Adoption

Be EMOtional:

My friend is adopted and when she found out a few months ago she tried to kill herself. I think that Adoption is good but aslong as the child knows the situation.

I agree. My brother lives in Washington with his adoptive family. They send us pictures of him once a month, and they tell everyone who makes comments about him when they're out that he's adopted. He's only 4, but they'll explain it to him when he's old enough to comprehend it

So, yes I think adoption is a great thing. I mean if you can't have kids, you can adopt. Or if you want to adopt, adopt! Adoptive families help families out that can't afford kids

I am going to want to adopt and have kids.
There's a connection that a woman and man have to their baby that no one else could ever have.
Despite that, I would like to adopt teenagers because they have low adoption rates.

Spite, anger, hate can be the results of a child who is adopted.
I really think the wrong comes in when a child isn't adopted.
Sad, to feel no one wants you.

Yeah...

I know tihs is a bit off topic, but this is kinda my opinion on adoption


As an adopted child myself, i feel that putting a child up for adoption is a little bit unfair. Ive wondered TOO much..why would my mom give me away? i mean I can understand that she may not have been able to afford another child.. but she got pregnant with me and i feel that it was her responsibility to keep me. I just don't understand why a mother who's had a child in her stomach for nine months wouldn't want to keep it.

i mean.. i guess ican kinda understand where the mother is coming from if shes like underage... but if your a wife and mature i believe you should keep the kid.

There's also other kinds of adoptions, by the way.
Like, someone's parent gets remarried and that person adopts the child so they are the legal guardian.

^ The thing is, in order for a step-parent to adopt their partner's child, it means the other parent has to give up all parental responsibility. Which is fair enough if the parent has been absent for many years, is deceased or has never wanted much to do with the child anyway, but if the other parent plays an active role in the child's life, then I feel it is extremely unfair for a virtual stranger to step in and assume that they, as the other parent's new spouse, should have sole responsibility for the child.
It's hard on the kid, too - I went to school with a girl who literally changed her last name at least once every 12 months because her mother kept remarrying and requesting that her new husband legally adopt her four kids (none of which had the same father, by the way). Now, this girl didn't see or speak to her real father very much, but she wanted to keep his name because when they did spend time together, he was a great dad and very important to her (the problem was he lived interstate and they couldn't work around school and his job much, so they rarely saw each other), and besides that, she wanted to honour him in some way because after all, he's half the reason she's alive. When she turned 18, she legally changed her name back to her father's and she's much happier now - it was hard for her in school because every time her name changed kids would make fun of her because her 'mum is a sl*t'. If her mother had just remarried a million times and left her kids' names alone, nobody would have been any the wiser except close friends.

I've said before that I will never adopt, for many reasons (financial etc being a main one, in Australia the laws are very strict about who is eligible to adopt a child - you have to be rich, over 30, blah blah blah). Another reason I don't think I would ever adopt is because I'm really looking forward to the idea of seeing my daughter inherit personality and behavioural traits from my husband and I - and don't say it's about upbringing, not genetics, because my husband hasn't seen his real mother since he was a baby and his father always says, 'Your mother used to screw up her face like that when she was mad,' or 'Your mother used to say things like that.'
With an adopted child, you never know where it's come from or who its parents were, and therefore the behaviour it exhibits can be really alien to the adoptive parents. I know I personally would be much more capable of bonding with my child if I could see she had my eyes, her grandfather's ears, her dad's hair, her grandmother's laugh, etc etc. And as they grow older and develop their personalities, it's amazing to see your family in certain things - I've got my mother's short temper and my aunt's facial expressions, I laugh like my mother does and have the same sense of humour as my dad...
I just can't imagine looking at a little stranger that's meant to be mine, and wonder which family member they get certain traits from.

xXDr. KrazyXx:

There's also other kinds of adoptions, by the way.
Like, someone's parent gets remarried and that person adopts the child so they are the legal guardian.

yea, i have a brother like that. Except his parents died. I dont know..sometimes when he was younger, he felt like he didnt belong with us. But, like no one in my family did, because no one in my family is blood related to my mother. I have two foster brothers, another adopted brother, and another adopted brother. When we were younger, we didnt understand much of why our hair was completely different colors, and didnt mind it. But i guess well always all be asking each other, like, how did we end up together? It confusing.

