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She, The Souless Warrior, of Vast Suicidal Thoughts.

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Helena Rush.
Awake and Unafraid
Helena Rush.
Age: 28
Gender: Female
Posts: 10158
June 10th, 2009 at 06:53pm
thank you Rachel(kafe) as comments mean the world to me and encourage me to continue writing ;D hug

Things That Happen In Our Sky Could Paint A Picture Of Our Love;

Oceans wind soaring through my hair,
Presence you don't rememeber is near by,
A thousand tears roll down my cheeks,
Combined with the rain from our Heavens above,
The sun lighting up our skies,
Giving us rays of hope and a clench of faith,
As we look up into the sky and see,
Perfectest wholesome rainbow dancing,
Telling us our love is pure and true.
Helena Rush.
Awake and Unafraid
Helena Rush.
Age: 28
Gender: Female
Posts: 10158
June 11th, 2009 at 10:04am
Somebody;

The dull aches that shoot,
Through her body won't run away,
The tears burning in her eyes,
Won't ever fall to the streams of life,
Bruises that lined the uppart part,
Of her arms are a signature of her pain,
The knife cuts on her wrist are,
A cry out for somebody's warm, gentle touch,
She needs somebody forever and always,
But that's just a dream tonight,
Formed to protect her from the harsh reality.
Helena Rush.
Awake and Unafraid
Helena Rush.
Age: 28
Gender: Female
Posts: 10158
June 15th, 2009 at 08:50pm
Caught Up In Our Love;

Reflections from the night's sky,
Illuminating many of broken hearts,
The lost souls of our past,
Devouring in the lost and lonely,
Skipping nights, taking flights,
Imaginary friends of the nothing.

I ain't living for the hurt of your lies,
I'm only breathing to make myself someone,
To cast the shadows away from your past,
Put on that smile of your's, on that face,
Brighten up the days as the nights bad,
We're caught up in the moment of our love.

Breaking apart from the lies,
Ripping through my heart which bleeds,
Shallow casted faith, dying love that,
Won't just last, as the rain drops down,
From Heaven's Gate, we can hear,
The Hallelulujah chorus singing in the teardrops.

Fear is bitter as it takes you down further,
Suffocating your truth of the world,
Biting back any sign of hurt and lonely,
Just too caught up in the moment of your lies.

In time of mass destruction,
Striking guns and clenching knives,
Bullet through your throat,
The concept of how this world is so bloody,
Violent and unmistakenly cruel.

Shadows overcasted my memories,
Just on the brink to the walk down,
Back down to the erreasable past.

Reflections from the night's sky,
Illuminating many of broken hearts,
The lost souls of our past,
Devouring in the lost and lonely,
Skipping nights, taking flights,
Imaginary friends of the nothing.

We're trying to take back our lives in shame,
Written from all the blood dripping on the walls,
As our love's burning holes through these coffins,
Our deaths won't decrease the pain buried deep in our hearts,
As souls interconnect as one, we are one,
Our deaths became one, and now we're living,
Living for the moment where we're caught up in our love.
Helena Rush.
Awake and Unafraid
Helena Rush.
Age: 28
Gender: Female
Posts: 10158
June 15th, 2009 at 09:27pm
Where Art Thou? (Vampire, Vampire);

Memories, tears.
Past, regret and fears.
Undying. Simply lying.
Such tragic. Feelings linger.

Vampire, vampire.
Where art thou?
Counting this blessing,
Leaving this marking as,
A blessing of the curse.

News. Old and depressive.
Imagination. Sparks flying.
Tears. Of Blood nobody's noticing.
Lying. Dying. Nearly crying.

Vampire, vampire.
Where thou now?
Locked. Chamber.
Unforgetful. December.
Tragic, tragic.
Devour, devour.
Vampire lips.
Slit eyes, no lungs.

God. No God to be seen.
Bliss. Merciful lies.
Vampire, vampire.
Where art thou?
Helena Rush.
Awake and Unafraid
Helena Rush.
Age: 28
Gender: Female
Posts: 10158
June 15th, 2009 at 09:46pm
:: Just Blingin' With The Guys, Yo! ::

Woaaahh!
This is how it goes;
Superstar and popularity,
Misfits holding together fort,
And all the haters, we all tell them,
Where to go, woah yo.

And this realization; I'm proud of who I am,
Inside and outside, woahh,
You've got your interests - I've got my own style,
And all these haters, really,really,
Really oughta go!

