Teenage marriage/engagement
| Author | Message |
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| Cigarettes And Suicide Bleeding on the Floor  Age: 37 Gender: Female Posts: 1725 | Decimated Stars: I get what you're saying, and I agree - getting married at 16 isn't the best idea, but it seems these days that getting married 'young' (ie, before 30) is considered by most people to be 'wasting your life', or 'throwing it all away'. Which I feel is really untrue. As far as career and studies... sorry, but I'm sure as you get older you'll realise your worries about juggling study and family are completely unwarranted. My husband works a full-time job - 10 hours a day, five days a week, goes to night courses at TAFE to get qualifications to get a better job (because, as you say, love and dreams don't pay the bills, so he has to hold down a job to keep food on the table while aspiring towards a better job), I'm studying via correspondence so I can get qualifications while staying at home with my daughter, and I'm expecting our second child in just a few weeks. Our marriage, and our relationship with our child, does not at all suffer due to the pressure of working and studying - or do you think that all married couples are going to get divorced because they have to pay attention to their jobs as well as their husband/wife? See what I mean? We spend lots of time together, both as a couple and as a family. Everything we are doing, even if it takes a couple of hours a week away from 'family time', is for a good reason - so we can get skills, get certs/diplomas etc and get better-paying jobs with better hours or whatever - and that makes us closer and appreciate each other more, not less, because we know that what we're doing now is not only for ourselves, but for each other and our kids, know what I mean? It can and does work!! |
| Daft Fabulous Killjoy  Age: 29 Gender: Male Posts: 157 | Personally i think you can get married when it feels right, i.e when you know for sure that you're gonna be there for him/her for the rest of your life and you know they will do too.. Kids however, should probably wait. |
| fabulous killjoy. Moderator  Age: 31 Gender: Female Posts: 46256 | Decimated Stars:then she shouldn't have agreed to the engagement in the first place. it's not how everyone feels about engagement at 18. if she's seriously that miserable, why is she still hanging on? if she doesn't want to hurt the guy now, imagine how it will be in the future, or if he found out she was "miserable" that she had to be with him. that's the problem with young people and engagement. sometimes it's out of pressure and they don't stop and think before they speak. if you want to get engaged to someone, then it's okay. if you're engaged to someone just because, it's wrong. |
| K.K. Bleeding on the Floor  Age: 28 Gender: Female Posts: 1787 | My big sisters best friend got engaged with 17 and married with 18. Her (now) husband is 10 or 11 years older than her. Can that be a reason for lots of teenage marriages?-(at least on the female side) That these days the guy's just got to be (at least) one or two years older? My sister is 22 and engaged to that guy who's gonna be 30 this May. Age-differences like that are really very common these days.. /sorry if this is a little off the topic |
| BOINGage-MCRmy Banned  Age: 29 Gender: Female Posts: 42 | i think its soooo wrong. teenagers are still only children. i know they dont like being called that (¬_¬) but they are. i think its wrong for them to be forced into a marriage at a young age. theyv been given a life, let them live it. let them get married when they feel they want to or they feel ready to devote their lives to someone else. if they are forced to, more often than not,, things go wrong because they mgith not even like the person they are suposed to love. or they6 are very different in personallity, causing them to loath each others company. in my opinion, its wrong for relligions/traditions for teens to be forced into marriages. its their life let them live it! |
| Mindfuck Always Born a Crime  Age: - Gender: Female Posts: 5614 | BOINGage-MCRmy:Well, this thread is more about teenage marriages in general - not just arranged or forced marriages. Also, people can still live their life to the fullest after getting married  Life doesn't have to stop after marriage. |
| fawkes Bleeding on the Floor Age: - Gender: - Posts: 1131 | One of my friends is 18 and she says that she would get married to her boyfriend right now if she could. I think that's a little weird because I don't think young people really know what they want in life yet, and personally, I want to have some fun before I settle down with someone. I'm not saying that marriage ends fun, but it's a different phase of life, and I think that if people jump into it too quickly, it can cause problems. At least my friend plans to wait until she's done with college before she marries this guy. |
| Star Ashes Fabulous Killjoy  Age: 31 Gender: Female Posts: 167 | By all means if they feel that they want to and their parents consent to it at a young age then hell yeah i will say "do it, its your choice" but i do feel that i won't be in this situation as a teenager, as you are young and wann have fun experimenting and finding out all the information about life and either the opposit or the same sex. If marriage is what you see at that age then its up to you but i dont feel its right to say hey we get along, let's get married, i have seen people get engaged and things change, they are sometimes obviously not ready to get married and spend their lives together. i see the teenager stage of your life as a fun, crazy time to live life to the full and not dwell on one person. i also see that teenage marriage could ruin lives and make things alot thicker and hard to live with rather than just having a boyfriend/girlfriend and splitting up when you have problems. its easy for me to say as i'm not really the sort of girl to think about marriage when i get a boyfriend/girlfriend, i just think about the things that happen at the time and i enjoy it : ) |
