Adoption
| Author | Message |
|---|---|
| tabitha Bleeding on the Floor  Age: 45 Gender: Female Posts: 1831 | - You have to do a home study. A caseworker has to come and inspect your home and see how you live. (cost, $2000 - $3000 start to finish, over 6 months) - You have to attend parenting classes. At your own expense. - You have to go through a criminal background check. $500 for two. - You have to let your medical records be available to ensure that you are physically and mentally capable of raising a child. - You have to have friends and family write something about you, basically verifying that you are wanting to adopt to make a family, and that as your family they agree with the decision. - Depending on the rules of your state and/or the country you are adopting from, you have to provide three years of tax records to prove that you are financially capable of raising a child - If you are adopting domestically, you basically have to find a way to "sell" yourself to the birthmothers. You have to find a way to make her choose *you* over the hundreds of other hopeful people/couples the agency/lawyer is representing - And don't even get me started on the legal fees, agency fees, dossier fees, visa fees, translation fees, and "donation" to the orphanage your child was raised in (this is mostly for international adoptions), not to mention travel fees for yourself, spouse, and child. (Altogether around $20,000 - $75,000 depending on country, travel, and agency fees) - And after all that's said and done, with a domestic adoption, you have to wait and pray that the birthmother doesn't change her mind. And when she does, as ours did, you have to see all that time, money, and effort fly out the window, leaving you with an empty nursery and a broken heart. How much tougher would you like it to be? |
| TaraIsBack! Bleeding on the Floor  Age: 45 Gender: Female Posts: 1618 | Yes and no. If I couldn't have kids or if I wanted more, then probably yes. But I have 3 already. I cannot have anymore and I cannot afford any more. |
| genresR4losers Motor Baby  Age: 34 Gender: Female Posts: 817 | um... just to clarify something... i'm adopted... and the process doesn't always take 6 months... my parents had to wait 3 YEARS before they got a child... then again it does depend on what agency one goes through... but i just thought that i'd throw that out there.... |
| Michael James Way. Always Born a Crime  Age: 32 Gender: Female Posts: 6104 | genresR4losers: It also took my parents 3 years to get me. Plus an extra 6 months... So it's not always just siging papers "There ya go, the kids yours" You actually have to fight for them. Well, my parents did anyway. |
| tabitha Bleeding on the Floor Age: 45 Gender: Female Posts: 1831 | I'm sorry, I meant that the home study process takes 6 months. Then comes the waiting. After completing our home study we waited almost two years to be chosen by someone, but you know the outcome from my post above. I had friends who waited 6 years for their daughter, adopted domestically. Friends with internationally adopted children wait an average of 2 years. The point is, as the two above me have posted, most adoptive parents wait 3-4 times as long for a child as someone who is able to get pregnant, and have to go through infinitely more hoops and spend thousands more. Whereas anyone who can get pregnant can take their child home, no matter how fit/unfit they may be for parenthood. |
| genresR4losers Motor Baby Age: 34 Gender: Female Posts: 817 | yeah... just out of curiousity... were you adopted through a private agency or a public one??? |
| tabitha Bleeding on the Floor Age: 45 Gender: Female Posts: 1831 | I was adopt*ed* through the courts as my parents both gave up their rights and I would have had to go to a foster home. But my grandmother stepped in and adopted me through Child Protective Services. We were adopt*ing* through a private attorney. Unfortunately the laws in Florida give a birthmother three days after the birth of the child to change her mind about the adoption. In a way, though, I'm glad she did it before I ever held the baby, because I don't think I would have been able to let her go. |
| geradsredskittle666 Really Not Okay  Age: 32 Gender: Female Posts: 610 | I think the world is over populated and things like water sustainability, energy sustainability and well..you get it could be eased(but not cured) by adopting a child instead of producing another. I'm not against pregnancy, i think its wonderful that wemon can give life. But it could ease problems like the above. Also it gives children a new life and loving parents. Thats also good. Its realy your chioce. The only problem i can see is when the child asks about there real parents. They just want to know what there real parents were like but unless there a certain age(????) they won't understand why there parents gave them up. There are some good reasond like not being able to take care of the child because of lack of money, food etc. Its a sticky situiation for many because of all the emotions involved. But yeah..adoption =good. |
| genresR4losers Motor Baby Age: 34 Gender: Female Posts: 817 | well... i was adopted through catholic social services for my particular diocese... so that's why i was asking... just curious.... and referring to the comment above this one... it is a complete pain in the arse when you get older and you want to learn where you come from and your adoptive family doesn't want you to find out... idk... think it just depends on the family... i know that mine feels like it's a betrayal for me to learn about my birthmom... oh well... it's not really my problem what they think... oh... btw... i think, but am not sure, that in some places such as Louisiana, where i'm from allows the birthmother up to a year to decide whether she wants to keep her baby or not... some people that i know had a baby that was pretty much almost legally theirs, and halfway through the 11th month the birthmother took her back.. i thought that that was a bit cruel... oh well... just shows you how stupid some things are... |
