| Author | Message |
|---|
t'lema
Salute You in Your Grave
Age: 33
Gender: Female
Posts: 2109 | November 30th, 2008 at 03:45pm
A man goes to the doctor, and says "Help me, I'm completely obsessed with sex!"
The doctor says "Okay, let's do some tests," and pulls out a series of pictures, "Tell me what you think about when you look at them."
The first picture is of a cardboard box, the man says "Two people having sex."
The second picture is of a scarf and gloves, the man says "Two people havng sex."
The doctor says, "I'm afraid this is quite serious, you really are obsessed with sex."
The man says, " Me?! You're the one with all the dirty pictures!"
/lame. |
playground eyes.
Awake and Unafraid
Age: -
Gender: Female
Posts: 14066 | December 1st, 2008 at 09:51am LOL at that camel and elephant one xD |
John St. John
Shotgun Sinner
Age: 31
Gender: Male
Posts: 7145 | December 7th, 2008 at 06:30pm My uncle told me this (:
What do you call a prostitute with her hands down her pants?
Self Employed.
:] |
Bella Muerte!
Really Not Okay
Age: 32
Gender: Female
Posts: 632 | December 8th, 2008 at 04:03am that camel and elephant one was funny hahaha |
Gerard Way.
In the Cannibal Glow
Age: -
Gender: -
Posts: 53288 | December 8th, 2008 at 10:57am Fresh from a shower, a woman stand in front of the mirror complaining to her husband that her breasts are too small. Instead of characteristically telling her it’s not so, he came up with a suggestion.
"If you want your breasts to grow, then every day take a piece of toilet paper and rub it between them for a few seconds," he said.
Willing to try anything, she fetched a piece of toilet paper and stood in front of the mirror, rubbing it between her breasts.
"How long will this take?" she asked.
"They will grow larger over a period of years," her husband replied. She stopped.
"Do you really think rubbing a piece of toilet paper between my breasts every day will make my breasts larger over the years?"
Without missing a beat the husband said,
"Worked for your butt, didn’t it?" |
Need to know.
Salute You in Your Grave
Age: 30
Gender: Female
Posts: 3052 | December 10th, 2008 at 01:13am
My friend send me this by e-mail. It's really good!
Before the wedding:
Man: At last! I've been waiting for this moment for so long.
Woman: Do you want me to leave?
Man: Are you crazy? What the hell are you thinking!
Woman: But do you love me?
Man: Of course! Always!
Woman: Have ever cheated on me?
Man: For God's sake, of course not.
Woman: Will you only have sex with me?
Man: Of course, I won't lose any opportunity.
Woman: Will you hit me?
Man: What are you, insane?
Woman: Can I trust you?
Man: Oh!
Woman: My love!
After the wedding:
Reread the conversation from bottom to top!
|
playground eyes.
Awake and Unafraid
Age: -
Gender: Female
Posts: 14066 | December 10th, 2008 at 08:22am ^ lol. that is really clever. :]
I got this off the internet:
There was a little girl and her mother walking through the park one day and they saw two teenagers having sex on a bench.
The little girl says, "Mummy, what are they doing?" The mother hesitates then quickly replies, "Ummm they are making cakes."
The next day they are at a zoo and the little girl sees two monkeys having sex. Again she asks her mother what they are doing and her mother replies with the same response, "Making cakes."
The next day the girl says to her mother, "Mummy, you and Daddy were making cakes in the lounge last night, eh?" Shocked, the mother asks, "How do you know?"
She says, "Because I licked the icing off the sofa."
|
fun ghoul
In a Bullet's Embrace
Age: -
Gender: Female
Posts: 58705 | December 11th, 2008 at 08:20am ^ ew : |
Bella Muerte!
Really Not Okay
Age: 32
Gender: Female
Posts: 632 | December 11th, 2008 at 07:51pm ewww |
deathcar.
