have to re-imprison him."
After the second time they spent, the guy reaches for his cigarettes but
the girl, thoroughly enjoying the new experience of making love, gives him
a suggestive smile, "Honey, the prisoner is out again!"
The man rises to the occasion, but with the unsteady legs of a recently
born foal.
Afterwards, he lays back on the bed, totally exhausted.
She nudges him and says, "Honey, the prisoner escaped again."
Limply turning his head, He YELLS at her, "Hey, its not a life sentence,
OKAY!
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pop culture!
Salute You in Your Grave
Age: -
Gender: -
Posts: 3234 | December 7th, 2006 at 07:52pm Two women friends had gone out for a Girls Night Out, and had been decidedly over-enthusiastic on the cocktails. Incredibly drunk and walking home they suddenly realized they both needed to pee. They were very near a graveyard and one of them suggested they do their business behind a headstone or something. The first woman had nothing to wipe with so she took off her panties, used them and threw them away. Her friend however was wearing an expensive underwear set and didn't want to ruin hers, but was lucky enough to salvage a large ribbon from a wreath that was on a grave and proceeded to wipe herself with it. After finishing, they made their way home.
The next day the first woman's husband phones the other husband and said, "These damn girls nights out have got to stop. My wife came home last night without her panties." "That's nothing," said the other. "Mine came back with a sympathy card stuck between the cheeks of her butt that said, 'From all of us at the Fire Station, Well never forget you!'
-x-
I'm super sorry if any of these had been posted, it's been awhile since I came to this thread =(
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Bruised.
Salute You in Your Grave
Age: 31
Gender: Female
Posts: 3256 | December 7th, 2006 at 07:54pm lawlz Razz i love your jokes |
pop culture!
Salute You in Your Grave
Age: -
Gender: -
Posts: 3234 | December 8th, 2006 at 07:20pm An older couple had visited a sexual counseler in order to get their sexual frustration sorted out. The counsler eyed the couple before asking a question.
"What do you two have in common?" the husband raised his hand slowly and replied.
"I have one, niether of us sucks dick." |
Roxx my Soxx
Bleeding on the Floor
Age: 33
Gender: Female
Posts: 1390 | December 8th, 2006 at 07:26pm razz is raunchy. you have THE FUNNIEST jokes... |
Roxx my Soxx
Bleeding on the Floor
Age: 33
Gender: Female
Posts: 1390 | December 8th, 2006 at 07:26pm razz is raunchy.:The bride tells her husband, "Honey, you know I'm a virgin and I don't know
anything about sex. Can you explain it to me first?"
"OK, Sweetheart. Putting it simply, we will call your private place 'the
prison' and call my private thing 'the prisoner'. So what we do is: put the
prisoner in the prison.
And then they made love for the first time.
Afterwards, the guy is lying face up on the bed, smiling with satisfaction.
Nudging him, his bride giggles, "Honey the prisoner seems to have escaped."
Turning on his side, he smiles. "Then we will have to re-imprison him."
After the second time they spent, the guy reaches for his cigarettes but
the girl, thoroughly enjoying the new experience of making love, gives him
a suggestive smile, "Honey, the prisoner is out again!"
The man rises to the occasion, but with the unsteady legs of a recently
born foal.
Afterwards, he lays back on the bed, totally exhausted.
She nudges him and says, "Honey, the prisoner escaped again."
Limply turning his head, He YELLS at her, "Hey, its not a life sentence,
OKAY!
Especially this one...  |
through the mire
Salute You in Your Grave
Age: 32
Gender: Female
Posts: 3499 | December 8th, 2006 at 08:05pm holy shit, razz is raunchy: you have the BEST jokes! |
pop culture!
Salute You in Your Grave
Age: -
Gender: -
Posts: 3234 | December 8th, 2006 at 08:22pm I guess I'm kinda perverted when it comes to this subject.
-x-
Why don't women have brains?
