| Author | Message |
|---|
Stupidsadistic;
Bleeding on the Floor
Age: 28
Gender: Female
Posts: 1945 |
WARNING, offensive:
My father told me this >__>
They said we'd have a black presidant when pigs fly.
A hundred days in, swine flu. |
Bella Muerte!
Really Not Okay
Age: 32
Gender: Female
Posts: 632 | haha |
Alexface.
Salute You in Your Grave
Age: 31
Gender: Male
Posts: 3489 | May 11th, 2009 at 01:06pm Some Jimmy Carr ones; because I adore him =)
- 99% of women kiss with their eyes closed, which is why it's so difficult to identify a rapist.
- If you were to count up all the hotdogs sold outside football grounds in Britain on any given Saturday, chances are, you're autistic.
- People with tourette's; what makes them tick?
- When I was a kid, I had an imaginary friend, and I used to think that he went everywhere with me, and that I could talk to him and he could hear me, and that he could grant me wishes and stuff. Then I grew up, and I stopped going to church.
- The reason old men use viagra is not because they're impotent; its because old women are so very ugly.
- I was asked tonight not to be patronising or sexist. I thought, fair enough, let's face it, birds can't take it. [To crowd member;] You're not offended, are you? Of course not, you're thinking about shoes!
- I worry that these obese children are sending very mixed messages to our paedophiles. I mean, sure, they're easier to catch. But who wants to fiddle with a fatty? |
art star.
Demolition Lover
Age: 31
Gender: Female
Posts: 19017 | May 13th, 2009 at 05:54am Stupidsadistic;:WARNING, offensive:
My father told me this >__>
They said we'd have a black presidant when pigs fly.
A hundred days in, swine flu.
Congratulations. |
Bella Muerte!
Really Not Okay
Age: 32
Gender: Female
Posts: 632 | May 14th, 2009 at 03:48am Going to church doesn't make you a Christian anymore than standing in a garage makes you a car |
Spirit of Jazz.
Motor Baby
Age: 103
Gender: Female
Posts: 918 | May 14th, 2009 at 04:04pm PenceyPreppyPants:
TESTICLE! XDD
when will male genitalia ever stop being so damn funny? xD
Achmed: So these two Jewish guys walk into a bar-
Jeff: No, stop right there...
Achmed: What, you don't let Jews in your bar? YOU RACIST BASTARD.
...that has probably been here zillions of times but it still makes me laugh... |
a touch of anarchy.
Shotgun Sinner
Age: -
Gender: -
Posts: 7981 | May 14th, 2009 at 04:17pm Could be quite offensive. This guy said it at work:
The white house should should be called the black house now.
Geddit? Its awful. |
Spirit of Jazz.
Motor Baby
Age: 103
Gender: Female
Posts: 918 | May 15th, 2009 at 10:02am really random- but there's this picture floating around the office of my school... it's of this little baby, but it's covered in all these red sores and stuff. No one can figure it out- until they look at the back. There are but two words on the back.
SCABIE BABY!
xD probably not funny to anyone else but me.... and anyone who finds STDs on a small child hilarious. |
Need to know.
Salute You in Your Grave
Age: 30
Gender: Female
Posts: 3052 | May 17th, 2009 at 04:52pm Shavo Odadjian.:
Achmed: So these two Jewish guys walk into a bar-
Jeff: No, stop right there...
Achmed: What, you don't let Jews in your bar? YOU RACIST BASTARD.
...that has probably been here zillions of times but it still makes me laugh...
Haha, Jeff Dunham's awesome!
Jeff Dunham: One more superhero: Batman.
Melvin the Superhero Guy: Oh...
Jeff: What?
Melvin: Grown men wearing a rubber suit... hanging around with a young boy! I don't need to have x-ray vision to see what the hell is going on there!
Jeff: Yeah, I've always wondered about superheroes and their young men sidekicks.
Melvin: You have five men in a suitcase and one of them is on a stick! Who's sliding down the proverbial back pole now? If you had a theme song, it would be, "La lala laaaaaa!" |
demon dean
Always Born a Crime
Age: -
Gender: Female
Posts: 5592 | May 19th, 2009 at 01:56am a woman was late to work, and was speeding down the highway in a hurry. just then, a cop was sitting under a bridge with a raygun. he pulled her over, and she rolled down her window.
"do you know how fast you were going, young lady?" the cop scorned.
"i'm sorry, but i'm late to work." the woman replied.
"and what is it that you do?" the cop asked.
"well, i'm an asshole stretcher."
"an asshole stretcher?" the cop asked the woman, confused.
"yes, an asshole stretcher." the woman replied. "i slowly ease one finger in then two until my whole hand can fit. then my arm. then i slowly stretch it out until it is about six feet wide."
"what the hell do you do with an asshole that big?" the cop asked baffled
"well, you give it a raygun, and you stick it under a bridge..."
get it? XD. |
Jenny.
Moderator
Age: 30
Gender: Female
Posts: 19720 | May 23rd, 2009 at 10:07am ^lmfao, i love it! |
made from neon
Salute You in Your Grave
Age: 29
Gender: Female
Posts: 2036 | May 24th, 2009 at 01:17am ^ LOLL.