So sorry if I don't suit your cut,
Better get the fuck off, off, off my show!
Heyy, yeah. You wanna heat up in my face,
You wanna try break me!
I'd love to see you try, I'll never be as crazy!
And I'm singing this all to wipe that smug grin,
Off your face, mofo, cause you know,
Cause you know, cause you know,
I'm cooler than you'll ever be.

Now what do you say?
You know it's all for show,
Another monster truck driving through,
The streets of LA, pimpin',
Blingin', goin' with the flo', trying to,
Be as cool as Marilyn Manson or was it Marilyn Monroe?
Oh blow! Whole hell cares, cause,
They're makin' this world badass, with their,
Pimpin', blingin', just goin' with the flo'.

And I'm the only player in this snow,
Singin' my shit for the whole,
Damned street to hear, hey yo.
I'm the bizarrest kid on this hear-by block,
And now you're all in a state of...SHOCK!
Helena Rush.
Awake and Unafraid
Helena Rush.
Age: 28
Gender: Female
Posts: 10158
June 16th, 2009 at 09:27pm
Save Her Now, For She Has No Soul;

Sinking further onto the ground,
Watching her life spill into the drain,
Slowly, slowly and quickly, it's all dying,
In this blood-soaked gasoline,
A pigment signal of her pain,
History repeats her sorrow, again and again.

She's lost in her tragedies, her head's spinning,
Around, around, around, the battle's unfound,
Torture the soul, cut out the heart,
Is she worth saving, is she worth anybody's time?

She's drenched in blood-soaked gasoline,
Shivering as she stands on a side-block,
She doesn't know where she is, or what,
Time or day it currently is, she's,
So out of touch,so out of it,
Lost in her misery.

She's lacking perspectives and dignity,
Crying on the floor, in shallow pity;
Words carved into her wrists,
As blood runs and it becomes one,
'Just.Kill.Me.Now'.

Staring at herself in the mirror,
Makes her feel disgusted and ill,
She's so pale, scrawney and thin,
Hasn't ate for weeks, hasn't slept for months,
She's on the brink of her destruction,
Leaving behind her religion.

As she spray paints her bedroom walls,
'God is a load of shit; if he really cared, where'd he be now?!',
The beatings never goes away, darkens her soul,
As if a daily medicine, so her life's medicated,
And now she's flat out on the floor,
Painkillers clenched tightly in her hand,
A knife in her other.

She's screaming and crying,
She's lied for as long as her memory will hold her,
She's so tired of deceit, sick of the needless beatings.

Her name was Lora and now she's dead!
Helena Rush.
Awake and Unafraid
Helena Rush.
Age: 28
Gender: Female
Posts: 10158
June 17th, 2009 at 12:54am
Existance Of The Nonexistance;

Time has flawed the endless flaws,
As tears leak from the weary eyes,
Bleeding of the thousand souls in agony,
Taste of the bitter November,
Leaves us all dying.

Punctured lungs in viper's night,
Lethal and ready for the kill,
Grim Reaper walking the streets,
A Ripper ready for them all.

Time hasn't killed this endless suffering,
As hearts sunk through misery,
Soul is beyond nonexistance,
As we're all dying given past reason,
Oh, for why can't anyone see?
Nobody knows how to tear this suffering away,
So it'll end in the way of having nobody left.

Who survived.

The lives have been lost,
This blood's been drawn,
A shallow unmericful existance,
Of the person who comitted these crimes.

There's thousands left lying on the floor;
Nobody's moving, nobody's breathing,
Grim Reaper's lurking, this isn't,
How it was honestly supposed to,
Turn out like but in the end,
It all hailed to an ending in vain.

No survivors, no external existance,
Every single thing was erased,
Taste of the bitter November,
Leaves us bleeding of the thousand,
Souls in agony, as tears leak,
From our weary eyes,
Time hasn't flawed the endless flaws.

For there is nothing left,
Just the lifeless bodies of millions of lives,
That unfortunately couldn't be saved.
Helena Rush.
Awake and Unafraid
Helena Rush.
Age: 28
Gender: Female
Posts: 10158
June 18th, 2009 at 08:45am
Please Let Gerard Way Know;

Let your feelings flow,
All different dreams in twilight glow,
Purpose to live, smile and breathe,
Amazing in itself, you're different,
And your uniquity is speechless.

