Child Abuse

Yara; wtf...:

I don't think anyone on INO is FOR child abuse.
Instead of just posting "Against", share your opinions. How can we stop this? What are the long term effects of child abuse? Do you know anyone that used to be abused but got him/herself out of it?

Again, I believe people on INO would not be FOR child abuse. Please reread Yara's past post on this miscommunication problem.


ALSO, this is not a CONFESSION thread, PITY thread, or a LETS ALL GIVE HUGS TO THE THE INO MEMBERS WHO HAVE BEEN THROUGH CHILD ABUSE thread.

This is a DISCUSSION board. In this board is this thread, which happens to deal with discussion.

So, please do understand this is not an insult to does who have been through physical/mental child abuse, yet if you are going to state that personal matter in your post; then please do associate the matter with your valid opinion. Thank you.

There's a distinct difference between 'discipline' and 'abuse', and I for one condone the former and condemn the latter with all my heart.

I believe in positive reinforcement, especially in children who are 'special' or have ADD, autism etc, because their little minds don't really grasp the concept of 'smack = don't do it again'. However, I don't believe that smacking a child is detrimental to their wellbeing or development in any way, if it is done correctly.
For example, I remember one time when I was staying with my grandparents for Christmas, and my aunt's husband and children were there. Her 17-month old daughter was being naughty, and instead of a simple rap across the butt, my aunt said to her, in a very cool, calm and rational voice, 'That is not acceptable.' Two minutes later, my little cousin was right back doing whatever it was that had caused her to be 'spoken to', and she really had absolutely no idea that she was doing the wrong thing. She was far too young to understand a calm 'that's not acceptable'. Now my cousin is 8, and my aunt still believes in that kind of 'discipline'. Needless to say, the kid walks all over everybody, hits and takes things off other kids at school, and when disciplined by anybody, simply tells them that she can do what the hell she wants, and nobody can touch her. Yeah. Really good way to raise a kid, in my opinion.

I was smacked every time I did something naughty, or yelled at, and I turned out totally fine. It never impacted on my mental development, never made me feel negatively towards my parents, and taught me right from wrong from a very young age. I was taught respect for my elders, rewarded for good behaviour and punished for bad behaviour, and I feel that it's made me a well-adjusted adult with the ability to make smart decisions.
I sometimes babysit my friend's children and I can never bring myself to physically hit them, as they're not my child to discipline, so they get punishments such as the 'naughty corner'. However, one day when looking after a three-year-old, he started climbing up the knobs on the kitchen drawers and nearly pulled a boiling kettle of water all over himself. I screamed at him, 'NO!' and ran up and smacked his butt with an open hand, and although he cried a little, it was just from the shock of being spoken to harshly, and I feel that a smack on the butt was far preferable to third-degree burns. His mother said to me recently that to this day, he's never climbed up on things again, and she's been trying to teach him that for months. He now knows that what he was doing was wrong, and it's given him a life lesson.
My partner and I intend to teach our child right from wrong by using both positive reinforcement and spanking, and we see nothing wrong with it. Today's generation is too disrespectful and seem to have the attitude of 'nobody can touch me, I can do what the hell I want and you can't stop me,' because they've been raised by all these do-gooders who believe that even raising your voice to a child is detrimental to them. IMO, that's ridiculous.
Kids need to be taught, and 'rational' discussion simply doesn't work on 90% of them. I mean, would you try and have a calm, reasonable discussion with your pet dog for digging holes in the backyard? No, because he doesn't have a frigging clue what you're talking about, and doesn't understand. So you discipline him in other ways.
Teach them to respect their elders and make smart decisions, but don't beat the living crap out of them. It's a very clear line, and easy not to cross. I would never insult a child, or punch or hit them in such a way as to hurt them. But a little smack on the butt really never hurt anybody.

On a similar topic, I don't really buy this 'Spanking is acceptable as long as it doesn't leave a mark and doesn't make the child cry.'
Not leaving a mark is reasonable, but the fact is, if you smack skin against skin, chances are there's going to be a small red mark that fades within a few minutes. Does that count?
But what gets me is the part about not driving a child to tears. Gosh, I used to cry every single time I got smacked, not so much from the pain, but more from the humiliation (if it happened in public), or from having to accept that I wasn't going to get my own way this time.
Children are like women - they use tears as emotional blackmail, and don't think they're not smart enough to - I realised from a very young age that turning on the waterworks was pretty much a guaranteed way of getting want I wanted out of someone.
But yeah, legislations and organisations such as the DoCS (Department of Child Services, in Australia anyway) are making it hard for people to make their own decsion on how to raise a kid. I mean, there is absolutely no excuse for child abuse, but how do innocent bystanders know that a spanking wasn't completely warranted? All they see is a frustrated kid screaming because they didn't get an expensive toy bought for them, and they got a smack for throwing a tantrum, and they call in the DoCS. It's ridiculous.
Like I said, tears aren't always an idicator of pain. Sure, the smackings I always got from my parents stung a little, but the tears came more from embarrassment or not getting my own way for once - and in no way did it affect me negatively.

I got smacked when I was younger, and eventually I became afraid of my mother until I turned ten or eleven. It has serious emotional effects. It's not like I got serious bruises or anything, and I wasn't spoiled. It does horrible things to you mentally. It was a regular thing to do in my country too, and I want to scream at my mother for making me afraid of her.