Cigarettes And Suicide:

^ The thing is, in order for a step-parent to adopt their partner's child, it means the other parent has to give up all parental responsibility. Which is fair enough if the parent has been absent for many years, is deceased or has never wanted much to do with the child anyway, but if the other parent plays an active role in the child's life, then I feel it is extremely unfair for a virtual stranger to step in and assume that they, as the other parent's new spouse, should have sole responsibility for the child.
It's hard on the kid, too - I went to school with a girl who literally changed her last name at least once every 12 months because her mother kept remarrying and requesting that her new husband legally adopt her four kids (none of which had the same father, by the way). Now, this girl didn't see or speak to her real father very much, but she wanted to keep his name because when they did spend time together, he was a great dad and very important to her (the problem was he lived interstate and they couldn't work around school and his job much, so they rarely saw each other), and besides that, she wanted to honour him in some way because after all, he's half the reason she's alive. When she turned 18, she legally changed her name back to her father's and she's much happier now - it was hard for her in school because every time her name changed kids would make fun of her because her 'mum is a sl*t'. If her mother had just remarried a million times and left her kids' names alone, nobody would have been any the wiser except close friends.

I've said before that I will never adopt, for many reasons (financial etc being a main one, in Australia the laws are very strict about who is eligible to adopt a child - you have to be rich, over 30, blah blah blah). Another reason I don't think I would ever adopt is because I'm really looking forward to the idea of seeing my daughter inherit personality and behavioural traits from my husband and I - and don't say it's about upbringing, not genetics, because my husband hasn't seen his real mother since he was a baby and his father always says, 'Your mother used to screw up her face like that when she was mad,' or 'Your mother used to say things like that.'
With an adopted child, you never know where it's come from or who its parents were, and therefore the behaviour it exhibits can be really alien to the adoptive parents. I know I personally would be much more capable of bonding with my child if I could see she had my eyes, her grandfather's ears, her dad's hair, her grandmother's laugh, etc etc. And as they grow older and develop their personalities, it's amazing to see your family in certain things - I've got my mother's short temper and my aunt's facial expressions, I laugh like my mother does and have the same sense of humor as my dad...
I just can't imagine looking at a little stranger that's meant to be mine, and wonder which family member they get certain traits from.

that second paragraph of yours is true. Most people think, well it doesn't mater who you get your traits from, but it really does matter. Its so difficult to explain... but Ive always felt left out in a group when someone would pop out with something like "well Ive got my mothers eyes...." and then it will just continue...and ill just be sitting there like .."eh... i don't know!" I mean, usually, in moments like those, i get over it by the next day.. but i always have this heavy burden of.. "where did i come from?" i mean obviously my birth mother.. but i always find myself asking "what did she look like? did she bite her nails too? what was she like?" its always been hard.. hard to describe also..

I'd happily do both. Hav my own AND adopt. Make another child's life happy and feel proud that I've done so

T!NY:

i mean.. i guess ican kinda understand where the mother is coming from if shes like underage... but if your a wife and mature i believe you should keep the kid.

Some people (myself included, to a certain extent... I'll get into that a little later) believe in giving their child the best, and if they can't provide for it, then they feel the child would be better off with adoptive parents who have more money to provide the necessities and the privileges that they can't provide themselves.
I know of people who I just look at and think, 'Why in hell did you keep your children? You can't possibly afford to raise them - you have just enough money to keep a roof over your head and beer in your belly - there's no food on the table, no clothes on your kids' backs... What kind of life is that for your babies?'
And the sad fact is, 'wives' and 'mature people' can be just as broke-ass as a jobless teenaged girl. I know a lot of people who either can't or won't work, and their welfare doesn't cover anything more than the week's rent and maybe two nights' worth of food, because of the cost of housing where I live. These people will never get ahead, especially the ones who are alcoholics, drug addicts or mentally ill - and there's no law preventing these people from breeding. I think there should, however, be a law preventing them from keeping their child, as children brought up in poverty tend to repeat their experiences with their children.