You go from time to time,
Walking down that gravelled road,
Scars embedded in your arms,
But it makes no difference.

As you fall into the ground,
World revolves around you and spins,
You crushed so many plants,
Out of it from alcohol and cocaine.

You're allowed to be sick of your face,
Cause it's 'your fucking face', you know what you're saying,
But you'll never know, oh oh oh,
I think about your past more than you probably do,
I realize the mistakes that you've made,
And now you're back up onto your feet again.

You inspire in so many ways,
Talented, young and so brave,
As you stand centre of the attention,
You've got the whole crowd chanting,
And punching fists up into the air behind you.

And I sometimes wonder if you'd see,
How different to other people I seem,
That even though you are famous,
I love you for the person that's on the inside,
And how you always found a way,
To get me back up onto my feet again,
You're my superhero, my role model,
But no matter how famous you'll become,
I'll always love you so, for the person on the inside.

You taught me lessons and changed things,
You turned my life around for the greater,
I lose myself when I listen to you sing,
You make me feel superior, high and real,
You always know how to pick me up,
Off that dusty floor and fight back.

Gerard Way; you're the reason why,
That today I still breathe,
Why every day, I become more selfless,
And how I remain to be self-harm,
Alcohol and drug-free, you are the reason,
Why I'm still here, remaining alive.
Helena Rush.
Awake and Unafraid
Helena Rush.
Age: 28
Gender: Female
Posts: 10158
June 22nd, 2009 at 07:10pm
Please Don't Leave Me;

With every drawing breath I take,
Filled with hope and I pray that,
You'll make it out and come back to me,
Far out of the woods, back to where you belong,
Please don't leave me hanging,
It's really not your time just yet to let go,
And leave behind the messy faces.

With every tear that falls,
I feel my heart beat faster and faster,
My mind racing and leaping onto things,
That I shouldn't even comprehend, shouldn't consider,
Or the possibillity of it becoming my reality,
I'm still going to be right here, just waiting.

With every fallen face that I see,
The anxiety and fears don't decease,
Haunting my every thought and dream,
I can't sleep till I know that you're gonna make it through,
Please just let me know, cause I really can't let you go.
Helena Rush.
Awake and Unafraid
Helena Rush.
Age: 28
Gender: Female
Posts: 10158
June 29th, 2009 at 08:04pm
Broken;

I use to have dreams but they flew,
Fled me like a diseased curse,
I was hit by the unmericful, and probably seen things,
That no child should ever wish to see,
Fallen through the ashes, so dead inside,
But so alive and fake on the out,
I embrace the pain; I embrace the bruises,
I accept my lies, and pretend to be,
As happy as life could never make me.

Broken, through so many screamful lies,
Tormented by words, that could cut deeper,
Than a knife could ever attempt,
And thoughts I push back inside my mind,
Tears, I bite back and smile a fucked up frown,
Watched as my innocence left me,
Just like many of my time.

Will I ever be good enough?
I ask myself so many times a day,
And I think of all the failures my future holds,
I am nothing but a bruised child,
Tormented and tortured by her broken memories.
Helena Rush.
Awake and Unafraid
Helena Rush.
Age: 28
Gender: Female
Posts: 10158
July 17th, 2009 at 11:05pm
Well, You're Dead!;

Light a candle and show me the way,
Mourn a tearful goodbye, say a prayer and,
Watch as the lights fade, as it all goes blank and cold,
Lost in bitterness, jealousy and hate,
Who are you now? You have no soul, no love,
And for certain, no freedom.

Words were said, and now, well, you're dead!
Am I happy, am I depressed, or am I completely overjoyed?
Only time will godamned tell.

You spoke to me in such cruel ways,
Give me a good fucking scream at,
Bitch and complain, about how much of a screw up,
I truly can be, which is all thanks and down to you,
No good unmerciful son of a bitch,
I hope you die, I hope you rott and never laugh again.

Wipe that smug grin of your face,
Choke on your tea, so I can attend your funeral,
I won't bother to pay my respects for YOU,
I'm going to break everyone's hearts at my speech,
When I dance and scream with joy; you're dead,
Meaning I'll never get to see you again.

Am I evil, am I filled with hatred and disgust?

Make me wonder how long you can judge me,
Take one glance at me, and feel your guts fill,
Loathe and hate, afterall I'm just a piece of fucking filth.