I agree that smacking can possibly be an effective or good way to show a child what they have done is wrong and if they do it again, they'll be smacked again.
However, my mother has smacked me once in my life, and that was only due to the fact the thing I had done was a truly bad thing, and I wouldn't shut up. Throughout my childhood, she was clever enough to discipline me without the force of her hand - I might be put on the stairs and not allowed to get up until I was prepared to calm down, or I wouldn't go to my friend's party the next day, or she would simply shout at me - and I am the farthest away from a delinquent you can get. I'm a straight A student, me and my Mum disagree about alot of things, but we never truly fight and I know that politeness and manners cost nothing.
It's individual to every child, of coure. Some children don't like being shouted at, so a good yelling will set them in their place. Some children have everything they want, so taking things and privelges away can subdue them. I think if you have resolved to not smack your children, it doesn't mean you just give into their tantrums. Likewise, if you do smack your children, it shouldn't be used when what they have done isn't extremely bad. They might grow up thinking it's okay to hit someone when they haven't done something particularly wrong. There are boundaries for parents as well as children.

So yes, maybe smacking can be used as a discipline, but if you try hard enough, it doesn't have to be your only resort.

i am totally against child abuse as my mum used to hit me before i left home...i think if you hit a child then they will learn from you and start to hit you back it is a vicious circle. instead of hitting especially younger children put them on the naughty step and with teenages punish them and STICK TO IT!!!

I think child abuse is wrong. Even if you smack a child for dicipline, its not going to teach the child to do the right thing, they are most likley to go into school and hit other children because they think it goes on in every family, How can a child abuser (sexually or violently) hurt the child, when they look up to them with tears in their eyes and plead to be let free, its not right, why should they cry tears of pain because some sad sicko is hitting them or sexually assulting them, I think it is horrible and there should be a stop to it.

Yesterday, here in New Zealand, they introduced the 'Anti-Smacking Act'.
Parents aren't aloud to phyically displine their children, unless it's a 'light tap'.
Who thinks this is ridiculous? Who agrees?

I personally had phyical punishments when I was younger, but it never went further than a slap on the legs with some sort of wooden object.
Painful? Yes. But I surely learnt my lesson.
When I was about 10, my parents both stopped, after realising it wasn't exactly right.

I got a good whack on the butt many times as a little kid. I'm not mentally, or physically scarred. I just had a sore butt sometimes because I played with scissors, talked back, didn't clean my room, etc. Kids needs a dose of discipline some times to teach a lesson. It certainly sunk in more when I got spanked that when I was TOLD that I didn't wrong, or got sent to my room.

some discipline is necessary for kids. but if you step over the line, that's when it needs to stop.

being as passive agressive as i am, i've never really had to be smacked or anything, so i guess i could consider myself lucky.

um yea child abuse is never okay NEVER, i mean like being seriously injured. wow NOT GOOD NOT GOOD

I think spanking is okay, as long as it's just with your hand and it stops at a certain age [6 or 7].

My parents spanked me with a 2x4 when I was twelve.

At a certain age it's wrong and ought to be stopped. I also think it should only be used when there is no other alternative.

Ex; kid darts out in front of car. Grab kid and spank. It's quick and makes the kid think: running out in front of car, not good.

Do not spank your kid when they watch TV instead of doing homework. Take away the TV.

druscilla; in rags:

At a certain age it's wrong and ought to be stopped. I also think it should only be used when there is no other alternative.

Ex; kid darts out in front of car. Grab kid and spank. It's quick and makes the kid think: running out in front of car, not good.

Do not spank your kid when they watch TV instead of doing homework. Take away the TV.

You've made an excellent point. Smacking children is, in my opinion and personal experience, a necessary part of teaching a child right from wrong, because until a certain age, they simply don't understand rational discussion or can't comprehend why something is considered unacceptable, so a quick spank is a simple way of reinforcing the issue until they are old enough to realise the depth of their decisions.
I think you've made a terrific example here of the difference between acceptable and unacceptable discipline - something I find that not a lot of people can differentiate these days. I've been vilified by people for suggesting that a smack on the butt is sometimes the only way to show a child right from wrong, but what I think they don't understand is that I would only do it in certain situations, like you've pointed out - running onto the road warrants a smack, whereas something like leaving dirty clothes on the bathroom floor rather than in the laundry hamper doesn't.
By no means do I believe that a spank solves every problem, and should be used in every situation, but I do believe strongly in parents/carers using their discretion to decide, and that's why I'm so against governments implementing bans on physical discipline.
It's kind of like drink-driving, shoplifting and owning unlicenced firearms - the laws are in place to protect people (in this case, children), but there are always going to be those parents who beat their children until they get caught, just like laws don't prevent people buying guns on the 'black market', getting behind the wheel of a car after a carton of beer, etc.

it isnt just hitting and calling your son or daugter names it could be sexual abuse which is disgusting and wrong with NO EXEPTIONS.
the thing is if you call childline and the parants know you did or they find out then the could get you to act normal and like nothings wrong. what can childline do if they have no proof.

i think those other ways could be possibly taking away the computer or tv, or jus having a deep discussion explaining why.