They don't have penises to keep them in. |
Bruised.
Salute You in Your Grave
Age: 31
Gender: Female
Posts: 3256 | December 8th, 2006 at 08:28pm you know i love your jokes razz! |
cocorosie.
In a Bullet's Embrace
Age: 84
Gender: -
Posts: 55289 | December 8th, 2006 at 08:29pm uhmigawsh. razz.
i laughed so hard at those jokes. XD
<3 |
Roxx my Soxx
Bleeding on the Floor
Age: 33
Gender: Female
Posts: 1390 | December 8th, 2006 at 08:33pm razz is raunchy.:I guess I'm kinda perverted when it comes to this subject.
^Don't worry. I'm a perv too. Hahaha...
razz is raunchy.:Why don't women have brains?
They don't have penises to keep them in.
^Amazing... |
pop culture!
Salute You in Your Grave
Age: -
Gender: -
Posts: 3234 | December 8th, 2006 at 08:40pm I have a lot more, I just can't really think of them X.x One more for the night?
A personal fave:
Kate was standing in the kitchen cooking dinner.
Her husband Paul was in the living room drinking a beer and watching the game.
"Honey, you need to come in here and fix the fridge. The door is broke and if you don't fix it the food will go bad." Kate said.
Paul yells back, "Who do I look like the GE man, I Don't think so."
A little while later Kate says, "Honey, you need to fix the hall light, it's out."
"Who do I look like an electrician, I don't think so, " Paul says.
A few minutes later Kate says, "Honey, you need to fix the porch step before someone gets hurt on it."
Paul quickly replies, "Who do I look like a carpenter, I don't think so."
Frustrated, he gets up and leaves.
He decides to go to a bar down the road.
After the game was over, he began to feel slightly guilty for the way he treated his wife so he went on home.
He comes up the porch and realizes that the step is fixed.
He walked into the house and noticed that the hall light was fixed.
He walked into the kitchen to get a cold beer and noticed that the fridge was fixed.
Paul sees his wife and says, "Babe, how did you fix all this."
She looked at him and said, "Well after you left I began to cry on the porch.
A fine young man walked past and noticed I was crying and he asked me what he could do to help.
He fixed everything.
I asked him what I could do for payment.
He said I could either bake him a cake or sleep with him."
Paul says, "Well, what kind of cake did you bake him?"
Kate looks at him and replies, "Who do I look like Betty Crocker, I don't think so!"
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through the mire
Salute You in Your Grave
Age: 32
Gender: Female
Posts: 3499 | December 8th, 2006 at 08:42pm bwahaha, thats great |
Roxx my Soxx
Bleeding on the Floor
Age: 33
Gender: Female
Posts: 1390 | December 8th, 2006 at 08:43pm HAHA! I love it! |
pop culture!
Salute You in Your Grave
Age: -
Gender: -
Posts: 3234 | December 8th, 2006 at 08:48pm LAST ONE I SWEAR;
Two guys where walking down the street when they saw two dogs humping.
One said, "I wonder how much liquor it would take to get my wife to do it that way".
So they made a bet of 10 bucks on whose wife would do it on the lease amount of liqour.
After a week they met in a bar.
"Well", said the first guy "How much liquor did it take".
"A pint of whiskey", replied the other guy.
The first guy said "You win, It took me a whole bottle just to get her out in the yard." |
Roxx my Soxx
Bleeding on the Floor
Age: 33
Gender: Female
Posts: 1390 | December 8th, 2006 at 08:52pm I... love... this... thread... |
Bruised.
Salute You in Your Grave
Age: 31
Gender: Female
Posts: 3256 | December 8th, 2006 at 08:52pm lol great Razz |
through the mire
Salute You in Your Grave
Age: 32
Gender: Female
Posts: 3499 | December 8th, 2006 at 08:56pm bwahahaha. xDD
you are queen of sick jokes  |
