| Author | Message |
|---|
IceHog69
Bulletproof Heart
Age: 31
Gender: -
Posts: 25232 | August 4th, 2009 at 06:41pm
Why do Scotsmen wear kilts?
Because sheep can hear zippers. |
Silence is the Enemy
Killjoy
Age: 28
Gender: Female
Posts: 27 | August 14th, 2009 at 11:46am Why did Helen Keller's dog commit suicide?
It couldn't live with the name "aaaoouuueuuueaaoaa" any longer. |
Silence is the Enemy
Killjoy
Age: 28
Gender: Female
Posts: 27 | August 14th, 2009 at 11:51am What's red and silver and walks into walls?
A baby with forks in its eyes. |
Silence is the Enemy
Killjoy
Age: 28
Gender: Female
Posts: 27 | August 14th, 2009 at 12:00pm Four nuns are killed and arrive at the Gates of Heaven. They line up in front of St Peter.
The first nun says "St Peter, I once saw a man's penis. May I still enter?"
St Peter replies "Wash your eyes in this font of holy water and proceed."
The second nun says "St Peter, I once touched a man's penis. May I still enter?"
St Peter replies "Wash your hands in this font of holy water and proceed."
St Peter suddenly notices a scuffle between the last two nuns. The fourth nun is trying to cut in front of the third nun. "What is going on?" he asks the fourth nun.
"I'm trying to go first so I can wash my mouth out before she sticks her arse in the font". |
girl interrupted.
Salute You in Your Grave
Age: 29
Gender: Female
Posts: 2792 | August 16th, 2009 at 01:49pm "if gordon brown discovered a cure for cancer,
actually baked everybody individually a cake,
and discovered oil under his own house,
he would still have a popularity rating on a par with gary glitter."
i love mock the week. :') |
Silence is the Enemy
Killjoy
Age: 28
Gender: Female
Posts: 27 | August 16th, 2009 at 04:10pm An old man goes for a checkup at the doctor's. The doctor runs the tests then sits the old man down.
"I'm very sorry," he says. "I've got a couple of bits of bad news to impart. Firstly, you have cancer."
The old man is shocked and a tear wells up in his eye. The doctor waits for a minute for the news to sink in and then carries on, "And you are also showing early stages of Alzheimers disease. I'm really, very sorry."
The old man sits in silence for a little while longer, head hung down. Finally he looks up and puts a brave smile on his face.
"I suppose it could be worse," he says. "I could have cancer." |
fun ghoul
In a Bullet's Embrace
Age: -
Gender: Female
Posts: 58705 | August 20th, 2009 at 01:51am Silence is the Enemy:Four nuns are killed and arrive at the Gates of Heaven. They line up in front of St Peter.
The first nun says "St Peter, I once saw a man's penis. May I still enter?"
St Peter replies "Wash your eyes in this font of holy water and proceed."
The second nun says "St Peter, I once touched a man's penis. May I still enter?"
St Peter replies "Wash your hands in this font of holy water and proceed."
St Peter suddenly notices a scuffle between the last two nuns. The fourth nun is trying to cut in front of the third nun. "What is going on?" he asks the fourth nun.
"I'm trying to go first so I can wash my mouth out before she sticks her arse in the font".
 |
kasut sekolah
Bleeding on the Floor
Age: -
Gender: Female
Posts: 1667 | August 29th, 2009 at 02:29am life is like a black man's left butt cheek ,
it's not right and it's not fair. |
valiumobsequy
Awake and Unafraid
Age: 27
Gender: Female
Posts: 13973 | August 29th, 2009 at 02:55am What do you do if a blonde throws a grenade at you?
Take the pin out and throw it back. lmao |
Lostinstereo_
Thinking Happy Thoughts
Age: 33
Gender: Female
Posts: 402 | August 29th, 2009 at 05:14pm whats the difference between a train carriage and a miscarriage?
you can't eat a train carriage
 that is so bad haha
why does Beyonce Knowles sing to "to the left to the left"?