Words were said, and well, now you're dead!
Am I happy, am I most certainly depressed?

Don't think too soon, don't let your mind fill with greed,
I'm non emotional, just heartless and bloodstained cold,
Wipe the smiles off your faces, there's no time for any happiness,
Your peril will soon come, just like the fucking rest.

Light a candle and show me the way,
Mourn a tearful goodbye, say a prayer and,
Watch as the lights fade, as it all goes blank and cold,
Lost in bitterness, jealousy and hate,
Who are you now? You have no soul, no love,
And for certain, no freedom.


Am I bothered, am I pretty and fake?
Only you'll tell me, but oh dear, words were said,
And well, now you're fucking dead!

Good riddance, while I have the chance to say it.
Helena Rush.
Awake and Unafraid
Helena Rush.
Age: 28
Gender: Female
Posts: 10158
July 17th, 2009 at 11:16pm
Just Some Girl's Sad, Sorry, Pathetic Thoughts;

Letting alcohol rule my body,
As I look up at the night's endless sky,
Lost in depth of my destructive thoughts,
Am I ready to push the button?

I get pushed, shoved and bullied nearly,
Hourly to daily a week, and at weekends,
I'm so stoned, I don't even remember my own name.

Criticism is evil, I'm so strained,
Fed up of the hang overs,
All the scars lining my arms,
And future ones to come.

"You're fat! You're ugly!"
"I wish you never even existed!"
"GET OUT OF MY SIGHT; YOU DISGUST ME!"


Whenever I look in the mirror, I feel disgust,
And I start to cry at random points of the day,
Feeling so ashamed, as I sometimes cry myself to sleep at night.

It's late at night, and I'm unable to sleep,
Sat in a corner, silently thinking to myself,
As my fingers trail over the cuts,
This is where I become to worry about the safety,
For myself, for my life, above all, for my friends.

My head overflows with painful thoughts,
Of what could be my demise.
Is this healthy, is this wrong?
I know for a fact that it's not right,
But I can't take much more,
To be thinking about ending my own life.
Richey Edwards.
Demolition Lover
Richey Edwards.
Age: 27
Gender: Female
Posts: 16507
July 18th, 2009 at 10:06am
<3 It lora! =)
Helena Rush.
Awake and Unafraid
Helena Rush.
Age: 28
Gender: Female
Posts: 10158
July 31st, 2009 at 05:21am
woahhh. I haven't posted in here in forever Cheese. *cough* I do apologize.

Ice Queen;

Ice Queen, heart made of stone, filled with evil,
Oh, Ice Queen, where has your soul gone?
You were once a pretty being, polite and adorable,
Whatever happened?
Ice Queen now full of hatred, has it destroyed you?
Ice Queen, oh Ice Queen, heart made of stone, filled with evil.
Helena Rush.
Awake and Unafraid
Helena Rush.
Age: 28
Gender: Female
Posts: 10158
September 2nd, 2009 at 09:04pm
We Are One (Sky Scrappers And Fire);

Love's set in like fire,
Lit candle to burn so bright,
Love's like a rose petal,
Soft and delicate to the touch,
Love's your heart opening,
To the joys of your feelings.

World's an open horizon,
Set free your burdens,
Let your soul fly,
So high and touch the sky.

We are one, and we are strong,
No depth can we not peril,
For we're strangers of love.

Love is our fire,
Lit so bright our candle,
Opening up heavens above,
Stars shine bright, as angels rejoice in their song.

We are one.

And as we stand like sky scrappers,
We're tall and won't back down,
Dreaming silently, as stars above shine bright,
Passionately deep, against the night's glow,
Hand in hand, touch of my heart,
And as we stand like sky scrappers,
Love's in our hands.

We are one, we're strong,
Love's our fire, no depth can strain our goal,
We are one, we are one,
Love's our fire, we're burned,
Soft and delicate, like rose petals on a night's bombfire.

Love's set in like fire,
Lit candle to burn so bright,
Love's like a rose petal,
Soft and delicate to the touch,
Love's your heart opening,
To the joys of your feelings.