Jazz Hands
Age: 31
Gender: Female
Posts: 299 | December 12th, 2008 at 08:37am LOL
: '] |
playground eyes.
Awake and Unafraid
Age: -
Gender: Female
Posts: 14066 | December 21st, 2008 at 11:16am
Christmas spirit, anyone?
(courtesy of the internet)
-
A Christmas Poem
'Twas the night before Christmas, and God it was neat
The kids were both gone, and my wife was in heat
The doors were all bolted, and the phone off the hook
It was time for some nooky, by hook or by crook.
Momma in her teddy, and I in the nude. Had just hit the bedroom and reached for the lube
When out on the lawn there arose such a cry, That I lost my boner and poor momma went dry.
Up to the window I sprang like an elf, Tore back the shade while she played with herself.
The moon on the crest of the snowman we'd built, Showed a broom up his ass, clean up to the hilt.
When what to my wondering eyes should appear, But a rusty old sleigh and eight mangy reindeer.
With a fat little driver, half out of his sled, A sock in his ear, and a bra on his head.
Sure as I'm speaking, he was as high as a kite.
And he yelled to his team, but it didn't sound right.
Whoa Shithead, whoa Asshole, whoa Stupid, whoa Putz, Either slow down this rig or I'll cut off your nuts.
Look out for the lamp post, and don't hit the tree, Quit shaking the sleigh, 'cause I gotta go pee.
They cleared the old lamp post, the tree got a rub, Just as Santa leaned out and threw up on my shrub.
And then from the roof we heard such a clatter, As each little reindeer now emptied its bladder.
I was donning my jacket to cover my ass, When down the chimney Santa came with a crash.
His suit was all smelly with perfume galore, He looked like a bum and he smelled like a whore.
That was some brothel, he said with a smile, The reindeer are pooped, I'll just stay here awhile.
He walked to the kitchen, himself poured a drink, Then whipped out his pecker and pissed in the sink.
I started to laugh, my wife smiled with glee, The old boy was hung nearly down to his knee.
Back in the den, Santa reached in his sack, But his toys were all gone, and some new things were packed.
The first thing he found was a pair of false tits, The next was a handgun with a penis that spits.
A box filled with condoms was Santa's next find, And a six pair of panties, the edible kind.
A bra without nipples, a penis extension, And several other things that I shouldn't even mention.
A cock ring, a G-string, and all types of oil, A dildo so long, it lay in a coil.
This suff ain't for kids, Mrs. Santa will shit, So I'll leave 'em here, and then I'll just split.
He filled every stocking and then took his leave, With one tiny butt plug tucked under his sleeve.
He sprang to his sleigh, but his feet were like lead, Thus he fell on his ass and broke wind instead.
In time he was seated, took the reins of his hitch, Take me home Rudolph, this night's been a bitch!
The sleigh was near gone when we heard Santa shout, The best thing about sex is that it never wears out! |
The Creature
In The Murder Scene
Age: -
Gender: -
Posts: 23462 | December 22nd, 2008 at 01:34am There was a collage student who lived next to an elderly woman's house.
Every night, he'd have parties, and get wasted.
Every night, he'd get so wasted, that he'd piss in the bushes of the elderly woman's garden in her back yard.
This continued for all four years of his collage life.
After graduating, he no longer had parties, but grew used to pissing in the lady's bushes, and continued to do so.
One day, the lady finally caught him, and walked up to him while he was reliving him self.
"Hey," she said.
"Your dick is so nice, and large. Your nuts are so big and round. Can I stroke one?" she asked.
"Sure," he said.
She strokes it, and rubs it, and asks "Can I rub the other one, too?"
At this point, the man was done pissing, and was enjoying what she was doing, so he agreed to let her touch the other one.
She grabbers the other nut, and now she's massaging both.