| John St. John Shotgun Sinner  Age: 31 Gender: Male Posts: 7145 | fawkes: I think 18 is an acceptable age to make that decision. Your not a minor at 18. |
| shrinking-violet Killjoy Age: 30 Gender: Female Posts: 6 | My friend is sixteen and "pre-engaged" which I think is a bit ridiculous considering the fact that its her first boyfriend and their not even out of high school but whatever floats her boat,I know I would never want to do something like that I want to do something with my life before I even think about this kind of thing. |
| Sexy Mama Banned Age: 30 Gender: Female Posts: 48 | i am married and have a baby so i think ppl should keep thier opinions to themselves |
| fabulous killjoy. Moderator Age: 31 Gender: Female Posts: 46256 | sexibitch:Can you please post something for discussion? This isn't meant to be for personal experiences, you can include them, but elaborate. Telling people to "keep their opinions to themselves" isn't a worthwhile discussion, it's one sided. |
| Jesse Lacey; Awake and Unafraid  Age: 28 Gender: Female Posts: 12077 | A 15- and 16-year-old in my town are engaged. They plan to go to college together before they get married. Whether it will last is one thing, but they're both serious about each other and they're taking their relationship seriously; they have more planned for their lives than most people and they've already talked to their families. If they break up, the break up- no worse than any other couple breaking up, realy. And if they do get married after college, like they plan, they'll already be in their 20s, so what does it matter? |
| Mindfuck Always Born a Crime Age: - Gender: Female Posts: 5614 | sexibitch:Married at 15? Fair enough if you are, I just think that's a bit odd. One often doesn't hear of it. |
| thank fsm. In The Murder Scene  Age: 36 Gender: Female Posts: 20564 | Cigarettes And Suicide: I don't hear that very often - it's usually getting married before around age 25 that people question, and even then, if it's the couple's friends and family doing the judging, it's only if it's apparent they aren't ready. |
| Coraline. Thinking Happy Thoughts  Age: 30 Gender: Female Posts: 493 | I definately dont agree with getting married at like 16. But i guess engaged is okay. An engagement can last years,its a promise you'll get married its just when. It shouldnt be taken as a joke though. Its a serious commitment,when your young you want to have fun,not be tied down. |
| Cigarettes And Suicide Bleeding on the Floor Age: 37 Gender: Female Posts: 1725 | merlin.: Well, I mean obviously I can only speak from my own personal perspective, which was EVERYBODY I knew telling me my husband (of three years now, paaaahhhh) and I that we were making the biggest mistake ever by getting married so young (I was 20, he was 21, so not really teenagers, but not far off, know what I mean?). I only know of one other couple within my circle that is married, and two that are engaged (and they're 26 and 28, and not planning the actual wedding for at least another year or two). Most of my friends have kids, yes, but are not married... tell me, which is the bigger, longer-lasting commitment? Signing a piece of paper and exchanging rings, or creating a living, breathing human being that is half you, half your partner, and will tie you together for the rest of your lives? That's what I don't understand - a marriage/engagement can be dissolved. Two people who were married can just sign the papers, pay their lawyers and walk away from each other. When there are kids involved though, it's an entirely different ball game, but none of my friends think that having a child with someone is a big mistake - but marrying someone 'too young' is? Anyway, that's just my take on it. My view on marriage is coloured the way it is because everyone was happy when I announced I was pregnant to my then-boyfriend, but horrified when we announced that we were going to wed. |
| thank fsm. In The Murder Scene Age: 36 Gender: Female Posts: 20564 | three years - congratulations. Your age at marriage falls into that under 25 category. I don't like the idea of divorce, but you're right. Once you've realized it's a mistake, not much you can do but nullify it. Perhaps babies seem more accepted than marriage because, you know...you can't undo a baby, and to suggest it is rude, so it's best to just be glad and have your disagreements privately. Whereas a marriage...is more acceptable to disagree, and even to try and undo. It's a stretch, but maybe. |
| ForrestFIRE_Angel Killjoy Age: 30 Gender: Female Posts: 42 | rules of anything shouldnt count other than the ones the couple have set. if you know your gunna be with that person forever, or atleast know you want to and can be (you cant know forever for definate) you can only know when it ends how far you can go with them, you should NEVER accept a person for that kind of commitment unless you know you love them and WANT to be with them. dissagree? |
| Lights Salute You in Your Grave  Age: 31 Gender: Female Posts: 2205 | I've seen young marriages fall apart, my parents' being one of them. I think that while you're under a certain age (22? 25? I haven't decided...), that you just haven't completely fallen into who you are yet. In my own opinion, you can't commit to being with someone the rest of your life if you don't even know for sure who you are yet. I'm not saying that when you reach a certain age you're automatically who you're always going to be, because I know that to be false, but I think that there is a stage in life where you're really deciding so many important things, and you HAVE to make those decisions for yourself. I'm trying to convey what I think, but I'm not entirely sure I've done the greatest job. Sorry about that. Lol. |
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