Myself, well, my husband and I are by no means well off, we're not going to be able to afford to send our kids to private schools and buy them a lot of toys, but we have enough money to give them a stable roof over their head, food on the table morning, noon and night, send them to a public school (which in Australia are just as good as private schools, private schools just look nicer) and occasionally give them treats like a night at the movies or throwing them a birthday party (something my husband never had because his family was extremely poor).
We're lower middle-class, and able to provide for a child or two without all the extra 'benefits' that some people believe children need. Yes, they need education, health, good food and plenty of love, but I don't believe they need a computer, mobile phone or interstate holiday over the summer. Other people may look down on us for being nearly broke and having a baby, but I believe too many kids these days are spoilt beyond belief and that we're doing the right thing by not lavishing so much cash on a child who doesn't appreciate it, and only comes to expect more.

But yeah, my point being, age and marital status is really no indicator of financial security or preparedness to raise a child. I know husbands and wives who are less capable of looking after a baby than a ten-year-old.

I personally would adopt. Even with the new laws surrounding adoptions from Africa and China, the thought that I would be taking a child from an impoverished situation and giving them a chance to be successful and perhaps to in turn assist others the same way, would be amazing. Also, I have a much decreased chance of reproducing my own flesh and blood, because only one of my ovaries is functional.

As for financial status, I think there are other factors. Yes, it is vital to be able to support a child financially, but even if you do have the money you also need to have common sense and some semblance of intelligence. My family was lower middle class, but when my dad left our status dropped. However, I am now supporting myself, and while other parents seem to think it's cruel, that I have to pay for my own clothes, feeding and caring for my pets, and saving money to buy things most kids take for granted, like a yearbook or marching band or even choir, I think it's a great way for me to tell whether or not I can support myself when I leave for college next year. And so far I've met with success.

Most of the kids I know that came from well-off families, in other words those that have everything handed to them on a silver platter, are so dependant on their parents that there's no way they would survive in the real world. Their parents aren't capable of raising a child, because they can't say no.

^ I totally agree with you - learning how to manage your own money and support yourself, and learning the value of earning your own money to buy the things you want gives you not only a sense of how to cope in the real world without your parents to fall back on, but also gives you self-confidence and a sense of value, which I think too many kids are lacking these days, because, as you've said, they get handed everything on a silver platter and never have to work to get what they want.

I can understand why the laws regarding such things are in place - the government figures that these kids have already had it hard enough, and there's no real point in someone who isn't capable of providing for them adopting them and just making the rest of their lives hard, but hey, money's not everything.

^ yea, why take them from one bad situation to another?
i have a job and have to buy everything i want except for food, but i learned how not to rush off and spend the second i get a dollar. most kids can't do that.

I am adopted and so is my brother. He's my brother from another family also. my parents tried to have kids but they never could. so they had to take like years and years of classes to learn how to be foster care/adoptive parents.
and everyday my parents told me i was adopted. i was "given up" as they call it before i was born by my birth parents. my brother on the other hand was taken away from his parents by DYFS or CPR(CHILD PLACEMENT REVIEW) went to 3 foster care homes before he went to my cuisons, also foster care providers and then me and my little brother now got really close, i was 3-4 then and my mom decided i needed a sibling, so we adopted James! when i turned 13, my mom told me about my parents. i had wanted to know and promised my mom i could take it in. i couldn't, the story of who they were, why they had to give me up, sort of consumed me. i was depressed for 2 years after that. but never let it show, i would cry at least a month for a year. but after i got over it, i relized it was the best decision that my birth parents made. i think adoption is the best thing in the world. and i am very proud to tell everyone i kno i am adopted.

later

Cigarettes And Suicide:

Another reason I don't think I would ever adopt is because I'm really looking forward to the idea of seeing my daughter inherit personality and behavioural traits from my husband and I.