Because black people have no rights
whts the best thing about sex with twenty six year olds?
theres 20 of them.
I met a girl last week who said she wanted to be treated like a princess, so I put her in the back of a mercedes and drove it into a tunnel wall. sorry
Dave watched his flat chested wife try on her new bra.
"What do you want a bra for? You've got nothing to put in them", he smirked.
"I don't complain when you buy underpants she replied.
__________________
i feel so bad posting these..(there not mine btw) |
Silence is the Enemy
Killjoy
Age: 28
Gender: Female
Posts: 27 | September 3rd, 2009 at 11:44am Space Brain:what do lawyers and sperm have in common?
both have a one in 50million chance of becoming a human being.
 LOL |
Silence is the Enemy
Killjoy
Age: 28
Gender: Female
Posts: 27 | September 3rd, 2009 at 11:46am Lostinstereo_:whats the difference between a train carriage and a miscarriage?
you can't eat a train carriage
that is so bad haha
why does Beyonce Knowles sing to "to the left to the left"?
Because black people have no rights
whts the best thing about sex with twenty six year olds?
theres 20 of them.
I met a girl last week who said she wanted to be treated like a princess, so I put her in the back of a mercedes and drove it into a tunnel wall. sorry
Dave watched his flat chested wife try on her new bra.
"What do you want a bra for? You've got nothing to put in them", he smirked.
"I don't complain when you buy underpants she replied.
__________________
i feel so bad posting these..(there not mine btw)
 LOL these jokes are awsome! |
Silence is the Enemy
Killjoy
Age: 28
Gender: Female
Posts: 27 | September 3rd, 2009 at 11:57am here are some blonde jokes:
A highway patrolman pulled up alongside a speeding car on the freeway. As the officer peered through the driver's window, he was astounded to find that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting. The trooper cranked down his window and yelled to the driver, "Pull over!" at the top of his lungs. "No!" the blonde yelled back, "Scarf!"
A young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana. She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking.
After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle" attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, "Maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price!" The shopkeeper said, "By all means, be my guest. Maybe you'll luck out and catch yourself a big one!" Determined, the blonde turned and headed for the swamps, set on catching herself an alligator.
Later in the day, the shopkeeper is driving home, when he spots the young woman standing waist deep in the water, shotgun in hand. Just then, he sees a huge 9 foot alligator swimming quickly toward her. She takes aim, kills the creature and with a great deal of effort hauls it on to the swamp bank. Lying nearby were several more of the dead creatures. The shopkeeper watches in amazement. Just then the blonde flips the alligator on its back, and frustrated, shouts out, "Damn it, this one isn't wearing any shoes either!"
A brunette says to a blonde "Look! A dead bird!" and the blonde looks up and says "Where?"
There was a blonde who was taking her kids to Disney Land. When they were about half way there, the blonde say a sign that said "Disney Land Left," so the blonde turned back around and went home. |
Silence is the Enemy
Killjoy
Age: 28
Gender: Female
Posts: 27 | September 3rd, 2009 at 03:15pm Top ten signs your family is stressed:
10. Conversations often begin with "Put the gun down, and then we can talk".
9. The school principal has your number on speed-dial.
8. The cat is on Valium.
7. People have trouble understanding your kids, because they learned to speak through clenched teeth.
6. You are trying to get your four-year-old to switch to decaffeinated.
5. The number of jobs held down by family members exceeds the number of people in the family.
4. No one has time to wait for microwave TV dinners.
3. "Family meetings" are often mediated by law enforcement officials.
2. You have to check your kid's day-timer to see if he can take out the trash.
1. Maxwell House gives you industrial rates. |
Silence is the Enemy
Killjoy
Age: 28
Gender: Female
Posts: 27 | September 3rd, 2009 at 03:25pm 10. They ask for all their money in quarters.