-warning, naughty naughty language-
To quote the late, great George Carlin,
(the first thing I ever heard him say actually, on a live dvd I thought I'd check)
"You know what nobody ever talks about in public anymore? Pussy farts." |
Spirit of Jazz.
Motor Baby
Age: 103
Gender: Female
Posts: 918 | May 24th, 2009 at 07:43pm ^ xD I love George. he is singlehandedly the best dirty old man the world ever saw.
More Carlin...
"There's nothing funny about rape.....unless you're raping a clown."
Religion convinced the world that there's an invisible man in the sky who watches everything you do. And there's 10 things he doesn't want you to do or else you'll go to a burning place with a lake of fire until the end of eternity. But he loves you! ...And he needs money! He's all powerful, but he can't handle money!
I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a guy nailed to two pieces of wood.
x] gotta love him. |
made from neon
Salute You in Your Grave
Age: 29
Gender: Female
Posts: 2036 | May 24th, 2009 at 11:40pm ^ lol@the clown rape one. oh boy. definitely the greatest dirty old man ever.
" i do charity shows for kids with cancer, and i take them backstage so they can meet me and whatnot, and i saw the same boy twice. now, the first time i saw him he was eighteen. two years later, he's there in the front row. so i say, 'oh didn't i see you two years ago?' and he says, 'yeah!', and i say 'you were what, eighteen then? so that makes you twenty now?', and the boy says, 'yeah!' and i say, 'get the fuck out.' " - ricky gervais. |
made from neon
Salute You in Your Grave
Age: 29
Gender: Female
Posts: 2036 | May 24th, 2009 at 11:40pm let's make use of this double post.
may offend lovers of children.
what's the difference between chopping an onion and chopping a dead baby?
you cry when you chop onions.
how do you make a dead baby float?
you take your foot off its head.
what's funnier than a dead baby?
a dead baby in a clown suit.
why did the dead baby cross the road?
it was stapled to the chicken. |
Daft
Fabulous Killjoy
Age: 29
Gender: Male
Posts: 157 | May 25th, 2009 at 01:01am An attractive woman is pulled up by a cop for speeding.
The cop walks up to her window and before he can say anything the woman says
"I know what you're gonna do"
The cop replies "What do you think"
The woman replies "You're gonna give me a ticket to the county police ball..."
The cop quickly says "County Police don't have balls...."
xDDDDD |
dee dee ramone.
Always Born a Crime
Age: 31
Gender: Female
Posts: 5369 | May 26th, 2009 at 07:18pm deathcar.:dee dee ramone.:^ your username fits so well with this thread :]
A woman's just had her baby, and the nurses have taken it aside. The doctor comes over to the woman and her husband, looking sombre.
"I'm afraid I have some bad news, and some good news." says the doctor. The mother bites her lip, and replies, "Tell us the bad news first."
"Well..the bad news is...Your baby's ginger." says the doctor. She laughs, and asks him, "So what's the good news?"
"It's dead."
Viki, I'm sure I told you that joke... 
But I still love it [being ginger myself xD ]
nat you probably did. :] |
dee dee ramone.
Always Born a Crime
Age: 31
Gender: Female
Posts: 5369 | June 3rd, 2009 at 02:45pm Two guys are stranded in the desert dying of thirst. As they're walking along they see a little shack. They run up to it and knock on the door. This big, fat, hairy, smelly, ugly, lady answers.
The first man tells the lady about their situation and begs her for a drink.
The women says, "Sure, if you fuck me."
The first man replies, "I would rather die in this desert, then sleep with your fat smelly ass."
The second man wants to live and agrees to do the deed. The second man and the women enter the shack, leaving the first man outside. The woman says, "fuck me then!"
The man agrees to do it only if she will close her eyes. He looks around the shack and sees a table full of corn on the cob. He picks one up, fucks her with it and throws it out the window. The women opens her eyes and asks for it again.
The man agrees and repeats the deed. The women is finally satisfied and agrees to give the man and his friend some water. The man calls his friend in and informs him that the woman is going to give them some water.
The friend replies, "Fuck the water, I want some more of that buttered corn."
BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA |
a touch of anarchy.
Shotgun Sinner
Age: -
Gender: -
Posts: 7981 | June 3rd, 2009 at 02:54pm I have one. xD
There's a young couple in the cinema. The girl says, "I must have a piss, can I squeeze past you?"
"Why don't you squat down on the floor and do it" says the boyfriend. "You'll have to disturb all these people, besides its dark, no one will see you."
"OK" she says. She pulls her drawers down and squats on the floor. The bloke starts feeling horny at the thought of her down there, so he reaches down and makes a grab.
He feels something long and hard and says, "Urgh! Have you changed your sex?"
"No" she says "I've changed my mind... I'm having a shit instead." |
it's all happening
Salute You in Your Grave
Age: 31
Gender: Female
Posts: 2038 | June 3rd, 2009 at 07:05pm probably been posted before.
but it's my favorite.
warning; dead baby jokes ahead! arr!
what's worse than ten babies nailed to a tree?
one baby nailed to ten trees.
what's the difference between a dead baby and a sandwich?
i don't fuck a sandwich before i eat it. |