With an adopted child, you never know where it's come from or who its parents were, and therefore the behaviour it exhibits can be really alien to the adoptive parents. I know I personally would be much more capable of bonding with my child if I could see she had my eyes, her grandfather's ears, her dad's hair, her grandmother's laugh, etc etc.

It's amazing to see your family in certain things - I've got my mother's short temper and my aunt's facial expressions, I laugh like my mother does and have the same sense of humour as my dad...
I just can't imagine looking at a little stranger that's meant to be mine, and wonder which family member they get certain traits from.

I agree with this. But I have been adopted myself. And I've nticed above my post that a lot of the adopted people have wondered a lot about their real parents. I guess I'm a little strange then. I never really wondered about my real parents. My adoption has been an open one. So I know who my birth-mum is. I never met my birth-dad. And one day I hope to, but for now I'm happy with the parents I'm with.
They've raised me since I was born. I love them so much and I'm glad to have them as parents. And as you've said here Cigarettes And Suicide...You get the genetics of your family. I don't have the genetics yet I still have my mums eyes, my dads sense of humor and short temper, and I have the exact same hair colour as my brother. Yet none of them are blood related to me. Also you stated you never know who its parents were both my parents know who my birth mum is. And I'm sure a lot of adopted childrens parents know who their birth parents are.
Also If you adopt babies, as in as soon as they're born they won't really be strangers. They'll be as much of a child as one you gave birth to would be.
This is just my point of view...Im not flagging or anything

I too was adopted but I was 9 and had to go through the court battle where my parents signed over their rights. I had a hard time understanding why they stopped wanting me, but my grandmother took me so I still had someone to love and care for me. I wish my parents had decided when I was a baby, not when I was old enough to know they were doing it.

My husband and I wanted to adopt. We started the procedure a few years ago when we decided we wanted children. Unfortunately the birthmother changed her mind a week before our daughter was born, so we had an empty nursery for a few years. When we decided that we wouldn't try again, we cleaned out the room, donated it to family with kids, and turned it into my Comic Book Room.

If we ever do change our minds, we will try another adoption, but will go internationally to avoid the heartbreak we had with the first one. My genetics mean nothing to me. I spent 9 years with two people that I was genetically related to, only to have them sign me away. I don't care if my child has my birthfather's eyes or my birthmother's smile. In fact, I would prefer that they didn't. My grandmother is my one and only mother, and the man I call "Dad" is my best friend, who is a bit older than me and when I accompany him to conventions or dinners people ask if I'm his daughter, he says yes.

To me, love makes the family, not genetics. But I also understand the biological imperative that makes some people desire a child of their own blood. Either way is right as long as the child is well taken care of and loved.

psychochip:

I too was adopted but I was 9 and had to go through the court battle where my parents signed over their rights. I had a hard time understanding why they stopped wanting me, but my grandmother took me so I still had someone to love and care for me. I wish my parents had decided when I was a baby, not when I was old enough to know they were doing it.

I went through a very similar situation. Except I was taken away from my mother by social services, but I was there at the court when she signed me over to my grandparents. I actually heard her say that she never really wanted me anyway. I was 10 at that time, so I did understand what she was saying.

It really has been something that has hurt me over the past 12 years and still does if I think about it too much. Knowing that she's out there with my step dad and a family of her own, kinda makes me feel like an outcast.

In a way, I think this kind of experience is alot harsher than being adopted as a young child. Of course, I could never know, but in my estimation. Being completely aware of what's going on & knowing that your parents don't want you is awful. At least as young child, you don't really understand what's going on, and you can build a family with your adoptive parents and love them as if they are your real parents, instead of knowing they aren't.

xx-Caity-xx:

" Okay...'cause thats not at all weird"

Hehe.

Okay so I think the rules for adopting should be harder and tougher... but I'm for it.

i would adopt, have my own kids, too. i would adopt if i couldn't have babies. or if i just wanted to make a child happy. the thing is that some parents when they adopt and have their own kids they treat their own kids better than the adoptive ones. i mean some parents...i wouldn't do that.