| tabitha Bleeding on the Floor Age: 45 Gender: Female Posts: 1831 | I think it depends on the situation. Our birthmother was Hispanic, as was the birthfather. My husband and I are both about as pasty white as you can get. There would never have been any question that the child was not biologically ours, nor would we ever told her otherwise. In fact, I had asked the birthmother to write a letter to the baby that I could give her on her 15th birthday (the 15th birthday being the Quincaneros for Hispanics, similar to a Sweet Sixteen, the day a girl becomes a woman, yes, we had every intention of raising her with respect to her birth culture) as a way for her to bridge the gap between her birth culture and her white parents. It would have also been a way for the birthmother to tell her why she had made the decision that she did and give the child peace. I have friends who waited for a white child as they did not want to be an interracial family (again, a choice each person has to make for themselves) and their daughter also knows that she was adopted. She is 17 now and has known her whole life that she was adopted. They too had the birthmother write her a letter (which was where I got the idea) and she read it on her 16th birthday, and understands her birthparents' decision and is perfectly happy in her adoptive family. I do think that it would make things easier if the child knows their medical history and maybe a little about their birthparents. I think it is only natural for a person to wonder about where they came from and if they were adopted, why that choice was made. But I can also see some people being ashamed of the fact that they can't have children and then wanting to hide it. I'm not saying either is right or wrong, as with any moral issue each person must make a decision and then stick to it, and deal with their consequences. |
| XCyanideSuicideX Fabulous Killjoy  Age: 32 Gender: Female Posts: 130 | well i think that if the child came from a rough background then they should be adopted. If the mother isnt able to care for the child then it isnt fair that they be left with the birth mother, just because they are to selfish to let there child live a happy healthy life. No child can choose wat kind of family they are born into, but the family can Try to control how good of a life the child has, |
| xxWolvenPrincessxx Joining The Black Parade  Age: 35 Gender: Female Posts: 200 | I would like to adopt, but sometimes it can get so expensive, I should know my parents spent $10,000 in court costs fighting my biological mom for the adoption, they finally won, but then they had to spend more money because I ended up in the hospital for 3 months at about 18 months old because I got sick (my mom had smoked and had done drugs while she was pregnant). So when adopting a child you need to find out what the mom had done while she was pregnant, and be sure you can afford the costs. |
| Mindfuck Always Born a Crime  Age: - Gender: Female Posts: 5614 | xxWolvenPrincessxx:I don't think that would work in all cases. There are some hospitals where you can 'anonymously' put your baby up for adoption, so the hospital or orphanage etc. may have little to no information about the mother. |
| bat1984 Bleeding on the Floor  Age: 39 Gender: Female Posts: 1885 | Adoption is very difficult in the UK they prefer children to go to same ethnic origin families but it would be nice to give a child at any age a loving stable home |
| Bleeding Dry Bleeding on the Floor  Age: 30 Gender: Female Posts: 1178 | I'm pretty sure adoption is going to be the way I'm going to go. I don't deal well with pain, I tend to panic, so giving birth is probably not a good idea for me. Also, I'd love to be able to change someone's life and show them love and compassion and give them a better chance at life; one that they may have not had. |
| Cigarettes And Suicide Bleeding on the Floor  Age: 37 Gender: Female Posts: 1725 | Michael James Way.: There are a lot of differences in the adoption laws between Australia and the US (I assume that's where you're located). At this point, 'open adoptions' are illegal - an adoption can only take place when prospective parents apply to an agency for a child who has been given to them. Birth and adoptive parents are not allowed to meet, no information about birth parents is given out to anybody. There is, in addition, a ban on adoptive parents paying for a child. It's not like 'Juno', where the birth mum was able to get to know the couple who would be taking her child. Adopted children are not allowed to have any information about their birth parents, not even a first name or an age. This brick wall applies well after the child turns 18 and should, by rights, be allowed to search for their parents. I'm pretty sure the ban stays in place until 10 years after the birth mother's death - only after they have been dead and buried for a decade can their child finally gain access to information about them. That's why I say that it can be harder for adoptees and their families (both legal and natural) in Australia - the laws are so strict about this kind of thing that jail time can be handed down to, say, a 21-year-old who begins looking for their birth parents (unless there is a specific condition signed by the mother allowing them to look for them - but they themselves are barred from attempting to contact their child before and after they reach adulthood) - let alone, say, a teenage mum moving in with prospective adoptive parents before the birth in order to 'choose' parents for her child. |
| sciencefreak897 Banned Age: 29 Gender: Female Posts: 40 | I would rather give me child up for adoption then to have an abortion.. It's a choice that the baby can LIVE with... |
| The Creature In The Murder Scene  Age: - Gender: - Posts: 23462 | Adoption's awesome. You take children into better lives. My Auntie is a foster mother, she gets loads of kids to watch. And lemme tell ya, she's changed their lives in the best way possible. I'm gonna be adopted by my grand parents soon. I can't wait for it. |
| Cigarettes And Suicide Bleeding on the Floor Age: 37 Gender: Female Posts: 1725 | sciencefreak897: Well, in a manner of speaking. Yes, they're alive. Alive and feeling unwanted, rejected, constantly wondering why their mother carried them for 40 weeks and then just handed them over and never looked back. I know I'd rather never know any different. I'd rather have been aborted and not have to look in the mirror every day of my life and wonder what was so wrong with me that my own mother didn't want to keep me. |
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