Then, she stop rubbing them, squeezes them as hard as she could,
and starts pounding them together as hard as she can while saying, 'DON'T YOU EVER PEE IN MY BUSHES AGAIN!"
 |
Lelouch Lamperouge
Always Born a Crime
Age: 28
Gender: -
Posts: 5013 | December 22nd, 2008 at 03:05am haha! that sh*t ain't half bad! |
blackXmascaraXtears
Bleeding on the Floor
Age: 30
Gender: Female
Posts: 1359 | December 24th, 2008 at 06:48pm XD this thread is priceless! haha
whats the difference between a pile of dead babies and a porshe?
theres not a porshe in my garage.
how did helen keller's parents punish her?
they put a plunger in the toilet. |
anthony green.
In The Murder Scene
Age: 28
Gender: Female
Posts: 23325 | December 24th, 2008 at 09:47pm Wanna hear a dirty joke?
A boy played in the mud.
Wanna hear a clean joke?
He took a bath with bubbles.
Wanna hear a dirtier joke?
Bubbles is the boy who lives next door. |
Pencey P.
Always Born a Crime
Age: 28
Gender: Female
Posts: 6765 | December 26th, 2008 at 07:45am Your mom is so old her breastmilk turned into baby powder XD |
calculated sacrifice
Shotgun Sinner
Age: 37
Gender: Male
Posts: 7807 | December 26th, 2008 at 07:55am here's a racist one to my own kind xD
an american, japanese, and a filipino had a contest; whoever got the staue of liberty to look down would win.
the american went up first and offered her a million dollars.
she did not look down.
the japanese went next and offered her a million sushi.
she did not look down.
the filipino went up next.
he stared up at the statue for a moment and then looked down at it's feet. his eyes widened, pointed at the feet of the statue and yelled, "statue of liberty, your underwear fell!" |
I'm A Bullet.I Kill!
Jazz Hands
Age: 29
Gender: Female
Posts: 350 | December 26th, 2008 at 07:56am A patient went to the Doctor one day.
Patient: Doc, my...my...
Doc:It's ok. Tell me what's wrong. I will try to help you. After all, I am a doctor.
Patient: My private part hurts.
*Doctor checked his Patient's body*
Doc: Oh no...dear....I am sorry to tell you this but it can only be cured if you cut them off!
Patient was shocked and worry.
Patient: But doctor! I can't have them cut off!
Doctor: But that's the only way!
The patient went to another doctor, who practised the use of herbs as medicines.
The patient told the doctor his problem. the doctor just chuckled and told him there's no need to cut his private part off.
Doctor: Here, take this medicine and apply them on your private part.
Patient: Does it hurt or sting?
Doctor: Nah don't worry.
Patient: What does it do?
Doctor: You'll see.
The patient went home and applied the medicine on his private part, and went back to the doctor for check-up.
Doctor: So what happened?
Patient: My balls dropped off. |
I'm A Bullet.I Kill!
Jazz Hands
Age: 29
Gender: Female
Posts: 350 | December 26th, 2008 at 08:07am *Racist*
A Chinese, a Malay and an Indian were captured by a Japanese Soldier. The Japanese ordered them to go around and look for 10 round objects.
The Malay came back with 10 mangosteens. The Japanese ordered him to stuff the mangosteens into his asshole. He stopped when he was at his 5th mangosteen due to the unbearable pain. He was shot by the Japanese.
Next was the Chinese's turn. He came back with 10 pebbles. The Japanese then ordered him to do the same thing. When he was stuffing the 9th pebble into his ass, he laughed and stopped. The Japanese shot him too.
Back in heaven, the Malay asked the Chinese.
"Why did you stop? You were so close into getting the last one in!"
The Chinese replied. "Cuz I saw the Indian carrying 10 Durians back." |
alaska 5000
Tragic With a Capital T
Age: 28
Gender: Female
Posts: 48286 | December 27th, 2008 at 07:36pm what's the difference between a washing machine and a blonde essex girl?
the washing machine doesn't spit your load out. |