9. They're not sure what season, or year it is.
8. They're best friends names are Super Mario, Pac-man, and Sonic (if they have real-life friends).
7. The electric company and the toy store sends them birthday cards.
6. Big falling blocks and hot lava pits haunt their dreams.
5. Their fingers twitch all the time.
4. When they are sick at home the change clerk at the arcade calls to see if they are all right.
3. They can play 2 player games by themselves.
2. Everyone at the arcade knows them by name.
1. Someone is reading this to them, 'cause they're too busy getting a new high score and can not be bothered. |
Silence is the Enemy
Killjoy
Age: 28
Gender: Female
Posts: 27 | September 3rd, 2009 at 04:02pm An elderly woman went to her local doctor’s office and asked to speak with her doctor. When the receptionist asked why she was there, she replied, “I’d like to have some birth control pills.”
Taken back, the doctor thought for a minute and then said, “Excuse me, Mrs. Glenwood, but you’re 80 years old. What would you possibly need birth control pills for?”
The woman replied, “They help me sleep better.”
The doctor considered this for a second, and continued… “How in the world do birth control pills help you sleep?”
The woman said, “I put them in my granddaughter’s orange juice, and I sleep better at night.”
|
Jason White.
Killjoy
Age: 29
Gender: Female
Posts: 23 | September 8th, 2009 at 04:10am LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL<3! |
Silence is the Enemy
Killjoy
Age: 28
Gender: Female
Posts: 27 | September 8th, 2009 at 03:31pm Alyssa Asphyxiated:What do you do if a blonde throws a grenade at you?
Take the pin out and throw it back. lmao
lol  |
Silence is the Enemy
Killjoy
Age: 28
Gender: Female
Posts: 27 | September 8th, 2009 at 03:31pm Alyssa Asphyxiated:What do you do if a blonde throws a grenade at you?
Take the pin out and throw it back. lmao
lol |
Silence is the Enemy
Killjoy
Age: 28
Gender: Female
Posts: 27 | September 8th, 2009 at 03:33pm Two Irishmen walk into a pet shop. Right away they go over to the bird section. Gerry says to Paddy, "Dat's dem". The clerk comes over and asks if he can help them. "Yeah, we'll take four of dem dere birds in dat cage op dere," says Gerry, "Put dem in a peeper bag." The clerk does and the two guys pay for the birds and leave the shop.
They get into Gerry's van and drive until they are high up in the hills and stop at the top of a cliff with a 500-foot drop. "Dis looks loike a grand place, eh?" says Gerry. "Oh, yeh, dis looks good," replies Paddy.
They flip a coin and Gerry wins the toss. "I guess I git to go first, eh Paddy?" says Gerry. He then takes two birds out of the bag, places them on his shoulders and jumps off the cliff.
Paddy watches as his mate drops off the edge and goes straight down for a few seconds followed by a 'SPLAT'. As Paddy looks over the edge of the cliff he shakes his head and says, "Fock dat, dis budgie jumpin' is
too fockin' dangerous for me"
PART TWO
A minute later, Seamus arrives. He too has been to the pet shop and he walks up carrying the familiar 'peeper bag'. He pulls a parrot out of the bag, and then Paddy notices that, in his other hand, Seamus is carrying a gun.
Hi, Paddy. Watch this," Seamus says and launches himself over the edge of the cliff. Paddy watches as half way down, Seamus takes the gun and blows the parrot's head off. Seamus continues to plummet until there is a SPLAT!, as he joins Gerry's remains at the bottom. Paddy shakes his head and says, "An' oim never troyin' dat parrotshooting nider"
PART THREE
A few minutes after Seamus splats himself Sean strolls up. He too has been to the pet shop and he walks up carrying the familiar 'peeper bag'. Instead of a parrot he pulls a chicken out of the bag, and launches himself of the cliff with the usual result. Once more Paddy shakes his head - "Fock me Sean, first der was Gerry wit his budgie jumping, den Seamus parrot shooting and now you blimmin' hen gliding" |