And as we stand like sky scrappers,
We're tall and won't back down,
Dreaming silently, as stars above shine bright,
Passionately deep, against the night's glow,
Hand in hand, touch of my heart,
And as we stand like sky scrappers,
Love's in our hands.
The Original Bob.
Demolition Lover
The Original Bob.
Age: 25
Gender: Female
Posts: 16672
September 4th, 2009 at 02:22am
you're amazing Lora seriously. Amazing. ilysfmbbyhug
Helena Rush.
Awake and Unafraid
Helena Rush.
Age: 28
Gender: Female
Posts: 10158
September 20th, 2009 at 03:02am
Beat;

Do you plea guilty to the sound of the radio?
Static electricity racing through your body,
Make you wanna get up and dance,
Listen to the beat now, 4 in 4,
Follow in line and dance to this beat.
Helena Rush.
Awake and Unafraid
Helena Rush.
Age: 28
Gender: Female
Posts: 10158
September 22nd, 2009 at 10:36am
Make Her Bleed;



Open these wounds and make her bleed,
Bleed open this insecurity,
The world is beginning to bring her under,
She screams out to no one, just a memory,
Printed behind the broken glass.

Sinfully bruised, she’s damaged and alone,
Everybody looks her way and laughs,
She doesn’t want to be in a crowd full of mockery,
Her suggestions goes unknown.

Trapped inside of the day it all became black,
Nothing seems to be clear – she looked at her open hands,
Glancing at the scarring lines, tormented by,
Memories lingering on the hallow eve.

She’ll sit and watch people pass, never stop to stare,
As they carry about their busy lifestyles,
Oh, how it scorned her deep inside,
Come to realization that wherever she’ll go,
She’s the one who doesn’t belong.

Open these wounds and make her bleed,
Bleed open this insecurity within,
She screamed out to no one, just a memory,
Printed behind the broken glass,
That she’ll never see.

On the darkest September afternoon,
His funeral came and went,
Make her bleed open this insecurity,
Opened her wounds, as she screamed out,
Out to no one but a memory behind broken glass.
Helena Rush.
Awake and Unafraid
Helena Rush.
Age: 28
Gender: Female
Posts: 10158
January 31st, 2010 at 06:24pm
Watching him walk away,
Burdens me deeply,
He's put everything in the past,
And he's not coming back again.

Did you ever think to care?
Caught up in your own lies,
A master in pure disguise,
Your hearts shallow, filled with her evil.

Another day has crept its wings,
Sun shinning through the world,
Lighting up the dark,
But it only made me think about you.

And I hope youre missing me,
I hope its clear to see,
You've lost me.
Helena Rush.
Awake and Unafraid
Helena Rush.
Age: 28
Gender: Female
Posts: 10158
April 6th, 2010 at 10:05am
I've really abused this place. I'm sorry. D:

"Wishing She Was Dead Isn't Gonna Solve A Damned Thing";

Early in the morning,
Vampire's watching,
Clouded over grey, misty,
And blood's trailing down.

Another day in this life,
Has it filled you up yet,
With disgust you've felt so long for yourself?
I know what you're thinking,
And believe me, I want the same.

I remember the days, like Romeo and Juliet,
The dramatics and stage lights,
Poison ivy; clotted cremé,
And now the razor blade in hand.

If you're gonna say goodbye,
Please keep me in your memory,
Don't shut away the truth,
Don't push me away for something that isn't real.

(She's not real, not real, not real)

Fresh and crisp,
Just like the grave diggers,
She's longing for something else,
Aside from empty vodka bottles.

And people often say,
"Boredom leads to depression,"
For this, she'd agree,
Whilst cutting an extra large trail,
Of a wound on her arm,
Razor blade in hand.

So you can turn your back,
Go ahead and make an enemy out of me,
Hate me, hate me, hate me,
Like I know you want me too,
You know you want it too.

Hurting herself isn't worth the pain,
Or at least, that's what they all say,
Five suicide attempts, two nearly at end's meet,
She's after her self destruction, so ready to hit the button,
And watch it all go...

BANG! BANG!

Wishing she was dead isn't gonna solve,
A damned thing, but she doesn't care,
Oh I know her more than I can portray,
Why is this so possible?
The girl inside this poem is me,
And I'm crying on the inside, tonight.

Five years running and nothing's ever changed,
Vampire's still watching,
Luminated in the crept, dark shadows,
He lingers, silently watching,
Gazing upon the broken girl before his red eyes,
Cutting marks into her arms.

And he felt his heart burn in anger,
When the blood ran and came together,
Exstinguishing the lines on the wooden flooring,
While she's laid out on the floor crying,
"Life's foul, so please, just kill me now."